Humble pie anyone?

Last few days I had been in kind of a funk. I thought I was going to call this post "what the hell am I doing" ha ha but today changed it. We had this loveseat couch that is in very good shape, but jst too short, and a couple of weeks ago finally went down to the segundas and got a regular length couch, so this loveseat has been sitting outside on the porch. And I just hate inside furniture outside. Just one of those things ya know- a pet peeve.....Everardo kept saying he was going to take it down to the end of the spit road and sell it on the weekend, or at least put it in the shed, but it sat on the porch. It got rainy so he put a tarp over it, which was better ha ha. Ok so there's that. Then because it's so cold at nite we moved our bed away from under the window and against an inside wall. Well for about a foot from the wall out, there's no carpet and no flooring- just wood, like planks of wood- looked horrible and now I'm seeing it every day, when before the bed and the nightstand, etc covered it so I could ignore it. Now I see it all the time. Did I mention it's sooo cold in here at nite? I wear a hooded sweatshirt to bed and have lots of blankets. Our faucets are- well not rusty...I guess it's more like corroded...the metal has this white stuff on it that a brillo pad will not take off. It's on the 2 bathroom sinks. I hate that too. It's all the things I hated when I didn't want to move in here...but got used to I guess. But I am the type, when one thing goes wrong, I see everything as bad. I knew I was missing my daughters more because of Christmas, but I still missed them. Then my resentments around my younger daughter- I think I already wrote about the decorations she left at my ex husbands that to me were special and meant to be special for the family she will form. Then Everardo's daughter came to visit! She was going to her mother's family in Mexicali, but she wanted to meet her dad so she came to see us. That was wonderful. Except of course I anx'ted over the condition of our home and wanted it to be nicer.....He was also nervous.

He got to meet his grandson, who is a doll. A smart funny adorable kid. 9 years old. His mom was very nice as well, but of course it was a little weird, like having a guest you don't know very well, but in a very small environment so we were all together all the time. I tried to give them some time, and also tried to spend time with Oz, his grandson so Everardo and his daughter could get to know each other. They arrived about 10 at nite on Monday before Christmas and left late afternoon Christmas Eve. On Monday we went to Ensenada to get presents as well as immigration to find out about her getting dual citizenship. We didn't know what time they'd arrive and were nervous all day. Of course it all went fine...but not perfectly....of course. I know my husband wanted it to be perfect, wanted....well it was his child..and his grandchild. Nothing bad happened...just all the emotions that he went thru, and me as well, wanting him to be happy, etc. She's 30 years old after all. After they left he had alot of emotions. Some he didn't tell me about at first. He was filled with love, guilt, happiness, sadness, did I say guilt? I said the wrong things in some cases...some things I said he had already said himself, but when I said them he got mad. I am not as detailed here as I usually am because this is about his child and his life, and not sure what I should say or not say. So I guess I will try to just talk about my feelings. I should have kept some of my opinions to myself. I should have let him talk and talk and feel and think without offering advice or opinions. I could have been better. We are ok now...but yesterday we had an arguement and I left for a couple of hours. I took a drive and sat in the truck on a cliff overlooking the ocean for a couple of hours. I did some talking to the universe, I actually went thru all the store receipts I had in my purse for the budget we try to keep so we can see what we're doing...I even tried to read for a few minutes after I wasn't mad anymore.

We have come a long way as far as arguments go. We don't have too many these days, and now when we do, one of us usually takes a walk or a drive to give ourselves space for a little while, then later we can talk. But this time I let myself become overwhelmed. What am I doing in Mexico? I am in control of nothing. I don't pay the bills, I don't argue with the cable company or the telephone company when things go wrong. I am not as independent in many ways as I used to be. But actually in other ways I am!  I live in another country and figure out what I need and what I can get along without...which is alot ha ha! I am struggling with my weight loss...or lack of this month, I am not fluent in Spanish...and frustrated with trying to find a way or a place to be in service...even though now I've talked to a guy who says he can fix me up to teach English, and I found the women's rehab, but haven't been able to connect with anyone there yet either. So I think- what am I doing? I miss my daughters...so I got into a funk. I started thinking about going back to northern Calif. I even looked at Craigslist for jobs and rentals! But really? Working full time again???aarrgghh I don't want to do that! And rents are high, not to mention everything that goes with it....car insurance, electric bills, (which here both are soooo cheap). Dogs on leashes ha ha. Ok so all this is jus what I let into my head at once....a tempest in a teapot. I make myself miserable.  I feel guilty not living closer to my older daughter. I feel guilty that I don't miss the younger one as much- then that's a whole other story about feeling guilty that she chose not to be in my life while she was a teenager- should I have forced her? I believe that as she gets a little older we will have a relationship as close as with the older one, but is that really true? Am I jealous of her father? Yeah a little but what could I have done to compete with him? I did what I thought was right- and I still think was right...hmmm so why do I feel guilty if I think I was right? ha ha ha ha see what a mess I make in my head! I am so grateful for the relationship with Drewy my older one or I might think I am insane. ok ok enough!!

So this afternoon a couple of things happened. Everardo put a long strip of carpet over that exposed wood under the window in the bedroom. Wow small thing making a huge difference. Then the big thing happened. We took the loveseat that was on the porch and put it in the truck to give it away. We drove to the next town, went into an area we knew was struggling - I mean really struggling- and drove out this dirt road that got worse as we drove. The houses got smaller, some just shacks, and we saw this couple with a baby walking down the road. We gave them a ride home, which was really far, and gave them the couch. The road in some places was barely passable...I know in the rain impossible to get thru. Luckily we were in the truck and still bouncing around in the ruts. I saw a woman washing her dishes outside, and another family cooking outside. These people have no heat. I'm betting they have no hot water. They do not live near the beach. This was inland from us, then out in between some hills, some places on the hillsides, a couple of roads we were on I was actually kinda scared we'd slide off the road. But every day life was going on. Kids were playing outside, people were talking or hanging up laundry or cooking....I don't think they ever even had any of the choices I was thinking about....like where to live, where to work, carpeting....should I walk on the beach or by the estuary....I was so...humbled. I know all this. I've been living in Mexico more than 2 years. I know there are places like this in the US- maybe not as many...and maybe not the quiet desperation or resignation....(it pisses me off in the states because there's no good reason for people going hungry beyond greed and politics). But here in Mexico- there's just so much of it, and maybe I forgot, or maybe I am so self centered I stopped thinking about others. But maybe I will give myself a break because I am also doing the best I can....family dynamics like long lost children, my messed up relationship with my own daughter, the mess I made of the relationship with my ex who is my kid's father...see I am rambling because I am still mixed up- about everything. But this I know:

But this I know: I am so grateful for my life. For my little trailer on the beach, for my puppy dogs, for my amazing husband, for my daughters, for his daughters, for my big sister and brother and their spouses...even for my younger sister- who we don't speak to each other and right now she can bite me- but I'm sure it's a lesson for another day ha ha. Bottom line is I am still not sure about my decision to keep living here because of how much I miss my older daughter and being part of her family's life. But really- that's the only thing. Everything else is just birds in the air. I have a beautiful life. Yep it's cold...in EVERYBODY's house. I am blessed with warm blankets. Soon it will be warm again and I will not need anything besides my flip flops and tshirts...

I have a problem with the grass being greener on the other side. And honestly- the grass is perfect right here under my feet. I need to stick to my own plans. I made a year health commitment to myself which ends March 31. That has to do with the way I eat and exercise. Stick to it. We have a house in southern Mexico we are trying to sell and just came up with a new plan about that- give it some time. Let go of having to be fluent...maybe I will and maybe I won't. Go back and follow up on the leads I have for teaching and volunteering. I  joined the meditation group and the study of a particular book- finish it. Put one foot in front of the other.

Maybe I should go back to making a gratitude list every day. I am feeling much better. Partly from this writing. Partly from something else that I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about, but I am pretty anonymous here and nobody around here reads this. There was another reason for our drive to the next town this afternoon. Last week we bought some hooded jackets for kids...just a few, 5 of them. I told my daughters, and Everardo's daughter up north, oh and our renters, that instead of sending them Christmas gifts we would be giving a kid a warm jacket in their names. They all liked the idea very much. Well I wrapped them and then we didn't give them away until today. After we gave away the couch we were way out in the hills, and on the way back in we saw a woman washing dishes on the side of her house and we asked if she had any kids. Her husband came out with a little girl about 3 years old and we gave her a gift bag with a jacket in it. We asked them if they knew other families with little kids and they pointed. We said Feliz Navidad...and off we went. We found another family with 2 kids in the yard, we handed the bags and left, then another single child, then a yard with 2. The kids were all very excited to get a gift bad with candy canes hanging on them and garland wrapped around them...the parents smiled and we just said Feliz Navidad and drove away before they looked inside. Now on the way over there, something happened under the truck and the muffler got messed up so the truck was loud and covered in mud, so we fit in pretty good ha ha, and so when we stopped and handed out a bag, it was received with surprise so that was pretty cool. Ok honestly- IT WAS AWESOME!! We did not stick around and talk to anyone...we didn't want that, we just wanted to help in some small way...but actually I wish we woulda had 100 jackets and not just 5. Maybe next year. Maybe we when see stuff on sale thoughout the year we can collect it.

Of course there are groups who do this stuff here, they ask for donations and I am sure they help alot of people. We just didn't want to be part of something publicized...and Everardo thought that they probably went to the same places every year...maybe not- but we just decided to do something on our own. Now next Sunday I am invited by a woman I am getting to know who I like and respect, to help hand out winter supplies...I think like blankets in another area close to where we were today. I don't know who she's doing it with or how it works, but she said they needed help distributing the stuff. So I thanked her for asking me and I will go with her. I'll be sure and write about what happened afterwards.

Lastly I want to say the other thing that helps me feel better whenever I get "lost" is asking the universe for guidance. Now I know I've written about this before. Because way back when we first got to Mexico and I was feeling so isolated, so lost down south, I started asking for guidance and I started to feel better. When I put it out to the universe, praying I guess, I always feel better. I know the answers will come if I can be quiet and listen, if I stop trying to force myself to "know" what to do next. When I stop trying to control everything. I have been praying for a couple of days now, asking the universe to guide my path. I know I will be ok. 

So our Christmas was quiet. I got a nice warm bathrobe and a really soft thick blanket for watching tv or sitting here on my laptop. I gave him some shorts (brrrr) and some running shoes. The shoes are too small so I need to go back to the states to exchange them, and today I found someone who goes all the time! So I may get to go sometime and soon. Yipee cause I know he wants to start exercising at the start of the new year...and I want to buy some shoes for me. Since moving to Mexico my feet have gotten bigger- well at least wider, because I only wear flipflops almost year round, and tennis shoes for exercise, so all the shoes I brought with me are too tight. Crossing the border here sucks- which is really a shame since over in Penasco it takes about 3 minutes to cross and I never even thought about it here. But it's so crazy I am intimidated by it. I have crossed 3 times, twice for the airport and once for the shopping spree where I bought his shoes...and it's been different all 3 times. Once at Tecate which is easier, but you have to have a car because it's kinda nowhere, once walking in Tijuana and once driving in Tijuana and both of those were so chaotic. So many people. So to find someone who goes all the time and who is happy to go...well yipee. So maybe today was my lucky day after all....got humbled when I needed it, found a ride to the states, and have started to feel the relief that comes with asking for guidance. Well it's Sunday nite and tomorrow back to my exercise/eating regiment (which I kinda blew off this week for the first time since I started in April) and remembering our plans. I think if I talk to the universe every day, exercise, eat right, and am grateful...I will leave 2014 in very good shape...physically, mentally and spiritually...and really, what else could I possibly ask for? Viva!

Here I am writing again- 3 days in a row. Weather report.....rainy and cold. Well the painful cold has been at nite, but last nite I didn't shiver all nite...am I just assimilating? That would be awesome ha ha, but maybe it just wasn't as cold since it was raining so much. Living on dirt roads for the 3rd winter in a row. I went to an AA meeting late this afternoon, and it was dark when I left home. Some idiot had their high beams on and didn't turn them down so as I crawled by them I hit a big mud puddle that shot mud onto my windshield. That sucked- I couldn't use the wipers cause I'm pretty sure there's no water in the wiper wells so I would have just smeared the mud and not been able to drive any further, so I drove with my neck all twisty to see thru the drops ha ha. Lucklily it's not far and nobody else killed me with their high beams. I tell you though- in Mexico people drive with their damn high beams all the time! Sometimes it's because they don't have low beams, so I don't usually flick my on and off...

I tell you- in Mexico cars are on the road in all kinds of disrepair ha ha. Lights missing or out, lots of cars with no brake lights so you really really gotta watch close. People have no license plates, no bumpers, bad exhaust, crazy tires...sometimes it's funny...more often just scary. I hate driving in Ensenada. The whole make a left turn lane right at the light because you don't want to wait in line, and how extra cars go even after the light is red. I do like how the green light blinks 3 times before it goes to yellow...you see people speeding up or slowing down. But I do drive in Ensenada. And I drove in Penasco...which is more of a town than a city. Ensenada is big, but spread out. I would be very uncomfortable driving in Acapulco, Morelia, Guadalajara....and that's nothing to do with dirt roads, that's all about crazy traffic.

I did my exercise routine inside when it rained, but today it cleared up while I was doing weights so I went back to the beach to dance. The sun came out and the wind blew all the clouds away....for now. Huge puddles in the road, and for some reason the rain eats away the road and it's filled with all the crazy hole. Yes big puddles, but also all these small deeper holes that jar your bones when you hit them. I went to my meditation group this afternoon and it was at the beginning of the spit road- and we live at the end. The view was about the same as here, but the guy who lives there was saying it gets packed with people on the beach outside his house during the summer and any holidays, and down here it's almost always empty, just a few here and there walking, or surfers in the distance. I like our end better, the beach feels private even though it's a public beach. Everardo found a small leak in the roof over the spare bedroom and fixed it for now, but it needs a better fix, which the owners have said will get done but supposedly they are going to be fixing a bunch of houses here, and we are "just the trailer"....he's gonna have to stay on them to get it done. Not sure but I think the rain is gone for at least a few days. I hope to go back to that rehab place to see if I can get involved with them.


Well Everardo is still very happy about his daughter contacting him and they talked some more today. He also showed up with a mysterious already wrapped big box and the card says...for the owner of my heart........mmmm I like that ha ha. I can't believe Christmas is in a week. I am not going to the states tomorrow or anytime before Christmas and that's ok- has to be, right? We'll go to Ensenada and get some sweaters/jackets to give out and the dogs bones will have to wait. But Friday nite my friend Jan and her husband are having an open house that I think we will enjoy...she is an amazing cook and today when I called her she was making a carmel dip for apple slices and said she was going to make Christmas cookies just for me. Yeah....gonna have to try a couple I think. Wow- a couple of days ago I was in a funk, and now am simply content. I'm exercising, eating right, learning to meditate, trying to be aware....I was at first depressed when I saw I want the same things for next year that I wanted for this year....but I realized that I am further down the path....today I thought about it more and it's true. We are always changing...and living in Mexico has just helped me to see things about myself, and the world that I might not have seen or as quickly (?) I feel like I know myself better, and am ok with it. Some little things some bigger things..for me anyway. The only problem is that I continue to miss my daughters. Drewy more than anything. I think I said before, the younger one has not time for me anyway...and I think that's just her age. Everardo's younger daughter, who has only been in contact with him for 2 years, is too busy for him, too! It's the age. But I miss Drewy so much, every day. I love talking to her about whatever they're doing. I love to see her beautiful face in picture on Facebook. For all the crap on facebook- I gotta love it....my husband's long lost daughter found him! A couple of women I went to high school with I am now in contact with mean alot to me, and a few others that it's just nice to see what they are doing. I see my family...my older sister who does not "do" facebook goes on mine to see pics every so often. I chat with people when the phone is not convenient....etc etc etc. Anyway sometimes I wish I was closer so I could babysit Danica....or Cookie their 1 yr old huge dog. I laugh to myself when I think of us trying to find a place to rent and know it won't be like renting a place here.

This place had no knobs on the cabinets or hooks for the curtains...the last place had no fridge. Lots of places have no stove...they have no heat...you have to buy a propane portable if you want heat. Some have no hot water heaters. Well and everywhere you of course have to bring drinking water to, and may need to truck in shower/toilet water. Ha ha I never knew how good we had it in the states! We have no plans to go back anytime soon. But when we do I hope the plan is still northern Calif. I want to be near my daughters. Maybe no more than a day away. Closer would be better; like to be able to babysit, or have dinner...but rents are sooo expensive....ouch I soooooo don't want to go back to work....but maybe I will, maybe I will....part time would probably be enough. Will the new me stay the new me when we go back?? ha ha in some ways yes of course...the bigger changes in me. But will I be able to stay out of trouble...meaning getting involved in things that are not my business, like a big part of my children's lives ha ha?? Thoughts for another day I think. Now I'm gonna sit back and watch the patterns the blinking lights make on my tree. Viva

It's a Christmas miracle!!!

Yes it is truly a Christmas miracle! But in my way, I always have to go back a few steps before I go forward. I'm so glad I wrote last nite. Ha ha for anyone who read it, it was probly a bore because it was me trying to figure out how I felt about a lot of things. It always starts out with just one small feeling or thought, but then that feeling or thought is of course, connected to another emotion and then I'm off to the races. I needed it write it out though. I was kind of in a funk, thinking about my path and not seeing my progress only m failures. Yeah and I got a lot of those all right, but I also have success. Awareness is success for me, is progress. Being able to identify how I feel is progress, and sometimes what works is thinking things thru, sometimes I need more- to talk it thru- but sometimes writing it out is what works for me. I felt so much better last nite when I closed down my laptop. I felt hope...and tried to remember that if I do the best I can, and really remember that what other people think and do is not my business ha ha I do better. So it's ok that I still need to work on the same stuff...acceptance, forgiveness, letting go of judgement and resentments. Anyway I felt good when I put on my sweat pants and sweat shirt to go to bed ha ha!! Yeah last nite I slept in sweats, and at first my knit hat and sweatshirt hood, socks and slippers; I did wake up in the middle of the nite and take off the knit hat...but I was warm.

I still felt like I was catching a cold when I woke up though. I felt it all day yesterday..a little headache just on one side, it felt like it came from my head being cold in bed the nite before. Everardo didn't want me to exercise this morning because it's gray and sprinkly outside. But you know what, yesterday I was in a funk. Part of it was that I have been the same weight since Dec 2, and then I only dropped a pound or two thru all of November. I felt stuck and frustrated. I have been exercising and eating right all these months...I recently changed up my exercise routine to try to get myself going....but hadn't seen any changes. Yeah you're thinking I lost weight so that's the Christmas miracle right? ar ar ar ar!! Nope! Well actually I did lose 2 pounds so yes I was happy this morning. I went out all bundled up and did my zumba/rock routine down on the beach- I was gonna do it right in front of the house where there's some flat ground, so if it really started raining  I could duck inside for a hot shower, but it was warmer outside than inside so I went down to the beach instead. It just sprinkled a little so I did the whole hour. Then in for a long hot shower, my protein shake and an aspirin. My head didn't hurt but I'm stuffy and I don't want the cold to get me. When I was reading my blog from this time last year I saw I was really sick....but I wasn't exercising or eating right so I think I can head this one off.

A couple of weeks ago we had a couple of pills left from a few different kinds of cold medicine but Everardo was sick and he took all of it except one that dissolves in a glass of water and one that's a tea. I'll try one of them tonite, but you know what? I believe in the power of chicken soup. Chicken noodle to be more specific, but try to find THAT around here- ha ha no way! But we do have some chicken bullion cubes so I had that with saltine crackers....and I also believe that mindset is part of it- if I believe that will relieve my symptoms, then it will. Mexico has as many cold remedies as the U.S., it's just hard to read all the labels ha ha. Grippa is a cold, and there's a pill in a red box called Grippa and I like those but I gave the last 2 to Everardo. He'll probly make chicken soup later. But I was just feeling so much more positive today, and exercising always gives me that feeling of well being- yeah I know- the endorphins....bring 'em on!

It's funny a month ago we were down south, where it never gets as cold as it is right now- and I need to remember that I grew to miss being cold, that I longed for the climate of northern Calif....ok so now we got it. I'm pulling out sweat shirts and pants and socks ha ha. And this is just the beginning of winter.

Ok so now for the Christmas miracle...and it's not mine. Everardo has a daughter he hasn't seen since she was a baby, 30 years ago. She has never met him. She found him on facebook!!! Just an hour ago! Her name is Mary Ann. And he has a grandson! 9 years old. She wants to come and visit us over Christmas! She lives in Oregon and is thinking about moving back to California. As it turns out she was actually in Ensenada last June; she has an aunt & uncle building a house there...so about a half hour from us. They chatted on facebook for a little while and then he asked her if she wanted to talk on the phone. She did! I talked to her, too and she told me she has been looking for him for years! He told he that he was not a good man back in 1984 and her mother was right to not want him around. He did try to find out about her over the years but the mom did not want him to know her or anything about her. He respected that, but still thought and talked about her. 2 years ago when we first came to Mexico his other ex contacted him and he met his now about to be 18 year old daughter, Elena. She lives near where we lived in Calif and I have wondered about her timing of contacting us after we moved away.....She still lives at home of course, and has her own busy life. She has kind of hinted that after she turns 18 she might want to meet him. I met her when I went up there, she's a very sweet girl, and my daughter has reached out to her a few times, but we're just not sure what or how Elena feels. But this young woman, she is 30 years old and wants to meet him. I read on her facebook after we all talked on the phone and she had written how she just found her bio dad and was feeling very emotional....then she reached out to him and now she's trying to plan to come down over Christmas. I was crying (of course ha ha). He is very happy...but he keeps his emotions inside...if I wait, and don't push, which is very hard for me....he will open up little by little. The funny thing is, she found him because he had her baby picture on his facebook and she has the same picture. She told me she has been searching facebook about every 6 months for 5 or 6 years looking for him! I told her he's had facebook for about 4 years...but since I've known him he has always talked about her. Her mother was very close friends with one of his cousins, that's how they met, but when they broke up, the 2 women also stopped seeing each other. I suspect the mother asked his cousin not to pass along any infor regarding her or her daughter.

Hmmm what will come next? She told me she's fluent in Spanish! Man everyone but me ha ha! Everardo can't believe he's a grandpa. Who knows maybe we'll go back before 5 years....I guess I won't die if I have to go back to work- it's so weird I dreamed last nite that I got a job...it must have been a manufacturing company because what I remember about the dream was I was asking about their product structure...bills of materials...marketing part numbers....aarrgghhh! If we lived in northern Calif we'd be so much closer to Portland Oregon....I don't know what's going to happen but I think about being near Danica as she grows up, even though she has grandmas and grandpas already, but she's the new daughter of my daughter..., and if Drew ever tells me she pregnant- or Halla although I hope not to hear those words from her for a long time- she's way way way too young to have a baby...but if Drewy was pregnant...well I would want to go back. So I am just writing down my thoughts as they come again! But at least they are happy thoughts!!! Boy we are a family of girls! 2 daughters for me and 2 for him.

So.......I'm so happy. I feel good sticking to my exercise...Poppi is making our afternoon juice right now....so I'm sticking to eating right as well. The couple of Christmas events we're attending will be hard...well only if my trigger foods- the ones that remind me of when I was kid. My mom always made so many kinds of Christmas cookies...sugar cookies of course, but she used green dye when she made the tiny green Christmas trees and decorated them with these little silver balls...and she made these other ones...what were they called? They were round and had nuts- walnut pieces in them and rolled in powdered sugar...Mexican wedding cakes! If I saw those I'd be in trouble, but fruitcake  ha ha yuck, or other kinds of cookies or even candy canes...don't bother me a bit. In fact I have 2 boxes of small candy canes to put on the tree on Christmas Eve and haven't thought once about eating any of them. Yeah growing up, and then as my kids were growing up, Santa would put the candy canes on the tree when he came. I'm gonna try to call Drewy tonite and tell her she has another step sister and this one is closer to her age. I know she wishes she had more family, or at least that the family she has was closer. I guess that's the dysfunction on my side (ha ha the ONLY one??) that we are not close...and right now even her little sister doesn't show up for much, and Elena even less. She has friends with big families and she misses it. When she was little there was a family down the street who had something like 7 sisters and Drew loved loved going down to play at their house- she didn't care with which kid; she liked the chaos. Funny thing was, the oldest sister who was a couple of years older than Drewy loved loved to come to our house, even when Drewy wasn't home, to just sit in the quiet...she was amazed just Drewy and I lived there and loved how calm and quiet it was. Grass is always greener eh?

Anyway.......wonderful day today...lost a couple of pounds and found a daughter. Thanx universe!! Viva
 I need to contact my friend and see if we're going to the states on Thurs...hmm maybe I can do it right now...hold on...well she's not online right now....I'm so happy for my husband...yes he keeps his emotions inside, but I can tell he is very happy right now. He's so cute.

Always striving for something....hmmmm...acceptance...unconditonal love...results in serenity...

Zipped past my birthday and heading for Christmas. Man it's cold at nite in this little trailer. Yesterday we moved the bed to the opposite wall - an inside wall in an attempt to escape some of the cold nite air I think sneaks thru the window pane and the paper thin wall. I think it was a little warmer, but now we sleep in thermals and/or sweats. A hooded sweatshirt for sure and snuggle way down inside the covers. And this is the beginning of winter ha ha. We may have to buy a small propane tank for the little heater we bought in Penasco for the same reason. We would run it for a couple of hours at nite & then turn it off when we went to bed. You can't run it all nite for a couple of reasons- one is that the propane would run out in less than 3 days, the other is we would asphyxiate it it ran all nite. Anyway my birthday was nice...flowers, a massage and bbq'd ribs. The bbq was a big deal because we haven't bbq'd anything since....maybe since we came to Mexico! A friend moved at the end of November and gave us a little bbq...so the ribs for my birthday was the first attempt...and man oh man they were soooo good! Both daughters sang happy birthday to me, and I got an email from both my brother and his wife and a phone call from my big sister the day before- so yeah as birthdays go it was A1!

We put up our Christmas tree and I set up the manger scene I got from my mom. I love unwrapping each piece and putting them out. I loved watching my mom do it when we were kids, up high on the top of the piano....and then pointing out the familiar figures. A few years ago when I visited my sister and brother in law in Paris I saw pieces of the set in a store window; the pieces come from France. I don't know if there are any pieces to add but I could replace if I needed to; I looked them up online and found a place I can order from. When my girls were little we'd go to Grandma's and look at it, and point out the robber, the guy with the bear...how tiny the little chickens were...we'd talk about it. Then back when my mom had to move into assisted living, she passed the set to me. I am so blessed to be the kid who got to take it.....and my younger daughter was still pretty young and in awe just as I was to unwrap and set up the scene. Drew, my older daughter loved it as well. It's a Christmas tradition that has been a part of my Christmas my entire life. I may have written last Christmas or the first year of this blog the story of how my dad brought my mom the first pieces back from France when they were first married and then added to it. If my brother or big sister read this, maybe they can clarify that for me- it must have been when they were first married, right? When Dad came home from the army? Was it in the 40's? My brother was born in 1950- was it started before you came into the picture big brother? I think when we move back to the states I will have to think about passing the set to my daughter. Will she have a baby or will it just be Danica? The truth is, if I was to pass it on anytime in the near future it would be to my older daughter. The younger one is.....well...young. Traditions, family traditions, family keepsakes/treasures are not a priority to her right now. I am trying to understand that, accept that...I guess if the older one was only 21 yrs old I wouldn't consider giving it to her either. But I know that it would mean the world to her right now. She is like me, loves family and the bits and pieces that are our memories. I know the other one will get there...growing up takes time right?

Anyway it's pretty Christmasy around here. We went to a Christmas open house last Saturday and going to another on this Saturday. I went to the states for a day for some Christmas shopping a couple of weeks ago and that was fun. I got Everardo 2 pairs of tennis shoes- one pair I gave him when I got home; they're for every day and he needed them. The other pair is some very fancy running shoes and they are wrapped and under the tree. He's a runner, and especially out here, you need good shoes for it. I also got him some shorts and then just a couple of little things; tools/blades for making jewelry  and a special magnifying glass with a little mount to see when he's doing his jewelry thing ha ha! But that's about it- as he says- we have everything we need, and when we don't, we get it. So we don't buy a bunch of expensive stuff just to be getting it for Christmas....I'm actually going back up- maybe- this Thursday and need to get the dogs a big box of the bones I brought them back the first time...then their Christmas will be covered to ha ha. I did go online for presents for my granddaughter and her brother...and some really small silly stuff for the kids, but we decided to make donations in their names instead of buying bigger gifts. When I'm up there I plan to buy some sweaters or jackets, or maybe pajamas, not sure what actually, but to give away. There are some groups here doing it for the local school and other areas, but Everardo wants us to simply go for a drive and give the stuff away. And not tell anyone about it. Oooops  I guess I'm telling here, but  he means not on the local email bulletin board where I read about the other groups or telling at any functions we may attend. I'm good with that. We've already given away a trunk full of clothes and shoes from our closets; some stuff new, some slightly worn. I mean the next town over where he goes to the Spanish AA meetings has lots and lots of people who are struggling and could use a little help, so it should be no problem finding people who can make good use of a warm sweater or jacket. I will however send a message to the kids and let them know we did it in their names.

I looked back at last year in my blog to see what I was writing about. Man I was so sick at Christmas time- I had forgotten, and Everardo's brother in Coahuila passed away...we had just moved to Baja in November and were in that awful neighborhood and by this time already anxious to move somewhere else. We had just brought Hazel home; a 5lb tiny puppy and then Everardo got the news about his brother being so sick and he left...he got back Christmas Eve in the afternoon and I was already really sick. We didn't know anybody and it wasn't my favorite Christmas season ha ha. But we did get to skype with Drew and Rex and the kids and watch them open their presents Christmas morning and that was so nice. I'll have to ask her if we can do that again this year. But I also saw that I was writing about what I was trying to work on for myself....hmmm as it turns out I'm kinda working on the same stuff. I think I'm in a different place with it all, but the path continues. I wrote about spirituality, about unconditional love, about acceptance. That I had to accept the lack of relationship with my younger sister, and try to do the same with my daughter- but understand with my daughter it was a little different, and that I would continue to desire a relationship. So then I read forward some and saw that I continued to ask the universe for guidance with my daughter, and acceptance. Then in March I saw that I wrote that she wanted to communicate with me, to work on our relationship and I was so happy. And so we got closer. I think we are closer, but I still have to remember to accept her for who she is right now. She is still young- for me that translates to selfish, self centered, greedy....and she hurts my feelings. She hurts her sister's feelings as well. She doesn't return phone calls, she blows off plans, she is great for asking for something- but ask her for something...well don't expect to get it ha ha. Well not ha ha really. Month ago I asked her to help me out with a jury summons I received....luckily I got someone else to deal with it for me...she said sure and promptly forgot about it- at least as far as I know because she never went to pick it up, never contacted the person for me or anything. No big deal to her- but it was to me. I asked to get a couple of things from her dad's house when she left...oh yeah of course mom- and never bothered to do it. Same kind of behavior with her sister.

I made a huge mistake last summer that I apologized for, but realize now was really awful of me. I wrote and asked for forgiveness again but have not received an answer- and have to be ok with that. That I needed to make amends, that I needed to let go of my resentment, of my judgement because I don't want to be that kind of person. I mention it here because I did it feeling justified that I was supporting this daughter, when really it was about my ego. I had told her when she let me know she did't get along with her dad's wife, that she should move. That she needed to respect the woman no matter what, and that it was her house and as an adult, my daughter should move out if she wasn't happy there. Ok fine that was the right thing to do, and my daughter did move a month or so after we talked about it. At some point my ex husband's wife and I began to communicate on facebook msg and I told her I backed her up and it was all fine. But then something happened, after my daughter moved and the woman and I were not too nice to each other in writing. Then she wrote something that hurt my feelings...and so I wrote a horrible note to her and was very mean. I had no right to do that. No matter what. That was about my ego, not my daughter, it was about winning...a couple of days later I wrote a short msg and apologized but never heard back and we never communicated again after that. That was back in late June I think. But I was married to this man for 15 years and we remained friends so it's been over 20 years we've known each other- and I feel bad we no do not communicate at all. I see their facebook pages...yes I look cause sometimes my kids are on them. They live in the next town from my kids. And this would be the first time I don't wish him and his family Merry Christmas or Happy New Year? The girls go over there, and their dad is their dad. So I was awful and I know better. My mean words, my resentments, my judgement is now having an effect on my life that I cannot change. I'm so sorry about that! So I wrote them and apologized to her again...will they reply? I don't know and I will have to accept and respect whatever decision they make. So I talk about spirituality, acceptance, unconditional love, no judgement, and I totally feel like a hypocrite. I have to accept this. I have to accept it and move on. I mean I am glad that I apologized a couple of days after I first wrote it, but when can I get to not reacting in anger....which is usually fear?

Hmmm and this all gets mixed up in my issues with my younger daughter. I am unhappy with her because although we do talk these days, maybe a couple of times a month which is better than this time last year, and I realized that as long as I accepted she is not going to put herself out for anything, then it was all good...but I think I don't really accept it...or I forget and have expectations and then am upset when she doesn't meet them. I asked her back when she moved out, and then a couple of weeks ago, to get the Christmas decorations I gave her before we left for Mexico. I had both girls come over when we were putting Christmas away before we moved, and had them each pick out some things that were special to them, for them to start their own family traditions for Christmas, things from when they were growing up, things that maybe came from my family when I was growing up and was given by my mom and dad to start my family. They were both excited to choose and it was very touching. Well, she was still living with her dad so she took the stuff there. I want her to take it home or at least give it to her sister to keep for her. These were things from my family, our family and I want them to have them. Drew understands and said she'd push Halla to do it, but I can't keep putting Drew in that position. I asked Halla last week on the phone if she got them...of course she did not, and she said- oh I gotta hang up now. And see? If I had not been so horrible to my ex's wife, I could simply ask them to be sure and give Halla the box of decorations, instead I'm afraid she will throw them away, or they will just keep them for their own family. This hurts me. But what can I do about it, especially from down here? I have to let it all go. I will for sure ask Halla again, but when is the next time I'll talk to her? Once she knows I want something from her, or want her to take an action, she stops answering the phone when I call- well actually she rarely answers it when I call anytime. I had accepted that I would only talk to her when she wanted to, not when I wanted to, but she's my kid, I love her, so I was gonna accept this. The truth is I am mad and sad about it. I wish it mattered to her. But wishin' don't make it so.

So see, I have sooooo far to go...my spiritual path stretches endlessly in front of me as I try to embrace, to live these principles that I believe are so important for me. Acceptance, unconditional love, and freedom from judgement. Writing all this helps. I feel a little better. There was a box of things I put together right before we moved that I gave to her, things from her childhood, other things of mine I knew meant something to her...she doesn't know where that box is, either. Maybe someday she will care, maybe she'll even recover some of it. I have to realize- I gave it to her, those things are gone from me. Let go. And maybe be a little more careful of what I let go of. And the manger scene, I don't have to make a decision about it right now. Maybe when we move back I will have grandchildren who will want to come to Grandma's house to see it at Christmas for a few years before it needs to move on to the next person. Maybe my thoughts as the year ends and a new one starts will have to be along the same lines as last year. That acceptance is still the answer, that unconditional love is the way to true happiness, to be happy joyous and free. Forgiveness and to be free of resentment. I was thinking the other day about what do I believe God's will is for me? What is the universe's will for me? To be happy joyous and free. But what does that mean, for me? I think it means I must want the same for all people...because how can I truly be all those things of others are not? Hmmm now I am filled with hope..and love. This is good, I have lots to think about now...lots to strive for. Viva!

Post Thanksgiving

It took me so long to write about our trip that Thanksgiving slipped by. Thanksgiving was nice, perfect in fact...if you don't count not being with my daughters....Our first Thanksgiving on Mexico we were still down south and nobody besides me gave the day a second thought. I went back and read what I wrote that day- I called and talked to my older daughter, and played telephone tag with the younger one. Drewy & Rex had just signed a lease for their house- the one they live in now and were really excited because they'd been renting a condo for awhile.And of course I had no turkey and stuffing that day....Last year we had just arrived in Baja after 11 months in Sonora- if we had waited I'm sure we would have had Thanksgiving with Americans we knew there, but we moved on Nov 1st, so we didn't, but we did have Thanksgiving dinner over here. It was kinda sadder than the year before in Playa Ventura...I guess because it looked right... it just wasn't right....We got invited to a pot luck Thanksgiving at this church with a bunch of people, of whom we knew 3. One was a guy from AA who originally invited us, and 2 were a couple- he was the maintenance guy for the house we had just rented, and his wife. He is a super nice guy- we really have barely seen him since we moved down to the beach, but he's kept pretty busy and they are very involved with their church. Anyway it was nice but kinda awkward not knowing anyone but them and they didn't sit with us, either. So all the fixin's were there and everyone was nice enough.....OK so this year was wonderful! There were 12 people at the table I think, and we knew at least 8 of them! We brought a pie and lent the hostess some plates, and the turkey was great! The stuffing was out of this world! A bunch of people enjoying themselves, laughing and talking...it WAS Thanksgiving. Call me grateful.

One cool thing for us...and I just knocked wood to not jinx it.And my head. As always I have to take 2 steps back to tell this story. Our friend is moving back to the states after living here for 5 years. He ended up being someone we saw almost every day cause he has this big dog, Iggy, who we love, and he comes and plays with Sam & Hazel every day. Then Everardo takes the 3 of them on a long walk every afternoon, and it's funny, the people we know are calling Everardo the dog whisperer because all the dogs around here love him, and Iggy comes to him better than to his owner. Well Everardo takes them not just walking, but swimming in the ocean, throws the ball down the beach and into the waves, swims with them, and by the estuary throws rocks and balls in the water for them to chase after and romp around, so they love him. At Thanksgiving we looked over and a women who had her dog with her saw her dog with it's head on Everardo's lap- ah she said- the dog whisperer! ha ha. Actually our friend was coming over here before we lived here because his buddy lives in the studio on stilts above and behind us- that's how we found this place...he heard us say we were looking for a place to live and knew this mobile home was vacant....drove us down here....and well, here we are. But he'd come over every afternoon to sit and bullshit with his buddy and let Iggy run around and run down to the beach, so once we moved in, for Iggy, it was the more the merrier. Ok- so he got married to his girlfriend in the states and is moving back up. Well- he was getting tv reception from the U.S., and the guy he was doing thru was at Thanksgiving. I started chatting with him....and...yippeee he's gonna make the same deal with us!


2 and a half years of Spanish tv except for a couple of channels with only really really really stupid shows in English, and one channel with ok shows, but they are repeats and they show them over and over.....and over....and over....etc etc etc. But I still watched them aarrgghh. I mean when I watch tv I don't want to think, just be entertained....so I am rarely learning any Spanish from tv..I get lost and then bored pretty quick. Now we do get 2 movie channels in English but they show the same movie for about 3 months..again...aarrgghh. So the shows I have been watching are like CSI Miami, CSI NY....regular CSI, NCIS....& Criminal Minds. The only ones of those shows I ever watched before was Criminal Minds and regular CSI. Gonna say this right now- I will NEVER EVER EVER watch CSI Miami, NY or NCIS again!!!! OMG I didn't like them before....and I probly won't watch the other two  for a while either, although I'm pretty sure we are at least one season behind here so there might be a couple....but they are on all day long, 5 days a week. Then a couple of months ago, that channel changed to Spanish, except for one hour during the day and one hour at nite- and not always the same hour ha ha!! Last year the tv drove me nuts....the on screen guides are always wrong, and ha ha the names of the movies, they were made up...like for example the movie called The Blind Side...about the black kid adopted by the white family who went to high school, college and then became a pro football player....they called it...Suenos Posibles - Possible Dreams! Ha ha . Somewhere along the line I simply stopped getting pissed off- it didn't change anything and I was always mad at something. So I stopped caring about it- I mean really- it is just tv....and we were laughing about alot of the time it's just background noise when we are on our computers.

To top it all off, the cable companies in Mexico are just like the cable companies in the U.S.- a pain in the butt, they overcharge, there's always a problem...and out of 13 months, the bill has been right twice. My unflappable husband who never loses his temper? Ha! You should see him on the phone with these guys! We were planning to turn it off as soon as our contract was up, but just found out we can cancel Jan 1- which we are going to do. So this is perfect timing! And the guy is going to charge us what we were paying to the Mexican company! But we are going to get all the movie channels! In English..... and the main stations as well. Did I say yippee??  It might get all hooked up tomorrow while I am gone...Ok wow that was alot about tv eh? Ha ha I know my sister skipped over all of it!

So Thanksgiving was awesome, and I spoke to both my daughters on Thanksgiving as well as long conversations the day before, and again today with younger....I also called my big sister, they're back in Florida for the winter, and my brother in Texas. My brother and his wife had a quiet Thanksgiving, no kids....and had plans to do stuff around the house for the long weekend- they are both teachers and so had Wed off as well- he said trying to get the kids to come to class the day before Thanksgiving is a joke....but the weather there was finally not so hot so they could maybe do some outside stuff. The bad/sad news is my brother in law is doing perhaps even more poorly (ouch bad sentence) than when I visited them in NY. That just sucks so much. And for them- they had been eating right, organically, the "right" foods, and always exercising, going on 600 mile bike rides (never forget that one), and this is what he gets?? Why karma why? He's a really good man....   hmmm I don't know the answer to anything except that yeah yeah I know- life is not fair. To seem him deteriorate makes me...sad, mad, frustrated, scared...and that's me so dear sister I love you so much and cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for you. For both of them, he is the one who is sick, but they both suffer, and in different ways on different days. But they both still laugh. I love that. We laughed alot when I was out there, and we laughed on the phone. I am so so grateful that I was able to go out to see them in Sept....and you never know what comes next, so we'll see, we shall see. So both daughters told me their Thanksgiving dinner was yummy- not a huge surprise because I know my ex husband cooks a mean turkey as my kid would say...and I suspect his wife is an awesome cook as well, so they probly ate gooood. I'm so happy my girls had a family Thanksgiving and Drew & Rex had their daughter with them - and I saw some pics....maybe next year they'll all come down here....

It's Sunday afternoon, and I'm sure the road to the border is full of cars returning to the states, for work or school tomorrow. We didn't have anything like Black Friday shopping or the crazy kick off to the Christmas season shopping weekend here, although we went up to Ensenada for dog food yesterday and Costco was pretty full...I think all their Christmas stuff has been out for a couple of weeks, and the really nice thing was....I didn't hear a single Christmas song on the radio until yesterday! ha ha. I am thinking about getting out my decorations, even though it's still summer like during the day...but at nite it's cold. Really cold- I mean I sleep with a hooded sweatshirt, pajama pants and socks, under sheets, 2 blankets and a bedspread. We have no heater, and the walls of this trailer are about an eighth of an inch wide..... I think we have a small propane heater, but not sure if we have the tank....and when we used it in Penasco for the few weeks it was actually this cold, man that propane went quick- 500 pesos worth in just a couple of days. Also this place is much smaller and we don't want to asphyxiate. Tomorrow I'm going with my girlfriend up to the states to go shopping. My first time since moving to Baja that I'm going to Calif just to shop- not on my way to the airport. Kinda fun eh? She has some specific things she's shopping for, and I do not. However I think I will look for some new tennis shoes for Everardo for Christmas...he really is hard at Christmas because he wants nothing. He says if we want something we get it- why spend money just to spend it. Ok ok I can understand that- but HEY! Have some Christmas spirit!!! He needs the shoes and he also knows better to get them up there, here they just don't seem to fit him right. So I'm gonna look. I also saw a couple of shirts- one a long sleeve pull over and one sort of a jacket type at Costco that his style so I'm gonna get those...but we usually just give each other a couple of gifts like that. We are planning to make donations, or give gifts to people, or a family or two somewhere down here, probly in Maneadero who is in need. We have so much- he is right- we have food, clothes, our dogs, a car....and now even tv, so what else is there? Well, people who's kids do need a jacket for the cold months, new school shoes, ect so that's what we'll do. There are people in need here where we live, but there is also a pretty large expat community who make donations and do things not just at Chrostmas but all year round for the community, which is why we're going to target the next town, which is really just local people. Everardo goes to Spanish AA meetings there and is getting to know some people and some different areas, so that's where we'll go. Anyway I'm excited to go shopping with a girlfriend.....just to walk around and look.

Well Poppi just told me that on their walk Hazel almost caught a squirrel! She grabbed onto his tail! He jumped in a bush and got away....Everardo looked in the bush and there was a huge beehive! Now he's talking about how he can get the honey!! Stayed tuned for that story! So it's time to close this up and make dinner- yeah yeah I don't cook- I'm making tuna fish and egg salad for sandwiches ....and I better get my passport and put it in my purse while I'm thinking about it. Hopefully not too many people had tomorrow off so won't be heading for the border- although we're leaving at 7:30 in the morning so we can start back by about 2:30 so we don't travel in the dark, which is fine with me. So I feel caught up here, although it seems like I'm forgetting something- I had to put this down a couple of times to talk on the phone, talk to a neighbor, ect...so it feels a little jumbled, but I do feel good. I won't exercise tomorrow.....but that's ok. Oh yeah- I tried the free class nearby...it's 3 days a week and I wanted to change up my routine a little. It's not quite enough on the aerobic side...not enough heart pumping....but the stretching and weights are ok, so maybe if I do half my beach dance (30min) before I go then it would be an all over better workout...hmmm well I'm gonna try it out this week and the classes are Tue Thur and Fri so I won't miss it tomorrow. I need to stay focused thru the holiday season...there's already sweets and cookies and crappola all over the place...I've done ok, but it's just the beginning of a long month ha ha. OK well enough for now. Viva!                                                                                                                    

Finishing my story of the trip...and more...

Let me finish up talking about the trip. I'm still not done thinking about the emotions that came up for me, surprisingly not about what I thought....but then that's what happens right? When I stay open to possibilities I am often pleasantly surprised by what I end up thinking about, or what I'm invited by the universe to consider,  know what I mean? I knew I missing something, and I thought it was closure....but it wasn't. I was fine with my friends. When I went into my house, I remembered why I loved it, but no longer had any desire to live there. The same thing kind of happened when I went to Calif last June. I mean, I still want to go back to northen Calif at some point, but it does not need to be Petaluma. I was a visitor. Besides my daughters, I was a visitor. And unless something (I don't know what) changes in a big way (oh- maybe winning the lottery-which-knowing me is not that out there ha ha), but barring something like that, I am never going to be able to afford to live in my house again....well unless I get a full time job- or a good paying part time ha ha. I love that little house, but I'm pretty much ok with not living there. Further north...I would not too far from my daughters- not more than a day away, right? But that covers alot of territory...and to live in the Redwoods, by a river, or at least a creek, or close to the ocean- yes there has to be water....but after living in Mexico, I just know there's so many things I can do without. Of course in northern Cal we will for sure need hot water!! (which we do have now here in Baja)

As always I got way off topic! Hmmm well I guess it's because I'm thinking about letting go of resentments. That the only two I really have are both about other people- not me. One is the guy who shot my daughter. He's in prison, my daughter is fine, justice has been served. And yet.....I cannot forgive him. I know forgiveness is not about him- it's about me. It's about letting negative thoughts out of my head. Forgiveness does not mean that I think what he did is ok- on any level. It's just me letting go. Whether or not I forgive him does not change him in any way- does not affect him in any way. The ONLY person affected is me. And maybe anyone I interact with because I would have further reduced negativity in my life. Pretty convincing eh? Yep in my head...not in my gut/heart yet. While in Playa Ventura one of the books I brought back is by the Dali Lama and it's called "The Wisdom of Forgiveness"....I never finished reading it...just wasn't ready...but maybe I'm getting ready. Ok- the other person, well it's so much less than what I just wrote about- that the resentment is really really gone! ha ha!! It was my friend I was referring to in my previous post. The woman who had been my close friend and actually introduced me to Playa Ventura in the first place. She opened her home to me by inviting me to go stay in it down there, which I did, then bought my house. (I actually bought it with my ex husband, but even after splitting up we thought we'd keep it for a vacation house and use it at different times, but later he decided that wasn't such a good idea and I bought him out). The woman, and I had a falling out, but we got over it....except except except....she said some pretty horrible stuff about my husband- my current husband- accused him of some things and she was way of base- really wrong. Although she apologized to me, she did not apologize for her comments regarding him. This was a huge problem for me. But you know what? I'm over it. She and my husband will never be friends. They may not even ever see each other again. But they are both adults. My husband can take care of himself. I am over that one. Ahhh good.

So....we had an amazing wonderful time in Playa Ventura. We left too soon I thought - we were supposed to stay one more day. Poppi bought some just caught lobster and we were gonna eat it with Gume and Chela; we put it in their fridge. We were waiting to talk to/meet with the guy who was going to do the formal measurements of our property and associated paperwork, and turned out he had done it for other people there, including our friends, and the guy taking care of our house (that's where we got his name), but knowing everyone was using him made me feel a little better. He had actually been there a few days before, and we had been supposed to meet with him, but we were broke down in Patzcuro and missed him. Everardo tried to call him on Thurs and Friday, but got no answer. We decided to wait until Monday; we were prepared to stay all the next week, in fact there was going to be a fair the next weekend. And then on Saturday we got a message that the guy was trying to get ahold of us. So we drove out the spit, the other side of town where sometimes you could get cell service, and called him. We had talked on the way out there and decided maybe Poppi would drive the 4 or 5 hours to Chilpancingo where the guy was, but he surprised us by saying he was coming the next day- Sunday!! He was going leave at 5am and meet us at 9am. There was also another client waiting to see him, so he was gonna make some money....so maybe not that much of a surprise- for Mexico. So he came. Our business, at least what we needed to be present for, needed to sign, ect was concluded. Poppi was worried about the truck and wanted to go back to the guy outside Morelia and have him do something on it- but for free, since he didn't fix the other thing we paid him for. So we left Playa Ventura at the crack of dawn on Monday. It was raining and I think rained all day there, so I guess it wouldn't have been great- NO I'm lying!! Of course it would have been great- we would have eaten lobster!!! On Sunday afternoon we visited Jay and his family- the guy who care takes the house, then we walked over to Gencho and Rosa's to sit with them for a while and say good bye. I do love Rosa- she is like a sister to me - we always talked even though she doesn't speak English and when we were there my Spanish sucked. I remember when she told me all about how her husband pursued her...some of it was pretty funny with him waiting outside her house in the pouring rain....I love him too. After that we went to Chela and Gume, finally all their customers left- although that's when we met the real estate guy- from Chilpancingo like the other guy.....Did I say the electricity was off all day Sunday? So besides no cell service- well that's always, now the land lines didn't work plus the lights...etc. Sorta sucks for a restaurant...fridge, blender....but very normal to being going out for the day down there ha ha. It came back on in late afternoon. Since it rained all day Monday who knows if they had electricity. I was disappointed anyway because finally Chela would have some free time, but as Everardo said- she'd feel obligated to be there for us when probly she needed to sleep ha ha. They stayed up all nite Sat nite at the wedding we all went to...Rosa & Gencho stayed up all nite as well, then both families had customers who had either camped or stayed in their bungalows and wanted to be fed and other services all day Sunday. So, I let myself be convinced it was time to go.

We drove all the way to Urapan....we went home a different way...still on free roads, so instead of going to Patzcuro we went more north and west and went to Urapan. Oh the mechanic in Morelia you ask?? Yeah I asked, too. Well the truck seemed to be running so well, he decided not to go back to Morelia, but to just head home....the next morning we drove to Puerto Vallarta where a friend of ours, from Russia, was staying for a week with her sister who was visiting her from Russia. This is the route we took when we had the amazing mountain breakfast I wrote about. That was the highlight of that day....since after that is when we chose the crazy million curves road. In the end we didn't get to Puerto Vallarta until dark- of course...but we contacted our friend and seeing her the next day was really important- she was going thru a crisis and I had told her if by any chance we were any where near there when they were that we would see her, but I could not promise. She had confided in me some terrible problems she was having with her husband, a man both Everardo and I knew and the fact we were actually able to see her really meant alot to her and made me feel better about leaving Playa Ventura so soon.

They were staying in a resort/spa type place- and oh yeah I gotta remember to go onto Yelp and give it a horrible review. The weird thing about a place like that is you could be anywhere in the world and never venture outside of it. They had stores, pools, beach, restaurants, gyms, waterslides, boating, surfing, everything. It was immense! And they were not the only one; once we went thru the first gates, there were a bunch of high end hotels out there. It had been a big gov't built housing community, and they all got "moved" somewhere else. I mean you would never see Mexico much less experience it...I don't know- is that what Club med is like? Or used to be like, I never hear anything about it anymore. Oh and it was a timeshare...couple of guys wanted to show us...in fact on the malecon (boardwalk) in Puerto Vallarta a guy wanted to give us free everything and Poppi started talking to him, and I was laughing because the guy would say how we just had to listen to this "small presentation" ha ha ha been there done that before! Ok so we get there finally, and have to get green wrist bands and give over Everardo's dr lic after we park in the special lot. Then we walk to the reception building and she wants us to fill out another paper, and we were just visiting a hotel guest. I put a fake phone number and email- yeah they were "required"! Really?? Then she gives us an orange wrist band and I burst out laughing- another wrist band?? She tells us how now we can use all the facilities all day. Uh ok. She calls our friend who comes down, then we didn't realize what she was doing and she goes to another desk- the members desk not the reception desk, and she's "registering" us....and PAYS $25 EACH for us!! I tried to stop her! I told the guy we were already registered and showed him my orange band- which he got all hot under the collar about and asked how we got them! Telephone calls happened- I saw our little paperwork ha ha. Our friend insisted she didn't care about the money....ok so we have a nice time...they made us some nice appetizers.....Russian style, then we went out for a walk to see the grounds. We didn't use any of the facilities ha ha. When we walked out the front to take some pictures, the parking guy told us not to take off our wrist bands ha ha. So Everardo starts talking to him and he turns out to be the head of security and is really pissed off when he finds out our friend paid the $50!! He says he's investigating the staff for stealing money (embezzling basically) and stomps off to get her money back. We take some nice photos...in front of a waterfall- stuff like that, and go back to their room for a yummy meal of mahi mahi. We leave to go back to our hotel about 5pm, and stop by reception to give back our orange bands, and they ask us for our key cards...what? What key cards? (We don't got no stinkin key cards!!) The woman insists we do- I ask her- what would we keep them for? Why would we want them? Those cards get reprogrammed all the time- and these didn't even open any doors- apparently they were to give the towell lady if we went swimming....which we did not. I reminded her about laughing about the different colored wrist bands...and she said yes, and then I gave you the cards. Her boss was there and she says- see? She has no more cards! I said- what does that have to do with us?? Then she and Everardo started speaking in Spanish and I could tell my husband who rarely gets mad, was getting mad. So finally we hug our friend and walk outside. The boss woman runs outside to show us the little paper book they put key cards in and asks if we reconize it! ha ha we laugh in her face. Then she gets mad and Poppi gets good and mad. She says our friend will be charged for the cards- $5 each! He tell her he will call the Mexico equivalent of the Better Business Bureau...he says they are a big business bullying people and stealing their money...she got very upset. We walked away. We found out the other day they did try to charge our friend that damn $5 each for those fucking cards! She argued with them and then they finally did not...but still!! I will go online and give them a shitty review. We saw people wearing all different color wrist bands and being asked questions at every turn...how awful!
But we had a really good time with her and she was quite touched that we came to her. She is our friend- she doesn't have alot of friends in the US and was pretty intimidated, but she is also a string woman, and such a good person! I love her very much. We were so happy she had her sister with her for moral support; I think she's still with her in California for now. I told my older daughter about her and she will also make herself available for moral support, for friendship, to help her in anyway- if she needs any social services, things like that. So I'm so glad we made the trip.

So we stayed 2 days in Puerto Vallarta and left for Mazatlan and stayed one nite. We got there mid day and so went down to the beach and ate seafood in a little place right on the sand. They have these golf cart type taxis and we took one to sight see a little and then...we went to the movies! We saw The Judge and it was a great movie- Robert Duvall & Robert Downey Jr....we came out and caught another golf cart taxi and went to the malecon where people were hanging out and vendors were still selling their wares. Oh I forgot- in Puerto Vallarta I bought a great hat- kind of a cowboy hat...for the sun and it was the only kind with the strap for under your chin- which I need here..and as it turns out I really like it- as always- if I ever figure out the photos you will see it here ha ha. I also got a wide purple stripe dyed into my hair! They said it will last a month, so we'll see, I really like it- always wanted to do it. In Michocan we both bought leather sandals and I got a small leather (purple of course) wallet and a beautiful scarf. Ok so we walked in Matazlan and then went back to the hotel, which was right across the street from the beach. And if it wasn't for the guys who got drunk around the pool right next to our side of the building...and they drank it seemed like all nite!, if it wasn't for them it would have been perfect...oh and it was cheap! The next morning I could hardly wake up and went right back to sleep in the truck.

But we drove and came into Nayarit and no wonder they call it the Nayarit Riviera! It is so beautiful. The roads wind thru the most beautiful trees and plants and water and hills, so many shades of green, it was just breathtaking. At some point we finally overlapped on our trip- because we got on a road to Hermosillo. Got there after dark...of course....but we had driven taking our time; it was so pretty and we stayed off the toll roads. Now it was Friday nite...a long time since we left Playa Ventura. We got up early after having dinner in the hotel and hitting the sack early... and drove all the way home....got here about 6pm. Hermosillo is in the Sonoran desert so it was the drive I hate- across Sonora and then into Baja where first it's desert and then it's the Rumarosa winding roads over the mountain. I hate all of it. We saw sooooo many checkpoints, mostly for trucks; there were a couple of places where semi trucks, with 2 trailers each, were lines up for at least 5 miles, maybe more.

So it was quite an adventure. So many things happened! Mostly good....traveling the free roads was very cool, we saw soooo much more of Mexico! Mexico is so diverse, in Sinaloa you call your buddy "Compa" for companero... the word for dragonfly is chambuleke in Playa Ventura, Guerrero, but libeilula in Yucatan. Different ways of cooking different meats, different coffee, clothes...etc. We've been all over the place in Mexico and this time was at least as fun, rewarding, exciting, interesting, as last time and the time before that. Did I say....VIVA! 

Playa Ventura, the house...the food....

Ok gonna go back to go forward....I found some notes, phrases really that I wrote the first day or two driving thru the Sonoran desert. The first is simply "chicken highway". This is what we call the highway that is one lane in each direction with a half lane on the outside of each lane. There is a dotted line down the center and the traffic can pass going in either direction...and of course at a very high rate of speed, usually posted at 110 kilometers (I think 65mph). If you are the person being passed you are supposed to move into the half lane on your right. Because it is for passing, cars pass on corners, hills, no matter how many cars are in a line.....yeah so we call it "chicken highway". You play chicken...and sometimes whether you want to or not. They had the chicken highway in a few other places, but the Sonora desert is where I really remember it. The other thing about Sonora was the checkpoints. Man- they got a lotta checkpoints. I guess because it's a border state...there were lots of truck check points as well- which I noticed on the way home. They were being stopped going north, and also coming west from Baja (I think). I don't know how anything gets anywhere on schedule/time on a truck. We were waved thru all of them except one...and that was on the way back- we took the tarp off the stuff in the back of the truck...and altho our suitcases and bags were inside, the guy merely asked me how I liked Mexico and- oh wait, he might have picked up the closest thing which was Everardo's blue backpack that had some dirty teeshirts in it ha ha.

Oh yeah- the first time we were stopped, and it was the first day in Sonora, we were asked for the truck's registration, which we couldn't find! The guy said don't worry, but you should find it because the next guy might be more strict. (all in Spanish of course). We did find it later...I went thru every piece of paper in the truck while we were driving....but nobody ever asked us for it again. Still better to have it.

So, day 2 drove thru Guaymus and Obregon (Sonora). Ha ha Guaymus (sounds like Why-muss), and we were yelling "Why-muss Why-muss" and laughing. Anyway it smelled like fish! Obregon we saw these huge gray birds; they might have been some kind of heron but with almost bushy wings. Day 3 as we crossed into Sinaloa we got a speeding ticket......damn. But- we actually were speeding...so paid it the day we got back. Anyway we watched on the way home and saw cops with radar guns - but only in Sinaloa...weird eh? In Sinaloa we passed fields of vegetables being grown and saw the mountains in the distance.....These mountains are called "Esptinozo de Diablo", "Spine of the Devil" and are supposedly a drug trafficking route. 

Day 3 we hit Nayarit, beautiful, lush....the free roads were again winding thru little towns and villages...Later when we passed into Michoacan...maybe 2 minutes after...we saw 6 truck fulls of ninja cops speed by us.....(I call the cops dressed in all black with their faces covered ninjas). After all the small towns we had been going thru I couldn't imagine where they must be going. We followed behind them and saw them exit to a town still to small to be called a city- hmmm maybe there was a special at the doughnut store??? (or oh wait is that only in the US? ha ha)

Ok, I already wrote about our wonderful time in Morelia, even the auto shop fun....so now onto Guerrero and Playa Ventura. We hit our first toll booth with students manning it instead of the regular workers. They were polite and actually asked us for less toll than was posted ha ha. Although I believe they were keeping the money to support their causes, probly to buy food and water since many of them were far from home. Later on we came across more protesters blocking the roads into/out of small towns, and they were always peaceful, holding signs and banners, and collecting coins from those of us passing thru. They always said thank you and bless you, etc. I personally am always happy to see a peaceful protest- I believe in people standing up for their rights, trying to help people to become aware. I have stood on street corners holding up signs, against war, in support of family, etc. I know there has been some violence in the protests. I do not agree with that. I even wonder if maybe the violence is a little convenient....shows the students as bad....Anyway we did not see anything violent or bad.

Playa Ventura was hot and humid and beautiful and wonderful. And I left knowing it's an amazing place for a vacation....but I have no wish to live there again. Part of me went there looking for something, closure, or that I missed something...or...well I don't know what. Our physical reason for the trip was to check on the house we own down there, and to get some documents taken care of with regards to it. Oh and to get my books (yippeee) and at least one piece of furniture...a sort of secretary desk antique thing. We got those things, plus this blanket I really wanted- I may have written about it before....used to keep warm in the Mexico City airport when having to stay overnite there waiting for a connecting flight. It was just a couple of cardboard boxes of books...but they're mine, some I've had a long time...some I haven't read, at least one was a gift from my brother....I just love my books. I have some back in Calif in the garage with the few things I didn't give away ha ha. But having them here now, all around me in bookshelves that Everardo built when we got here (same as he did when we got to Playa Ventura, but we left those down there), just makes the house more comfy and warm.

I met the rest of the guy's family who care-takes the house for us. Our renters were not there- they actually went to France for 3 months but paid the rent up front for the time they are going to be gone so we're happy with that. The property is now home to 2 big dogs; a german shepard and a pitbull so we really only got to go in, see what we wanted and leave. Then we came back a few days later to load it up. I wish we coulda stayed there, maybe upstairs, but the people did not want us there, especially when they were not, and I couldn't argue with that, so we didn't. The one weird thing was- and I find this really really really weird- is that they boarded up the gate in the back fence that is access to the beach! What??? Yeah so I was told they never ever go to the beach! Yeah- I don't understand this at all. What's the point of renting there, eh? Ok there's the view...but you can get so much closer...I mean my rock is right outside that gate. So Jay's family is really nice, he lives with his wife, very young daughter, and his parents, and ...of course....like everyone there almost, they have a restaurant. The nite before we left they had us for dinner and OMG!! The best shrimp I think I ever had! It was made in a sweet & sour way...in fact I was a new recipe being tried out! There were also these small bananas cooked almost the same way and they were also soooo delicious!

Another nite we went to El Faro, our friends Gencho & Rosa for dinner and had this amazing fish called Frell. It's a warm water fish; Gencho caught it in the morning and we ate it that nite. It was the best fish I ever had! It has darker meat, not white...it doesn't taste fishy- it tastes like meat. It was awesome. Then of course another day was my all time favorite- Chela's enchiladas...to die for. I mean we ate so good for those few short days there. We stayed in a bungalow at Chela's; I remember when her husband, Gume, was building them when we lived there. They are just a small round room, with a small bathroom connected...the bathroom is a tile floor; a sink that's a beautiful bowl- like one you would put fruit in on your table, and the faucet was a huge conch shell that the water came thru. The shower was right over head, so ha ha the toilet got washed when you took a shower. The small room could just hold a standard double bed, and had mosquito netting coming down over it, and 2 small shelves to put your stuff on, one on each side of the bed. You could just walk around 3 sides of it- and to pass each other took work. The floor was plank wood, the same as the walls, and then on the outside had woven palm fronds on the sides and also as a thatched roof. It did rain 2 of the nites though, and the rain only came thru the bathroom roof...so the bedroom roof was something besides just palm fronds.....

One small surprise was a stray dog (we assume it was a stray- they have a lot of homeless dogs like all over Mexico), had just had puppies- right underneath us! We heard the tiny cries, and then found from the bathroom, which was a halfstep down, we could see the tiny pups, eyes still closed. We didn't tell anyone while we were there because they would have been moved, probly to somewhere not so safe, and maybe something much worse like....disposed of...well we actually started to tell, but heard, oh no we'll get rid of them...and then didn't say anything else....they had alot of customers camping and staying at their place so we knew they'd forget....I mean I know at some point they wuill be dealt with, but at least their eyes will be open, or maybe mama dog will move them herself. Some neighborhood kids saw her going under there and were throwing rocks at her...I actually sat outside our bungalow the day before we left with my book for a few hours, reading, but protecting her and her babies. I know it's hard in Mexico. I know people struggle to feed their families, that animals in many areas are not really seen as pets, or at least not in the sense that Americans do. (yes I know there is animal cruelty in the US, too). But not only do they not count, they don't get 'fixed", spayed or neutered and so they continue to have puppies....and yes- I don't know what happened to these puppies or their mama after we left, and it's not for me to judge or have any opinion about the state of affairs, but they were ok while we were there. Actually we fed her; she didn't seem particularly skinny and maybe she was someone's dog....but we saw her a couple of times, come out from under the bungalow and then looking for food, it seemed, on the beach. Friday nite we went to a rodeo - we saw dancing horses, but left before the bull riding (the cowboys looked like they were getting drunk, it was late, you know...) anyway- I went for a plate of food and it was big bones with alot of meat on them so I took one, wrapped in a napkin and brought it home to mama dog.

We swam in the ocean just one day...for hours though; it was glorious! But tiring; the waves bang you into shore, and always towards one side of the beach or the other, so sooner or later you would be knocked into the rocks, so you must always pull yourself back towards the middle. It is not a bay like here, it's the ocean. As one wave pulls back out from shore- with a tug/undertow that will gladly take you with it, many times the next wave is already coming and they slam into each other. It's exciting and exhilarating to be right there in the clash and how the surf flies up. I get knocked all over, sometimes "ass over tea kettle" as they say ha ha. The truth is, when we first went to the shore, I was afraid...my fear had returned, the fear I developed after being almost dragged out to sea, banged up against the rocks and luckily just cut up my knees and foot, broke my toe,....but then realized the absolute power of the ocean in a way I had never thought about it before. That was the year before we moved down there, and it happened in front of Gencho and Rosa's place, on their beach. I have a huge respect for the ocean now, since then- and after being gone for 2 years, after 2 years of only swimming in bay waters, including the year in Sonora where we were on the Sea of Cortez- again not open ocean....well the fear grabbed me- hard. But it also wore off pretty quickly; Everardo and his "don't be afraid" that he tells me in bad traffic, scary ocean...ok even in our bay when I get way out there.....Still I could not get comfortable in front of the rocks where we used to sit in pools of water and then the waves would seep thru the rocks onto us...I felt the tug and just couldn't do it. If we had stayed longer I'm sure I would have become ok with it, but we were just there a few short days. So we swam in front of Chela's; where the sandy beach is wide and the rocks off to each side. It is always tiring though, fighting the constant pull outwards and to the sides.

Afterwards we went in Chela's pool. We had also gone in the pool the first nite, after dark. The people camping there had kids and they were in the pool. One spoke a little English and so I was approached and then asked tons of questions in English & Spanish. I am always happy to interact with kids- especially around 8-12 years old. They are so open, and not afraid to ask anything ha ha!
We saw them again the afternoon of the ocean swim, in fact we saw them at the beach, but they didn't stay in too long, I think their parent's were rightly happier to have them in the pool.

The first day I was able to visit my rock for a short while, then Poppi found me and we went to Chela's. Then he left me to go with Gume for a few minutes to help with something and was gone for hours. Chela was very busy with her campers and I remembered the way I had felt isolated living there....it was like- oh yeah....why did I want to come back?? I didn't want to ask Chela to make my any food; she was so busy....so I went to the truck (we hadn't gotten a bungalow yet) and made myself a peanut butter sandwich...then decided to feel sorry for myself. Later Chela showed up but I would not let her make me any food- after all I had my pb sand.,....Then Everardo showed up and Chela made hin some fish and I napped (ok laid there still feeling sorry for myself ha ha). Poppi came back and invited me for a swim.....knew I was put out. The swim was the perfect answer. As soon as I hit the water I felt refreshed. I realized I was being silly- selfish really...and surrendered- I came over to the winning side! I looked around and remembered how grateful I was for my life, for all the fantastic and wonderful opportunities had. I hugged my husband and played ...gleefully..with the kids.

The last morning, just a couple of days later I went back to my rock. I sat out there for more than 2 hours. At first I couldn't get that...that feeling, that spiritual feeling, the serenity I found there, it was the place I really learned to ask for guidance. So instead, I watched these tiny crabs scurrying over the rocks. Then bigger ones ventured forth and they were clearly in charge; the smaller ones got out of the way. The big ones challenged other big ones. (Oh and I by "big" I still mean maybe the size of the palm of my hand). I saw that they could jump from the side of a rock to the side or top of another. Waves would hit, wash over them, but wouldn't wash them away...they have some kind of sticky stuff on the bottom of their many little feeties. I started then to watch the waves...some further out, hitting some rocks out there, some coming in to me. I moved much closer to the edge;....the first day I sat back aways....I started talking to the universe. To the fresh air, to the wind, to the water, to the rocks...to the sun. To my higher power- which is the universe and all of it's elements. I talked about how I used to feel there, how I asked for guidance, how I felt when I moved away. Unsure, exhausted, isolated...but also elated, full of faith....looking forward. Can you be unsure and faithful at the same time...yeah apparently so....but in different ways...sure about one thing, unsure about another....knowing what's wrong but having to have faith about what's right.

I kept on talking, and I don't know when it changed, but it did. I felt warmed by the sun, tickled by the breeze, overjoyed at the sight of the waves, my spirituality was back. But what I also knew in one moment was, that it never left me. That I was receiving the same gifts in my new surroundings, that the way I feel when I exercise on the beach, or sit with my coffee and look out at the bay....once I discovered the gifts of spirituality, I got to keep them, I just needed to remember. So I was not looking for closure, there was no closure. I love Playa Ventura. I love the beach, the waves, the air, the people, my friends....and the one friend who lives in the states, the woman who turned me on to Playa Ventura in the first place, my resentments around her, are gone. For her, now I have only compassion. I am sorry she is afraid to live in that beautiful place, that she is afraid of Mexico. I am sorry about how she acts to make herself feel better. No, she was my friend, and in my heart she is again. I will never trust her again, but I should not be trusting everyone so much- not when there is such a difference between cultures. There is unconditional love, but there is also behaving in a reasonable way for your circumstance, your culture, your set of beliefs. Not sure I am articulating this correctly, I barely understand it myself. And I'm also not sure that my resentment will not return. But at least as far as her family members are concerned, the ones I was and am friends with..it's all good with them. I hope to see them all again- maybe next year for Rosa & Gencho's 25 anniversary.

We ended up meeting a guy there from a larger nearby city who is a real estate guy. I emailed him some pictures of our house there and Everardo talked to him about price, etc. Maybe it will (finally) sell...sometime. We will see, Hmmm it seems there will be at least one more post about my trip because I am done for now...want to think about this whole trust/culture thing.....did I say the trip was awesome...it was. I'm so happy we went. Ok more later. Viva

More about the trip....or less

Stayed home all day today (Saturday) waiting for the Dish TV guy to come and he never showed up! Hmmm just like in the United States ha ha!

Our time in Morelia was great! Such a beautiful city. The population is almost 700,000 and it's in the mountains at about 6000 feet. Other info:

 The heart of the historic center is the Cathedral and its surrounding plazas: the Plaza de Armas, also known as the Plaza de los Mártires, the Juárez Plaza and the Melchor Ocampo Plaza. The largest plaza is the Plaza de Armas, which has been remodeled several times since it was designed in the 16th century. The first church on the Cathedral site was built in 1577, which was a modest structure of adobe and wood. Many years later, this structure would be almost completely destroyed by a fire.^[2] Originally, the Cathedral of Michoacán was in Pátzcuaro in a church that now is the Basilica of Nuestra Señora de la Salud. When cathedral status was moved from there to Valladolid in 1580, the city became the civil, religious and cultural capital of the territory

The surrounding areas of the city are forests and very beautiful. It's funny- in the cities, Mexico is sooo crowded, but out in the country there is just so much open land. At first I thought it was just the deserts- of course, who wants to live in the hot desert and what about water, etc? But in the state of Guerrero, which is pretty tropical, at least on the west side (don't know about the eastern borders of the state), but when we would drive to a bigger city to the south to shop (which was an hour's drive instead of 2 hours to the north to Acapulco), we also drove thru mountains and there again was so much open land. Anyway although we were in a hotel in the central historic district, we drove all over the place with Pablo (Everardo's brother), and it is a crowded city. Always lots of traffic. Really nice areas, beat up areas, poor areas...yeah lots of poor areas. It's like Mexico has rich people and poor people and not too much inbetween. I mean the people who have jobs and houses, by US standards  thinkstill have to be labeled poor. People do have houses- but what kind of shape are they in? Many times a person or a family starts with one cement square room. Then when they can, they add another room...maybe a second story. The kitchen or bathroom may start out outside and later become an inside room. They may or may not have electricity. Then there's the "infovit" houses; the tiny houses the government builds and helps people to buy. I'm not sure what the criteria is, but you can make the first "down payment", and then the payments come out of your paycheck. When these houses get built in huge complexes they are harder to add on to, but usually start out better equipped. We actually looked in a few when we first came north to Sonora and were looking for places to rent...but they are so small, double beds take up entire bedrooms....all the rooms are small. Now, for someone with no home and no prospects....small is SO much better than nothing. We also looked at some over here in Baja; they were like one step up, a little bigger, more rooms, but still tiny- might have worked for us if they had had yards or were close to an open space for Sam. As it turned out we were lucky, so lucky to find this tiny mobile home right on the beach. Our bed is queen size- a king would not fit....well anyone reading this knows what a small trailer is like. But our dogs run free, and the ocean is out my kitchen door window. Wow- I really get off track don't I? ha ha

I took so many pictures in Morelia- lots of us, sitting in a sidewalk cafe, looking at the Day of the Dead alters, in our hotel rooms, standing in little plazas...eating all kinds of yummy stuff! But I also took tons of pictures of just people. People are so interesting...people walking down the sidewalk, shopping, picking up their kids at school, sitting near us in outside eateries.....And so many types, very modern...that would be young people mostly, then very traditionally dressed, and everything in between, like any huge metropolitan city. Pablo used to be a traffic cop in the city and is now retired. He doesn't need the money but works in the parking lot of one of the big stores, directing cars, helping people with their groceries. I think it's a tips job- meaning your pay is what customers give you. Almost all of the stores do not pay their baggers; it's all tips. In Costco I think they might pay them, but not the guys who work in the parking lot, and actually Costco is the only store I've seen where you don't tip the baggers. Anyway Pablo was able to take as much time as he wanted to spend with us, and he took us to a couple of "hole in the wall" places to eat- which are always the best, and we got to meet his son and other daughter- ok well I got to meet them- Everardo already knew them.

So one day we met up with Pablo and his 2 daughters and went to Patzcuro for a fair they were having for Day of the Dead. It was like a country fair, tons of food and things for sale- not rides or anything. There was a speech by the town's mayor I think, but mostly booths and vendors. I got my face painted like a skeleton and kept it all day; scared some little kids ha ha, but back in Morelia there were other people walking in the streets with their faces painted and some in full costume. It was a nice day. And a couple of days later when the truck broke down outside Patzcuro is made it a little more comfortable than finding ourselves stuck in a strange place.

We left Morelia on Monday morning early, but went to a auto parts store and then a mechanic at the edge of town in the direction we were going to have this part put on. Poppi was sure this was the reason the truck was starting not to run very well.....hmmm turned out we were there for hours! Until mid afternoon, and then we were finally on the road...drove for about 20 minutes down the highway towards Patzcuro....and we broke down....yeah that wasn't what was wrong after all....I had finished a book, started a journal so I could write in this blog...snacked and napped. There was a huge pitbull straining at a barred window near the truck and Everardo warned me not to go near him. I could see this dog was all wiggly when I talked to her...but I stayed away. Sometimes a dog is fine until you go into their space, their car, yard, etc. Sam was like that in Petaluma with strangers- if he came out the gate onto the sidewalk he was fine....but if YOU came in thru the gate he charged at you growling. Now he never bit anybody...but ha ha we had to move our mailbox off the porch and onto the house wall along the driveway because he hated the mailman, and then by extension it seemed...anbody in a uniform...like the UPS guy, the Fed X guy....cops...Well at the end of the day, when Everardo was test driving the truck (which as it turns out was not long enough for it to really warm up and then crap out), the guy let the dog out and she was sweet as a bug. All wiggly and happy to get some lovin'.

So that's how we ended up in Patzcuro...and we pulled off the side of the highway and tried to limp to a mechanic shop....waited at a train track for the train to pass, and it dies. But the very first person to drive by is a family in a truck and they stop and then offer to tow us to a shop!! Ha ha the rope was kinda short and I just kept singing that "happy happy happy" song (the one that's a utube video on facebook by that rapper Pharrel- who I knew of from that show the Voice ha ha...I had played the video and like it so much I added it to my beach exercise music because I really jumped around to it...so it helped when I was nervous being towed by this short rope on this dirt road in a strange town...) Well that mechanic wasn't there- ..."he'll be back in 40 minutes.." Yeah right- translation maybe back today, or tomorrow....or next week, or...what mechanic? ha ha. Well the truck, after cooling down, started again, and Pablo showed up as well. He had tortas (sandwiches) for us..and after we got to a small gas station/little store square, Pablo and Everardo went to find a mechanic and I stayed with the truck and all our stuff...I only tell this part of the story because Pablo neglected to tell me about the jalapenos on the tortas....aarrgghh that's hot....however I found out why Mexicans eat lots of tortillas (I think)...the bread cooled down my mouth- the water didn't help but the bread did, so I learned an important lesson. ha ha Ok we found a mechanic who had a yard to keep the truck secure overnite and found a motel close by. Thanked Pablo for ALL his help- he is the best brother-in-law ever!...and sent him home. The next day they thought they had it figured out....but no so we had to stay another nite. But....

The cool thing was, we took a cab down to the waterfront- there's a huge lake in Patzcuro, and it has an island in the middle of it called Janitco (spelling). People live on this small island and it's basically a hill with houses on it and a gigantic statute on the top. There are stairs all over the place, and houses on different levels, and lots and lots of tiny shops to explore. We ate at a little restaurant, Poppi had a big fish....but I had chicken,,,why didn't I have local fish? Don't remember now....and we hiked up to the top..actually part way on a winding path along the outside of the town so we were looking at the water, and then to come down we came down stairs and steps and stairs and steps....looked in the shops, chatted with people....and I took lots of photos of course. So if the truck hadn't broken down we wouldn't have had this side adventure, so it was ok. The next morning we picked up the truck and we were off....and made it all the way to Acapulco.

Ok this was my mistake. We were heading for Zijuantenjo, but got there so early in the day that I voted to keep going to Acapulco. Did I mention that I hate getting into strange cities after dark? Especially congested places like Acapulco!! We got there after dark and decided to head for the hotels we knew were by the airport. We missed the turn to take us around the center of the city, and so got stuck in so much traffic! Ok sidenote- in Mexico when you are on a highway heading for one city and you have to go thru another....you don't really "bypass" it...you still go thru it, just maybe not thru the center, but it's still a city so congested, trafficky...and we get lost all the time! I mean there will be signs and then all of a sudden- no signs! For miles, and then maybe it's some weird little turn of some small road....we've gotten lost big time in Guadalajara twice! Ok so we trudge thru the city, dark, loud, so many cars! And then...we have to go on this road that goes along the cliffs that is always slow going anyway, but at that time of day it was horrid! Well our clutch over heated! We were not the only ones, either. By the time we hit the top we couldn't get out of second gear. Terrible end to what started out as a really nice- but long- day. Well we found a motel, and it had a really nice pool with plants all around it, low lighting, and nobody in it- right outside our room. Ah ha so things went back to lookin' pretty good! I think I floated around in that little pool for at least 2 hours. Everardo came in for a few minutes and then went off to find us some food. We ate and fell into bed.

Next morning we left for Playa Ventura, got there in the afternoon after a small detour where we found out a bridge had been washed out...but I think I'll save this story for tomorrow.....Viva!