Remembering why I love living here...

Today I remember why I love it here. It was hot outside but the wind blew all day and that helps alot. I had to run an errand so went to Arrura Bodega (Mexico Walmart) and remembered I like the open air feeling of this town. People were happy all around me, everyone smiled, people said hola. A lady and a little girl were coming out of the store and the little girl lost her red balloon, but it came down pretty quick so I ran after it along with a store clerk- they guy who gets you a cart, helps direct you out of the lot, wants to unload your groceries from the cart into your car, I think the only money they make is the tips they get in the parking lot- anyway another shopper and her family saw me chasing it and grabbed it as it went by, and gave it to me. I gave it to the clerk and he ran it back to the little girl who's mom was putting her groceries away. Everybody laughed.

We went to the beach last nite right before it got dark- no zumba cause of my migraine, I was feeling crappy but better. I even had a couple of panic attacks the nite before when the migraine was settling in. I just know the panic attacks are about chemical imbalance...and yeah it could be a stress chemical, the migraine is surely the same thing. I am completely calm about my upcoming procedure- I know it's just going to be...oh the irregular cells from the benign polyp...hear that? BENIGN?? So see maybe I have subconscious stress- hey ha ha ha subconscious stress- probly a good defense for murder right? I'll have to remember that! But I digress. The beach was breezy, Sam ran all over the place chasing the ball- unfortunately until he started to limp poor baby. Lucky tried hard to keep up, but the beach is Sam's place.

Amazing flocks of birds went by; pelicans, sea gulls, and another bird kinda a cross between the two- a long thick beak but pretty short wings and body. Anyway they all sorta floated by, a little swooping, but mostly swaying;  sometimes the breeze held them still in one spot for more than a few seconds it seemed. Then the sky itself showed it's colors, light and dark blues, swirling pinks, grays, and they kept changing as the sun disappeared. The beach is so peaceful. A few people walked along, a couple of joggers, and when I walked up a small rise I could see people further down in a big group, splashing around, and others setting up some kind of camp.

I meant to take the dogs to the park today; I wanted to walk on the lawn, but the time got away from me. Packing, and I had to stop by my new friend Deb's to drop off a couple of copper scorpions Everardo made for a charity event she's hosting and needs some auction items- well when she and I get to talking, truthfully she could talk for 4 hours straight I think, only taking a breath in between subjects...but it was all fun stuff, lots of "town gossip" cause she's been here a long time and knows alot of nutty people, so I like to listen....anyway the day slipped by. But lately I've been thinking and talking about leaving Mexico, and this morning I woke up and thought- I love it here. I love teaching; it's fun and I just let the class form itself. I like the people out at the center. I don't believe in every single thing they do, but they have good intentions. I like the people here, it's a much slower paced environment. It's SO much cheaper to live. I like my own Spanish lessons I'm doing with Rosetta Stome and I'll do them next week in Calif, and in Sept I'm starting a new, more advanced class with 2 women who are at about my level, I think we all 3 excel in different areas so we will challenge each other. I'm very excited about that.

Even taking the dogs to the vet is super cheap here- biy what a money making racket it is in the states. This city has about 60K people here, probly more than is published, but pretty much the same as the town we come from in Ca. There's a guy that sells newspapers in an intersection by the bank who always waves to me; when I'm stopped on his side we always chat. I've never bought a paper from him, but one of these days I'll start buying it. But he's just the nicest man. There's another intersection where now the entertainment is a juggler on a really tall unicycle, at another a guy who juggles flaming sticks. People are so creative here. I feel hope in the air. Yeah I think I want to be here for awhile......

I'm leaving early in the morning tomorrow, the boys are all staying home taking care of each other. But I'll be back in a week, back to my little Mexican town. And bringing my girls with me, even if only for 3 days...
Viva

Fun fact about Mexico:
Mexico’s size is 756,066 square miles, which is almost three times larger than Texas

Migraines and lawyers....sounds right...

Had a migraine today. They take me down. I threw up. I can barely see. However down here, for about $10, I got a shot this afternoon (when I couldn't take it anymore) that starts working on it right away. Of course then I slept away the balance of the afternoon and had a 'cup-a-soup' (noodles) for dinner. I barely woke up before 7pm, so obviously didn't go to Zumba, and now I won't go for at least a week cause I'm leaving for California on Sunday morning.
We turned on the mini split last nite in the bedroom last nite- that's an air conditioner-and it's the only place we have one in the house. The problem is I don't like the ac shooting air down on me while I'm sleeping. I laid down and Everardo was out like a light- which is funny cause I always go to bed around midnite and he comes later, or in this heat, alot of the time he stays on the couch with the overhead fan- cause our queen size bed is too small when we are sweating, tossing and turning....but he was very happy about the ac in our room so he went to bed before midnite. I came in and it's on my side of the bed so I felt like it was blowing on me. I even tried putting the sheet over me for the first time in about 2 months...so I slept on the couch, and woke up with a migraine...aarrgghh.

Ok now different news. We went to see the lawyer this morning that our friend Mike gave us the name of. Looking for Everardo to be able to return to the United States legally. We decided that our best bet is to apply for a visitor's visa (6 months) and then when we're up there, we can go see an immigration lawyer about residency. I hope it will help that we're married. I think you have to be married for more than 2 years for it to be a helpful thing in our favor...and we have. This guy told us it was much better to be wanting to live in Calif than Arizona- that Arizona is really hard to deal with for visas or residency. I had a feeling that would be the case, which is why I told him we wanted to live in Calif.

So- he is going to help Everardo with the visa petition process; filling out the paperwork. Once you submit it, it takes up to 20 days to get an answer. 20 days- that's pretty good. Everardo got in some trouble when he was younger living in the states, so we gotta keep our fingers crossed. I think they'll be able to get it all done next week while I'm gone, but whatever it takes. We'd been waiting for that 2 year marriage mark and we hit it in July.

So I leave 7:30 am Sunday morning for the Phoenix airport. Haha my flight isn't until 5pm, but they were saying it takes 5 hours to get up to their office, then I take a cab to the airport, and I'd rather sit in the airport with a book for a couple of hours than anx't over getting there like last time. That was the other shuttle company and they are the ones who got a flat tire in the desert with no spare, left the border 2 hours late....yeah they told me I'd get a $5 discount next time- when I stopped laughing I said- you think I'm gonna ride with you again?? I'll be up there for a week and a day, and the girls are coming back with me, but until Friday...so I hope I remember tomorrow to stop by Portugal Insurance down at the corner to see if they have the one day insurance for me to drive in the states. Their return flight is a 1pm so there's no way they'd make it on the shuttle. I asked them to get a flight as late in the afternoon as possible, but apparently Halla didn't get Friday nite off, so will fly into San Francisco and be at work by 7pm. I find it kinda puzzling that she couldn't get a nite off when she asked 2 weeks in advance....don't know what's going on there....oh well maybe my friend Pam will be back by then and want to take a little road trip with me. It's about a 4 hour trip each way...so boring as hell coming back I guess. However I've never driven it so I'll have to pay attention on the way up in the shuttle van.

We took the dogs to the beach for a quick jaunt this evening, as the sun was going down and the sky was stripes of pink and blue. There were all these different flocks of birds, pelican, sea gulls, and another bird with a long thick round beak- but not like the pelicans. I tried to take some pictures, but only with my phone so they probly won't be too specific. Ha ha at one point a drop of moisture, I wish it had been rain hit my face...and I was not close enough to the water for it to have been the surf...so what was it? Bird pee? Bird spit? Ah well, I carry hand sanitizer in my purse (ever since I had cancer and had to worry about every germ while I was in treatment), so I kinda washed my face in it. I love to sit and just look at the ocean. Here there's not the amazing waves that we had in Guerrero cause we were on the open ocean, but it's still mesmerizing. It reminded me why I love it here. And I need reminding. I know it is no time for decision for us when I'm worried (and pretending not to be) about this up coming procedure and what the results could be. I miss my daughters, I miss cool green grass, I miss redwood trees, I miss living on a paved road. I miss the control I don't have by not being fluent, I miss my daughters. I miss big AA meetings; here out English speaking meeting is very small, and all the Spanish meetings are small as well. They usually have 10-15, which is much bigger than the English meetings that are 4 or 5, but that's how they do it here. There has to be 20 different groups here for the Spanish speakers; they like smaller groups. Maybe it's cause of how their format runs; you get to talk for 15 minutes and the meetings are an hour and a half. In the bigger English meetings (not here) you are asked to speak only for 3-5 minutes. I tried to talk my gal pal Pam into going up to Phoenix once a month for a bigger meeting but so far she has declined. Partly cause she has been going on her own road trips; to see family, to see friends, to escape the heat, and I'm not comfortable driving 4 hours each way alone for a meeting. Ok- did I say I miss my kids? Poppi told me the other day he misses his uncle, and I know he's worried about that old man. He was so happy when his cousin Anna and her hubby Carlos came to visit. He really loves his family. So he's ready to go back as well, but we both want to wait for about a year- sell the Playa Ventura house, go thru the next "season" for him working on the beach which starts in October...and just keep deciding not to decide....for now.

I've been looking at rents in northern Calif, Modesto is 2 hours from Everardo's family in one direction and 2 hours from mine in another direction, but it's hot there, and dusty, kinda like here. So I looked at Willits, which is almost 2 hours north of my kids, so almost 4 to Poppi's family, but he was good with that. In fact he wants me to look at Eugene Oregon...but he did like the idea of Willits. Now we believe that any move is 6 months to a year away, but if he gets a visitor visa, what will we do? I don't know. I do know that this is not the right time for decision making. And we still want to sell the Guerrero house before we leave as well. We did just get a long term renter, so that's something. And he's a Fed, just got transferred to the area. If we move back we can't afford to live in our house, we need the income, and will I have to get a job? I'm 6 years away from social security- I heard you can start to collect at 62...and then maybe we'd go back to the house. Right now we love out renters and they love the house. If they read this- don't worry, even if we came back in 2014, we won't ask you to move...ha ha can't afford it!

Sometimes Poppi talks about selling it and buying something smaller, but it is small, less than 1300 square feet, and I do love that house more than any other house I owned, and it's the smallest by far. The first one was 1600 sq ft, then 2050, then 3800, then back down to about 2400 I think, then this little house, across the street from a big park. Yeah I love that house. For some reason it always made me think of my Grandma G. She must have lived in a little house before she lived in the trailer, cause why else would it make me think of her. That house gives me serenity.

The hurry up and wait here, for everything is tiring. Driving is tiring because people treat the traffic rules as recommendations. And the damn water truck that drives slowly thru the neighborhood with his horn blasting by 8:30 every morning, he is tiring. The problem there is that our bedroom wall and window is right on the street. No yard or fence whatsoever. Our little yard is on the other side.

I love teaching, but that comes and goes as well. Now I'm having just 4 or 5 people, and 1 will be someone who's been coming and the rest new. So I'm back to just teaching the same stuff over and over. I miss all my students that were learning ordering in a restaurant or at the drive thru McDonalds. Maybe this new group will get there. The directors tho' are saying they want to charge people to come to my class- that if they pay they will be more consistent. But I say- hey these are people who need to come here to eat- how much money do you think they have? Everardo then said- then teach them here at out house for free. That I can use the exercise room. But the problem there is, how would they get here? Most of them walk to the center...and I have a feeling I'd have the same issues with inconsistency. And again, as I said- this is no time for me to be making decisions, about anything. They would be out of fear- no matter how much I might deny it. So this writing tonite is merely venting...oh wait - isn't that what it always is???

So I'm feeling much better. My next post will probly be from northern Calif. I am head over heels in love with my husband, and we will do whatever the next right thing, for us, is. Our 2 doggys are crashed out, Lucky puppy is about to hit 9 weeks and is still sooo tiny. Sam turned 6 on 4th of July and is panting in front of the fan.And we just started watching a Batman movie, so it's allll gooood!

Mexico fun fact:
The Chihuahua is the world’s smallest dog and is named for a Mexican state.

Zumba, business in Mexico and other things..

Zumba continues to kick my ass. Tonite however I was on fire and actually a little bit surprised when she started the cool down. Now last nite, it was painful- but entirely my fault. I ate a cheeseburger and fries only about an hour before class. I barely made it thru class...modified everything, and threw up when I got home. Sipped ice water for about an hour, then had some peanut butter bread. No hamburgers for me for a while. This place though- Star Burger- has cheeseburgers and french fries so good that when I go to the US for a visit, it's not something I miss. I know I wrote about it before; but we go there about once a month. Yesterday Everardo worked with Rick- Deb's husband and he called late afternoon & asked me to grab some burgers- and I did it, was really hungry and wolfed down my burger...ooops.

Deb and Rick are a couple about 10 years older than us. We met them because they are involved with the community center where I teach English & Everardo was working with the dogs. They have a house a couple of blocks from us; she lives here 3 weeks a month and he is trying to wrap up their business in Tuscon so they can be here permanently. He asked Everardo to help him the last few days with some construction stuff, installing air conditioners and insulation....I think maybe to sort of evaluate him as a worker, cause we have expressed interest in whatever business they start down here. They are interesting and she's a kick in the butt funny- always has a funny story and she can literally go on for hours! She's a mover & a shaker, and she's decided to network down here and get to know people starting businesses, to get to know women who are involved in things. Hmmm maybe a good person for me to hang with.

What I also like is they get the -don't need to reinvent the wheel concept. Let's see what other people are doing. Like getting medical insurance down here...seguro popular...getting permanent residency. They reach out and touch people and she's inviting me to be a sidekick. Sounds ok for now.

She knows how to get people to donate...money...food...stuff....she's good for the center. Things work out here, but differently than in the states. Everything takes time. But much like the states, it's who you know. I heard a guy talking about not wanting to give money (bribe) and "do things the right way". and I said, but that is the right way here. And the truth is, in the states...you make political contributions...isn't that the same thing? So this woman knows people, and the ones she doesn't know? She figuring out how to get to know them. This will be priceless when they start a business. It's like there are a select few who get things done, who influence things here.

However I have changed. I don't want to be involved. I just wanna watch ha ha. I used to always like to be involved in the drama. But no more. I see it around the center..well hear it actually, and I am trying to just show up and do my teaching thing and get out. I don't want to be involved with the dog ministry. It's evolving, growing, but I also see a lot of toes being stepped on, and seeing some resentments growing. Partly because my husband is Mexican he was talking with people at the different sites that are involved and so would hear things the people in charge are not hearing..

It's a fine line...yes the dogs need attention, it's a huge huge problem here and in all of Mexico. But there are also people who have nothing to eat, and they need attention, they need help, too. It's complicated. But it's not my fight. Know what I mean? I want to help people and the way I have chosen is to teach English to adults who want to learn. I do it for free; these are people who have no jobs and no food.

Well that's not completely true. A couple of people have jobs, and want to learn English to do better at their jobs, to be able to talk to more people here since there's alot of English speakers here. Francisco is a water truck driver and wants to talk to clients. He is very motivated and tries very hard. Another lady is a seamstress and wants more clients.. but mostly people are hoping to find a job, and being bilingual is a big plus.

So- a week from today I'll have had my procedure, and by evening be recuperating. The paperwork says about recovery that I can resume normal daily activities after one day, if I'm not bleeding, hmmm well last time I bled for a week, but it was a different procedure, just in the same area. I have decided that nothing is wrong, or at most, that these irregular cells are merely the origin of the polyp I had removed in May...it had to come from somewhere right? I will be gone for a week, and so miss a week of zumba- oh see how I circled back up to what I was talking about in the beginning of this post? ha ha I am soooo clever I kill me sometimes ha ha. ok anyway (de todos modos), how much of my momentum will I lose not exercising for a week? I've been doing it regular for more than a month now, so hopefully it won't take too much to build my air back up. I am changing from it...ever so slowly, but I am. I think I'm also making better food choices since I'm exercising so hard, why wreck it with candy....however I'd love some sugar right now...some cookies? Or piguinos? (those are chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and the white swirly line across them...in the U.S. they are Hostess cupcakes. wow- how pathetic am I?

I want to get a couple of pictures of the zumba class and post them on facebook (since I still haven't figured out how to post here). Since it's been consistent the class just keeps growing, 22 or 23 I think tonite. The funny thing was at the back was an ice cream vendor with his cart...waiting for us to finish and buy ice cream??

See I have no time for cancer or any other health problems. I have zumba, I am learning Spanish and teaching English. I am going to start "networking" with Deb to see if there's any other interesting people I'd like to know, any activities I'd like to get involved with...oh and soooo many books to read. We are casually talking about a trip to Ensenada to see if we like it. I am being careful to try to "appear causal" about it..ha ha...because Everardo says once I get something in my head I never let it go. hmmm Maybe that's true, but I will be sneakier about it ha ha. I realize he has lived all over the place, the longest as an adult (well starting at about 16) was 18 years in Gilroy, but then he has floated, Oregon, California, Mexico...and knowing he's lived in Ensenada and knows some people there has me excited. And it's ok to change my mind again. I'm dying to see (ooops see how now I'm dying to know, dying to see), anyway to see if Ensenada is more like northern Calif in vegetation...trees, grass, and NO desert. It is not the desert for sure and I like that. It's probably more like southern Calif than northern...but I heard from someone today that it's beautiful.

But do the have free zumba in the park? Spanish lessons for 50 pesos for an hour and a half? That starts in Sept, and of course I have Rosetta Stone installed on my laptop so I can continue with that. Ah vamos a ver. Just gotta get past next week, right? At first I thought oh- only deep in Mexico is the real Mexico. I'm so silly- Mexico is Mexico. Guererro is definitely deep in Mexico, and Puerto Penasco is very close to the northern border with Arizona...both are Mexico. And you can live in Mexico as Mexico or you can live here as an American- which people do here and I don't know why- well yes I do- cause it's cheaper than the U.S. And of course I felt the same about Baja...is it Mexico...uh yeah it is. Anyway like I said...vamos a ver.

Also my daughters came up with the idea of coming back with me after my week. But I know it's because they're scared I'm sick. I would love for them to come but....well the tickets are more cause it's inside the 2 week window, but more important, they both start school the 19th of Aug, I return here on the 12th. So if they came with me the 12th- Monday, then they need to go back on Friday cause school starts Monday. So that basically 3 days with us. I mean they could go back Saturday I guess, but then they better be totally prepared for school, right? So I wrote to my Drewy and told her that she can come in 3 months- her school is a medical assistant certificate program that finishes in Oct, then she has to do intern hours before becoming certified...but she could come then and stay longer. For a trip south to Michocan and Guerrero. Of course I want them to come, now, then, whenever they can...but I don't want them to come under pressure. So she said they're going to decide tonite. ok there's another thing about Ensenada- easier for them to come.

Fun fact:
Mexico’s flag is made up three vertical stripes. The left green stripe stand for hope, the middle white stripe represents purity, and the right red stripe represents the blood of the Mexican people. The picture of an eagle eating a snake is based on an Aztec legend

What about Ensenada?

It's soooo hot and humid. Our house always has sand in it. It's like living in a beach cabin all the time. The Playa Ventura house, which was even closer to the beach than here- basically it was our backyard, didn't have as much sand in it. That would be I suppose, because here we are living in a desert, so the land is sandy and the dirt is this fine dirt that seems sometimes just to be in the air. We live on a dirt road of course, and the small yard we have is also dirt. I think maybe sitting at the park today made me miss greenery, made me miss grass in my own yard.

I took the doggys to the park this morning after my AA meeting which I hadn't gone to all week. When I got there, there were 2 men sleeping on the lawn right where I usually walk into the park. No big deal, I just walked past them to a shady spot under a tree. However today, a police truck happened by, and decided to roust the sleeping men, and maybe one of them commented on me being on the lawn, because one of the policemen came up to me. He told me he didn't speak much English and I said that's ok, my Spanish is pretty bad, too. He pointed to the sign that said don't walk on the grass and told me I couldn't sit there. I hadn't yet sat down, but I pointed to Sam & Lucky and said, oh pobre perros. Then he surprised me by sayingthat the dogs could be on the lawn, just not me! Ha ha I laughed. Then I told him in Spanish that I didn't want to sit on the cement wall because it was always full of ants...he laughed and said sorry. We went back to the first shady spot where the men had been, and there was a short cement wall like a planter box, and I didn't see any ants.

Sam chased the ball alot today, and Lucky explored. I read a little and we stayed about an hour. I love grass, I LOVE GRASS. In this little park it's that really thick grass, the thin stuff would never make it here. It's interesting to me that more people are not hanging out every day in this park, just for the green; the trees, the bushes, the lawn, the shade. Maybe I'm just NOT thinking about my upcoming procedure, that would be me, coming up with an elaborate plan about something else.

I looked at Ensenada on line yesterday and this morning. It's not a desert. It looks like the average temperature is mid 70's all year round, although reading about the winter rainy season from Nov to Feb, I bet its not in the 70's then. And the summer sometimes it much hotter, but it is on the Pacific, and so is probly not that hot. Where we come from in northern Calif, the coast is beautiful, but the water is too cold to swim in. I'm hearing the same for Ensenada, altho' I remember swimming at the beach in Long Beach and Newport Beach...southern Calif...but I bet it was cold ha ha.

Truth is I could easily "be over" swimming in the ocean. I never did it that much, except in Hawaii on vacation and then every day for six months down in Guerrero. I love the ocean, the smells, the birds, the crashing waves....I can watch it for hours, and I don't need to be in it. Ensenada needs to be an option for us....and Everardo told me he knows some people there- yep- he lived there, too. Of course he told me to get it out of my head for now- not to start obsessing like I do...ha ha he says when I get something in my head I don't let go. Noooooo-me?

But I worry for him. He doesn't say it, but I know he's trying to figure out how to make some money, how to take care of us. Right now the only tourists on the beach are Nationals (Mexicans) from other states and they are much on buying stuff from the vendors. But even during "the season" there wasn't that many tourists here. He knew that things had slowed down here, but I think maybe he didn't realize it was this much. Working at the center just wasn't making him any money. He really liked what he was doing but we couldn't live on what he was getting. Now he may have another lead, a guy who works at a gym told him there's gonna be an opening to work 4-10pm and he can make enough to get us by. Den & Rick are planning to have a business down here and she told me today she always keeps Everardo's name in her mind. I just want him to know I'm open for something different. He had actually talked about living 6 months in Algodonis and 6 months here so he could work as a vendor.

So I looked at Ensenada. It has a big tourist population. It has at least one cruise ship port. It's a huge city...oh God! 370 thousand!! Well maybe we could live in the outskirts? There's a mountain range nearby and a valley where they grow grapes and make wine. There grass, did I say it's NOT the desert? So I lived in the tropics and now I live in the desert...what's next?

And I also saw there's several manufacturing companies there- hey I could get a job...but I'd still want to teach English for free, maybe wknds? So this is all just my musings...cause who knows what the next few weeks are going to bring. For me- I'm voting for nothing wrong when we get my results!

Ok fun fact about Mexico: (about Ensenada of course)

It is said that the first Vitis vinifera made it to the region's San Ignacio Mission in 1703, when Jesuit Padre Juan de Ugarte planted the first vineyards there.

Well not too much has changed, hmm maybe everything has changed. I did talk to my doctor, I feel like I understand how all this came to pass, and I'm comfortable with my decision to go up to northen Calif to have this procedure done.

I did find out I could do it here, and send the results up there. Yep, it would be cheaper. And if I had any kind of track record with the doctors here, maybe I would. Ok maybe that's a lie. It all has to do with the fear. If it was anything but cancer, I'd be having it checked here. I do believe there is good health care in Mexico. And it's SO affordable. A mammogram is 500 pesos, same for a sonogram. If I was in an accident or had some other illness, I'd be taking care of it here. But it's not. It's cancer (hopefully not), and I want to go to the people who know me. I told Everardo if I was in Calif I wouldn't want to go to any other hospital but Kaiser, cause that's who I went thru all this with before. And at first they said everything was fine, then somebody said...hmmm..wait- let's send this off to UCSF and check. So they want me to do this.

So I spent the money on a ticket. I'll probly end up paying off my deductible for the year, so crap, anything else I want looked at before year end ha ha??

But I am not letting this consume me. I have students for English. I am keeping my commitment to myself to work with Rosetta Stone for Spanish at least one hour every day, and I'm also going to Zumba every evening.

Zumba is kicking my ass. I push every nite to work harder. I feel so much better. And now that it's consistent, there are at least 15 people there every nite and usually more than that. I am still the only American, or at least the only English speaker, but I speak Spanish with the ladies working out around me. We're hot, we're tired, arms hurt or legs hurt, there's a couple of songs, which afterwards, I am not the only one with my head down and hands on my knees ha ha. Lots of kids are there, too. Everybody in Mexico (seems like anyway) has alot of kids, so when you come down to the park to exercise, the kids are in tow, with either parent. I always see kids with the guys on the track or over on the workout stations where the bars are. So during Zumba there's always kids running around, or trying to follow the dances ha ha. They stand next to their moms and swing their arms and jump around. I like it- well most of the time, I almost fell over a kid on a bike yesterday, and today a soccer ball appeared in the middle of everyone. So life goes on around it. The women who come are all ages, shapes and sizes. There's this one, she looks pretty young, but of course has at least 2 kids that I could identify as hers, anyway she dresses in bright pink and green, in these crazy getups, I tiny pair of green shorts stretched over pink leggings...a pink headband and some very tight fitting pink top. Yeah nobody here worries about hiding their fat...it's true. Women wear all kinds of stuff, not just at zumba and they strut their stuff. They are so confident, that they look good. Me- I gotta put a teeshirt over that stuff. But I love the freedom here, to do zumba in the park (and it's free- gotta love that), to dress the way that makes you feel good.

And everybody is nice to me. The teacher is always calling me by name- some song today- after she yelled "Es para Teresa!" (It's for Teresa)....It's 5 nites a week and we both go. Everardo alternates running for an hour and doing the workout stuff- sit ups, pull ups, etc. When we get home, we grab our spoiled doggys and take them for a drive, just 15-20 minutes. Sometimes out to the beach and a quick walk out so they can poop and Sam can run a little, but sometimes just a drive and he hangs his big head out the window and smells everything. It's a nice ritual.

Today English class was great after having a not great day out there yesterday. I had 4 students today who are long term- being coming for months, and then 4 new people. Thurs (today is not a new people day, but I encourage them to come to listen, maybe pick up something- but it's not required). But my 4 students- they were awesome!! They had to tell me in English what they do during the day, for at least 3 days, so we worked on sentences. Then they had to tell me about each other's days, so verbs and pronouns had to change. I saw this one lady look...and then she yelled- Maestra! (that's me- teacher)...and she got the connection! I was so happy! Happier than her I think ha ha! So we did them all, and then another woman asked what if we want to put the person's name first? Cause all the sentences started with..."On Monday I ....." so we worked thru on of those and she got that the action stayed with the name, and then the rest....well anyway it was REALLY fun because the students were excited and figuring things out with each other and then presenting them to me. So cool. I have a couple other students in that category, and actually Tues I started with just one guy, Francisco who speaks a little English, and so I had him tell me about his job in English.

Which turns out to be 2 jobs! This guy drives a water truck from 7am to 3pm, and a taxi from 4pm until 3 in the morning! We talked about the water truck- the kind that carry the big garrafons - the big plastic jugs- and they sell them in the neighborhoods. We just take ours to the Oxxo down the street and it's a few pesos cheaper. But they drive by my open bedroom window every morning no later than 8:30, honking their horn the entire time so you know they're out there. I asked him if he did that- he laughed and said oh no! I play music! Anyway this guy sleeps from 3am to 6am when he wakes up and starts again. He has a wife and 2 little kids. He only has Sunday off. I love this guy, he has the best attitude, always laughing and keeps the class lively- is very good natured so I can pick on him in a funny way and everyone has fun. He mostly only comes on Tuesdays when he takes a break- if he's not too busy. But he's very motivated to learn and so he is learning alot.

People get paid next to nothing here, and so they do what they need to to survive. Luckily things are cheap, medical care, rent, food is a little cheaper than the US, but you gotta go to the Mexican stores, not Sam's Club or Aurrera Bodega- which is owned by Walmart, and we're finding the best places for different things. Everardo just found a better place for meat today, and has to show me where it is. We're trying not to eat too much meat, but gotta have some, ya know? Tonite we had some breaded beef, kinda like chicken fried steak, and it was really good! He also bought some marinaded pork which we'll try probly tomorrow...hmmm 2 nites in a row- ok splurge!

So tomorrow he's working with a guy who called tonite to ask him to help with some construction and maybe he said insulation...tomorrow and Saturday, so I guess after Spanish I'll take the kids (oops I mean dogs) to the park. But no English class tomorrow so I can lay in the grass in the park and read...ahh sounds nice doesn't it?

Ok fun fact about Mexico:
Mexico City is built over the ruins of a great Aztec city, Tenochtitlán. Because it is built on a lake, Mexico is sinking at a rate of 6 to 8 inches a year as pumps draw water out for the city’s growing population.

In limbo

I still don't know anything. My doctor doesn't come in on Monday. I called and asked for a phone appt, but they said nothing available until Thursday! I was awful and yelled at the poor receptionist- but she had already asked me what was the reason I wanted the appt and I told her, that it was about a cancer check! That I had been left an email msg late Friday nite and got to worry all weekend. No- not waiting until Thurs. You know how this stuff goes. I can try calling tomorrow morning at 9am. She'll send him a msg. I kept asking for a number to call him and she kept insisting she needed my number, even tho I said I was calling from Mexico. Ok I give. I gave her my number and...silence...then- oh I don't think he can call this number. Ha ha.

However I made the appt for Aug 6. Tonite I bought an airline ticket. Instead of $275 it was $375 cause it's in so close. But once I knew it was about cancer...well my fear set in and the money lost it's important standing in my life ha ha. Actually Everardo took me to a clinic where they said they do this procesudre, and it's 500 pesos (so about $50). However they do not- they do mammograms and sonograms, and they are 500 pesos- such a good deal here. So he talked to this doctor we know and he gave him a card for an obgyn...we called but can't get in to see him until early Aug, So- that's when we decided I'll just go up there and have it done. I still need to talk to the doctor and hopefully I can do that tomorrow. I did email him, but since he's not in, he hasn't read them yet.

I'm going up for one week; I'll get there Sunday nite and the procedure is Tuesday. Then leave the following Monday. I'm only telling Drew that I'm coming. Well I also wrote to my old AA sponsor, Scott (yes I know I should have a woman sponsor but he's the best sponsor I ever had- and when I saw him when I was up there in May- well when I need a sponsor to talk to- he's it). So I wrote to him, also because he understands. His wife was diagnosed 2 months after me, but with a cancer that has required her to get stem cell transplants- from herself. Their entire lives have changed, and altho she's in pretty good shape right now, well I'm not sure about her future and she's close to my age.

When I went last time, I was tooo busy. And yet I felt like a visitor, that as soon as I walked away, I was no longer on anyone's radar. I guess that's what happens when you move away. I'm ok with it, it let me let go of stuff. As always I miss my kids, but that's almost it. And Halla and I seem to struggle to find our common ground. We were so close after her Jan visit, but it began to slip away again. I just keep saying, she's 20, she's 20...she'll grow up a little bit more and realize that family is what matters. So I confided in my Drewy. I'll stay with her, she's not working so she can go to the dr with me. The next day, the 7th is her birthday, and maybe I can keep a low profile so she can have her birthday however she planned it- It's a week day so I'm thinking probly not to big of a party, and maybe it will be the kind that moms are invited to ha ha.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I took the dogs and a book to the park, laid on a towel in the shade and read...Sam rolled around in the grass and Lucky tried to follow Sam around. Everardo showed up after walking the beach; but I know he's worried about me, doesn't want me to be scared. Later just he and I went down to the Malecon for an ice cream, and there were tons of people, families, kids on skateboards, music. We sat on the big steps across the street from the pavilion and watched people. After dark the people come out. It was nice.

We haven't had hot water for over a month. Don't need it, the water is warm, warmer than warm. It reminds me of Playa Ventura, you don't miss hot water. Well this weekend the tv stopped having a picture, and Friday the internet sucked...wow really felt like down there ha ha. But I watched a free movie online (Killing Season with Dinero & Travolta- loved it) and after about 3 hours the tv came back. Saturday nite I made a baked chicken and veges...ooops nope- the oven stopped working. Oh and the overhead light fixture in the kitchen stopped as well....hmmmm things are falling apart. But- we don't need hot water, we know a guy to call about the stove, and for the light, well Poppi thinks he knows someone and we'll get rid of the huge thing & simply have a light with a bowl fixture. Life goes on. I teach tomorrow, and I always love that. I'm so grateful to be able to do that.

The zumba woman is consistently coming! 7pm sharp and she's there! Wow! More and more women are coming...and man she's beating the shit out of me...and I love it. So hopefully tomorrow I'll understand a little better what's going on with this doctor stuff...so stay tuned.

Oh and the fun fact...

Mexico is located in the “Ring of Fire,” one of the earth’s most violent earthquake and volcano zones.

Can your life change in one minute?

Can your life change in one minute? When you receive an email or a phone call? Does it change right then or do you just remember it as the first thing that happened? And if it turns out to be nothing, you don't remember it at all. I remember when I got the call that they wanted me to come into the doctor's because of something in my mammogram. I was in Las Vegas. It was my first and only trip there. I was going with my ex husband and my younger daughter. He and I were simply going as friends and had been headed to Cabo San Lucas for a week. But when we got to the airport, our daughter's passport was going to expire in a week or two and you can't go if it's expiring in 6 months- well not sure the requirement for Mexico- but I would guess it's an across the board regulation. It was 6am and we're standing at the airport so we asked where else we could go for the price we had paid. Florida was alot more, and so was Hawaii, so we ended up with Las Vegas.

It was fun, we took a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon- but oh yeah all 3 of us got airsick. We rented a cabana poolside for a day and that was nice but sooo crowded. Didn't spend too much time in the casinos since Halla was only 15...anyway I checked my voicemail cause I had been job hunting, and heard the msg about my mammogram. It was at least 2 weeks before I heard another voice over the phone telling me I had cancer, but when I think of the whole thing, I always think of Las Vegas. Yeah no desire to ever visit there again.

Yesterday afternoon I received an email from my doctor saying next time I was up there (northern Calif) I should get this procedure we talked about...he put it that it was the one we discussed but it interfered with my travel plans. HA That's not quite how I remember it. I said I'd stay if I needed to, and he said everything was fine after a small procedure cutting out a little polyp in my uterus. Anyway this email said "next time". I wrote back and said next time would be in a year, and did I need it sooner. (I swear when I left he simply said we'll check it again next year.) So I receive an email reply after 11pm last nite (Friday nite) and he says I need to get it as soon as possible to make sure none of the cells in my uterus are CANCER! Ok he actually said...to be sure the all cells in my uterus were benign....ok that means to be sure they are not malignant- which is cancer. Ok yes the panic set in. Didn't sleep to good last nite.

I just finished a huge thing with Kaiser about my bill, my coverage, yadda yadda yadda, and actually filed a grievance for the last portion of some labs they read and are charging me $990 for reading them.  Hmmm could this sudden need for this procedure be their way of saying- oh see you needed those labs? God I hope not. And the truth is now I'm scared. The procedure is called a hysteroscopy. I googled it to see what it entails, what it determines, and how common it is. Maybe I can have it done here in Mexico. But after sitting with it last nite and now all morning, I'll probly go to the states. Yes when I hear CANCER I'm afraid. I called member services to find out how much it will cost me, and since I've already paid out the a** this year for this "simple polyup removal", I'll probly only have to finish off my deductible- about $2500- but SHIT! That's almost my property tax. And if wasn't the CANCER word, I'd probly do it here for sure. Everardo was gonna stop by the doctor we like that had previously told him about cancer treatment in Mexico, and see what he thinks. I emailed my doctor and asked him for a telephone appt, but it came back and said his office hours are Tue-Fri, so not sure when that will be. They also have a cost estimator group that member services said I could get better info from than her, but they are not in on wknds either. Would have been nice to start all this on Monday, eh?

During the nite my head when crazy, I went up there, had the procedure, have cancer, needed treatment, had to move back to the states, where to live? Now we have 2 dogs, not too much income...other things, and believe me I went thru ALL those other things. Then this morning I had an argument with my younger daughter in FB chat (real personal right), and during it tried to tell her about it, I wanted to talk to someone about my fear, but she said I was just trying to make her feel bad. Ha ha yeah she's 20 all right. So I didn't say anything else about it to her. My older daughter is on a house boat for the wknd so I don't want to tell her and worry her. Hubby was wonderful this morning and is getting the info from that doctor here, and telling me don't worry, and- hey you'll get whatever tests or procedure you need and you'll do it where you feel comfortable. I have a feeling he'll come home early today, and I have kept busy googling all this stuff.

I know my fear is unreasonable, but it's still my fear. I was so surprised when they told me I had breast cancer, that was in 2009, and every year I worry when it's time for my mammogram, but this year not so much. Ha ha- so now I get to worry some more. I know I know. Worry and fear doesn't make it so or not so. In fact I believe that negative energy can make you sick. So I'm trying to get it out here. I don't want to have cancer again. I don't want to die young. My dad died of cancer at 59. I'm 56. The type of cancer he had is survivable now, but not back then. And my younger sister told me that our mom had polyups in her uterus as well and hers wasn't cancer. She lived to the ripe old age of 87...really just 3 weeks shy of 88...and I believe I am strong. But the truth is cancer fucked with my head, I was afraid, depressed, did I say afraid? Well we will just put one foot in front of the other, if life is gonna throw us lemons, then lemonade it is!

Lucky for me I believe in the power of prayer, even if it's just sending positive energy out into the universe. Right now I am praying for serenity- there's no point in worrying over something that may or may not be anything. But easier said than done. So praying helps. So I guess my life can change in one minute, but only if I let it. (of course a phone call telling me we won the lottery would change my life in one minute and I'd probly go with the flow on that one) Viva.