I can't believe...it rained last nite! This is the place where it's only supposed to rain 2 inches- or less- per year, and it's during the summer! This is the 3rd or 4th time it's rained. Ok ok it was during the nite, and at first I thought I dreamed it, Everardo waking me up saying do you hear the rain (of course the correct answer should have been NO cause I was sleeping!) but  I only said oh, yep I hear it and went back to sleep. Then this morning I told him about my dream and he laughed- oh- not a dream. And it hasn't rained all day, and it's not cold outside but the air has that feeling to it like it might rain, or that the air is actually full of raindrops that might explode into raindrops at any minute, so I don't know if it will rain again or not....Although when I was at the community center today talking to Karen (the director), she said this was unusual, that it really doesn't rain much here, I told her I think we brought the rain up here with us from Guerrero ha ha.

 The community center; I went today and it was great! Now that I have a car I can go Tue & Thurs. I wanted to talk to Karen before I did the class, and I'm so glad I did. It's funny, she said what days/times would work for me! I said I am available whatever days & times they want since I have a car. I asked if teaching English was the best thing for the kids. Because I wanted to be sure this was not about my ego, but about them. I could do whatever needed doing out there...ok well except for....cooking, sewing, any artsy craftsy stuff, toilet cleaning...ok ok I guess I could clean a toilets if I really had to....ha ha..-actually there is also a business side and next Friday I'm going down there to help make an inventory spreadsheet to catalog the items the women make out there, and be able to account for them as they get sold and the women receive the money for the items. But, they (Karen, Mark and Onida) all think teaching English is a good idea. That maybe for some, when they get older, to get jobs- in the resort areas, or the big box stores, etc. And this area has alot of English speakers Also, and to me maybe more important, they said that just coming and spending time with these kids matters. Maybe we do 15 minutes of English class and the rest of the time playing a game, or singing, or walking to the park with the swings and naming things in English. That I can just hang around and see what works, for everyone.

So today I had so much fun out there. I went out into the main area after talking to them, and there were 2 girls playing Monopoly so I sat down and pretty soon I was helping read the cards and figuring out rent, and buying the properties. It was really fun, and as it got closer to lunchtime more kids showed up. So then we started picking out things and saying the name in Spanish first and then English. As the kids started to scatter a couple of adults (I think a man & wife) were saying the words so I asked if they wanted to learn English and they said yes. So I gave them a couple of sheets I had; one with the days of the week, and one with "the 5 W's" You know- who, where, what, when, why, next to the Spanish words, telling them if they learn those 5 words, they can ask anything in English. So they had to go but want to come back when I'm here. After their lunch some kids asked for me so I sat back down and did the colors. Then my bag of 10 items to name. I started with 3 kids and then I had 7 kids and one adult. The we did eyes, ears, nose, mouth, butt, hair, head.....anyway we had fun. When I left, there were about 5 little girls outside and they all ran up to my car window, they all wanted to say goodbye, they all wanted hugs, then kisses. I remembered almost all their names.

I enjoyed it so much. But the important thing is that those kids had fun, and just mighta learned a little something..well maybe, but now I know they important thing is smiles and laughter. I like this community center; I like the way they are trying to help people to help themselves. You know, she even gives away dog food, but told me today she has decided she'll only give it if the person agrees to get their dogs fixed- male or female, and there's a free clinic right there- they do it on Saturdays. And helping people who are interested, in planting vege gardens in their yards. I think there's other stuff also going on cause I see different people there busy doing things..anyway I've now had a couple of talks with Karen and I like how she looks at things.

So Everardo and I both got home around 3pm and went back out. Sam was crazy jumping all over us when we got home- that dog is SO smart- he remembered that Poppi asked him early this morning if he wanted to go to the beach! So off to the beach we went and let Sam run like crazy after the ball for about 20 minutes. Then we took a drive and I saw where his friend Nicco lives, and the front of their house is a combination cyber cafe and little store, and met his wife. He wasn't home but Everardo bought a soda and we chatted with his wife. It's funny- I said I really liked Nicco, and then they kept talking- the conversation was in Spanish, but back in the truck he said he told her that I like him as a friend. I said- what? I'm standing with you, introduced as your wife and I say say I really like Nicco? What the hell else would I mean by that. But he said in Spanish that's just how it sounds and was the right thing for him to say...hmmmmm...some stuff escapes me!

Anyway then we were looking for this segunda (second hand store) I heard about on Freemont St. We found it and took a look; but it was pretty high end seconds; I don't want to pay $100US for a tiny table to put in the bathroom for my water pitcher & glass for morning teeth brushing....I was thinking more about 100 pesos (about $8US), but it was fun looking for it. While we were looking for the store,  we decided to buy tacos for dinner cause it was getting close to 5 and Everardo has a commitment for an AA meeting from 5-6:30. We stopped across the street from a taco place and I saw a hamburger place across the street the other way. So I mentioned it and Poppi asked if I wanted a burger....hmmm it had been months! I had a burger in Houston back in Sept, and before that was June- at this place in Petaluma that has the best juicy cheeseburgers! We used to call ahead and order them then go pick them up to eat at home- oh Walnut Grill it's called. So, I said yes, but hoped it wasn't like the Sushi place we tried that was so awful all we could do was laugh...However!! Fantastic cheeseburgers and fries!! Yippee. I mean I don't crave cheeseburgers, but every once in a while, yeah one would be good. And this place is not too far from here. I just have to go up the street to the corner with the big church on one side, and a restaurant called Michoa Michoacan on the other, oh and of course a taco place, too, and turn left...go about 6 blocks and- it was called Star Burger. The thing about the taco stands, most of them don't open until after 6pm. But the long burros (long burritos- it's a certain style) are really good and they are always open all the time. And you can't get churros until after 6pm either....

Well it's Thursday and every day this week I have gotten up and worked out on my elliptical and the sit up thing, and I feel pretty good. With the 5pm meeting Poppi has, we've been eating dinner around 4pm, then maybe a snack later. So we'll see how that works- but it has to be better than eating a full dinner after 7pm. I've actually been going some nites with him to the meeting; I like this one, I like the air in there, just the feeling in the room. As for the shares, well some people talk slow enough for me to get some of it, but little by little I get more and more. And I share sometimes, too. Limited, halting, and now I know I need to look up some words I want to use, like choose, choices, willing, willingness, pain, gratitude, acceptance, awareness...words I want to use to share. The nice thing is people do understand my "limited shares" so that's nice. And Poppi wants me to go to other meetings with him too. He says he wants all the alcoholics around here to know me, I want to go, I just don't like to go too often cause most of the meetings are 8-9:30pm, and it takes me along time to wind down in the evening, so I like to be home around 8pm. Uh oh how OLD do I sound ha ha!! But I want to get up early to exercise before starting my day...oh well, hell, the truth is I have become someone who likes to be home in the evening. I can write in my blog, chat in FB or on the phone with my kids. And now that I have discovered Magic Jack I can start calling friends in the states since it's free. Anyway I think I hear him pulling up so...gotta go.

I almost forgot! This morning I was SO happy when I looked at my stats for this blog and saw that whomever was looking at my blog from Russia is back! The stats showed the most views are from the United States, then Mexico, then Russia...then with way less hits, other countries including China, Japan, Poland, Germany, England, and several others I can't think of. But right when we moved up here the Russia views stopped, so it's been almost 2 months. But you're back! Yipee. I would love comments from anybody; I've had a few, but my daughter says it's hard to do, so ...oh well...anyway I just wanted to comment myself cause I was so happy to Russia back on my views list!
Cheers!

Yesterday turned out pretty darn good. I got to FB chat with Drewy for about 2 hours while she was working- which is why chat not talk- and then right as I was about to turn off my computer I saw a chat from Halla asking me to call her. She was in the city (San Francisco) with her friends hanging out but wanted to chat with her momma. So I called using wonderful Magic Jack so it was free, for about an hour. We talked about her friend who she's been trying to help get clean & sober, but admitting that she can't- that her friend has to chose it for herself. No matter how hard Halla tries, if her friend doesn't really really want it. not gonna happen. Halla promised me to go to some Alanon meetings, and also told me she really likes the AA meetings so I said well then keep going. She said she like that these people know how she feels- yep sweety- that's why it works. My Drewy needs a new job, she has been miserable at this one for more than a year. Funny but for me one nice thing is we can do this chat in the evening since she works 6pm-6am. But now that I wrote it- I realize if she had a different job that she felt better about, we would find another time to talk/chat, and she would be happier.

This morning Poppi took my car and got the new license plates. Unfortunately it cost more than 3000 pesos ($240 usd), but it takes what it takes. Actually after I finish this, I think I'll take my new ride for a little cruise. I'm not going out to the center today; now that I have a car I'm gonna try Tues-Thurs out there for teaching the kids. Karen (the director) and I will try to figure out what works, like age, or fluency, and then advertise the classes. Of course by advertise I mean, telling people at the center, not a newspaper ad ha ha.

I'm feeling really positive here. I'm sure it also has to do with trying to get into an exercise regime, cause exercising gets those endorphins moving, but also I have been working on my acceptance issues. That I cannot change people, that I can accept myself, work on myself, and be true to myself, but I cannot change anyone else, nor should I have judgements about where others are on their own paths. In the last couple of years I have changed. Especially the last year, including my isolation time in Playa Ventura. I am more comfortable in who I am and that I know I will always be ok. No matter what. In 2009 and the first part of 2010 I was so full of fear; that's when I had breast cancer, that's when despite what the doctors said, I thought I was gonna die. I made so any bad decisions. The worst of all being remarrying my ex. He is a wonderful man, but not the right man for me. Duh, that's why we got divorced. But in my fear, I accepted his help, and said yes when he asked me to marry him again. A few months later, I recovered. I mean, after treatment- chemo & radiation- I went to this boot camp in Utah and pushed myself to my limits, to beyond my limits...I started to believe I would be ok. Anyway I had stayed close to my AA program, and went to a support group for cancer survivors and started to believe. Well, I had remarried my ex out of selfish fear. So of course, it didn;t work. Hmmm shortest marriage ever- married in April and divorced in June. Then I got to deal with guilt & shame..good times....NOT. My kids were also disappointed, angry, with me. It took a lot longer for Halla to forgive me, but I think we are good now. Drew and I have been super close for a long time, and it just gets better with her.

I met Everardo when I was still married and he was also in a relationship. We were friends and always saw each other in a group (we're both in recovery so it was mainly at meetings). But he told me he saw me when I was bald, in chemo, and he liked what I had to say in meetings, but he could never get close to even chat cause I had my posse of women around me all the time ha ha. Both of our relationships tanked around the same time. I had hair again (ha ha) and had been out of treatment for 6 months or more. We had coffee at the Alano club and went to a couple of meetings together, both if us a little skittish after our respective break ups. After a couple of months we we went out to lunch...pretty safe right? Then a drive out to the coast...and in Sept, moved in together. A year later we were married, and a year after that, moved to Mexico, and here we are. This summer we will celebrate 3 years of marriage 4 of being together. But it took awhile for Halla to warm up to Everardo, I think cause she was still mad at me. But she was always polite and I liked that. Poppi was amazing; he always told me, let her be; she doesn't have to like me, she can decide for herself. She wants, she needs to be loyal to her father, and has to figure out for herself that she can have all of us in her life. My ex got married about a month after me, he married a woman from Jordan, a Palestinian like him. She even grew up in Kuwait like he did. I ope they will be very happy. It took a year after they got married to get her to the states. Hmmm maybe seeing her dad happy, seeing him get a new wife, maybe that helped Halla. I mean, she came to our wedding, and has been great with Everardo, but it took awhile. Last nite when she hung up, she said, tell Everardo I love him momma. I cried when I got off the phone.

After the girls went home after their visit here,  I was talking to Drewy on the phone, and she was crying cause she was so happy that Halla and I found each other again. She told me that Halla keeps it all inside, she doesn't share here feelings easily. Ooh another ah ha moment- yep this is why I write this diary..to get these moments. Maybe I read it wrong, all that time I thought Halla didn't forgive me, that somehow she blamed Everardo - maybe she just didn't express her feelings. I mean, she really opened up with me in such an honest way, her deepest feelings and fears. She told me things I won't share here since some of my family and friends read this, and Halla needs to share when and/or if she chooses, not me. I am so blessed, so grateful for her trust, I don't want to ever blow it. Anyway  I asked her if she shared with her dad, her sister, her best friends- but the answer was no. I was surprised, and encourage her to share with her sister, after all they are very close. Last nite Drewy told me that she keeps alot in, but she does share with her boyfriend, and I'm grateful for that. Well, maybe that's why Halla liked the AA meetings so much. She hears people sharing their innermost feelings; that she's not unique or weird with the way she thinks....hmmm maybe this is part of why I feel changed, that I am witnessing, no- I am a part of, my daughters growth. I am SO grateful for the relationships I have with them!

Well here's to having another great day! The sun is out, I love my family, yep- life is good. Viva!

A massage using only machines? yuck, did I say YUCK? Thank goodness it was only15000 pesos, (a little less than $13USD). We were coming home last nite after a great Spanish meeting (aa) and we saw this ittle place that had been saying massage, as low as 50 pesos had opened. So we stopped in, and the guy said $150 pesos so I came back a few minutes later in sweats all ready for a massage- which I have been wanting basically since we moved to Mexico. Cause I love a massage...ok I love a good massage. So this guy had me lay on my stomach and he used a series of "machine"s to massage my feet and legs. Basically vibrators like balls, and then a longer rotating one..Not hard enough or deep enough or even...I don't know, it was so clinical, like ooh whatch out don't actually touch my skin, oh and I kept all my clothes on so it was thru sweats. He said it was this new style of massage.Ad did I like it? I replied, well I have never had a massage with only machines and I like a deep tissue massage, so it wasn't my favorite. But good luck with it!

There was even  this little thing like a cap for your head, but it was these little spines that was supposed to be like fingers massaging your head? Why not simply use your fingers? I think a massage has to do with a person touching you, finding those spots that need a knot worked out in muscle, an air bubble pushed thru, etc. A masseuse (spelling?) a person who give massage can feel your tension, feel the places that give you trouble, or pain. This is what I was looking for. I had a place I went to back in Petaluma that I loved; they did a foot massage first, then the whole body. When I used to work in Thailand- I would go for a week at a time, I got used to Thai massage and loved it. I would get an hour of them separating my muscles from my bones ha ha and then a second hour of a softer massage putting me back together. After that back to my hotel for a hot shower and lobg nap. Oooh I miss that. Of course in Thailand all that was about $20USD, in the states a bit more eh? My ex-husband is a massage guy, and I have had a couple of massages from him and they were awesome. He had a partner who didn't work out too great as a partner, but gave a great massage.

Anyway I know there are great massages in Mexico, right here in Puerto Penasco and I will find them. Yesterday I got my nails done and the young lady spoke no English so we had a nice 2 hours trying to chat and she told me she knew soeone who did massage at the beach but will also come to your house and she thinks it's about $20US. She's gonna stop by when she finds the number; it's a client of hers- she also does hair. She's very convienent cause she is right arund the corner from here about half a block. So yesterday was a pretty nice day- nails, massage (ok yuck), a great meeting, went to the art fair at the Shrimp Park and visited with my friend Anda and her hubby, and...drove my new car around with Sam in the back seat!

Yep- got a car for me. Ok not new of course, a 99 Toyota Corolla, kinda grey in color, and pretty eat up , an "under the radar" car which is exactly what I wanted. Tomorrow we'll get the license plates; it's different here; the car has Sonora plates but when the seller goes to the DMV, they DMV takes the plates and then when we go to the DMV we are issued new ones. Maybe the same ones but Popi thinks they will be new ones...but we have 15 days to do it so we can drive it this weekend. We have to keep the paperwork with us to show we have the 15 days, but that's it. So today, in a few minutes, we'll take Sam and head for the beach- but actually I hope we take the truck for this since he will for sure go swimming. Hmmm I hope we go eat some tacos first, for breakfast, at a stand- the one we took the girls to last week- I love their tacos!Well maybe more later but Everardo is itchin' to get going so guess I better get a move on!

It's warmer today! I think the forecast was an actual forecast, and not based on past...but the sun is going down and it's cold in the house. Well it was cold in the house all day; I'm sure we will be happy about that once the weather gets really warm. So I went out to the community center today to do my English class thing, and after lunch, to help them use up their energy, Anda and I took a bunch of kids to the park down the street. Ha ha, it was about 15 kids...oh wait there's more! Crap we ended up with about 37 kids- I say 3 cause I tried 3 times to count them but they are squirmey and impossible to count! So we take off down this road, turn 2 corners and we end up at this park with swings and slides. They are screaming and playing, but man some of these kids can't be 3 years old. I mean tottering around, and some maybe 10 or 11, and the rest all in between. A guy walked by with this huge pitbull and when I noticed, 3 or 4 kids were already over there. Now the guy said the dog was nice, but what if he wasn't? And those kids had just run over there. Then more kids were making a beeline for the dog and I stopped everyone. Hey! You don't know this dog! And you know, even if he's really nice, a bunch of little kids would make any dog nervous. But the only concerned person was me....
So when it was time to go back, a bunch of little boys had no intention of complying with order to line up. They were not gonna leave the slide, one of those plastic tubes..most of them were standing around Anda, but I was getting frustrated- I was kind of uncomfortable being in charge of 37 kids who I could barely communicate with- and I yelled at them- told them in Spanish that no more park if they don't listen...ha ha walking back I had a toddler on my shoulders and holding hands with a couple of others...Then we go back, and I only have 4 kids plus 2 really little ones for class...at first I thought- ooops I guess I was a little hard (mean), but then I saw what they were doing, string beads on colored string or wires, making bracelets and necklaces...I can't compete with that! That's ok, I'll just keep plugging away.

I counted over 40 kids before the meal was served and maybe half that many adults. What I noticed was that more come in while they're eating. I believe there are at least 2 other places that feed people 5 days a week around here, one place is called Two Fish, the other might be the VG- Villa Granada that my friend Conrad is restoring. These people are really struggling, and it's so cold that there has been no school all week cause the classrooms are just too cold out there. That's why there were so many kids at one time anyway. I also hear a little more about the sewing project they are trying to get going. There's a woman in San Diego that sell clothes/things made from recycled materials. For the clothes I think she gets the stuff factories throw away. Then she sends the stuff to Tiajuana for these woman to make into things, they send it back to her and she sells it on her website, mostly to environmentalists. The women who make it receive payment. So she is willing to send materials for sewing here to this center. They will sew aprons, and I'm not sure what else, from these pieces of material, squares, end pieces, seconds, etc. When it is sold, they get paid. This gets these women busy, and making money for themselves, and it's using recycled materials.I saw a couple of women today talking about the aprons and coming up with different ideas. It was pretty cool. The director of the center submitted a proposal for the funds to buy some sewing machines. This is where the church stuff comes in- but in a pretty cool way- these people in the states raise this money to support the center. You know, activities, art shows, auctions, bake sales, whatever people do to raise money- but it's people raising the money and apparently they do pretty damn good. The other proposal she just submitted was for a computer lab for the kids, and she thinks she'll get the money for both in the next 3-4 months! Pretty impressive. I hope to be a part of it.

On other fronts, looked at another car yesterday. The guy who owned was a federale, and when he motioned for me to get in the car, I leaned in and there was this big (ok to me- HUGE) black asssault rife in between the seats, i said...oooh maybe not...he laughed- ooops and took it out. But Poppi took the car for a ride and there was a noise/shake...and I could hear the squeaky brakes, and then a couple of cosmetic things I didn't like....like the part on the door where the electric window, door lock, etc is, well the cover was missing altho they said they had it...but no thanx....too many little things. So we continue to look. I just want a little beater to drive around town, it's hard not to have a car. But the truth is we continue to bleed money....We spent alot moving up here and moving in, ten Christmas (my elliptical), then this month has been a couple of things we still needed- a vacuum, and we had the kids for a few days, really the main expense of that was gas going back and forth to Phoenix twice..
So now a car, then either Feb or March  Everardo will probly go to Playa Ventura, then will I have to pay income tax? I'm gonna go to Petaluma, and oh boy in April we have property tax again (about $2800)...soooo. Well Poppi got a permit to sell stuff on the beach or any tourist area and he has some plans, and I hope I hope I hope that we sell the Playa Ventura house soon. But we are ok. We are happy. My kids can come down anytime since we are so much closer. A couple of friends have said the same thing. We are both getting involved in things and we are enjoying ourselves. So- it's all GOOD!!

Ok I am officially freezing!! I read on FB from a friend who lives here it was 30 degrees this morning. arrgghh! However, I went on a weather website and was VERY happy to see in the 10 day forecast a change starting tomorrow! I hope it's an actual forecast and not based on previous years! Today it said the high would be 51 degrees. But tomorrow it shows 62, then 69, 69, 71, 70!! Yippee if it's true! Even tomorrow 10 degrees warmer. But I wonder if the number includes the wind? Cause the wind is what is killing us. And today- it's windy. But ooh 10 degrees warmer, pls bring manana. I actually got up and exercised today and that felt good. I started on Jan 1, then did nothing after last Tuesday when the girls were here. They left Sat, but Sun and Monday I just couldn't get up ha ha. So this morning- back to it! Felt good, and the hot shower even better. Now it's cold again. I wanted to sit in the sun and read, but I think it would have to be next to the window ha ha cause the wind seems to be picking up.

I'm thinking about the community center, and wish we could find me a car cause I think I might want to be there more than 2 hours Mon & Wed. If I had my own car I could go Tue-Thurs like Karen wanted in the beginning, but also for a morning and afternoon class. In between I can listen/watch what's going on and see where I can contribute. I have good business sense, I think I'm good with people, I'm sure there's something...

We saw another car yesterday on the side of the road, after the one we saw on Fri or Sat. It was a little smaller and a little cheaper, altho the other one is good, too. So Everardo was supposed to call the guy back around 3:30 after the center, but then the guy was showing someone else the car. He said he'd call us either way so we'd know, but he never called back. So the car is probly gone- but I don't want to call him back, at least for a couple of days or we will appear to eager and lose any bargaining edge...there are tons of cars for sale around here, but we specifically want one with Sonora plates, and the right ones- there are these plates that allow you only to drive the car in this area and maybe up to Sonyta (sono-ee-ta) That's where the border is, about a hour north, maybe a little more. So don't want those plates. Also don't want a truck- lots of those for sale- or anything too new, so the search continues.

Puerto Penasco has about 57 thousand people, I read that statistic but not sure how current it is. That's close to the town we came from in Calif (Petaluma), but there seems to be more here; it's really spread out. I read the average temp year round is 82 degrees, with highs as high as 122 in the summer! But average is simply average, so as I now know, it can get really cold here. Before the 1990's this place was mainly attractive to fisherman, and Arizona college kids, cause of the 18 yr old drinking age. But in the 90's something changed and the hotels and beachfront condos started to appear. The place grew and grew, became a huge resort area. My husband lived here around 2006 (I think) right before the economic crash in the states, and he worked the banana boats, and said the beach was packed from March/April until Nov. He said everybody made money. He is very social and friendly- ha ha I bet he raked it in! Anyway when the houseing market crashed, so did the construction here in Puerto Penasco. There are still condos and hotels that are only partially finished.
I haven't experienced "the season" yet, I'm looking forward to it; but ha ha- mostly cause that means better (warmer) weather. It's an interesting mix, mostly Americans and Mexicans, but others as well, Chinese, French, British, Canadians, etc. And it's funny I guess you can live here and barely interact with the local Mexican people; live in a gated community, or at the beach condos- I say this because I've heard some people talking, not knowing about some things that I already know, after living here a month ha ha. Ah well, to each his own. Is this place different that Playa Ventura? Yes. But some parts of this place are exactly the same. And when we are with Poppi's friends, his Mexican friends that is, it feels just the same. The same traditions, cultural attitudes, the open caring way people are with their families, yeah, the same. So it seems, at least at this early stage, that I can move between cultures here, hey that's a good thing. My Spanish is getting better, and hopefully working with the kids and others at the center will help improve it even more, and....I am very happy going to English speaking AA meetings where I can be myself without struggling to express myself.

Well today we are going to figure out where to pay the water bill. We're not sure why we haven't gotten the electricity bill- hmm probly writing this will make it appear, and we haven't gotten the telephone bill either. Don't really use the landline, but the internet- YES. Yeah found out there's a free app on my IPhone for magic jack so I can talk to the states for free!! So cool! Requires internet, but hey I have that, too! Well better get going...and oh- gonna try to figure out how to add photos to this blog...

Monday- back to reality. Of course my reality changes as I change, as a person, my location, as a result of outside forces....today I went back out to the Community Center after the meeting. Everardo went with me and we followed Rich and Julian out there. Julian lives out there, and ur friends Rich and Anda go out there Mon Wed Fri every week, but Anda emailed me this morning to say she was sick. Everardo went out there and talked to Karen the director about starting a men's AA meeting out there. She thinks it's really needed out there, and I heard then atlking about a group of guys that were sitting at one of the tables waiting to eat; she told him some of them were trying to quit drinking but....so anyway they tallked abd he's going to see if he can get a couple of guys he knows to come out there with him to get something going.

A store sorta nearby the center that I think sells only vegetables and meat, and they just said they would donate all the veges that are still good but don't sell. So we stopped there on the way and picked up almost a whole garbage can (a tall clean can) of veges. And the pick up is 2 or 3 days a week. So that is pretty cool. We waked in and the place was full of people, not sure how many, maybe 100? A lot of them were kids. After the meal we announced English class, and first just a few kids; then a ton of kids, then thinnned back down to I think, 11 kids who were paying attention, and maybe 4-5 who were really little and just sort of there It was less chaotic than last week, and I was less worried about it going just so. I made color flash cards yesterday so I started with those and then we also did days of the week. Oh wait- before days of the week I brought out the bag with 10 items and we named them. With the colors, some of them, and at least one kid knew every color, like maybe only one knew orange and another knew brown- oh the only color nobody knew was purple. So we identified objects, did colors and days of the week. But I told them whoever could tell me the names of the objects in the bag, in English, on Wednesday, would get a dulce (candy). Everybody was listening to that. But we didn't even go for an hour...they couldn't sit still, and a couple yelled but everything, while another couple of kids spoke so softly I couldn't hear them, so I just decided to have a little fun and we'll see who comes back on Wednesday. Trying to remember for myself- no pressure.

It felt good though, the time flew by. I think I would like to become more involved there. I can ignore the "churchy" stuff cause there's alot more than that going on. I just want to be of service. I am so fortunate, so lucky in my life, and so incredibly grateful for my life. After this weekend, having my daughters here, a joy I was missing has been restored. I feel like I'm in the right place for me right now. In Playa Ventura, of course there were many ways I could have gotten involved once the kids didn't want to come anymore- after school started- or hey, maybe not. I mean people were simply going about their daily lives there, and there were no community services or organizations helping anyone- they were all in need so some extent or another. Ha ha I am still trying to justify myself in the decision first to go live out my life there ha ha- without trying it on for a while, then feeling like a failure when I had to admit I wasn't happy there. But just writing it here, I see that it's not a question of sucess or failure, altho' it's definitely  a case of me jumping head first into something without giving it a try first (ha ha that's SO me). I read on expat forums how you should rent somewhere first to try it on for size...well I guess my original intention was vacation spot, and it's good for that, anyway, it ok for me to make a different choice. Lots of lessons there. We rent now ha ha. I find that a solitary life is not for me. I think even speaking the language Playa Ventura was too isolated for me, not enough people for it to be more dynamic. I had the opportunity to work on my spirituality; a lot of alone time invites that- or I would have simply gone nuts...but I need people around me, I need options, and I need hot water! Ok maybe not need, but WANT in a big way.

So now I am here and I feel good. Happy. My kids are close. They liked it here and want to come back. We like our little house, it starting to feel like home. We're gonna approach the landlord soon again about paint- I think it will change the house completely...it always does. I was thinking this morning as I looked around our bedroom, that I have my necklaces hanging around, literally ha ha- some on a little necklace stand, some hanging off these little shelves, and some on the curtain rod (which is merely a piece of bamboo), but the point is, in Playa Ventura I never set anything out, I mean  kept my good stuff hidden, but I have lots of just costume jewlery, cheap stuff that, well is also me, but I never put it out, finding little places to hang it like I did here. Well and the whole thing about having to go outside and across the patio to the kitchen- now that's a vacation house thing right? Of course I am freezing! I'm wearing a sweatshirt in the house, and down there I simply wore sweat ha ha.

I'm learning more about this area, apparently this is on the path for those moving northwards. Mexican, Hondurans, Salvadorians, many many people walking north thru here. The other day Poppi came in and took the tortillas we had, some ham, some cheese and some nuts ad gave them to some guys he saw traveling, and they were asking for money for food. I talked to a couple of people today who told me I will always see people moving thru here, many have come up on the trains... It's hard sometimes, but I will come to know how best I can contribute in this place...




 

Well our visit was a huge success! The kids have gone home and I miss them so much already. We went to the beach once on high tide and watched Sam splash after the ball, and took lots of pictures. Then we went back to the beach another day when it was low tide and walked along the tide pools picking up amazing shells. Too bad every day was freezing, and the nites, even colder! In fact the news said this was going to be the coldest temps recorded here in 100 years! ha ha only us! From unbearable heat to unbearable cold....But you know what? I don't care! I saw my daughters and now I am ok. Ok with everything. Life is good, how it should be. I am going to figure out how I can see them often, them visiting us and us going up there. Everardo was so happy they were here. He wants them to come back and told them we don't care if they want to go out and get drunk (we don't drink anymore); we have this crazy "secret" room at the far end of the house, next to the street and he told them he'd fix it up for them, they could come and go. They can bring their friends down here.

They were both happy to be here. They both really liked it here, and  was so happy! It's cold and kinda dirty here, our road is sand, not too many people here, kinda quiet. But they liked it and want to ome back. Of course....they found spring break videos on Utube from last year and thought that was very cool. The drinking age is 18, so Halla bought a 6 pack of Tecate at the store, and ordered a margarita at a restaurant. We went to this place called El Capitan for nachos and drinks; it was on a hill overlooking the water, it was a great view (that's where Halla had the margarita), and then out in the parking lot when we were getting in the truck, these Mariachi guys walked up to us and started playing! They played 3 songs, and we loved it. Halla went over and hugged Everardo.

He had gone over the the guys when they were getting out of their van and asked them to play for us. He is SUCH a cool guy! One of the songs Halla really liked, and for some reason both Drewy and I teared up. It was just a perfect day. We started by going to an AA meeting- me and the girls, they aren't in the program but wanted to come with me, and I was happy to introduce them to my friends. Then we went home for breakfast, yummy made by Poppi, and then us girls went down to the malecon to shop, to look for the things we spotted the day before when we were all down there. Everardo had been with us the first day, and at first we wanted him to do the negotiating for the stuff, but after talking to one vendor, he said he didn't feel right cause they would lower the price for them, but then they wouldn't make anything- and these guys were struggling. At this time of year there are no tourists, and the prices were already pretty low. So we went back the next day without Poppi and fended for ourselves. Ha ha the vendors remembered us, one was even calling "Drew Drew", and offering us free tequila shots, trying to get us into their stores....I hate doing that in the places where they hover over you, but a couple of places were not like that at all. One guy the first day asked if I was their grandma! I said ok let's go! ha ha he started apologizing...and he remembered us the next day too.

We had sauteed shrimp & veges one nite, then the next we were going to go to a taco stand cause the girls wanted to do that, but the nachos at El Capitan were so filling (yes great recommendation) that we went home stuffed. However later that nite we decided we had room for pumpkin pie and ice cream- the pie I got in Phoenix before we gt to the airport, so we got stuffed again. But Saturday morning we went to a taco stand for breakfast to make up for it. It's a place Poppi and I found last week, they have great tacos, not too greasy. They actually give them to you with 2 tortillas, then wrapped in paper like a cone. I usually take off one tortilla, but then it gets a little messier ha ha.

We went on Thursday over to Anda & Rich's to see the sunset, have a coffee and cookies, and let them see the ritzy neighborhood. And and Rich live i a condo over the garage of this amazing house and it's right on the beach. Different than us on the bech though; cause the water has no waves, no crashing sounds, it's quiet and peaceful. There were cranes (or herons not sure which), and pelicans of course, it's a really nice spot. Playa Ventura was very peaceful, but the waves made it more, ...well dynamic I guess. After a while you stop noticing that it's loud ALL the time, except at nite you still heard it. I LOVE the quiet here. And I know it's quiet out at their place, but you still have the problems with the salt on everything ha ha. Anyway, I wanted to show them all the sides here; we drove around their neighborhood looking at all these fantastic houses, and then on Saturday afternoon we drove thru the not so great neighborhoods, the area where people are really struggling. Houses made of cardboard, random pieces of wood, and lots of them had the sky tv dishes- looked kinda weird. But I wanted them to get a complete picture of the area. We saw the hotels, the condos by the beach, the tiny box houses in a row that the gov't built, the gated communities, and our neighborhoods. We are sort of in the middle, status wise and location wise, our area is called el centro. And we live with Mexicans, with locals. The condos and gated communities are mostly Americans, the hotels and some condos are tourists, and the dilapidated areas and gov't houses are mostly Mexican. I guess we travel in all the circles.

So we had a great visit. Then Pam, my wonderful friend who loves loves loves to drive, drove us all back up to Phoenix. We stopped in a Starbucks for a coffee and a snack, then on to the airport. We ried a little...and then they were goen.

I got to talk to them together and one on one. Drewy and I are already so close, I love our relationship. Halla and I have finally gotten to that place! On this visit! She opened up to me about her most private thoughts and feelings. She trusts me and loves me. I love her so much. We found each other and I am sooooooo happy. We will never lose each other again. I know, she was a teenager, and it happens between moms and daughters, but then later we become closer than any other bond. I am so proud of both my babies. They are so strong, so beautiful inside and out, if they were someone else's. I'd be envious! I told them wow, what if I hadn't been a drunk- you might be astro physicists or something- they laughed, & Halla said yeah and I wouldn't have any friends! They are happy just the way they are.

I wasn't a falling down drunk, unaware of their existence, I always packed their lunches, washed their clothes, checked their homework, but in my heart of hearts I know that I drank alot, and in my selfishness, I missed alot. I was at every school event, and proud, but was I 100% there? I always say I thank God nothing ever happened in the middle of the nite when my sleep was actually drunk passed out. And thank God for my ex husband who was aware, who was not sleeping drunk. Well it is what it is. It's part of the reason I go to lots of AA meetings even though I haven't had a drink in almost 12 years. (next month) If there's a new person, a young woman, maybe with kids or planning to, I can share my experience and maybe help them to choose a different lifestyle for themselves. Maybe someone who is just like me, and needs to know they are not alone, that hating yourself for your bad choices like drinking too much, helps no one, especially not yourself, or your kids. We have to find hope. I am SO lucky I never hurt anyone, physically I mean, with my drunk driving or drunk actions. Of course I hurt people mentally, my now ex husband, mu kids, friends, family, etc. We are a tidal wave crashing thru urloved ones lives, thru anyone's life we touch, bosses, coworkers, strangers in the store, etc. So it's a miracle and I am so grateful for my children and how wonderful they are. I almost said, in spite of me. But that's not true. I did some things good. And they certainly inherited my sarcasm, my sense of humor, and yes, my stubborn streak haha. Their beauty comes from their beautiful spirits, and I am excited to see what comes next for them.

So now we are just us again, Poppi, me, and Sam. Sam slept on the bed with Drew, then with Halla, he loves his sisters. I stayed home all day today, in my pajamas, reading, looking at the pictures we took while they were here, watching movies. For dinner we had beans and shrimp- it was so yummy. We had purchased comforters for the girls; Halla's had a tiger on it and Drew's a peacock. They wanted to take them home, but after shopping, much shopping, their suitcases were full and so were their arms, so the blankets stayed here. This morning I put the peacock comforter on my bed, and it looks really nice, brightens up the room.

I miss them so much already, on the way home from the airport Pam let me talk and talk about them...but we will see the again soon.....viva!