Well not too much has changed, hmm maybe everything has changed. I did talk to my doctor, I feel like I understand how all this came to pass, and I'm comfortable with my decision to go up to northen Calif to have this procedure done.

I did find out I could do it here, and send the results up there. Yep, it would be cheaper. And if I had any kind of track record with the doctors here, maybe I would. Ok maybe that's a lie. It all has to do with the fear. If it was anything but cancer, I'd be having it checked here. I do believe there is good health care in Mexico. And it's SO affordable. A mammogram is 500 pesos, same for a sonogram. If I was in an accident or had some other illness, I'd be taking care of it here. But it's not. It's cancer (hopefully not), and I want to go to the people who know me. I told Everardo if I was in Calif I wouldn't want to go to any other hospital but Kaiser, cause that's who I went thru all this with before. And at first they said everything was fine, then somebody said...hmmm..wait- let's send this off to UCSF and check. So they want me to do this.

So I spent the money on a ticket. I'll probly end up paying off my deductible for the year, so crap, anything else I want looked at before year end ha ha??

But I am not letting this consume me. I have students for English. I am keeping my commitment to myself to work with Rosetta Stone for Spanish at least one hour every day, and I'm also going to Zumba every evening.

Zumba is kicking my ass. I push every nite to work harder. I feel so much better. And now that it's consistent, there are at least 15 people there every nite and usually more than that. I am still the only American, or at least the only English speaker, but I speak Spanish with the ladies working out around me. We're hot, we're tired, arms hurt or legs hurt, there's a couple of songs, which afterwards, I am not the only one with my head down and hands on my knees ha ha. Lots of kids are there, too. Everybody in Mexico (seems like anyway) has alot of kids, so when you come down to the park to exercise, the kids are in tow, with either parent. I always see kids with the guys on the track or over on the workout stations where the bars are. So during Zumba there's always kids running around, or trying to follow the dances ha ha. They stand next to their moms and swing their arms and jump around. I like it- well most of the time, I almost fell over a kid on a bike yesterday, and today a soccer ball appeared in the middle of everyone. So life goes on around it. The women who come are all ages, shapes and sizes. There's this one, she looks pretty young, but of course has at least 2 kids that I could identify as hers, anyway she dresses in bright pink and green, in these crazy getups, I tiny pair of green shorts stretched over pink leggings...a pink headband and some very tight fitting pink top. Yeah nobody here worries about hiding their fat...it's true. Women wear all kinds of stuff, not just at zumba and they strut their stuff. They are so confident, that they look good. Me- I gotta put a teeshirt over that stuff. But I love the freedom here, to do zumba in the park (and it's free- gotta love that), to dress the way that makes you feel good.

And everybody is nice to me. The teacher is always calling me by name- some song today- after she yelled "Es para Teresa!" (It's for Teresa)....It's 5 nites a week and we both go. Everardo alternates running for an hour and doing the workout stuff- sit ups, pull ups, etc. When we get home, we grab our spoiled doggys and take them for a drive, just 15-20 minutes. Sometimes out to the beach and a quick walk out so they can poop and Sam can run a little, but sometimes just a drive and he hangs his big head out the window and smells everything. It's a nice ritual.

Today English class was great after having a not great day out there yesterday. I had 4 students today who are long term- being coming for months, and then 4 new people. Thurs (today is not a new people day, but I encourage them to come to listen, maybe pick up something- but it's not required). But my 4 students- they were awesome!! They had to tell me in English what they do during the day, for at least 3 days, so we worked on sentences. Then they had to tell me about each other's days, so verbs and pronouns had to change. I saw this one lady look...and then she yelled- Maestra! (that's me- teacher)...and she got the connection! I was so happy! Happier than her I think ha ha! So we did them all, and then another woman asked what if we want to put the person's name first? Cause all the sentences started with..."On Monday I ....." so we worked thru on of those and she got that the action stayed with the name, and then the rest....well anyway it was REALLY fun because the students were excited and figuring things out with each other and then presenting them to me. So cool. I have a couple other students in that category, and actually Tues I started with just one guy, Francisco who speaks a little English, and so I had him tell me about his job in English.

Which turns out to be 2 jobs! This guy drives a water truck from 7am to 3pm, and a taxi from 4pm until 3 in the morning! We talked about the water truck- the kind that carry the big garrafons - the big plastic jugs- and they sell them in the neighborhoods. We just take ours to the Oxxo down the street and it's a few pesos cheaper. But they drive by my open bedroom window every morning no later than 8:30, honking their horn the entire time so you know they're out there. I asked him if he did that- he laughed and said oh no! I play music! Anyway this guy sleeps from 3am to 6am when he wakes up and starts again. He has a wife and 2 little kids. He only has Sunday off. I love this guy, he has the best attitude, always laughing and keeps the class lively- is very good natured so I can pick on him in a funny way and everyone has fun. He mostly only comes on Tuesdays when he takes a break- if he's not too busy. But he's very motivated to learn and so he is learning alot.

People get paid next to nothing here, and so they do what they need to to survive. Luckily things are cheap, medical care, rent, food is a little cheaper than the US, but you gotta go to the Mexican stores, not Sam's Club or Aurrera Bodega- which is owned by Walmart, and we're finding the best places for different things. Everardo just found a better place for meat today, and has to show me where it is. We're trying not to eat too much meat, but gotta have some, ya know? Tonite we had some breaded beef, kinda like chicken fried steak, and it was really good! He also bought some marinaded pork which we'll try probly tomorrow...hmmm 2 nites in a row- ok splurge!

So tomorrow he's working with a guy who called tonite to ask him to help with some construction and maybe he said insulation...tomorrow and Saturday, so I guess after Spanish I'll take the kids (oops I mean dogs) to the park. But no English class tomorrow so I can lay in the grass in the park and read...ahh sounds nice doesn't it?

Ok fun fact about Mexico:
Mexico City is built over the ruins of a great Aztec city, Tenochtitlán. Because it is built on a lake, Mexico is sinking at a rate of 6 to 8 inches a year as pumps draw water out for the city’s growing population.

In limbo

I still don't know anything. My doctor doesn't come in on Monday. I called and asked for a phone appt, but they said nothing available until Thursday! I was awful and yelled at the poor receptionist- but she had already asked me what was the reason I wanted the appt and I told her, that it was about a cancer check! That I had been left an email msg late Friday nite and got to worry all weekend. No- not waiting until Thurs. You know how this stuff goes. I can try calling tomorrow morning at 9am. She'll send him a msg. I kept asking for a number to call him and she kept insisting she needed my number, even tho I said I was calling from Mexico. Ok I give. I gave her my number and...silence...then- oh I don't think he can call this number. Ha ha.

However I made the appt for Aug 6. Tonite I bought an airline ticket. Instead of $275 it was $375 cause it's in so close. But once I knew it was about cancer...well my fear set in and the money lost it's important standing in my life ha ha. Actually Everardo took me to a clinic where they said they do this procesudre, and it's 500 pesos (so about $50). However they do not- they do mammograms and sonograms, and they are 500 pesos- such a good deal here. So he talked to this doctor we know and he gave him a card for an obgyn...we called but can't get in to see him until early Aug, So- that's when we decided I'll just go up there and have it done. I still need to talk to the doctor and hopefully I can do that tomorrow. I did email him, but since he's not in, he hasn't read them yet.

I'm going up for one week; I'll get there Sunday nite and the procedure is Tuesday. Then leave the following Monday. I'm only telling Drew that I'm coming. Well I also wrote to my old AA sponsor, Scott (yes I know I should have a woman sponsor but he's the best sponsor I ever had- and when I saw him when I was up there in May- well when I need a sponsor to talk to- he's it). So I wrote to him, also because he understands. His wife was diagnosed 2 months after me, but with a cancer that has required her to get stem cell transplants- from herself. Their entire lives have changed, and altho she's in pretty good shape right now, well I'm not sure about her future and she's close to my age.

When I went last time, I was tooo busy. And yet I felt like a visitor, that as soon as I walked away, I was no longer on anyone's radar. I guess that's what happens when you move away. I'm ok with it, it let me let go of stuff. As always I miss my kids, but that's almost it. And Halla and I seem to struggle to find our common ground. We were so close after her Jan visit, but it began to slip away again. I just keep saying, she's 20, she's 20...she'll grow up a little bit more and realize that family is what matters. So I confided in my Drewy. I'll stay with her, she's not working so she can go to the dr with me. The next day, the 7th is her birthday, and maybe I can keep a low profile so she can have her birthday however she planned it- It's a week day so I'm thinking probly not to big of a party, and maybe it will be the kind that moms are invited to ha ha.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I took the dogs and a book to the park, laid on a towel in the shade and read...Sam rolled around in the grass and Lucky tried to follow Sam around. Everardo showed up after walking the beach; but I know he's worried about me, doesn't want me to be scared. Later just he and I went down to the Malecon for an ice cream, and there were tons of people, families, kids on skateboards, music. We sat on the big steps across the street from the pavilion and watched people. After dark the people come out. It was nice.

We haven't had hot water for over a month. Don't need it, the water is warm, warmer than warm. It reminds me of Playa Ventura, you don't miss hot water. Well this weekend the tv stopped having a picture, and Friday the internet sucked...wow really felt like down there ha ha. But I watched a free movie online (Killing Season with Dinero & Travolta- loved it) and after about 3 hours the tv came back. Saturday nite I made a baked chicken and veges...ooops nope- the oven stopped working. Oh and the overhead light fixture in the kitchen stopped as well....hmmmm things are falling apart. But- we don't need hot water, we know a guy to call about the stove, and for the light, well Poppi thinks he knows someone and we'll get rid of the huge thing & simply have a light with a bowl fixture. Life goes on. I teach tomorrow, and I always love that. I'm so grateful to be able to do that.

The zumba woman is consistently coming! 7pm sharp and she's there! Wow! More and more women are coming...and man she's beating the shit out of me...and I love it. So hopefully tomorrow I'll understand a little better what's going on with this doctor stuff...so stay tuned.

Oh and the fun fact...

Mexico is located in the “Ring of Fire,” one of the earth’s most violent earthquake and volcano zones.

Can your life change in one minute?

Can your life change in one minute? When you receive an email or a phone call? Does it change right then or do you just remember it as the first thing that happened? And if it turns out to be nothing, you don't remember it at all. I remember when I got the call that they wanted me to come into the doctor's because of something in my mammogram. I was in Las Vegas. It was my first and only trip there. I was going with my ex husband and my younger daughter. He and I were simply going as friends and had been headed to Cabo San Lucas for a week. But when we got to the airport, our daughter's passport was going to expire in a week or two and you can't go if it's expiring in 6 months- well not sure the requirement for Mexico- but I would guess it's an across the board regulation. It was 6am and we're standing at the airport so we asked where else we could go for the price we had paid. Florida was alot more, and so was Hawaii, so we ended up with Las Vegas.

It was fun, we took a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon- but oh yeah all 3 of us got airsick. We rented a cabana poolside for a day and that was nice but sooo crowded. Didn't spend too much time in the casinos since Halla was only 15...anyway I checked my voicemail cause I had been job hunting, and heard the msg about my mammogram. It was at least 2 weeks before I heard another voice over the phone telling me I had cancer, but when I think of the whole thing, I always think of Las Vegas. Yeah no desire to ever visit there again.

Yesterday afternoon I received an email from my doctor saying next time I was up there (northern Calif) I should get this procedure we talked about...he put it that it was the one we discussed but it interfered with my travel plans. HA That's not quite how I remember it. I said I'd stay if I needed to, and he said everything was fine after a small procedure cutting out a little polyp in my uterus. Anyway this email said "next time". I wrote back and said next time would be in a year, and did I need it sooner. (I swear when I left he simply said we'll check it again next year.) So I receive an email reply after 11pm last nite (Friday nite) and he says I need to get it as soon as possible to make sure none of the cells in my uterus are CANCER! Ok he actually said...to be sure the all cells in my uterus were benign....ok that means to be sure they are not malignant- which is cancer. Ok yes the panic set in. Didn't sleep to good last nite.

I just finished a huge thing with Kaiser about my bill, my coverage, yadda yadda yadda, and actually filed a grievance for the last portion of some labs they read and are charging me $990 for reading them.  Hmmm could this sudden need for this procedure be their way of saying- oh see you needed those labs? God I hope not. And the truth is now I'm scared. The procedure is called a hysteroscopy. I googled it to see what it entails, what it determines, and how common it is. Maybe I can have it done here in Mexico. But after sitting with it last nite and now all morning, I'll probly go to the states. Yes when I hear CANCER I'm afraid. I called member services to find out how much it will cost me, and since I've already paid out the a** this year for this "simple polyup removal", I'll probly only have to finish off my deductible- about $2500- but SHIT! That's almost my property tax. And if wasn't the CANCER word, I'd probly do it here for sure. Everardo was gonna stop by the doctor we like that had previously told him about cancer treatment in Mexico, and see what he thinks. I emailed my doctor and asked him for a telephone appt, but it came back and said his office hours are Tue-Fri, so not sure when that will be. They also have a cost estimator group that member services said I could get better info from than her, but they are not in on wknds either. Would have been nice to start all this on Monday, eh?

During the nite my head when crazy, I went up there, had the procedure, have cancer, needed treatment, had to move back to the states, where to live? Now we have 2 dogs, not too much income...other things, and believe me I went thru ALL those other things. Then this morning I had an argument with my younger daughter in FB chat (real personal right), and during it tried to tell her about it, I wanted to talk to someone about my fear, but she said I was just trying to make her feel bad. Ha ha yeah she's 20 all right. So I didn't say anything else about it to her. My older daughter is on a house boat for the wknd so I don't want to tell her and worry her. Hubby was wonderful this morning and is getting the info from that doctor here, and telling me don't worry, and- hey you'll get whatever tests or procedure you need and you'll do it where you feel comfortable. I have a feeling he'll come home early today, and I have kept busy googling all this stuff.

I know my fear is unreasonable, but it's still my fear. I was so surprised when they told me I had breast cancer, that was in 2009, and every year I worry when it's time for my mammogram, but this year not so much. Ha ha- so now I get to worry some more. I know I know. Worry and fear doesn't make it so or not so. In fact I believe that negative energy can make you sick. So I'm trying to get it out here. I don't want to have cancer again. I don't want to die young. My dad died of cancer at 59. I'm 56. The type of cancer he had is survivable now, but not back then. And my younger sister told me that our mom had polyups in her uterus as well and hers wasn't cancer. She lived to the ripe old age of 87...really just 3 weeks shy of 88...and I believe I am strong. But the truth is cancer fucked with my head, I was afraid, depressed, did I say afraid? Well we will just put one foot in front of the other, if life is gonna throw us lemons, then lemonade it is!

Lucky for me I believe in the power of prayer, even if it's just sending positive energy out into the universe. Right now I am praying for serenity- there's no point in worrying over something that may or may not be anything. But easier said than done. So praying helps. So I guess my life can change in one minute, but only if I let it. (of course a phone call telling me we won the lottery would change my life in one minute and I'd probly go with the flow on that one) Viva.

Slower pace of life...

People sit outside in their front yards or even in the street in front of their houses here. At first I thought maybe it was because they had no backyards, and in some cases I still think this is true. But another thing is, that people have front porches, usually covered, and big enough for a few chairs. Then there's the people who sit in the yard or in the street in front of the house. I think maybe it's also about neighbors, about visiting, and about watching people go by.

The tempo is so much slower here, in some ways it's like living in the '50's. Slower is what I mean. Sometimes it's hard to go slow, but things don't just happen. There is conversation, then business, then more conversation. We called a number we saw on a house for sale nearby, about 3 blocks over, closer to the ovalo where we exercise. We are not in any position to buy anything at this point, but we want to see what's out there, and for how much. I have heard prices at both ends of the spectrum. And I'm talking about buying around here- in el centro. Not by the beaches- the gated communities or the condos. The electric bill alone is enough to make one look elsewhere for a house. My friend Pam lives in a very nice condo at the beach, and one month last winter her electric bill was $500 and ours was $40.
Anyway I've been in a few houses over here and have seen some I really like. This one looks nice from the outside, sort of a shallow front yard, but looks like it has a backyard, and maybe a side yard. We're gonna see it on Tuesday morning. Like I said we can't do anything right now, but I want to understand the market for when we can. There's alot of empty houses around here, but not too many with for sale signs....and it's tricky here- the title is tricky, and I've heard of people selling property they don't own. We even drove by that first house to see if it's still empty- which it is, and we may ask if he's interested in selling since he's not renting it and he's never coming back. It has a good yard. Everardo says he'd just knock it down and start over...but who knows, maybe so renovating would do it.....I'm such a dreamer! Still gotta sell a house in Guerrero!

I just looked at all the pictures of the Guerrero house, how we painted it, how beautiful the beach is, how peaceful the town. Then I went back in this blog to this week last year. Ha ha we had no internet and no phone for a week. Then we got those back and lost the tv channels in English. But I had also written about swimming in the ocean, and our anniversary which was the 16th of July. Everardo made me the same breakfast last year as last year- which is perfect since it's my favorite. I had also blogged that I was washing the clothes by hand, man I'm glad not to be doing THAT anymore ha ha. But like Guerrero a little bit of rain falls in July.

It rained here this afternoon, and luckily I brought the clothes in off the line right before it started. We have access to a dryer here but it runs up the electric so I use the clothes line, and it's fine. We spent the day together, started with a meeting, did a little shopping and then ate in this little hole in the wall that Everardo's been eyeing. And he was right- those little places always have the best food. I almost ordered the enchiladas, but she said they were very "picoso" (spicy) and that I should order the "entomatadas" which is no spices, probly just tomato sauce. Next time, cause I wanted eggs, so I ordered the omelette with tocino (bacon) and ha ha it was served slathered in this orange hot sauce! I started trying to scrape it off and the server handed me a spoon. I actually thought of asking why- if I shied away from the enchiladas because of spicy-ness, why would I want hot sauce on my eggs? Ah well, it turned out fine and Everardo really liked it and I could tell he was hoping I felt the same so I sucked it up, ate the eggs and sucked down the beans and french fries they served with my eggs using tortillas.

It's been a long week. Everardo has decided that working out at the center is really not working for him, he just needs to make more money. I think it was ok for awhile, but she hired him at a set price for 3 days a week, and then the past 2 weeks, if she doesn't have anything for him in the afternoon, she pays him half. That's not ok. The fact is they said they had lots for him to do, work for both the dog ministry and on the other side, running errands, taking people to the dr, picking up the fish, - well what I think (and my opinion is like an asshole- everybody has one) is that if they were a little better organized they'd probly have lots for him to do. But it's not about what I think, and I did not add my two cents. I told my husband that I support him in any decision he makes about anything. I could feel this coming...when he talked to me about wear & tear on his truck, that he was not getting any compensation there...on the other hand that was never part of it....and and and...there's lots of other hands here, so he made a decision that works for him. It looks like the center is in a bit f a transition, the dog ministry just keeps growing and they are partnering with 2 other shelters and working with the city dog catchers, so who knows how it will all shake out...

We know tourist wise it's gonna be slow for the next 2 months, but at least on wknds he'll keep working it, and I figured out our budget again, and we can live on, including rent, less than $800 a month so we'll be ok.

If my daughter comes to visit we're thinking of taking a trip. If she can come for at least 2 weeks, ok at least 16 days, we can go down to Playa Ventura and she can see that house, then swing over thru Michocan and see his brother & sister (& cousins) in Morelia. If she can only do a week, then maybe somewhere closer; Caborca or Hermesillo or Nogales. As soon as she tells me she really wants to come we're gonna tell her we'll buy the ticket, but we're trying not to pressure her since she's going thru alot right now. She's been unemployed for a week. She's doing fine I think; having time to make good dinners, and spend time with her future step daughter. She's a mom to Danica already; they have half time I think, and I love facebook for seeing the fun things they do together. "Rocking out to nursery rhymes in the car", sleepovers and fun days at the river. Anyway selfishly I hope she stays off work for a couple of months. That way she can visit us ha ha! But she also looking at taking some courses, starting a certificate program...and figuring out all those home projects we plan but never find time to work on. But again, same as my Poppi, what ever she decides I'll support 100%.

She and I talked on the phone every day this week. My other daughter not so much, ha ha. That whole she's 20 thing. The one good thing though is that finally younger is talking to older about herself. What happened was Drew & I were on the phone talking about her sister, and she said something that made me say- hey wait! Do you know something? And she asked me- that my sister is gay? I said yeah, and she said, well yeah, and I was so relieved!! I HATED keeping that secret, but it wasn't mine to tell. And it wasn't really a secret; her friends and coworkers all know, so I asked her- why aren't you telling your sister? She said I don't know- it's kind of awkward...I said ok then start the conversation with that! Actually she's worried about telling her dad. She told me in Jan when she was here- she said she knew I'd be fine with it- which I am. I just want her to be happy. But she called to ask me how to tell her dad a couple of weeks ago and that's when I said (again) TELL your sister!! She knows you and loves you more than anyone and she can be with you, support you when you tell your dad- who by the way will also be fine with it. I know he doesn't read this ha ha or even anyone he knows, so I'm not letting any cats out of the bag here ha ha. So anyway my daughters are talking again and hopefully will get closer again, that's what I hope for.

Lucky- or little mouse as I call him (Poppi calls him little shit) is finally 6 weeks old and acting like a puppy- wants to eat everything, plays more, and still sleeps alot. Sam is warming up to him ever so slowly, so that's good. The hunidity here is getting close to Guerrero and I hope it does not attract the same mosquitos! It was raining tonite so altho I dressed for Zumba nobody was there- well to be fair the cement would have been slippery so we came back, picked up the mutts and took them to the beach. Sam went in the water, Lucky doesn't like it too much, but he walked as fast as he could on those stubby little legs to keep up. That's one thing I love here (& in Guerrero), when it rains, go to the beach cause it's still warm!

People are still out since the rain is so light, sitting in their front yards, some with bbqs. some with music, all with chatter and laughter. Kids play in the street and young people whisper in each other's ears in the shadows. Slower quieter life...yeah I like it. Viva!

Mexico fun fact:
The red poinsettia (which the Aztecs called cuetlaxochitl) originated in Mexico and is named after Joel Roberts Poinsett, the first United States ambassador to Mexico (in the 1820s).^d

Visitors from Everardo's side of the family

Everardo's cousin Anna and her husband Carlos showed up today! Surprise! She's really more his sister than his cousin, they grew up together since he was pretty young since he was an orphan at age 9. I really like them and Poppi is so happy they're here. They got a hotel and we are just back from dinner with them. We'll meet up again around noon tomorrow and she wants camarones coco (the big shrimp in coconut) and we;ll show them around the different neighborhoods, the rich people mansions along the beach, the beaches we like best, etc. They haven't been here before but suddenly decided to make the trip to see us and to gauge the time it takes and the best way to bring Everardo's aunt & uncle. As it turns out his uncle really wants to see him, and at this point we have no idea if Everardo will ever get a visa to go back to the states.

He tells me that Anna & Carlos make trips like this all the time. They were in Tecate 2 weeks ago. They live in Salinas, about an hour south of San Francisco Calif, and they made it here in 11 hours. That was a long hard, fast drive, though. They pulled off the side of the road before they crossed the border and slept for 2 hours. ouch. Anyway they come down to Tijuana, Tecate, Mexicali often, I think they go to Las Vegas as well so apparently they like road trips ha ha! They got here late morning this morning and we met them at an outside restaurant in the afternoon, then they went back to the hotel to rest and we got back together for dinner. We walked on the malecon and watched the sun go down over the water while sitting in the plaza, and it was nice. We watched the kids playing and the vendors, and the other people strolling thru like we were and everybody talked & talked. It was mostly in Spanish.

I think I'm at a frustrating edge....it didn't sound like...blah blah blah bladdy blah. It sounded like words and I understood alot of them, but missed important things, like maybe I heard those guys, blah blah and we put the flowers on top- so I thought it was about seeing friends and buying flowers when it was we'll plant flowers on the dirt where we bury these guys after we kill the bastards. Ok maybe a bad example, but I just meant that missing a couple of key words or phrases really changes things....So I missed alot of the conversation, but watching my sweet hubby laughing and talking, his eyes bright with excitement and love, well, it was nice- no it was great!

I talked to my daughter on the phone this morning and she seems to be doing ok with the whole getting laid off thing. We talked about her coming down and she agreed saying she could apply for jobs from our living room couch as easily as from up there. Later I talked to Everardo about if she came for 2 or 3 weeks, we could take a trip south and show her where we lived in Playa Ventura. That would be a cool adventure for her and for us. So vamos a ver (we'll see). I chatted on FB with my younger daughter (age 20) and that was a little more disappointing. I have to keep remembering that age 20 is a selfish self centered age and she will grow out of it.

2 weeks ago I had asked her about going to school next semester and she needed some money to pay off last semester and get signed up- and she needed it NOW to get the classes she needed. I jumped thru a couple of hoops and anx'ted over it (yes my fault), and ended up sending a check to Drew to give to her since we were sending Drew some money towards her wedding fund anyway. Well she didn't try to contact Drew for 2 weeks! Which really pissed me off because I took her at her word that she needed the money right that minute. I kinda wrote that to her today and she has not replied. My expectations again. I hope to hear from her tomorrow. I don't want to be at odds with my kid anytime, and really don't want to be at odds with her long distance. She has trusted me with some important feelings about herself and her lifestyle and that's a gift to me. But it's been months now, and I want her to share it with her sister. The same day we discussed her needing this school money she told me all her friends knew and her coworkers, and then I really stressed she needs to talk to her sister. She said she would, but will she? She sent me a msg today to say she "texted" Drew and Drew ignored it and she wants the money...and I wrote back and said if you talked to your sister you'd know she just lost her job...and a friend who was in a horrible accident died this morning. That she should call her- not just text...but that's part of the msg where I said I was disappointed in her actions, and so I got no repsonse. Drew will call her in the morning, so we'll see what comes next. Just me complaining about my kids I guess.

How did I start that? I was talking about Drew coming to visit and going to Playa Ventura. And Everardo's family being here. And that now they've come once, we'll see more of them. Another couple we are friends with also wrote to us today and we're hoping they'll come down. They helped me with my messed up dr appt and being all groggy after; she took me home, put me to bed, then feed me and made sure I was ok before I went home. Good friends.

Oh and I googled that Pipe Organ cactus- it's very sensitive to frost- so I'm still guessing to humidity as well. Not sure it gets frosty here in winter but it was pretty cold in Dec & Jan. I also heard they grow along the road south to Caborca as well, but the Sonoran desert is the only place on earth that they grow- so that's kinda cool, I'm glad I noticed them. They also bloom with a flower and a fruit, but from about Oct thru May...so ha ha I just missed it, but will be watching in a few months. A friend told me his wife loves the fruit, that's it's very juicy, so it must be a help to anyone trying to survive in this huge desert.

Looking forward to tomorrow to meet back up with Anna and Carlos; and my nephew Francisco already says next time he's coming!

Ok Mexico fun fact:
The border between Mexico and the United States is the second largest border in the world (only the U.S.-Canadian border is longer).

Driving to Phoenix and maybe Nogales

I went to Phoenix yesterday with my friend and galpal Pam. She's my best friend here besides my hubby; we are both so totally irreverent and laugh our heads off. We blabbed all the way up there, over three hours. We are both in recovery and so talked about the fact that everybody is sick (dysfunctional) and when we get mad at people, well that's just us having expectations. But we still had a good time making fun of everyone we know!

Phoenix is hot, a different kind of hot then here, no humidity, so it's just searing hot. I was happy for her ac in her car. Then we went to Walmart...ha ha Walmart in Arizona....it was exactly like all those utube photos of Walmart shoppers. I don't want to insult any one state, but omg- hillbillies, all these young families with 5 or 6 kids- must be nothing to do there. Huge people- and I know they make clothes to fit huge people, but all of these were wearing small people clothes. Yep I sound terrible but oh God it was funny. Of course I shopped there- I got wide egg noodles and different pasta sauces, some sharp cheddar cheese. And then..................yes! I tried on some tank tops and saw myself in the mirror in the dressing room....I was one of them! A Walmart shopper! I of course tried on at least two tops that were too small and I looked pathetic. I started laughing out loud to myself. Overhead a guy was announcing a free gift over in the produce area...I kept looking for blue light specials...But I shouldn't criticize cause the 2 tops I did buy (& they fit) were marked down to $5 when I got to the register. Pam showed up with a cart load of stuff and we laughed about the danger of shopping when you're hungry.

We got lost looking for these other places, but found our way, got what we needed and hit the road. I got some new Saucony tennis shoes for walking at the ovalo (& zumba), and Pam was happy to find some new places in Phoenix. The truth is Arizona is not my favorite state. It's very conservative and I am very liberal. There's alot of people down here on vacations from Arizona, and very nice, but again, at times they let their racist insanity show, you know? Jus' sayin'....

The drive back was pretty. I hadn't really looked around on the way up, we were laughing and talking so much. And I guess I never looked around much the other couple of times I made the trip, cause I never noticed how beautiful those catus are- they're called "Pipe Organ" catus; they're tall and usually have 2 branches- that look like arms on either side, sometimes they look like they're waving, or saluting, waving you over, or pointing at something. I don't know why they are only in a particular area, as we get close to the border they start to disappear, and there are none around here. Maybe it has to do with how the road starts to get close to the water? Maybe the ground changes beneath the surface, cause it sure doesn't look any different topside. Sandy dirt, dry sandy dirt. Well and I guess the air is different here as well; that humidity I was talking about- hey I bet that's it! The Organ Pipe cactus doesn't do well in the humidity...ok gotta look that up!

We're trying to plan a trip, maybe to Nogales since I've never been there. It's about 6 hours so we'll want to spend the nite, so we need someone to watch the kids (oops I mean doggys). But since Lucky is only almost 6 weeks old, he hasn't has any shots, so he can't be around other dogs. If he had his shots, Karen and Mark would be happy to take them, so we might have to wait a few weeks. But planing is fun cause I look the places up to find out things. I was looking at all the towns in Baja the other day, thinking it might be nice to live over there- it's not as hot during these summer months- but on the Pacific side the water is cold, on the Sea of Cortez side, well I didn't find any place that jumped out at me, and truthfully, I love my work at the center, I really am helping people, and I want to keep that up, so for now...this is good. So who knows what comes next..

So I noticed another thing different in Mexico than in the US that has to do with cars. Many businesses, even grocery stores, have parking that is right off the road. I mean like you turn into a parking spot right off the road. So when you want to leave, you back out into the street. It makes driving in the right lane a dangerous adventure sometimes. Especially on main roads, I got stuck once and now I'll park down the street or around the corner, or just come back in the evening when there's not too much traffic...ok really I pretty much just don't park in those spots, except for going to the atm at Santander, sometimes I'll pull in. Like today, and luckily the windshield washer guy had to guide me back out- ha ha and I didn't even let him clean my windshield. I drive pretty slow here. The stop signs, and even the traffic lights sometimes, are merely recommendations. People drive as fast or slow as they want, stop when they want- and NOBODY wears their seatbelt. I do. You see kids on laps or even dashboards...cars filled to the brim with people. And these parking slots right on the street are common everywhere in Mexico. I just didn't notice it was different until yesterday being in the states. Yeah and no smog requirements, you see cars on the road you can't believe are running, and half the windshieds are cracked. Mine was, too, and we only fixed it in case I needed to drive to the Phoenix airport to pick somebody up. Some cars have license plates, some don't, some lights work- yeah at least some so at nite you can tell something is there ha ha. Oh and the thing that scares me all the people in the back of trucks. Kids standing up! Or sitting against the tailgate! And that goes for adults as well, always people sitting against the tailgates and standing up.....scary.

Well another thing happened. My beautiful daughter got laid off from her job yesterday. I know how that feels- I got laid off once and I started questioning myself. She told me a binch of people got laid off, not just her; it is part of a bigger company taking over their company and making cuts and changes. I know she's mad, she's sad, unsure of herself, hurt feelings, and afraid. She has bills to pay just like everybody else, they have rent and food and gas and utilities, and she is a strong independent woman. I suggested she make no decisions for a couple of weeks, just let her feelings sort themselves out. She had gotten good reviews and was an outstanding employee, so she needn't feel bad about herself. And the face is- she hated that job, and so I hated it too. I hated for her to be in conflict about it, she was always sending out resumes, and hated the hours, she worked 12 hour overnite shifts for more than 2 years while always requesting day shifts that new people coming in kept getting-'oh they need training on days' or some other excuse that was always followed with 'don't worry we're gonna move you' and then mgmt would change (there's a clue-every changing personnel) and she would have to start again. So I'm hoping that after a few days when her emotions settle down, she will see this as a good thing. Hopefully in the not too distant future she'll say this was they best thing that could have happened to me! I love her so much and I'm so proud of her. She will be sucessful at whatever she goes for.

She's been talking about doing a certificate program, and there's lots of them around. She has great experience in customer service, dispatch, and 911 calls so if she decides to stay in the same field, I know she'll find something. She will land on her feet, I know. It just kills me for her to be sad, mad, and worried....you know- it's a mom thing. Right now she has the world at her feet, she'll get unemployment and she can take a look around, take a breather, asses and re-asses. She can wake up and workout instead of after work. She can take a look at her budget, they can do it together. I'm so happy she has such a strong partner, she can lean on him for a minute, and he can help her reason things out. I have every confidence in her and in them.

So I am completely soaking wet with sweat. The breeze is not making in in here and the fan quit a few minutes ago. Lucky is pooping all over the house and arrgghh I remember I hate it when they're babies. Sam looks on like- I don't know what you brought that little mouse home for....

I didn't go to the ovalo yesterday cause I got back from Phoenix right when Everardo was about to go down there, but I'll go tonite. No zumba on weekends but I can dance/walk in my new shoes. I brought Poppi new running shoes, too- so no excuses. Ha ha he doesn't need any excuses, it's me...even though once I get there I'm happy I went.

So life settles down here, English class, Spanish class, exercising, and dogs the park. I had to go to Telcel today to put money on my phone and the young women in there commented on how good my Spanish was (inferring for a white lady ha ha). If we could just SELL the other house, then we would breathe a little easier. Not too many tourists here now at the beach. Most of them are Mexicans from other states in Mexico, and they don't buy too much. He doesn't make to much work for the center and is thinking about quitting that, and now he's looking at a security position down at the condos Pam lives at...we'll see. Our rent is really cheap, but we still gotta eat, and buy tennis shoes, pay for water and electricity....but for today.......we are ok.

ok fun fact about Mexico:
Millions of monarch butterflies migrate to Mexico every year from the U.S. and Canada, though logging operations are rapidly destroying their habitat.^d

Juego de Pepino

Juego de Pepino is cucumber juice. It's amazing! It's so refreshing. I had it the first time in Playa Ventura and I was amazed then! It's easy to make; put a cucumber in a blender, then strain it. Add water, and is it called lime zest? It's when you grate the skin of the lime? (I know usually it's lemon but remember there's no such thing in Mexico). Then add sugar to taste. Not too much sugar cause it takes away from the thirst quenching clearness of the taste. It's just sooo good. Oh and put alot of ice in your glass, a tall glass cause once you taste it you'll want a tall glass full.

It's getting really hot here, and after exercising, a glass of juego de pepina hits the spot. I am so sore right now, my feet are throbbing ha ha! I went to the ovalo and the Zumba class was happening. This teacher kicked my ass! I didn't try to do everything cause no point in killing myself if she's not gonna show up tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I worked out hard, I limped to my car ha ha. But I didn't so all the jumping or running in place. I am in just too shitty of shape to work out that hard the first day. And basically it was the first day. I've been walking for half hour or 45 minutes, but not even every day..but today's beating shows me- I need to! She was doing steps and routines I could follow and/or had done before but man- my body does not obey! I am oooolllllddddd and fat! I am eating better, we are eating better. Less meat- more beans.

Ha ha am I Mexican or what? More beans! But I like beans, and they're full of protein. At the ovalo, Everardo will jog for an hour, or work out on the equipment...he's doing a much better job than me. I know my bones ache these days, I still think it's from the damn cancer medicine, but maybe if I keep working out I can strengthen my bones. After I finished treatment was when I went to that bootcamp in Utah and pushed myself to prove to myself I was strong. That was 3 1/2 years ago.

The only thing I've been consistent with is Spanish, so maybe I can make the same commitment to myself with exercise, but for me- I have to let go of expectation, that maybe there will be zumba class and maybe not, and if not, besides walking maybe I need to add some of my elliptical, at least for awhile, cause wow (ha ha ha ha) I am so NOT in shape. I was like a senior citizen in that class tonite, trying to follow along, but low kicks, and bent knees, out of breath waving my arms...ouch! Last nite I twisted my ankle, not bad, but oh man I'm feelin' that and my toe I broke 2 years ago when the ocean tried to drag me out and slam me on the rocks...it's aching as well. Yes I'm a big baby...old and fat- and I promised the instructor to be there tomorrow nite- hope she shows, too!

So the juice was like heaven. Ha ha I bet about this time last year I wrote about the same juice. Later I'm gonna look back and see.

Ok the other new thing....cockroaches!! Cucarachas! Yuck Gross right? I always think of them in terms of old apartment buildings, or unclean areas..but it's not true. The weather, the heat...I don't know maybe they come inside to try and cool off. I was told today there's a spray for around your house that helps keep them out- actually she said otherwise we will be overrun....I know they don't do anything but they still gross me out. You can hit them with a hammer and they still don't die. Our house is clean, well the sandy earth blows in so it always needs sweeping and dusting, but not dirty. We let go of our cleaning lady, it's a small house and if Poppi does the bathrooms I'll do the kitchen...

So last week the lady threw away the dinner I had made the nite before and that was like the final straw with her for me (remember she put the plastic bags in the oven?) I made a vegetable pasta with wide egg noodles and pesto sauce I brought from the states, luckily I finally figured out how to make just half the noodles cause I'd use the whole bag and we have pasta for a week. I made it Tues nite so Wed nite we'd come home from the center and eat early so we could go to the ovalo by 7pm....well she came on Wed and when I got home....well the pasta was missing...we hadn't eaten any of it! It was not in the fridge, it was in the garbage outside. Everardo just looked at me. I rarely cook...so when I do it's not like him, so causal and just whips up anything, you know? I almost cried. I texted her and she said, well it was bad....this was in Spanish of course. I think she probly has no experience with pesto, and so the smell was not familiar. The next day when I went to the center for class, a lady who works there told me she heard about my slimy food. In that moment...she was gone. So we decided we'll do it ourselves. She had only been working for us for a couple of months...


Ok right now there's a lizard crawling across out window, looking for mosquitos. So we have a full house, dog, puppy, cockroaches, mosquitos and mosquito hunters! I've also been told the scorpions here are really big, but that's good cause the big ones are not as toxic...but my favorite kind are the ones I don't see at all. I see little prarrie dogs all the time, but not here in the neighborhoods, usually on the way to our favorite beach. Oh and this weekend the beach was full of jelly fish! More on Saturday and I didn't go to the beach until Sunday and I didn't see any, but Everardo saw alot on Saturday, and some people getting stung. The people here put either windex or vinegar on them and say the pain goes away immeditely. Of course we had neither with us and I spent my time in the water trying to spot them. Everardo was laughing cause he said you can see them easily, they're very blue and on top of the water in a big group.

So interesting few days...it's getting hotter and hotter, more and more humid but luckily the wind continues to blow and that helps. Had a few raindrops this morning, but reading about a hurricane near Playa Ventura....so it could sure be worse. Yeah we gotta sell that house down there...another story for later I guess...well they are finally getting "city" water so that will help it be more desirable...but we would really like to close that chapter in our lives....

Ok fun fact about Mexico:
ooops I can't open my bookmarks, the internet has been terrible today, oh like Playa Ventura, bad internet and trouble flushing one of the toilets.....anyway no fun fact today...hope this will even post!