Next Up: Mexico: Now Northern Calif

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Another beautiful day in Mexico- so far anyway ha ha! It can change to windy rainy gray day in a matter of minutes- seconds probably. I just went outside a few minutes ago and for a split second wasn't sure what I was looking at. Our front fence is brick about 4 feet up, then thick cyclone fence. There's a ditch I guess you'd call it, then a slant up to the road. And right now the road has huge piles of dirt and sand on it so can't see too much (but that's fine then nobody can see me either). So I am also down a couple of feet from the fence so I'm looking up- anyway- I see these ears...long brown soft furry ears, like a bunny - except they are on a baby burro. There was 2 of them and the other one had regular horse ears, small, but still furry. So at first I thought, pony and burro? But I guess they were both burros.

They were so cute, my guess is nibbling what's left of the weeds after dirt and rocks being thrown all over the place. Sam ran at the fence barking but they paid zero attention to that. I grabbed my camera to try to get a shot of just the ears above the bricks, but- stupid stupid me didn't put the memory card back in the camera after last nite when I just had to post of photo of myself looking very tan and saying nah nah nah naaah nah I'm so tan, on FB. So I couldn't take the shot cause without the chip the camera only takes a few photos and they were already taken...so no room. Run back into the house, grab the chip from my lapto blue skack out.....but 't even rain last nite...yipee....maybe we can go for our walk tonite in not too much mud..Yesterday me and Sam went for 2 walks on the beach, one around noon and the other around 6pm. Poppi worked all day with Gume, but he said last nite that today should be the last day...I hope so because of this beach thing- He doesn't want us to walk on the beach right now cause everyone says it's too dangerous- that a rouge wave could hit me...and that whole smash on the rocks thing-Well yesterday I was careful but Chela told Everardo that Sam and I came up the beach to visit her and so last nite he was kinda mad. But walking on the road is too damn hot! And I was careful. And actually feeling proud of myself because I'm getting over my fears, finally. I mean I know not to go way in right now. But Sam and I did wade a little....

The ocean looks so nice today, blue skies and it didn't even rain last nite...yipee....maybe we can go for our walk tonite in not too much mud..Yesterday me and Sam went for 2 walks on the beach, one around noon and the other around 6pm. Poppi worked all day with Gume, but he said last nite that today should be the last day...I hope so because of this beach thing- He doesn't want us to walk on the beach right now cause everyone says it's too dangerous- that a rouge wave could hit me...and that whole smash on the rocks thing-Well yesterday I was careful but Chela told Everardo that Sam and I came up the beach to visit her and so last nite he was kinda mad. But walking on the road is too damn hot! And I was careful. And actually feeling proud of myself because I'm getting over my fears, finally. I mean I know not to go way in right now. But Sam and I did wade a little....

When we first got here and the tide was high, coming up to people's sea walls or to the rocks, I was scared, more scared than I let show. Now I see that when it gets that far the waves are not strong, they're not waves, just the surf after the wave. Now this is not high tide, big waves are not hitting the beach; I don't go down in those at all. But both Sat and Sun we were playing in the water, sitting in the holes in front of the rocks and that was fine- but I guess they just worry about me. He worries about me- which is why I'm glad he's almost done working with Gume cause I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH! ha ha. Both Gume and Chela worry- he told Everardo she thinks the ocean will be kind to her- but it won't. Cute they way they talk eh?

So I spent some time on the phone this morning trying to reach the lady at HR Block who did my taxes last year, but to no avail. The number I called got me an answering service who said that office in the Safeway parking lot is seasonal, and doesn't open until Jan. She wouldn't give me the number, I don't see why not. And the fact is I think someone is in there, maybe part time. I gotta get somebody to go check it out for me. She kept wanting to help me and I kept saying I really wanted to talk toa dog worrying a bone, when I want to know something I keep at it. Well maybe this is another let it go lesson ha ha.

And I'm also wondering how I sign from here, is a fax signature ok? Or will I have to make a trip? Can she file for an extension and when I come for a month next April or May can I sign then? Probably easy answers to them all, but I'm like v>

Of course this brain dead answering service woman who was so insistent to help me; well I asked her if she could look me up, then could she see who processed my taxes? She said yes of course! So my name, spelling of it, SS#, phone number, zip code.....lor- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. It sounded so cool cause her husband wants a Sam...a lab like our Sammy. But I was so happy to talk to Halla, my n't judge- oh crap this is my diary I can say what I want...Bitch!) ok deep breath...So, she said she'd send a msg to the year round office to ask. I asked her for the number, cause I don't think they'll call me back here, and truthfully didn't trust her to get it right, so the number she gave me was the one I called! Ha ha, and they are open M-W-F, so I'll call back on Friday. I know I know- I have tons of time, it's only Sept for God's sake, but I just want to have my ducks in row. I liernavaca, and he & Poppi have been chatting, It will be nice to meet his family. So it's nice here, too. But I will always have my F Street neighbors close to my heart; I think I loved that house more than any other I lived in, and it is by far the smallest. For some reason it reminds me of my Grandma G; I'll have to ask my brother and sisters if she had a little house like that. I always thought of her there. And that's funny cause I dreamed of her last nite, and we were talking and laughing. I know it's cause I saw some old pictures yesterday and one of her.

Well I got to speak to everybody this week, both my daughters, my brother and oops only one sister- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. problem I could talk to Boyce and Kay, she would feed Sam for me if I was gone, they would watch my house and we would watch theirs. It was a borrow a cup of sugar relationship on both sides of me. And when I was sick, going thru chemo, they'd give me a ride to my AA meeting or the store, and just be there for me. I love who they are, their relationship with each other and the rest of their family. How they are in the neighborhood. I love you guys! The same for Andy and Coleen- her mom made me this wonderful soup while I was sick and didn't feel like eating anything. They were all the best neighbors ever! So now if I get mail, Boyce emails me, or we can talk on the phone since I can call for free. He helped me with all my final bills, and random stuff that's come for my kids, or even my sister; while they lived in Europe I was their US address. It's a huge huge gift to have them. And I also know they love my house like I love my house and so we don't worry about a thing on that score. We've see pictures of how they've settled in and the house is beautiful inside and out.

Of course here on one side we have a lighthouse- and that's pretty cool. I love that. On the other side we have a strip of land going from the road to the beach that's probably less than 20 feet wide, maybe 15. The random livestock use it for a path up from the beach, I've seen horses, cows, and donkeys walking alongside our property there. I kinda like it, hope it stays undeveloped. Next to that some guys are building a small house, so far they've put up 4 walls, made of rock, it's nice, but I think they are just halfway up. Maybe concrete after that? We'll see. He's a nice man from Cuernavaca, and he & Poppi have been chatting, It will be nice to meet his family. So it's nice here, too. But I will always have my F Street neighbors close to my heart; I think I loved that house more than any other I lived in, and it is by far the smallest. For some reason it reminds me of my Grandma G; I'll have to ask my brother and sisters if she had a little house like that. I always thought of her there. And that's funny cause I dreamed of her last nite, and we were talking and laughing. I know it's cause I saw some old pictures yesterday and one of her.

Well I got to speak to everybody this week, both my daughters, my brother and oops only one sister- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. It sounded so cool cause her husband wants a Sam...a lab like our Sammy. But I was so happy to talk to Halla, my youngest cause she's so busy with work and school- & let's face it- at 19 you're too busy to talk to Mom much. I understand...I just wish she's get a little older (but not me of course), and want to talk to me about everything the way Drewy does, I get to talk to her all the time. And she's a little older; seems like we all break away and then come back...but I just gotta make it my mission to call Halla more, and she really can't call me- her cell doesn't have int'l calling and if it did she'd have to pay for it and I don't so it's up to me.....hmmmm that came right back at me.....

It's nice and windy outside so maybe cool enough to walk on the road...even though I want to walk on the beach!!! And if it's too hot, I'm sure it's cool enough in the shade of the patio to swing in the hammock and read a little. I hope my friend tries sending me some paperbacks soon, at this rate the couple hundred I brought will be dust way before I go back for a visit ha ha

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I just took a look at yesterday's post cause I was pretty sad when I wrote it. Ha ha it looks like I screwed it up cause the same thing is typed more than once. I actually typed it when the internet was down, then saved it on the desktop, then cut and pasted, but it took a few times of saving it so anyway it looked weird. I'm not gonna try to fix it other than adding the beginning which wasn;t there at all.

But I don;t usually go back and look at what I already wrote, and I hope none of the other posts look like that- but I'm not gonna look.

So- today I feel much better. Kinda prayed my way out of my sadness and despair. I know happiness is inside me, that's the only way to get there, for me. I was trying to remember the exact words of something Abe Lincoln said about...you will be about as happy as yu allow yourself to be...I remember when I first saw those words, I was struck by them. Of course when I was trying to remember this morning I was chatting with somebody on the phone and said it was either Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson ha ha. (couldn't be chatting about that here cause I'd never figure out the words in the right order AND credit them to the right person- then I'd get frustrated with my Spanish and not be happy ha ha ha ha)

Another lesson in patience today. Went to pay the cable bill at that little post office/bill pay place in Copala and there was about 20 people in line ahead of us. They were closed yesterday so I guess we had 2 days of people. On top of that the internet had been down all day in that office so some of those people had been waiting a long time. I saw 3 or 4 people in there, but only one window open at the counter and I complained...oooops commented on the fact that customer service is not on the top of anybody's list around here. Take the grocery store for example; 4 people standing around, a couple sweeping or dusting shelves, and one checker, 8 people in line. And nobody says anything. I was number 8 of course and pissed off because we had ice cream. But it just is what it is. And that's everywhere. But today I was wrong, the guys who were in there were working on the internet, only the lady at the window actually worked there. So we all waited. After about an hour I was within about 6 people, and the woman at the counter started receiving negative sounding remarks from other people in line. Poppi had gone to buy vegetables so couldn't translate for me. Later he told me that he heard they had been grumbling about how much cash she was getting (not sure how this works but you can get cash, maybe from your bank? there), anyway there's only so much in that office at a time and the other people were mad cause she was taking alot.

Well a couple of minutes later she was done and this woman in a flowered dress came in and got by the front of the line- I thought she was with the woman that was now at the counter. Well Everardo wandered back in then and took a look and he started saying something to her. The her husband showed up and got in Poppi's face, who did not back down. Other people were supporting Poppi and he kept it up. The guy back off when Everardo didn't take his shit. So it turns out that they had come at 9am, but the internet had been down so they thought they should be in the front of the line. ha ha- Everardo told them get to the back of the line. You left, so you gave up your spot. Other people started chiming in so they finally went back. So then there's 3 people ahead of me and another wonam all smiley shows up in front. She had also been there earlier and wanted to cut in. So the women in front of me and behind me scooted closer together. All I knew was I was behind this one and in front of that one. I shoved my bill and my money thru the window before the cutter! And the lady after me did the same. Wow it's funny- this also happens everywhere and if they can get away with it, they do. I saw it in the bank when we had to talk to the bankers, not go to the window. As you're talking to the banker, someone comes in and starts asking questions, and sometimes the banker helps them. It's bizarre. Everardo told me I have to stand up for myself, which anyone who knows me knows I got no problem doing; it's just when I'm not sure what's going on- damn the language the language, I am a little more timid. Ha ha I don't think timid has every been used to describe me!

So it rained all nite and all day today, until around 4 or 5pm. So about 6pm we walked on the beach, the water is so warm! But the sea is so choppy, not for going in, and barely for wading. But Sam ran and chased sticks and coconuts and we got some fresh air. I know my Mom is with me always. And I saw my daughter posted on FB some pics of her and her Grandma when she was a baby and said she was the favorite, and talked about looking for lizards, putting on makeup, and baking cookies with Grandma. Then later I saw my niece Sarah, a year younger than Drewy, post- no sorry I was the favorite ha ha. Today is Sarah's birthday and I hope she got the voicemail I left on their home phone and I sang happy birthday to her. And my singing leaves a bit to be desired, but she knows I love her.

I know it's Sept 11, but I'd rather remember my niece's birthday is that day than anything else and I'll leave it at that. I talked to some newcomers on the AA chat site this evening and that always makes me feel better, too. Reminds me of how grateful I am. Oh and I got to talk to my little one, Halla for a few minutes too and I miss her so much so it's nice to catch up with her. But I think she got a flat tire on her bike while she was talking to me, so she headed off to the bike store to get it fixed. I'm missing my other daughter cause I suddenly don't know her work schedule so I don;t want to call when she;s working- she has been working 6pm to 6am yuck yuck, but I know it's changing to a day shift so that's a good thing. And I talked to my brother today too- wow busy woman I was today. But I ordered so much crap and sent it to his house to pick up next wknd, so I thought I'd warn him ha ha.

Well it's almost midnite and it's not raining! Hmmm probly soon. It's a very rainy Sept here, of course I don't know if that's normal or not. I've been told that July & Aug were pretty dry for here, so maybe Sept will go out with a bang. I'm feeling very positive again and that's the normal me, oh and when we went to take Sam to the beach this afternoon, Everardo had chopped away the weeds growing at the bottom of the steps at the beach where I have to walk a few steps to the sand, and I commented the other day I was afraid of scorpions. He told me then- there's no scorpions here near the sand and water- but he came back later and chopped the weeds away- is he the best- or what!! I love love him!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Monday Sept 10, 2012. My Mom died one year ago today. I miss her. I have dreamed about her a lot since I moved here to Mexico. All the dreams are positive, smiling, happy; somehow I know she is happy for me going on this new adventure. We are a traveling family. As kids we always went camping, all over Calif and the western states. But as adults we've all done a lot of traveling, sometimes for work sometimes for pleasure. And my Mom did a lot of traveling by herself after my dad died. He died so early, age 59. I was in my early 20's. Mom was 58. But she picked herself up and dusted herself off. And started her new life. My sister was living in Australia at the time, (another traveler), and Mom went to Australia and New Zealand. I think on her own. Then she went to Kenya, with a group, and lots of places. When I finally graduated college at the ripe old age of 35, she bought me a ticket to go to Africa! I went by myself, leaving a husband and 2 kids at home, but I had a brother in law who was building roads in Mozambique, and I went to him. Then we went with another family and drove to South Africa to the Kruger- a wild animal reserve. Very cool trip. Thanx Mom! She went to Mexico, Central America (I think- or maybe it was Puerto Rico...), Europe. I know a year before my Dad died they went to England together. I had this weird resentment against England after he died, like I decided that's where he got sick. He died of cancer, a young man. Goodbye Mommy. I miss you and love you. It was a full moon that nite last year. For about 6 months after I cried at every full moon. Now not so much.

I spoke to one of my sisters on the phone on Saturday and we talked about it. I talked to the other sister in email. I should probly call my brother, but I'm gonna see him in 10 days and maybe we can talk then. We cried and laughed and cried again thru it. Mom was ready I think. She also came up with Captain Jack. I guess we'll never know who Capt Jack was/is....was he totally real, bits and pieces of different people, a dream, a lost love, a fantasy? Well she had us laughing so hard about Capt Jack.

I know I got my love of travel from my parents. I came to Mexico the first time in my 20's, to Tijuana, to party of course- but now I'm thinking- did we come once as a family when we were little kids? I'll have to ask everybody. Then I came back twice in my 30's for work, and I loved it. I went to Zona Rosa toshop, the museum in DF and saw the Aztec calendar, & I took a bus out to a pyramid site. Then more years went by and I came by myself to the Yucatan for a week. Went to Chitzenitza. (yeah bad spelling), and the place with the pink flamingos- they were so cool- and another pyramid site, Dizbilchaltun- in this place I swear I had a spiritual experience; I was walking in this tour (in Spanish so I was only listening a little), and my eyes were closed on this dirt path. Then- I could feel those who had come before, the workers come to build the pyramids, the women bringing food and little kids playing alongside. It was amazing! I just felt them flow thru me. And ha ha- nobody else on this tour spoke English so I couldn't even tell anyone...later that afternoon in another area of the same site, I sat quietly on this huge rock and they came to me again, I could feel them flowing around me and thru me.

Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, or again. But I've always wanted to go to Rome and walk on 2 thousand year old roads, maybe I'll feel it again- and I also want to go to the Bridge of the Last Sigh in Italy, where people being taken to the dungeon would walk over this little bridge to the tower, and sigh as they see the sun for the last time. Will I feel it there? I don't know, but I do know I have felt my spirituality they strongest here in Mexico.

Couple of years after that I came to San Miguel Allende for three weeks to a Spanish immersion school. But when I came to visit Playa Ventura, I knew I was home. I loved all the other areas of Mexico I visited; altho' Mexico City is kinda too much for me ha ha. But when I got here I just knew it's where my heart was. I had felt that in the Redwoods of northern Calif, and I still feel it- but only to visit- it's just not warm enough there. But here ha ha warm? Hot, all the time, even when it's raining. Although we'll see in the next few months as the rainy season dwindles. Ha ha did I say dwindles? It has rained more in the 10 days of Sept than June July or August.

Oh and this date marks 3 months of being here. The truth is as much as I love being here, as much as I love the ocean, the climate, the adventure, it has also been the 3 hardest months of my life in some ways. Maybe not as hard as going thru breast cancer, thru chemo, but isolating, tiring, frustrating, scary. On days when I don't do much, I'm still exhausted from trying to understand what people are saying, or the tv is saying, or what's going on. My husband tries so hard, but sometimes I hate that I don't know what's being talked about and I feel left out. I know I know I know it takes time. Maybe today cause I'm filled with sadness of missing my mom, I'm just more sensitive. Cause when I start feeling all those negative feelings, I usually go for a walk, or talk about it, or jump in the sea, but I always start to feel better. And I know my Spanish is getting better; 3 more months and I'll be much better.

Plus the ocean will be nice again. Yesterday we went and played and sat in those pools in front of the rocks again for so long that I got sunburned on my face and shoulders. Of course then it rained all nite and is gray today. But it was so soothing and refreshing. I said- oh yeah this is why I love it here. When I can walk on the beach AND go in the water every day, well that's therapy enough for me! Of course I have my online AA meetings and the Spanish meetings too, altho' haven't been going back to the nite meetings that much, they don't get over until 10, and even though we're always up at that time, it's just more comfortable to be home at that time. This is also therapy for me. I was so sad when I started writing, but I'm feeling much better. I think it's walk on the beach time even if I can't go in the water- it's much choppier than yesterday...oh well, the calm ocean is just around the corner....so for today, I am ok. I love you Mommy. I know you're close cause I always have you in my heart.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

What a beautiful day in Mexico! Started out talking to my little sister and that was nice. She was sick but on the mend. I miss her, and we talked a little bit about Mom and how fast a year goes by. Last year this time was tough. I followed that with a call with my younger daughter. That was so nice cause it's hard to catch her; 19, working and school, and busy with friends. Hopefully I'll finish the day talking to my other daughter, but I did get to chat with her on the phone last nite for about an hour, so...

Finished a book & started another. When the tide was low, close to 3pm, took Sam down to the beach. We haven't played in the water in weeks; too dangerous this time of year. But today was fun, refreshing, relaxing. Sam loved it. Poppi brought this board, not a surfboard, much shorter and made of something like really thick styrofoam, with a lead to connect to your wrist. Well the water is still too strong for that. But we played in the little holes in front of the rocks, letting the water slide in and around, sometimes pulling us one way or the other. Then Monsie & Ronoldo showed up (7&8yrs) and jumped in with us. We all floated around, they asked about English class- when was it, and I laughed and said never if no students show up (in Spanish of course). But I said we are having class right now and they rattled off the months and week days, and asked for the words for waves, rocks, fish, etc.

Sam was so happy and now he's exhausted- me too ha ha. We stayed awhile after they went home and finally came back up. While I was in the shower my sweet hubby opened coconuts for the delicious water inside, then we ate and have since collapsed. No walk today; I'm too lazy.

So the day really started with Everardo going to find the electrician guy and having him come and tweak something on the pole across the street. 200 pesos. I think we'll have to put this guy on our payroll, we paid him 200 pesos 3 or 4 times now...after having no electricity for 2 days we got it back. But all day yesterday it- well I guess the word is surged- the lights dim & bright, the fan slow and fast, the tv was impossible cause the electric wouldn't be enough for the cable so it would go off, say pls wait...then come back onto the menu. Then you have to first lower the volume (cause at menu for some reason it's on full blast), then choose a block (movies, news, etc), then pick the channel you were watching. A few times a nite is one thing, but constantly, every 5 or 10 minutes is ridiculous. So we gave up on tv yesterday but we like to watch it at nite cause we stay up pretty late since it's so hot. Anyway whatever he did seems to have done the trick.

Breakfast was nice, we had tamales made by the neighbor across the street, who also gave us fresh picked corn that we ate tonite. Everardo says since he helped at the cemetery the other day more people are talking to him when he walks by. Ha ha I already thought he was friends with everyone! But I had never talked to the people across the street; it's kinda more than across the street- their house is set way back and there's no driveway or anything. They're not home much cause they have a restaurant and beach area at Casa de Piedras, the place we walk to in the evenings, it's about a 20 min walk to get there I think- I'll have to time it. Then on the way last nite on our walk another guy started talking to us; they have a little hotel/restaurant along that road and he was taking chicken (I think) out of a big pizza oven. Poppi said we wanted to build one and the guy said get the materials and then call me- I'll help you with it! I didn't know him either, but he was there that day, too.

Interesting note about that sad day when the baby died. I heard people saying there were signs that the baby wasn't well and I tried to ask what signs, since I also heard that the baby dr was a bad dr- that several babies had died under her care. (Over what time period I don't know or even know what's true and what's not.) But I didn't understand what I was hearing about the signs. I thought the baby must have been in distress, or it was a hard birth, or something. But the signs were superstitious signs, and people believe in this. 2 different people had dreams that somehow signified death; one was about the mother wearing white by the edge of the sea and whiteness all around her. The otther dream I didn't understand what they were saying. Another sign was that the mother brought home some flowers one day (before the birth), and 4 or 5 different people told her they were the color of funeral flowers.

So I don't know why the poor little guy passed on, but it was truly a sad day. It's nice that people are also pretty religious around here because hopefully it was some comfort to those young parents.

My husband also has some beliefs- isn't it funny how when we don't believe it we call them superstitions? When he sees a flock of birds flying in huge circles (not vultures), he says it's gonna be windy later. He also wraps a spider web around a cut for a band-aid.

He also told me of a belief that if you spill fresh milk from a cow after boiling it, the cows teats will split. This one he told me because he bought some fresh milk from a kid the other day. It's cheaper than milk from the store, and more available. So of course I had to google it to see if it's ok to just drink it like that- and of course- there's a huge debate about it. It seems like it should be ok, good for you even; although I'll have to drink it a little bit at a time to get my body used to it. Well he boiled the first amount anyway and so that's safe for sure. Tastes very rich, but the boiling of course kills off the good stuff as well as the bad stuff. To be honest I emailed my cancer doctor to ask since it's full of hormones and I'm taking medicine to block estrogen...not sure if that makes sense but I was also surprised that I couldn't eat soy anymore either. Of course he hasn't answered yet...You know, I want to eat organically, I want to eat what's fresh and available as the people who live here do- cause Ilive here, too. But the truth is that F'ing cancer scared me, so I try to be careful.

As I told my sister on the phone today I am a cross between Terry Little House on the Prairie and Terry of Maybery (ya know- Aunt Bea).

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Long week this week. Sometimes it's just hard to not speak the language. I know I have to give myself a break, it takes time, but some days I let it get me down. Add to that no electricity since yesterday morning. Last nite we finally took everything out of the freezer and took it down to Chela & Gumes's to put in their freezer. The electricity was only out at our end of town. When I woke up yesterday it was off, then back on for about an hour between 10-11am, then off again until about 6pm today.

It was kinda like when we first got here, it was a couple of weeks before we got telephone & internet, so I'd take my laptop down to Chela's and sit on their restaurant patio and go online. Late this morning I did the same thing. I also brought my book so I spent a little time in her hammock, too. ha ha. Then she got some customers, several women and some small kids. Chela was by herself cause Gume is building a rock wall down by their house (Everardo is helping), and the kids weren't home. One thing I definitely am not is a cook- so I would be no help, but I asked her if she needed e. She said yes, get them cerveza when they ask for it....but they were not big drinkers. She had to send one of the little neighbor kids, Oscar, to buy something & asked me to watch the baby- 1 yr old. I said sure since she was palying in the sand with Tony (who I call Tigre). But of course Tigre decided to run off and the baby wobbly walked way behind so I took her. She sat with me for awhile but then wiggled to get down. I thought I had made progress because last time Oscar habnded her to me she screamed bloody murder. So I put her down but stayed close to her. Ok for about 5 minutes, then I saw the face getting ready to shriek. I took her inside where Chela was cooking & was ok for about half a minute, then got down, walked off, started screaming. I pick her up- uh oh bloody murder screams. Poor Chela, trying to cook and this baby,,,,so she ran her across the way to her momma.

Anyway Polo showed up a few minutes later so I was not needed. Since she was busy me and Sam walked back down the beach. When Everardo came home he said Chela told him I wanted to help, but because of language, she couldn't tell me - it was easier for her to just do it, or have the kids help.

Today I am feeling much better, but last couple of days I couldn't keep the frustration & sadness out. I do love living here, this is where I want to be. And I know it takes time. I can speak enough Spanish to manage. To shop, to order food, choose fish or veggies in the market place. I can drive and buy ice cream. And one on one I can have a conversation, sometimes it's comical, sometimes fine, sometimes frustrating. Today Chela gave me 100 pesos; I asked why and she said for water (this was all in Spanish). For 4 jugs. I said did Everardo give her the money? No her money. Then why give me the money? She said it was for 4 jugs of water from the white truk, not the Pepsi truck we usually buy it from. We both laughed cause I still didn't know why she gave me the money. I ask her all the questions again and she answered. So I said- I understand all the words but still not why she gave me the money. I kept it and she said when Everardo returned he'd tell me. He had gone home to call the electric company (again). So- when he came he had already seen her by their house, he told me she wanted me to buy the water when the guy came! So! She did say it was from the white truck, but I also thought she told me it was in her kitchen, but she was pointing to where it goes. So one on ne doesn't always work either.

And in a group? Forget about it! At first I usually know what we're talking about but then it gets fast and I get lost. Ha ha by the time I think of how to say something to add, the topic has changed at least 5 times! It's very isolating. I'm used to talking alot, laughing alot, being very social. Poppi is like that, he makes friends with every one, chats everyone up- it's one of the things I love about him, because it's like me! But that's what is frustrating for me, not being a part of. Chela and Gume both say I have learned so much Spanish, and I talk to them so much better than when I got here, and it's true, but one of my character defects is I'm an instant gratification girl and want it all now! Like I said I'm better now but I sucked last couple of days.

I was so mad that I heard Poppi & Gume talking about the demonstration that blocked us from going to Ometepec, and even though I had the flier, all I knew was it was about the electrical bills- that they are too high. And I could see a couple of words, like corruption...But I can't expect him to spend all of his time translating for me, or knowing which things I really want to know every detail about. I struggle because once I start getting mad I think I want to know everything so I form my own opinions...on everything. I know that I'm being petty. He tries so hard, and most of the time it's all good. Actually everyone tries. So maybe enough feeling sorry for myself- it seems that way once I'm over it.

So school is over, too. The kids don't show up, not since a week ago Monday. Hmm that was the day I got mad at some of them ha ha. I also divided them into 2 groups, since a few were brand new and the others needed to move on. I also sent 2 kids home who were not interested in learning anything. But maybe the biggest thing was I said no more dulces (candy). ha ha I only meant it for that block of time. No candy- no kids. It's ok- they didn't really want to learn, it was their parents, and now shool has started. And actually it's a relief, I was spending time worrying about what to show them next. I'm not a teacher, and so was looking for ideas. Everardo also said, good now you can stop worrying about it- at first I loved it but started to anx't- ha ha that's me- worry when I can't do something perfect- even when I have no control over it. Yep that's what my sponsor said too. I said but I want ot do something to be of service, I thought this was a good idea. She said maybe my destiny is t help women alcoholics, I know how to do that. I have shared, in Spanish, at meetings. Just another reason to work on my fluency!

Ha ha full circle. Back to needing to get the language down, but now I can use this time I was using for class to work on Spanish. Polo said he'd help me (13yrs- Chela's son speaks English) I'm also gonna try translating some things like the local newspaper. In a couple of days we will have lived here 3 months. I bet in 6 months I'll be even better.

Monday, September 3, 2012

I was SO completely WRONG! About how it is here when a an infant dies. It's a huge deal. A very big thing. The whole day today was about that precious baby. Those gunshot noises I thought I was hearing- they were the firecrackers that are let off all day when a baby dies. And it's only for babies or young children, not adults. I'm not sure whether it's because they are angels or it's telling the angels they are coming. And they are super loud; I thought they were going off right outside our property. Ha ha I was home alone, not even Sam was here and at first didn't want to go look. The kids never showed up for school, and suddenly it was 3pm.

Then Everardo came home and said, get ready, we're going to go with all of them to the cemetery. So we went down the road to the family's house. There were alot of people sitting on their patio. The other was Gume's half sister, which is why Everardo left with him this morning. Turns out they went to the cemetery and dug the baby's grave. So we went and sat; there was a guy, I guess a priest although he wasn't dressed in any special way, and he was reading and then singing a prayer (I think a prayer), then the people would sing the prayer too. I think it was a mass.They had made a little altar, and decorated it with rolls of crate paper and paper flowers. The baby was in this tiny white satin box. At the end Eriika told me I should view the baby and make the sign of the cross, so I did that. Of course that pushed me over the edge, that tiny perfect baby. So small so quiet. And I started thinking of my sister and when her baby boy died the day after he was born. I think she almost died from it. The pain I mean. Your baby. And like my sister, this was this woman's first baby. I met her a few weeks ago while she was still pregnant. I remember saying this little girl is pregnant, but Everardo said well she's 20. (To me, 20 is still too young to have a baby, but I am in a new country where people think differently, and no matter what, nobody deserves this).

So after the mass, they picked up the little that the tiny box was on and walked up the road to the church where somebody rang the big bell outside the church several times. My husband helped to carry it; along the way each of the 4 men carrying the table were relieved by another man.After the church bell stopped ringing the whole thing was lifted into the back of a truck. People got in all around it, and got into other trucks that had materialized (ha ha when I wasn't looking). We walked back the way we came, following the slow moving trucks, and picked up ours. Good thing cause one truck suddenly got a flat and so about 20 kids jumped in the back of our little Nissan. So we followed the caravan and turned up a dirt road in worse shape than the main road, and went up and up this beat up rocky road to the local cemetery. It was pretty. Not really maintained, except maybe by people just for their loved one's grave site. Not quite there and we all stopped and walked behind the men carrying the table with the tiny casket, like when we walked to the church. We followed them up and around to the grave site.

The box was open again. The priest prayed and sang, the people sang, it sounded like the same prayer over and over. Finally they closed the tiny box. But when they put nails in it, I cried. All the flowers from the house were there, too. My Poppi and another guy shoveled the dirt back into the hole with the box in it. Then they signaled these other guys who brought buckets of cement. Gune had laid a piece of crossed rebarb o top of the dirt and the they out wood planks around it to hold the cement. The cement was poured in, about 6 plastic buckets full, tall buckets. Gume spread it and smoothed it, then a couple of women placed all the flowers around it all. Then candles were lit. A cross had been made and it was pushed into the cement, and a wreath of beautiful blue flowers placed on it.

And then it was done. We piled back into the trucks and went back to their house. Before we had started the first procession to the church I was able to offer my condolences to the grandparents, and Everardo was able to speak with the father. Their family thanked us for coming. Afterwards we sat with Chela and Gume for a few minutes, Poppi and Gume cut open some coconuts for us to drink, and then we came home. The people here are beautiful, they come out for each other. They take care of each other. It was incredibly sad & incredibly beautiful at the same time. What a day.

The internet is up, but I can't get to the “new post” portion of my blog, so I'll start offline. I didn't post since Saturday morning so thought I'd catch up. On Sat morning I shit down my laptop and we left for Ometepec. Things went downhill from there. I guess cause it was Sat, there was a lot of traffic going both ways. Highway 200 which is our connection to everywhere, is one lane each way. I know I've said before that everything here is so laid back, people take their time with everything from going to work, the doctor, to doctor visits, coming over for dinner, everything EXCEPT driving. This seems to be where everyone gets out their stress, their anx't. Everyone drives 100+ miles per hour, they tailgate like crazy, and pass whenever possible (or not possible), even to just get ahead one car. They pass on hills, corners, on the topes (speed bumps).

And Saturday just seemed over the top. And Everardo joined in. There were so many cars stuck behind this one old loaded down truck and we were almost at the end. Then a huge bus came behind us. And by huge I mean HUGE. The buses here are so big! Really tall, really long and really really wide...Anyway it got up so close behind us that I was worried. I mean if anybody tapped their brakes everybody would be in an accident. So people kept crawling up that poor truck's rear end. We started doing it too. On a hill. I was so scared I almost threw up. Kinda wrecked my day, ya know? The fact is I dthe rocks. Our silly dog climbed up too!

One funny thing I saw on our drive was something that for some reason reminded me of Pirates of the Carribean...but I think it was a dog there....I saw these 3 guys; one was standing in the back of a truck with a long rope tied to a donkey outside the truck. The donkey was straining back. One of the 2 guys outside by the donkey was trying to pull him and the other guy just watching. There was no ramp into the truck- did they think he was gonna jump up into the truck? As we passed it was like in slow motion, barley any movement except the donkey with a slight tug with his long neck. If I hadn't been mad I would have asked Poppi to stop for a picture, but...I didn't.

The other thing was on the way to Marquelia, there's this spot where these pieces of a kid's carnival are, a kid size ferris wheel, some little battered up cars. But there's also this ride that is like a big U,looks like a boat you know? And it rocks from side to side, getting higher each time? Well there was these little kids inside and some bigger kids around the ride pushing it. The little ones were laughing and having a fun ride! I guess that stuff has been sitting there more than a month and I never seen anyone operating any of the rides, so they did it themselves ha ha! Pretty as a litually. I remember when my olderverything we needed at Walmart and didn't need to go anywhere else ha ha. But in the end we got ice cream from McDonald's and that made all of us happy...I was looking for those big storage bags, heavy plastic with a zipper to store all my clothes that are upstairs, well we found something similar- no zipper but you suck the air out with a vacuum...so I'm gonna give them a try. There were other little things we needed, like printer ink, blah blah blah and we got most of it. I did not like the sheets and the paint can wait until ext time when he picks me up from the airport after Houston.

But when we got back!! Chela had a surprise dinner for us...LOBSTER!! YUM it was so so so so good! Polo gave me one of the mini snickers he bought and then Everardo gave me a little back rub- I would have to say a perfect ending to the day.

This morning I got up and exercised. When I finished I saw a bowl of cereal on the table so ha ha Poppi came in while I was singing at the top of my lugs while dancing on uple of places to hang on, but we took it off as the road gets higher in front of our house because coming down thru the gate- it has a decorative roof, looks like the house roof, and we're afraid it will hit it. But now he3yr old. He was very happy to come and was a little disappointed that we found everything we needed at Walmart and didn't need to go anywhere else ha ha. But in the end we got ice cream from McDonald's and that made all of us happy...I was looking for those big storage bags, heavy plastic with a zipper to store all my clothes that are upstairs, well we found something similar- no zipper but you suck the air out with a vacuum...so I'm gonna give them a try. There were other little things we needed, like printer ink, blah blah blah and we got most of it. I did not like the sheets and the paint can wait until ext time when he picks me up from the airport after Houston.

This morning I got up and exercised. When I finished I saw a bowl of cereal on the table so ha ha Poppi came in while I was singing at the top of my lugs while dancing on the ellm some money anyway. Interesting eh?

So we went to Acapulco yesterday, kind of to take a drive and shake off the bad air from Saturday’s drive. We took Polo, Chela's 13yr old. He was very happy to come and was a little disappointed that we found everything we needed at Walmart and didn't need to go anywhere else ha ha. But in the end we got ice cream from McDonald's and that made all of us happy...I was looking for those big storage bags, heavy plastic with a zipper to store all my clothes that are upstairs, well we found something similar- no zipper but you suck the air out with a vacuum...so I'm gonna give them a try. There were other little things we needed, like printer ink, blah blah blah and we got most of it. I did not like the sheets and the paint can wait until ext time when he picks me up from the airport after Houston.

This morning I got up and exercised. When I finished I saw a bowl of cereal on the table so ha ha Poppi came in while I was singing at the top of my lugs while dancing on the elliptical. Probably not a pretty site since I sing terribly and sweat like a horse when I'm exercising! I play 70's rock & roll and go for it.

Anyway after I was in the kitchen and he came in from being at Gune & Chela's. A sad thing: Gume's half sister, or maybe sister in law, not sure, just had a baby and it died right after going to the doctor. The weird thing was they were not too upset, I said Oh God I'm so sorry and he was like, no no it's ok and he and Gume were on their way to see the husband, and the baby was in a basket at Gume's father's place which is next door to them. I guess I don't know how big of a thing it is. But Poppi said, these things happen, it's ok. I know everybody seems to have a lot of kids here, and they also seem to have them young, but no matter what, isn't it a big thing? To the mother it must be a big big big thing, right? When I think of my sister I still get a lump in my throat. I think it almost killed her, and affected me over and over again thru the years. But this may be one of those things I won't be able to ask anyone about for now. When my Spanish is better, I mean way way way better, maybe I can talk to Chela about it. I don't know, we'll see....

We had a stormy weekend but this morning the sea is like glass again and the sky is so blue. And now, after a nice quiet morning, a huge truck is out there, so tall I can see some big long arm on top. Ha ha that probly means the electricity or the phone will go out soon, since all the wires hang low around here! It's funny, ours- our telephone cable and the electricity wire- due to all the construction trucks- the guys got these long long sticks- branches I guess, and one they connected to the top of our fence and one to the top of our gate and hooked the wires over the top to make them higher. I thought- hey pretty smart, and then I saw it other places, in other towns, along the roads.

Ok so there are also sounds like shots outside, which have been going on for about a half hour, every little while. I looked once and saw the guy working next door where they're gonna build their house so knew it couldn't be anything, and came back in. Now that there's trucks ha ha I'm not scared to go look. After all this is a dirt road in a tiny town, I bet they’re breaking up big rocks again. Think I'll put on my big girl panties and go look....