No drinking fountains in Mexico..and the "kids"

The kids are the puppies next door...

Their names are Josie and Rudy. The top photo here is our Hazel and Rudy wrestling. No pics of Josie, but believe me she's here all the time. Sam cares nothing about the puppies, he cares about the ball, about going swimming, about going jogging with Poppi. Josie looks like a german sheppard, she's only about 4 months old but with huge feet- and she's almost as big as Hazel already. I call the puppies the kids.The kids show up in the morning. They paly all day of course- they keep Hazel busy which I think makes Sam happy.

The kids belong to our next door neighbor. She's just lived there for 4 or 5 months, and we're getting to know each other. I think these are her first dogs- she a cat person ha ha. But she loves them and she really loves Hazel. So Hazel just makes herself at home over there- she uses the same dog door as the kids, and even has her own bowl for treats over there. Sam only visits over there if one of us are there, but Hazel is there as much as here, and the kids are pretty much over here off and on all day as well. Everardo is making a green house and we've been making mulch for months; all our egg shells, avocado rinds, the carrot mulch from the juicer we use almost every day....so there's all kinds of smelly goodies out there and Josie likes to "sneak" in, get something and sneak out. It's pretty funny to watch.

I guess I'm writing about all the dogs because they are bringing us neighbors closer together. There's a couple across the road who also have a couple of adult dogs; they don't get to play with our dogs, but we still have pets in common and we chat in the road. I also continue to be grateful to live in a spot where our dogs run free, and I'm also pleased that my closest neighbors are good with dogs as well. I was reading in the community newsletter about somebody being bitten several times by some saint bernards...after walking into a fenced yard. It was in the next town and the fenced yard was a business. He saw at least one of the dogs before he walked in...but in he went. DUH. Someone else wrote that the guy should call the police. I laughed- call the cops for what? He should have never walked thru that gate. But around here the dogs are friendly with each other- although I wouldn't advise walking into someone's fenced yard- my Sam is a big ole friendly lab....but when we're not home....don't try to come in our yard. In the states we had to move our mailbox off the porch to the driveway because for some reason Sam hated uniforms. The mailman was scared to come in the yard- same for UPS, Fed X ha ha.

So I've started year 2 of my quest for a healthier lifestyle. I am exercising 5 days a week, dancing on the beach, a little bit of weights, and my "senior" stretch class. The other day I was rushing to get there- I do at least a half hour of cardio-zumba dancing on the beach- before the class and I was running behind, and I forgot my water bottle. The place they have it doesn't have water- well not bottled water anyway. Even though I call it "senior" stretch, it's still an hour of light cardio, weights and floor work and man did I miss that water. There's no drinking fountains in Mexico. Nobody drinks the water- nobody. You drink bottled water. Some people have pilas- big tanks at their houses that get filled by water trucks, some people have "city water", water coming in thru pipes, but that water is not drinkable. At this house, we have a pila, but it's not drinking water either, so we fill the garrafons...big plastic jugs...too heavy for me to carry around. You can have them delivered, or take them to several places to get them filled, which is what we do. In Petaluma, Calif, the water is so clean you can drink it from the hose...ha ha and here I try to remember not to get any in my mouth when I shower.

But these things simply become a way of life. We also have to take our propane tanks down to get them filled, usually once a month. You can call a truck to deliver propane as well, my neighbor has a huge unmovable tank so the truck delivers to her. We also don't mail anything or receive mail. Oh- well the electric bill gets delivered to our landlord...but I'm not sure if it comes in the mail- in 4 houses in Mexico we've never received a piece of mail. We can go online and see how much our bills are, and pay them at the local store...hey like the "good old days".

So our life is slower here, simple. I like it. But at the same time I'm getting involved in a few things. I go to a meditation group which I think I've mentioned. Teaching English for free, and my class may get much bigger next week. There's an adult education type class down the road from where I teach; it seemed like maybe it was adults who haven't done much school, anyway I went down there last nite with a couple of my current students (ok I only have about 4 right now), to invite them to my class. It ended up with me agreeing to go teach where they are, and have my class following the class they're in now. So I'll teach from 6:30-8pm instead of 5-6:30 on Tue and Thurs. So things change again. I'm also helping this woman set up a reservation schedule for their new fishing business- they take clients out to this island to fish, they have a lodge out there and these fishing boats called pangas. The fishing season is from June-Sept but they are getting reservations right now. So my days are filling up- but none of it is many hours, so I still have my mornings for exercise and conversations with the universe. The beach is getting really nice, although the last couple of days a cool wind has been blowing and the nites have been cold...well...cold for here...like I'm wearing socks to bed ha ha. There have been quite a few sea lions on the beach and the veterinarian knows Everardo's voice now because we always call her when there's one on the beach if they're injured or seem in distress. There was one this morning, a big guy with an injury to his eye, Poppi called, but I did my whole hour of dancing and they hadn't shown up.

There's still a lot more people here than usual this week, and so at least 3 small groups (2 or 3) stopped to look at him, take a picture, but at least they kept their distance- I was grateful for that. To Sam & Hazel the sea lions have lost their attraction- ha ha they're old news, so they don't even bother to go investigate. Last week the beach had alot of people on it- but not too many out in front of us...so we still had our private beach. At the far ends, people poured in and stayed all week thru Easter- but from here you can't even see either end. I only saw 3 or 4 houses around here fill up with renters and thankfully only one nite had fireworks. The town was full up, though, which is really good for the locals. Poppi had to go to about 5 stores to get milk on Monday- all the little local stores I mean- they had milk at the big grocery store, but it's a 15 minute drive minimum and there's lots of little aborrotes around here- but everybody was out of milk ha ha- and I needed it for my protein shake. I think the sea lions are hungry...I know the fisherman with the tuna rings are raping the bay to put all the feeder fish into the rings...but at least around here Profeta has been really good about coming out when there's a sea lion in distress.

Well just a short check in for tonite. Viva

March goes out like a lamb...and weight..and war

Been a busy month:

Ok not by those standards! This is Sam & Hazel watching Old Yeller. Ha ha ok that's just a joke but I posted this pic on facebook and said that. Everardo let them both up on the couch and as we looked for alternate sitting I snapped the pic.

Ok other things that happened in March:

Fields of flowers bloom on the road between Maneadero and Ensenada. I remembered it from last year, and yet was still amazed this year as we drove by. There's several fields in a row and the flowers are so beautiful. And then, in an instant, they're gone. But for a few days when you're driving by it's so pretty, so spring like...makes me think of colored Easter eggs. From here to Ensenada, which I think is about 25 miles all together is agriculture. Fields of asparagus, broccoli, green beans...organic farms that send their produce to the states for Trader Joes and other stores, non organic...there are fruit tress in the hills. The Guadalupe Valley is becoming host to more and more vineyards, I've read articles about it being the "new Napa Valley". That area is not right here, it's north and a little east of Ensenada. But everything grows here. It's funny, the "good looking" product goes to the states and the crappier stuff stays here. The grocery stores carry alot of fruit- apples mostly I think- from the states, but it's the pieces with bad spots on them. You can tell the fruits from the states because they have the little scanner stickers on them. Gotta wash those as well, right?

Ok, another thing happening in this area and up the southern Calif coast is that dead sea lions are washing up on the beaches, more than usual. Also baby seals, and actually this morning as I danced down there on the beach a baby seal came up out of the water. He seemed exhausted. For the baby seals, the news has reported causes including the momma seals having to travel farther to find food for their pups and the pups get lost. Some people blame the warmer waters for less bait type fish, but here at least in this bay, the boats that sweep thru with their huge nets taking all the bait fish and putting in the tuna rings out at the mouth of the bay is raping our waters here and I read it will take at least 50 years for the bay to recover.

So this baby seal seemed tired out. Probably hungry and lost. I stopped dancing and called the marine Veterinarian who works with Profeta (the Gov't group who take care of the marine life along the beaches). She gave us her direct line last summer when we tried to help Bob the Sea Lion. Anyway Everardo was just coming out of the water from a swim with Sam, so I handed him the phone and he told her about the baby seal I saw. A couple who had jogged by had also stopped to see him, and I saw the man walking back towards us. He told me his wife went back to their place to get some of the fish their son had just caught to give to the baby seal. I told him I had called the vet and that she said they were on their way- but this is Mexico- sometimes on the way means just that, and sometimes it means something else. Well the guy said he's wait for them, and we talked and said maybe if the little guy ate some fish he'd take himself back into the water. I'm not sure how it all worked out because I came up to take a shower and make my protein shake, and so an hour later when I went out and looked, everyone (people and seal) were gone. Hopefully the pup ate and swam away, but if the vet cared for him, that's good, too. The guy said they were here for the week, so maybe I'll see him again tomorrow morning and can find out the end of the story. However it ended- it was good.

For the sea lions, I have only seen large adults wash up, and although some of it is those same fishermen, killing them in competition for the bait fish, and sometimes it's being hit by propellers. The same issues with the warmer waters would apply, although where we were down south, the water was always warm and there's lots of types of fish, but do they migrate up here? I don't know. Anyway last week my husband was down on the beach burying a couple of large sea lions because although Profeta tries, they have just had so many this year, and while we wait for them....if days go by, hot days.....well the smell might just kill ya. Everardo said that technically the public is not allowed to bury them....but he waited until late afternoon and did the deed. Our dogs and the puppies next door went down to watch...

Well tax time is coming and we are very lucky to have friends who come down to northern Baja every year, so they brought them down here for us to sign like they did last year. They come with a group Amor Ministries, who build houses for people in need. About 6 or 7 years ago, before we moved here, I came down with them one spring with my younger daughter for a week and we helped build 2 houses. One family was living in a car, the other in basically a cardboard house. We camped nearby and worked for 4 days and built 2 small, 2 room houses. The experience is amazing....much more than you can imagine. I recommend it to anyone, especially kids who have trouble imagining how hard others may have it. It was quite moving for me as well. So when we drove up to Tecate to see them the other day, we stayed a few hours to work with them. For next year we hope to be part of the plan, the team, and work with them the entire week. Here's a couple of pics from that:

Ok the person hugging with the puppy is me. He was sooo tiny- he belonged to the family they were building the house for. I didn't work as hard as Everardo, who helped with the nailing of the chicken wire to the tar paper prior to the stucco application, put in windows, etc, while I did a little hammering, but a lot of chatting with the other team members, a couple of who had been there the year my daughter and I came, and some on their first trip. They asked alot of questions about how it was living in Mexico, and moving around like we did.

Ok so I did not start my part time job....we shall see if it turns into anything, but so funny - I got offered a couple of other part time jobs! Man when it rains it pours! None of it is right this minute, and at least one will probably be on more of a project basis- I actually put together some info on a spreadsheet for someone and made a few pesos...but what's nice is that I have options, all of them good ha ha- all are part time offers which is all I'm looking for.

This has been month 11 of 12 for my healthy lifestyle change. How many months does it take to make a habit? I think I have created good (healthy) habits about exercise & food. Last nite I wanted a snack and the idea of a crisp green apple (granny smith) made my mouth water. Yipee. I am pretty proud of myself for making the commitment to myself, and then keeping it. And tomorrow is the last day of year 1. So tomorrow I make a new commitment. I am going to commit to another year. Another year of exercise and healthy eating. One benefit of this commitment I plan to work towards is losing another 30 lbs. As of last week I was on 50 lbs, and my last official weigh in for the year will be tomorrow. So it may be another pound or two....whatever it is I will accept, be happy, and start again. I wanted to write about it today so that no matter what the scale says tomorrow I will have said I am proud of myself. The truth is I have this fear that I won't be able to lose any more weight, that I will stay as I am now. Yes- I have done good- amazing actually. I accomplished this weight loss, this better shape, able to breathe, to move so much better than a year ago right now, by a steady process of consistent exercise and consistently healthy food choices. Ha ha when I started this I wasn't that good...I exercised a couple of days a week, I made poor food choices on weekends...but somewhere along the line I began to change.

I hurt my foot during the summer- pretty sure I broke my baby toe, but I kept on exercising. I went to visit my sister and brother in law in Sept, but kept up the exercise and food choices. In fact I made up a dance to one song because I was in Upstate New York and it was freezing in the morning! Ha ha! It involves alot of arm swinging...front to back with arms bent which really gets your heart rate going. The fact is I was trying to warm up. So it's a good one for me now as I try to do a workout that goes high intensity, then low, then high...etc. (I've been reading so much about how that's the best way to work out). So it's a great cardio song/dance which I can follow with a rock n roll song or something by Diana Ross & the Supremes...Yes my music is zumba from Mexico mixed with  70's (& earlier) rock n roll- some of which is the "take it easier" songs and some- like Stevie Ray Vaughn keeps the cardio up. But whenever the song from NY comes on I think of my sister and the Bear (that's what we call him)...so I like it alot. Ha ha I'm actually thinking of putting on my New York teeshirt and making a video of me dancing to that song to send to them...hey I could be a utube phenomena! ar ar ar ar...ok maybe now. I gave myself Thanksgiving Day off, but I actually practiced a little restraint. Oh I tried everything...and to stop myself I took a walk after eating. It was cold outside (ok cold for here, which meant I wore a sweater ha ha)...but I walked anyway.

But that damn fear has snuck in. I tried to figure it out, and roughly it's been about 25 years since I've been the weight I am making my new goal. I know I was happy with myself when I hit it- I had this purple skirt that fit just right- yeah purple, right? But not right purple, a darker  shade and I wore some kind of business jacket and nice blouse and looked very professional at work, but I still remember I felt like I had my own little secret about being happy about how I looked. Then I met my ex husband who was/is an amazing cook, got pregnant...well I just never made it back. I have been this weight, where I am right now. And it's not bad...not terrible....but it's not good. Ok truth- I'm wearing size 12. To me that's still pretty huge. Acceptable...but  I know I can do better. However, if I stay at this size, even with eating smart and exercising, then I will re-evaluate. I will be healthy, I will not allow cancer back into my body if there's anything I can do about it. And the number one thing I can do is be healthy. You know I can't believe a year has gone by. And I have changed in this year. Alot.

I believe I am changing for a few reasons. Of course we are always changing, it's the nature of life...learning growing. Hmmm let's see The more I grow the more I realize I don't know. The more I realize I don't know, the more open I am to learn. The more I learn...the more I grow. Yeah- that's it. I think the combination of my continued walk on a spiritual path as a part of AA,  joining the meditation group, and the way I feel as a result of better living (exercise and food) is all part of it. And the whole thing about how exercise creates the endorphins which make you feel better. It's like a never ending cycle..in a good way, I feel better so I keep doing things that make me feel better. I feel so connected to life, so others, to the world, to the earth, the universe..to it all.

I have little patience now for the chaotic insanity I see happening....the US is such a mess...I don't know any more if it can be fixed. The greed for power- which results in continual war, struggling people in a bountiful country...a few super rich and then everyone else. I am still going to vote, but no more voting democrat in the big races because I felt voting  green was giving votes to the republican party. I will vote green because they follow my beliefs. I know what I am about. I know I am against killing, I am against war. Do I know the solutions? No, but I no longer need a solution to identify a problem. It doesn't matter that I don't think we will ever stop killing each other. And I mean this about the whole world. What I like however is that there really are so many people trying to do the right thing, to help each other, to help the world, that there are so many people connecting wanting positive results for us as a people, wanting to save our planet. Will they ever out weigh the greed, the power mongers, the Monsantos, The Cheneys? Sadly maybe not...maybe even probably not. Will we figure out another planet before this one goes belly up? I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I always like the saying: Think globally act locally. But for me, now, it's even closer than that. It's how I behave right now. In this moment. Maybe my creating positive energy helps....just a little. I am happy with the people, the kind of people I have around me now. I feel like I am attracting positive, real people, and that's what I want in my life.

Ok feels like enough. I guess I had alot in my head that needed to get out. Right this minute hubby needs my hands to help with his project of making a screen door for a funny sized, bent out of shape slider opening. So for now: Viva!

A seal came up to watch me dance on the beach

This is Bob the Sea Lion...

Ok well this was actually last summer, and I wrote about Bob. He was on the beach and really sick. I sat with him for 4 days and on day 5 he went back to the ocean. The pictures with Hazel were when Bob was not feeling well; and both my dogs (Sam the lab & Hazel) were very careful around him, very quiet, and sat next to him. Hazel and Bob communicated nose to nose. Sam came over to sniff and then lay down next to Bob.

Somehow they knew that Bob was sick. A lady I met on the beach and I sat with Bob all week. On day 2 the marine veterinarian for the beaches came out and gave Bob 2 shots.

And on Friday Bob went back into the ocean.

Ok fast forward to today. I was dancing on the beach- the weather is fabulous right now, warm with clear blue skies, and I was feeling very positive because Tuesday I weighed myself and had lost 2 more lbs! Yep I'm up to 48 pound lost. I'm hoping to make 50 by March 31. I was also feeling great because I was on my way to talk about a part time job after I exercised- which is why I was dancing for an hour on the beach this morning and not rushing off to the "senior stretch" class after a half hour of dance...Anyway! The tide was out and I had lots of flat sand to dance on so I was jumping all over the place. I always face the water, I am so lucky (!), I can exercise and watch pelicans fly over me, watch the waves lapping the shore, sometimes dolphins are going by. This morning, I looked over to my right, and there was a big seal sitting at the edge of the shore! He was really big- in fact I'm not sure he was not a sea lion, hey- maybe it was Bob!! So I danced over a few feet so I was right in front of him; he can't hear the music since I was wearing headphones, and I didn't get right in his face, so he didn't leave.

(With Bob, I sat next to him for hours before I touched him. I talked to him and he got used to me being there. Then we pet him and poured water on him. When the vet came she warned us not to get to close, that he could be dangerous- I laughed and said he was my friend. She saw how calm he was with us....we told her we were not leaving him....and she didn't warn us anymore)

Well I have this belt clip for my Iphone which I have only used a couple of times because I usually wear these old shorts when I dance on the beach and put it in the pocket....but today I wore actual workout clothes so needed the clip. Ok so I took the phone off my hip and tried to take a picture with the sun behind me and thought I couldn't see anything because of the glare. So I just kept snapping ha ha- as it turned out that clip has a solid back...so the camera was not taking the picture. Uhhhh DUH what a dope I am! I was even thinking about posting the photo here to show what amazing days I've been having this week. ha ha poor me. And the seal...(or Bob) slowly turned and went back into the ocean. I went back to exercising and danced a little longer than usual to make up the time.

So it looks like I got a part time job starting next week! Yipee...I don't know which 4 hours a day I'll work but I'll have to schedule my workouts around it. Since I've been doing it almost a year I'm confident that I will find a way to make it work. In the beginning I had to stayed really structured to make sure I did it every day. But now, I look forward to my workout, my day always goes so much better when I start it with a workout. I may have to get up a little earlier....and that may be just for a while until I get the hang of the workload. Get the feel of it. I can actually work from home since it's online and telephone mostly, but the office is the same place where I teach English, and probly at first I'll want to be there- to avoid panic mode ha ha. It's working for a company that takes people on these awesome fishing trips on this island off the Baja coast south of here. Once I am working maybe I'll tell the company name and hey- encourage readers here to check it out if they like to fish, right? But I think I should wait. Anyway I will be managing the reservations, customer service type stuff...more on this later.

Ok so a couple of days ago I had such an amazing day. First thing was I had lost 2 more lbs- aha so it must have been Tuesday...an "offical" weigh day ha ha. Then I called HR Block to see about my taxes and she told me I was getting a refund! WOW I haven't gotten a refund in about 100 years! (ok maybe not that long). The weird thing is it has to do with Obamacare. Because I told them what my income would be for 2014...which was only the rental income from the Petaluma house...I was eligible for the credit, but they said since I actually made less than I stated, that they made my premiums to high so I was getting a refund. What?? The weird- or uncomfortable part- is that the way I understand it is I now have a huge monthly payment, but I get the credit so I only pay a small amount. However- the gov't pays the fucking insurance companies/drug manufacturers the difference! This has been my problem with it since it started last year. I don't like it- the insurance co/drug mfgrs are still raping the country! I know I've ranted about this before here....once we moved to Mexico and I saw how cheap medical care is! How cheap medicine is! That's when I realized the whole healthcare system in the states was screwed up. I was happy they were trying to change it. I don't like how it is now, but at least it's a start. Wow here I am off on a rant again...ok back to the good stuff!

So, weight loss, tax refund, then a call with our friend down south and she says the people are still interested in the Playa Ventura house; they're just involved in something right now and expect to come back around the 1st of April. So there's hope the darn house will sell. So pretty good day, eh? Well I was thinking about it, and the day before, I kinda let go of a resentment I was carrying around, and maybe I freed myself up to receive some positive energy. You know what? I just wrote a big long thing about what the resentment was....it's a long story and not worth repeating. Anyway the end of the story is my sister was supposed to send my mom's ashes to my daughter Drew so when I go up there I can take them to Yosemite to spread them. (my mom died in 2011) I have been upset about it. But I suddenly realized: I have a very small amount of my mom's ashes. I decorated a little jar with sane and shells and she sits nearby. I just wanted her near me...but the truth is (for me) that my mom is with me as long as I keep her in my heart, as long as I think of her every time I see a full moon, every time I look at my arm where I have a tattoo of a penguin with her name under it and her funny saying of "oh well", as long as Everardo and I talk about her, when he brings up how whenever she got ill and the paramedics or firemen had to come transport her to the hospital she would flirt with them. So the fact is, I have ashes to take to Yosemite. I don't have to fight with my sister, I know my mom wouldn't like that anyway. The relief is huge.

Oh in case you read my previous post, my daughter figured out her issues and their lives are back on track. Ha ha and no news on the younger daughter front. I love her and always wish she is happy. Ok so life is good. That's why I wanted to post this evening. Looks like things are gonna change a little, I'm both excited and not about working ha ha. I've read about 8 books in the last month...the weather if getting really nice so my hammock is starting to make little noises to get my attention. I took a small corner in our tiny yard and put my big Buddha statue in it and dragged some really nice huge rocks from down the road, and some pretty pots that we have nothing growing in right now and made a little serenity spot. Life is good, change is good, Mexico is really good! Viva

Suicide squirrels and life on the spit road

The spit road out to our place...I missed the suicide squirrel...twice.

I mean I missed taking a picture of the suicide squirrel. I missed it the other day as well. Last week I thought I hit one- but I saw nothing in the rear view window and there was nothing in the road on my way back. Luckily I saw the snake and swerved out of the way...then I jumped out and took his picture. Even though he had no rattles on his tail, or amazing colored stripes that would have made me think he was poisonous, as he curled tighter....I jumped back in the car! That sucker moved pretty fast - not as fast as the suicide squirrels though. They just crack me up. They are skinny squirrels; not the chubby, bushy tailed type you think of when talking about squirrels. They live in holes in the ground around the estuary...and I swear to God they wait until a car is coming before they run across the road. I'm sure they cross all the time, but I swear I never see on in the distance...always right in front of me...hence the name I gave them "suicide squirrels". I guess I should call them dare devil squirrels since they seem to always make it.

The spit road is so pretty; I try sometimes to remember to drive it slowly and look around. Sometimes there's goats with the horses, and they are so funny! They climb up on the little shed in their pen. They run around and jump- and I think they egg the horses on because these horses are pretty humorous themselves. They play some kind of neck fighting with each other over a fence...they chase each other, and sometimes they just roll on the ground. This side of the road with the animals and the houses is the beach side. The houses you see in the photo- well there's a dirt road on the other side of the houses, then another house, then the beach. We live much further up the road, and we live on the beach side...but there's no houses across from us so we can see the estuary - like in the last 2 photos, a big field, the road, a big field then the water. We walk the dogs out there when we're not walking them on the beach, and Hazel runs around at 60 miles an hour the entire time. Actually, recently she caught a squirrel- twice! That's how fast she is. I told Everardo not to let her do that- not just for the poor squirrels, but that they probly carry diseases, maybe even rabies...and I don't want our baby girl getting sick. Not to meantion- YUCK...bloodthirsty little monster, right? No she's our sweet baby girl.

So here's a couple pics of interesting things we've found out walking"

 

Yesterday morning when I looked outside to check the weather, the tide, I saw 2 dolphins swimming. One was sort of floating and the other was coming up to the surface and then diving back in. I was so happy to see them! I think maybe they leave for the winter, so it was nice to see them back, and I'm hoping it's a sure sign that summer is upon us! The pelicans are back as well! I look outside on week day mornings to check the tide. If it's out, then there's enough beach to dance for my morning exercise. I like the sand closest to the water; it's the hardest- otherwise it's really hard to zumba dance or rock and roll get down dance (ha ha) in the soft sand, and I want to get the best cardio out of it that I can. So I look every morning, and if the tide is in, then I have to dance out in front of the house, in front of the dirt road- facing the estuary...so no matter what I have a beautiful view when I am out there huffin and puffin :)

Lately I've been going to a free stretch class 3 days a week after my beach workout.  It's about a 6 or 7 minute drive...and only that long because the last 800 meters of the road out to the main road is not just dirt, but jagged dirt, pot holes, and chunks. But after that it's about 2 minutes and here's what I drive past:

I love where we live right now. It's always interesting ha ha. Where we are, way down the road, there's lots of empty houses. There was some kind of big thing that happened here about 15 years ago; it has to do with the whole ejido thing. The ejido land is when the government gave land to a family way back when. Now, at least in this area, big plots of ejido land was made into these "camps" and people could buy or lease land, and build houses on it. The problem with that is.....even if you "bought" the land, the ejido can take it back. Do I understand it? Or why? No I do not, but I know for sure I would never buy ejido land or build a house on it. In this camp, I guess the family tried to extort money from the home owners (leased or purchased land) and in the end got the military (so the government) to evict people. Well many of them sabotaged the houses- if they had to walk away from them, at least the ejido wouldn't be able to sell or even rent them. Concrete down the pipes, things like that. The house next to us was ruined in that fashion so nobody will ever live there. So we are not a crowded camp, I like that. OK so now talk about karma. I have heard that the camp owner has been trying for the last few years to get some kind of permits to build things here- like new houses, maybe a fitness resort...ways to get people to come down and invest and/or buy. But the local gov't won't issues him any of the permits, so he is stuck renting the places that are not too messed up for as much as he can. The workers are trying to get another house right near us ready to rent, but they worked on it all summer, and now are working on it again- but I did hear that house is going to rented to some people on vacation so I guess it wouldn't have to be perfect. And of course there's no building codes or anything here, so leaky roof? no problem, no electricity? no problem...etc.

The peso continues to fall- this is not good for us trying to sell the Guerrero house. But at this point if someone wanted it, we'd sell pretty cheap. Just want to get out from under it. But all I can do is keep putting it out to the universe and letting it go. That's a hard one for me- letting go. Ha ha unfortunately for me I am always getting opportunities to practice though! My older daughter is going thru something right now that has her relationship under pressure. She is struggling. I can do nothing- and I want to do something! I want so badly for her to be happy, for her life to be perfect. Yeah I know that sounds silly, right? But that's all a parent wants- is for their children to be happy, healthy, safe. She is a strong young woman, and I know she'll be ok, but I hate for her to have to go thru things. I told her I'd be there in a second if she needs me- and I will. But she's taking care of herself. I need to trust, in her, in my own spirituality, in the universe. I mean this is the kid who was shot in the head, right? And then the miracles started, and she's fine, she's perfect. So I have to be content to be her sounding board, to be available, to support her in any decision she makes. = letting go. 

The lessons continue. My younger daughter and I are in the same place as this time last year. I looked at my blog for this time last year. I had been writing, commiserating that I had no relationship with her. But then I had written her and she actually replied after months of nothing. I wrote about how happy I was; that we were going to have a relationship...ha ha ha ha. She was struggling, with school and in a huge power struggle with her dad's wife, and so reached out to me. I was so happy and ready to help. The problem was (is), that once she didn't need me anymore...she stopped communicating with me again, and when I asked for the things she was going to do....she got resentful and we are back to zero relationship. How many times do I let my own heart to break? Because at this point it is on me. I know how she is...and is it because she's young? I hope so, it seems that way. Talking to other mom, age 21 is selfish selfish selfish oh and self centered. She barely replies to her sister either. I miss her terribly, but I know the only way to have a relationship with her is total acceptance, letting go. At this moment I am still upset with her, so cannot let go...yet. Yes also my fault. But she has a box of Christmas decorations & ornaments that I gave her before we left for Mexico. (sorry if I already wrote this). I asked her to please take them from her dad's house- and since she doesn't care about them, then please please give them to her sister. They matter to me. Some of it is stuff from my side of the family, and my mom and dad are gone, my family is very small, and those things were for her to start her own family traditions, and I'm sure her dad would give her some things and then over the years she'll add to it. Maybe a 21 year old can't see that it matters, but I continually bugged her over a few months to get the stuff and bring it to her place (why didn't she take it when she moved out last June?...Oh mom I'll get it before Christmas). So yeah, I'm still upset. I also completely screwed up my relationship with her dad and his wife by being mean in email to his wife. I know I wrote about this before because I regret it so much. But I was full of being my daughter's hero- when really she just wanted her way. I know she is not responsible for my mean-ness, but she didn't even acknowledge that I got into that mess trying to help her. Just a little, sorry that all happened mom...but no- she just blew it all off- "not my problem". Yeah as you can plainly see I am still resentful about this. So more opportunity for letting go. I want a relationship with her- she's my kid, but for now, well if she contacts me I will be happy, but I'm not doing the reaching out this time. I do hope however that she gets closer to her sister, who really wants to be close with her, but is seeing the same selfish-ness as I do...Luckily Drewy has a couple of really good friends she's known since high school and before, and they are there to support her, hug her, and listen to her. For that I am so grateful.

So writing that made me feel better. I love both my daughters, warts and all. With the younger one I simply have to have zero expectations and act accordingly, at least until something changes. With the older one, I try to be sure to be in cell service area around the times I know she usually calls me while she is going thru this. She and I talk several times a week, but in the last couple of weeks, almost every day. I probly won't go up there until summer, maybe late summer...and who knows what will happen between then and now. Oh almost forgot! I was offered a job last Sunday...but I turned it down. Yes of course money is nice- we could sure use some. But it was to manage a restaurant, and the hours were noon to 9pm or longer...They said I could start at just 3 days a week, and that once I understood the restaurant there was some event planning with their bed & breakfast where I could earn 10% of the event. But the restaurant is really slow....sounded kinda boring, and really the main thing was- I like my life right now...and working those hours would suck. I am in month 12 of a 12 month commitment I made to myself about health- exercise and eating. I like what I'm doing. So I thought about it, came home and talked to Everardo about it, and decided to pass. If I really want to work, my new neighbor showed me some websites where you can find online work. I looked at them, but did not bid on anything, I was a little intimidated....haven't done anything like that before- but if I decided I really want to do something- I'll go back to her and see if she can help me out with it a little. It's funny- then I worried that I had put it out to the universe that I wanted to make some money and an opportunity came up, but I passed- Uh oh will I get another opportunity? Yes that was part of my thought process...fear. But maybe what I need to do is be a little more specific (ha ha) in what I put out there, you know? When I woke up the morning after deciding to pass on the job, I felt relief- so that was a huge positive sign to me. 

So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Like I said, this is the last month of my year commitment to myself. I am pretty proud of myself- I've stuck to this. It has become my way of life; exercising and eating smart. I've lost 46 pounds as of yesterday. It's only the 7th of the month so I have a chance of losing a couple of more pounds by month end. Then I'll make another commitment to myself. Writing twice a week in a notebook-on my "official weigh days" has helped alot. I just read yet another article in Yahoo news about weight and cancer. In fact this article said obesity will be the number 1 cause of cancer in a few years. So I know I am on the right path. Today at the noon AA meeting in Ensenada, a woman I hadn't seen for a few weeks said- wow you lots alot of weight- you look great! Yippee that felt great! Honestly thought, I think I need to lose another 25 or 30 pounds. I'm not sure, I am close to a place I have not been below in 25 years. Yeah I figured that out in my health journal because I'm trying to figure out what to commit to for the next year. But maybe I'll say 30 and then I can modify if/when need be. I mean I had 60lbs for a goal when I started this, and I am not making that- but it turned out not to be a reasonable goal, so I can modify when or if I need to. Let me see if I can find a before and now pic- sorry next time- I can't find anything right now. Actually I think I have something from right before I started this and I'll take one at the end of this month. Dinner time....mmmm talapia (whitefish) and black beans.....ok viva!