Couple of interesting facts..to me anyway...in the last 30 days I have the the following number of views to my blog:
385 United States
54 Russia
53 Mexico
20 Germany
2 each for UK, Guyana, Sweden
1 ea for Panama, Puerto Rico
Further back than 30 days I also have (30-60 I think):
40 Ukraine
20 France
12 China

I am not a huge blog person, in fact I probly only read a couple of blogs before I started this one, so I have no idea if this is alot or a little. I've been writing this blog for just about a year, and I've had over 6000 hits, not sure how many more than 6000, cause it doesn't show the qtys below 20 in the all time stats.
But I find this amazing. Take Russia for instance, are the readers Russian, or American, or English speakers? Well I guess than can read English so probly English speakers. Hmmm what about when I use slang. Last nite I was writing about having 2 interested people in our house in southern Mexico, and I said something like 'we could probly get more from door number 2'...is it obvious that I mean the second person? Actually does anyone under the the age of say...40, get the significance? Door number 2 comes from the old show 'Let's Make a Deal'.....do you want to trade what you have won for what's behind Door Number 2? Or for what's behind the Curtain? I used to love that show!! Monty Hall was the host, and people came dressed up as weird stuff to get his attention and hopefully be picked to be a contestant. You could walk away with a new car or a bag of walnuts, or nothing!

My biggest numbers are the US, Mexico, Russia, and Germany. I used to know someone is Russia, but that was a long time ago when the company I worked for had business in Russia. We put in telephone systems for Sprint, I guess we had the equipment and Sprint had the dial tone. I was really lucky and got to go to Moscow for 10 days, really just to babysit the Sprint group cause it was in the contract we'd be on site. I was coordinating from Calif, and our guy had to come back; since I was familiar with the players, I got to go. In fact it was more than that. I had a good relationship with the Sprint guy and he called and asked me if I wanted to come before he called senior mgmt to insist we honor our contract. That was on a Friday, and I left for Moscow on Sunday. (Thanx Phil wherever you are). Zach was the Russian guy who worked for us, and his son took me around and it was so cool cause I was with an insider. Of course it was late November and snowing really hard the entire time, so we didn't do too much...but wow all the women and little girls decked out in fur coats and hats. Now there's a place where you can't argue the need for animal skin eh? (I'm from northern Calif where it doesn't snow...ouch) The people there are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone was friendly and helpful. Now I have a friend in Calif who is Russian and she is, as I said, beautiful inside and out. Her name is Ramilia (pretty isn't it), and she is so kind and generous. And smart- this is a smart, determined woman, who I believe will accomplish what ever she wants in life. Viva Ramilia! Hmmm I wonder how Zach and his son are doing? Well they were engineers, not sure if software or hardware, but I bet they are both doing well.
I currently know people in Germany as well, and wonder if they are reading this? My brother in law who I love so much. His brother is my ex husband but I didn't divorce my brother in law or his family! And of course I know people in the US & Mexico....
Anyway I just think the statistics are cool. I always see ads on the blog site about making money with your blog, I think it's by letting them put ads on it? I'm really not sure cause I haven't ever read it thoroughly...again because I don't know if I would qualify, like do I have enough readers? ha ha who knows...

Ok another interesting fact. The power (electricity) is charged here based on your neighborhood. People who live by the beach, and/or in the gated communities pay a much higher rate than us, and we pay a higher rate than those in the San Rafael area where I teach. There's is pretty close to ours, but a woman with a much bigger house than us, pays about the same as us, which so far has been about $30 US a month. My friends who live along the beach in the condos or the gated areas are paying $600-800 per month!!! So even if you find a cheap rent, the power will kill you! And it's only for electric, gas is propane, you know, we fill these canisters...

And I keep saying the garbage pick up is free- it was free down in Playa Ventura, and people here told us it is free. Ha ha this time it's been 4 weeks since it's been picked up- but it's ok with us cause if we bring it to the center, Mark will take it to the dump for us. He goes about every 10 days and I think he pays nothing, or something like 20 pesos, and waves us off when we offer to pay. But the people I visited last nite for the Spanish class; they live just a few blocks from here, same neighborhood as us, and they told me it's not free. That they paid a year in advance. I wondered if it's cause they are not Mexican...but the teacher also said it wasn't free, that it was about 50 pesos a month (about $4.50 US), but no one has ever come around to collect money and we are in month 6....so I don't know the answer to this one. Our neighbors said it was free- well maybe they aren't collecting because right now pick up is hit and miss, and this was going on when we arrived here. Vamos a ver for this one eh?

Well I write this blog in lieu of talking to some people, sometimes to get my feelings out, sometimes to relate interesting stuff, or just stuff I think is funny or strange. Sometimes just as dear diary which my sister in NY/Florida says she loves cause she can picture her sister's life far away...

So I was kinda asking the universe for guidance, for a full life and I think I'm getting it so watch out what you ask for...now I am teaching 4 days a week, and Spanish class might be 3 days a week, AA meetings in English 4-5 times a week, and a women's meeting in Spanish one nite a week...and my plan is to increase my Spanish meetings as my comprehension increases. Viva

Another good day! Tuesday. Everardo got a call that a guy is interested in buying the Guerrero house! Again I hope I don't jinx it by writing about it, but I'm not saying it out loud so hopefully....anyway he told his friend to have the guy call us directly. And if he is interested, well I think we should give the new renters first right of refusal; meaning if they want to buy it when they hear someone else does, then it goes to them first. hmmmm altho' we could probly get more from door number 2. Oops greed, that would be our downfall. Oooh a bidding war- see how fast my pea brain mind gets out of hand!? Well anyway it's nice to have interest in that house. Just gotta wait and see. And at the very least, we have a renter.

So I went out to the center for my first class in 3 weeks. It was a little crazy; I had about 6 or 7 new students, at least 5 or 6 old ones who didn't show up, and everybody at different levels. So I decided to make 2 classes. At first I thought new people and existing people. But it became evident it needed to be different; beginners and not beginners- cause some of the new people had more English than some of my current students. Then I tried to make it morning class and afternoon class but neither group could all do either morning or afternoon, sooooooo...now I'm gonna teach Mon-Wed and Tue-Thur in the afternoon. I guess we'll just see how it goes. Ha ha guess I'm popular... now 2 of the new students, who have some English are in middle school and may not stay; the other 2 didn't last, I think we're older and talk & laugh about stuff they don't find entertaining...but there are cousins and the mom of one of them is also a new student, so she may make them stay. At the end of class another lady came in and said her 18 year old daughter will also come. Kinda cool kinda scary!
At least 2 students who were not in attendance night not be coming back and that's too bad- I really liked them- grandpa and grandaughter, but grandma is mad at the center and so they have not been coming even to eat or do any other activities; she was in the group learning to use the sowing machines. The guy's name is Rueben and he is very enthusiastic and funny and helps the others cause he knows some English, I will miss them very much. A couple of the others I expect on Thurs, and they will find out they have been changed to Mon-Wed cause they are past beginner.

Notice I don't say intermediate or advanced....well if they were advanced they wouldn't bother with my class ha ha, but for theses students, beginner is don't know any words at all, and then not beginner is anything more than that ha ha! We are learning lots of words, a few verbs, and small sentences. I need to work on more verbs and sentences. So I gotta figure out 2 levels, well not really cause the beginners I will just restart with the stuff I used before; flashcards, objects, colors, etc. Ok here we go again.

Ok- then I went to the new Spanish class. Yippee I think it will be great! The class had alot of interaction and I liked that. We finished a video story they were already working on, and I liked her style of pausing it, talking, or quick explanations during. We played a game to win points by answering questions, and I learned a couple of things that for me, were important. So I really enjoyed it. The teacher, Laurie, is coming out to the center on Thurs for our first class with Karen and Mark, and seems pretty open to finding a second day that works for everybody. Did I say Yippee? Oh and 50 pesos a class for an hour and a half...man that beats 100 pesos an hour! I might even go to the class I went to tonite, and the 2 classes I'll do with Karen and Mark. 150 pesos is still less than one class with the old teacher....Everardo said fine with him, he thinks I'm learning fast, but I still doubt myself with comprehension of conversation...

 Tomorrow we get our screen door made and just in the nick of time...I came back to Mexico and it is soooo hot! The evening cools off a tiny bit and so the screen will be great. I think we may be getting our new mattress this week as well, so things just keep lookin' up. We are sleeping on a bed that was here, and I covered it with 2 blankets and never want to look at the mattress which has a stain that invites me to make up murder stories when I go to bed so I try not to think about it. With a brand new mattress I can go back to using a sheet, we're just sleeping on top now anyway..and so far (keep fingers crossed) we have not been inundated by biting insects like in Playa Ventura, where we had to keep the sheet on us and any exposed skin always had big welts by morning. We just spent so so so much money in those months down there that the fact that there was already a bed here, well we simply just put it off...but now we gotta buy one. Of course if and when we ever leave Mexico, we can't take it with us ha ha, I thought we could and Everardo said, oh please! At the border?? Do you know how much could be hidden in a mattress? By the time they were done tearing it apart and not finding anything....it would be worthless....but we can give it to friends...

Ok better look at what I'll bring to class tomorrow- wait is it the beginners or the not? Oh yeah..the not. Ahhh so practice the song! Viva!

Monday. You know I felt kind of disjointed when I got back, like ok now what? I emailed my Spanish teacher last nite to tell her I was back as scheduled and ready to start classes again on Tues. Surprise- she replied and said how about Mon and Tue since she'd be gone for the rest of the week. I decided just Tuesday cause I wanted to go to the meeting this morning, and then after she said see you next week, I replied again asking just when she'd be back. Oh not until a week from Friday...hmmm I kinda needed that info. So I decided to forgo even the Tue class since then it would be 2 weeks. Sucks for me cause that makes 5 weeks of no classes. I had talked to Karen at the center on Friday and she hadn't found another teacher yet so I had decided to stick with Isabel for now.

But I was a little frustrated and decided for different results I needed different actions. So I found the lady's fb page I had been introduced to by my gal pal Pam, and sent her a msg, asking if I could meet her today (Monday) and ask her about her Spanish class. She replied and said sure- and gave me her address; as it turned out the long way cause once I was there, I realized it was basically in walking distance of our house. I met her and her husband; they're Canadians who've lived here for about 8 years. They purchased their house, and it's really cute. Nice open floor plan, a couple of arches to remind me it's Mexico, just a nice house. Ok so what's up is I'm going back tomorrow nite (Tuesday) at 6pm for their Spanish lesson, which costs 50 pesos for an hour and a half, and now I pay 100 pesos for 1 hour. They just have the class once a week, and won't be there next week so I contacted them at just the right time. They gave me the teacher's number and later I gave her a call, with (hopefully) great results. She is very open to a new class as long as she has at least 3 students, and Karen is in 100%- which includes her husband, and probly another guy. So that's 3 or 4. I told her we wanted 2 classes a week and she is open to afternoons, even to teaching out at the center! Amazing huh? So I'll meet her tomorrow nite and then she offered to meet with all of us out at the center on Thursday to nail down what we want to do. I'ma so happy! (my Italian impression) Karen is excited as well, and if she's free will go with me tomorrow nite. The people I met are maybe a little behind me, but maybe they just know other stuff, so who knows how it will go, maybe Tuesdays with them, maybe an entirely different class...anyway- I'm excited.

Oh and other cool news today! Looks like we have a long term renter for the Guerrero house! And they may even be interested in buying the house!!!! (ok pls excuse me while I knock on wood, a couple of times)...ok back. (and it was my head, not wood, but close). Yipee would be so cool. But the fact is a long term renter is also good. We're not charging much more than we pay here, in fact the difference we are going to continue to give to the guy who has been caretaking it for us. In case something big is needed, maybe just to be aware, so basically we'll be taking in what we pay for rent here. This is a GREAT thing, cause our first 6 months in Mexico- well the time we were down there, we bled money. Our credit card is almost at the limit, and I don't even make a payment that covers my monthly medical insurance payment. So is we could start knocking that bill out, even just a little at a time...yes I will breathe easier. Things are lookin' up!

Yesterday we went to the beach late, about 6pm, just for a little while, only Everardo and Sam went in the water, but it was beautiful. Almost as soon as we got there a big school of dolphins went by. Well is 20 or more huge? Some were actually jumping! And jumping two at a time, but not exactly next to each other so you could see both of them, it was so awesome! Then there were tons of big pelicans out there fishing, too, and watching them diving was pretty cool as well.

I went to the meeting today and there were people there. I listened for a while and my feeling of disjointedness slipped away. I stopped by out at the center just to chat and felt even better. Then this evening we went to see the aluminum guy who fixed and made some picture frames for us and he's gonna make us a screen door on Wednesday. man do we ever need it. Life is good, getting better.

oh boy oh boy...viva!

Sunday morning and it's hot outside. We really need a screen door cause it's hot in here but windy outside. Yesterday I tried leaving the door open for a little while but the flies send each other text messages that the door is open and something good is inside! It's nice to be home.

I was thinking about my shuttle bus ride from Phoenix to Puerto Penasco, and it's funny, even if I hadn't known I crossed the border, I would have known. At the border we had to disembark the van, walk across the border and get into a another van. A couple of guys loaded our luggage onto a cart and pulled it along. First the American side guy stopped us with a smile, and I was the only person not asked for ID, I was also the only person who was a US citizen. Not sure why he asked to see everybody else's ID's. Everardo says it to arrest any "illegals"....but at the border? Porque? Do they get a commission or something? Not sure what was up with that. Then we walked a few more feet- across the line I guess, and then a couple of Mexican officials walked up. They didn't ask anybody for ID but asked to see in the ice chest on the cart. Actually there were 2 ice chests, and 2 huge pink bakery boxes, but they only asked to see inside 1 ice chest. Then they confiscated a big bag of pigeon food.  hmmmmm Well I know you can't bring dog food anymore so maybe bird food falls under the same ruling. Ok so then we jump back in the van and drive a couple of streets down and pick up a few more people so we have a full van. We take off towards home. Yes we are in Mexico! The driver is driving sooooo fast! And he's passing people on hills and corners; ok not really hills, but hilly where you can't see what's coming up. I thought well I'm kinda jammed in here so in a crash I'll probly be ok, Then I thought- uh oh all these windows...and then decided to tell myself...really? is this really what you want to think about? And instead I tried to understand the conversation going on around me, and let it go. We got to Puerto Penasco and started passing cars, and I was laughing- yep I'm home ha ha!!
Sam is very happy with his present; a ball chucker. I got it cause when we're in the park I can't throw the ball very far, but with the chucker, well Sam gets a good workout. I took him to the park and Friday with my book and it was so much easier...oh and reading! I had wanted to bring 4 or 5 books with me, but my suitcase would have been too heavy, so I brought one and knew I could snag a couple at the Alano club. I didn't read even once! I was simply too busy. When I had free time I was on the computer or sleeping...and not much of those, either. Yesterday I simply threw the ball out in the street in front of the house (with the new chucker of course), and tired him out pretty quick cause it was hot. I read all day yesterday tho' and it was nice. I was outside for a while....and NO Everardo didn't put up my hammock yet boo hoo, but I do have a nice lounge chair, but the flies were bugging me and Sam, well he wanted to lay on the cool tile in the house so I gave up after about an hour and came back in....it is all about him right? ha ha Well later today, like after 5pm, we're gonna take Sam down to the beach for me to wade and Everardo to see if anybody wants to buy anything. He called to say it's so hot nobody is on the beach right now. We went grocery shopping last nite and the stores were packed with people waiting to venture out when it got cooler. HA! It's not even hot like Playa Ventura!...yet anyway- I hear it gets really really hot in a couple of months.

I had good news and bad news yesterday and today. First the good news- I'm so happy! My best friend in Playa Ventura had stopped talking to me, even "unfriended" me off FB, because of some cruel gossip down there. Unfortunately in a small town- the gossip runs rampant. Family members stab each other in the back, tell secrets, make stuff up. Say that someone else said or did the act that was so bad. Well that happened to us; I'm sure cause we were the ones who left, and how easy to blame us. I got mad and sent a message telling what had actually transpired. This pitted family members against each other, and that cost me a friendship I treasured. I have felt so bad about it for a couple of months, and then the other day I sent her an apology, written in Spanish by me, no help from hubby. In fact I didn't even tell him, because he told me to just let it go. That if she blamed me, well that was up to her. But I couldn't do that, I just had to try one more time. I told her I was sorry I was even involved and that I missed my amiga. This morning I got a message from her and says it's all ok, we are amigas, we are sisters. I'm so happy. She re-accepted my friendship on fb as well so I'm taking a look at her page and what her family has been up to down there. I'm so glad I reached out.

Ok now the bad news. I read the blog of my niece and she sounded so down, so sad, actually I was pretty worried about her. I sent my brother an email and gave him the blog name and said he should read it, that I knew I was only her aunt but I was going to send her a msg and tell her I was worried about her. So I did. I made some suggestions that she might not have considered, places to look for support, to help her find her way. She is my niece, and although I don't know her very well since she grew up in a different state that me, I love her and care about her. She is the same age as my older daughter and so I often think of her, and her little brother, my nephew. Her mom and I are not close, and I think the mom is not the best influence on her; she has her own issues- anyway I decided to say something, knowing I might risk our relationship (hmmm sound familiar- see above ha ha). Everything I said to her I meant to say with love, but when we're talking to people who don't want to hear it...well...So I got a reply last nite- this was after I sent her several messages- oh and she "unfriended" me as well (see a pattern ha ha). So she wrote me a tore me a new asshole! She was extremely offended & insulted by my messages to her. She didn't need any help for anyone and especially not me. She said I was judging her and I didn't even know her. Well it's too bad, but I stand by what I wrote to her. I replied and apologized if she felt offended and insulted, that that was not my intention at all. But I was not sorry for my suggestions, for wanting to reach out to someone I loved who to me seemed to be in trouble.
So this is the bad news, ok maybe sad news. She will probly not speak to me again, and that's her choice. I will still love her and if she ever changes her mind, I'll be here. I would love if my brother and sisters did the same thing if they saw either of my kids in trouble, or even if a close friend of mine saw it. It's a crazy tough world sometimes, and we all need help. And hey who knows what the future will bring. After all I got my other friend back!!

I tried to go to the morning meeting this morning and nobody was there except a guy down here on a 3 week vacation. Neither of us had a key, so we stood outside and chatted; it was nice. Then, about 20 min to 10am, we had just decided to leave, we said the serenity prayer together, the guy who owns the building walks up and asks what's up. He opened the room for us and we decided to stay the final 20 minutes in case any other alcoholic showed up. The guy read out of the Daily Reflections for today and we talked a little about the steps, and how we felt when we came in. I suspect he has a LOT of years. So it turned out to be nice. Hopefully some of the regulars will show tomorrow morning. I know we lost a couple who had to move back to the states while I was gone, another is on vacation and returns at the end of May. Another guy had business in Tuscon, and that only leaves 2 or 3, and they just didn't come today. We are not a huge group, and we seem to be changing. Arrgghh sometimes I am just not so good with change. It has been an interesting year, lots and lots of change. In less than a month I will have lived in Mexico for a year! I think my theme was acceptance and patience. I would like to go into year two with a theme of hope, but we'll see what the universe has in store for me. I really want to kick my Spanish into high gear- but the truth is, I did no studying in California, spoke very little Spanish, and haven't picked up any of my materials since returning, Oh wait! Not true! Good! I used my workbook to write my apology letter to my friend Chela. And I did send an email to my teacher to let her know I was ready to resume classes on Tuesday, so hopefully we will- this Tuesday.
Ok this is full cycle cause I'm thinking (again) how much we need a screen door! I thought we had one in our house in Ca., but I searched the attic and it wasn't there- the type that is just hanging, no door frame, with magnets to attach the midde together. But I think I'm gonna go sit outside now, maybe start a new book...did I say it was nice to be home?

Friday morning- home in Mexico! Long day getting home yesterday, uneventful except in my little pea brain. The flight was an hour late, so I called the shuttle place while I was waiting. The woman tells me the last shuttle for Puerto Penasco is at 3pm- not 5! Crap! I call Everardo and he calls them, and tells me he'll call back and leave me a message since I'll be on the plane. So- right before we take off my phone stops working. Lovely. We get to Phoenix and the phone still doesn't work. I turn it off and on, nope. So I grab a taxi and go to to the shuttle office.

My driver was a guy from Somalia. Very interesting guy. His family was in Ohio, but his wife and little boy were with him in Phoenix. He thought I was a "very strong" woman since I had been married to two foreigners- one Arab and one Mexican.  He spoke Arabic and asked if my Palestinian husband was a Muslim. I said no- he was nothing- no religion. We talked about the weather, hot the past couple of weeks in Phoenix, but being from Somalia he was used to it ha ha. He likes the heat and so do I so we laughed about the heat in Mexico. We got to the shuttle office and I went in and asked about the shuttle to Puerto Penasco. The kid said- oh it already left- I yelled WHAT? NO! And this woman sitting nearby said to me- he said that to me as well! Very funny right? The kid said no just joking, we have been waiting for you. He said my husband had been calling all day! Aaaaahhhh my sweet man. Of course he didn't tell me anything other than they said they'd wait for me. The kid would not let me use the phone to call Everardo because it was a call to Mexico, and said well he'll call again ha ha! It was about 4:30 when I arrived there, after the late plane, but I was there so ok. At about 5 min to 5pm, my phone started working- well ringing- and it was Everardo. So he knew I made it.
By the time I got home, about 10pm, I was soooo tired. The trip should only be 4 hours, but we left late, and drove around phoenix for awhile, I think trying to pick up someone at their home, but were unsuccessful.
So I didn't get up until after 9am this morning. I did not go to my AA meeting, I didn't want to rush out, I wanted to be with hubby and puppy dog. Now Everardo has gone out to walk the beach with his stuff. I'm just tired. Maybe cause I didn't rest much the whole vacation. I was so busy! I didn't think I would be; but I went from person to person...from meeting to meeting. I wanted to go to as many meetings as I could. To get the fellowship, to get the feeling of a big meeting, to feel it like it was new, I was a different person than the last meeting I was in up there.

Interesting though, I knew I was different as soon as I got there. I mean I knew a little bit I had changed, after a year in Mexico how could I not have changed at least a little, right? And I could feel it. The very cool thing was, that other people saw a change in me. A calmness is kind of how it was articulated to me. I am more calm. More accepting. I am better at remembering I can't change anything but my own attitude, that I am not in control of anything beyond the tip of my nose. Only how I choose to react, my own behavior.I'm a new kind of happy. Ok happy, like everything is ok, I am always going to be ok. That taxi driver was right, well he said I was strong; I say lucky, grateful. I am lucky enough, and smart enough to be grateful for, having two men in my life that were/are amazing. My ex husband is a good man. A great father. He's Palestinian and we and the kids visited Jordan and Egypt. Cause his brother in law was in Africa at the time my mom gave me a ticket for my college graduation, I went to Mozambique and South Africa; saw wild animals in the wild- so very very cool.
Yeah I graduated college at the ripe old age of 35- and my mom had been to Kenya on a picture safari and she loved it so much she wanted me to have that experience. Thanx mom! Anyway Yahia's brither in law was working in Mozambique so I went there. We drove with this South African guy and his Arabic wife and their 2 kids to South Africa and to the Kruger, which is a huge wild animal reserve. And unlike Kenya at the time (cause that was almost 20 years ago and maybe it's changed), anyway you could only go on designated roads, and could not of course get out of the vehicles. In Kenya you could chase after and look for animals. In the Kruger you can only go on these certain roads, and if you don't see any animals it's tough shit, cause they are in their natural habitat. We spent the nite in these little cabins and until I got drunk I was a little scared that something might come and eat me during the nite. Ha ha but once I was drunk we laughed and talked until passing out. Oh yeah the next morning was pretty painful.

So back to the subject. I have been exceptionally lucky with my 2 husbands. Getting sober had alot to do with our breakup; I became someone else in many ways. My husband was/is a great caretaker, and with my drinking and over compensating- it was a perfect match. I am a very strong person, but needed some caretaking. He is a good man, and very nurturing. But after 5 years of sobriety, I found i didn't need someone to take care of me, I needed someone to challenge me, to be my equal or more- to put me thru my paces, not to "enable" me. What he did for me was not bad, not ever, he is a good man. But, what I needed in my life change. It was not good for him anymore either, because I was no longer what he needed either. We are friends, we are parents. Like I said, I was lucky. So I lived alone for 5 years (ok not always alone- gotta have some fun!) It's funny the two of them are alike in many ways....they both cook so well!! Ha ha This is important to me since I don't cook at all. I can, but I don't like to...you do all this work, then eat it, then you have to clean it all up! But cooks don't see it that way. Yeah I could eat peanut butter sandwiches every day over the sink- not kidding. They can both grow anything- total green thumbs! Our yards are beautiful and we always have so many veggies, more than anyone else and for longer ha ha!

Well my husband now, Everardo is a wonderful man. He's loving and caring, but doesn't let me feel sorry for myself, or wallow in self pity. He pushes me to be the best I can be. I met him in recovery so we have that in common. It's really cool whenever we go anywhere we look for meetings and it's fun to go to new meetings. When we drove up to Tacoma Washington we went to meetings in northen Calif, Oregon and Washington. When we go places in Mexico we do the same thing. As my Spanish improves I am more confident in those meetings. Like I said, I am soooo lucky, and try to remember to be soooo grateful.

My kids are so amazing! I loved every second with them. Drewy is so grown up. She has a nice house and a family, & yeah the wedding is a year away, but they are a family now. Danica was calling me Grandma T! She and I played on the computer, and she was sending text messages, but just hitting random keys as if each key was a whole word. It was hysterical! My soon to be granddaughter. But like I said, we are already a family. Only Everardo was missing, and I longed for him to be there. But we talked to him on Skype when we were all together. Halla took me to dinner at the place she's working, Central Market and I think everybody who worked there came up to our table to be introduced and tell me how much they loved her working there! Halla is so vibrant, full of plans and ideas for her life. I love her enthusiasm. I pray she sticks with her positive, motivated friends and follows thru with her ideas for the future. Yeah I have to say it. She has this one friend I wrote about before who is struggling with addiction, and I keep begging Halla to go to Alanon, cause she cannot fix this kid. When her friend really wants to be clean and sober, and starts to work on it, then she will see success, but she doesn't really want it, and Halla wanting it for her not only doesn't work, but pulls Halla down. But she is a strong young woman, and a sister who is close and supports her, so I am not worried- ha ha I just hate anything/anyone who in my opinion threatens my girls happiness, both of them. I am hoping Drewy gets this job she applied for where she'll be working days instead of nites and have weekends for fun with family and friends. It's only now- right this minute I wish I had all that money back. I'd give it to both girls; Drewy so she could quit and look for a better job at her leisure, and pay for her wedding, and Halla so she can finish school and move out on her own.
Hmmm so today I am very emotional. Good thing hubby ain't home because I have been in tears several times while writing this. Maybe I should take Sam to the park. Yippe I am home..and sad at the same time to say goodbye to my girls. As always, viva.

It's Wednesday morning and I go home tomorrow. Yippee. Monday was nice. Had lunch with my friends who rent our house. Again I gotta say I'm so happy they are taking care of or house- it looks so good- inside and out. Kay made her famous chicken pot pie and I gorged on it. I picked up my prescriptions for the next day and spent some time with my best gal pal, Sherren.

Then met my younger daughter for dinner at the restaurant where she works; Central Market. It's a really nice place and everybody there loves her. That's nice, and ha ha a nice reflection on me- I mean I did have something to do with how she turned out. She's very "up", happy and enthusiastic...and she got that from me. We ate like pigs cause we ordered everything- salad, pate, entre of braised beef ribs with scalloped potatoes and dessert! I think we rolled out of there. BUt the important part was how happy she was to show me her environment, to introduce me, to talk about the menu, and then everything else going on in her life. Some of it I missed cause I was thinking about what a wonderful adult she is becoming. Very articulate, interested in the world around her, planning to save it all of course ha ha. I am so proud of both of my daughters!

I'm staying with the other one, and I love her house, and how she has it. I mean I like her taste in furniture and art, the simplicity or minimalist way she does not have every corner filled up with things, it's so clean, somethings I can't find haha. But it's a beautiful place, and the all the windows and high ceilings make it feel spacious and she has nice views. A really comfortable back yard, sections-which I like, a patio, grass, picnic table, etc. And out the front some vacant lots across the street so it stays open. This is the first day I've stayed home, and I'm comfy on the couch in front of the tv, I had some scrambled eggs, and np plans to get up for at least a couple of hours.

Drewy is asleep upstairs after working 6pm to 6am. Ouch. I am praying she gets the job she just applied for; this working nites is so hard on the body and the mind. And she works 12 hour shifts. Ouch again. It's gray outside and I am ready for the Mexico sun! I have enjoyed myself but am ready to go home. If my girls would just move to Mexico life would be perfect ha ha! I'm kidding- kinda. They have their own lives to live and I am so excited to watch for what comes next with them. Drewy is planning a wedding for next summer- and she's going the traditional route. Big ceremony with bridesmaids and a beautiful venue (not chosen yet but talking about stained glass churches and/or wineries with chapels or gorgeous outdoor settings. I heard my niece and Drew's best friend talking about bridesmaid dresses and other bridesmaid duties. Her fiance is a good man- we like him very much. He is caring and loving, strong and calm, a rock for Drewy, who sometimes is too much like her mama, getting all wrapped around the axle about stuff. He's very patient, and just an all around good guy. We couldn't be happier with her choice. They have a nice life. Hopefully they are coming to visit us over 4th of July. I will become an instant Grandma since Rex has a 4yr old daughter, Danica, who lives with them half time. Last nite she waited up for me to get home and we "worked" on the computer. She said sentences (messages to Everardo) while typing keys- it was pretty funny. She wanted me to show her how to look thru photos and look at different things, and we had a good time until she had to go to bed. Family.

Ok more family- Halla told me about a young woman she sees at school- at the JC, and she said she thought she looked like her cousins Stephanie and Jessica. Somehow this girl asked Halla how she knew Sarah, their sister. (she must have seen Halla on the computer with Sarah). So Halla tells her Sarah is her cousin. The girl says Step and Jess are her cousins! So we find more family. I keep saying ya can't have enough family who loves you! Now we add Elena to the mix, and my daughters have a new sister. Not to mention the probly hundreds of cousins from Everardo's side of the family down in Gilroy!

Life just gets better and better. My life is....nice. I am very happy. I came up here to see my daughters and go to the dr for my yearly check to see if my breast cancer came back- it did NOT, and I found out some things, about myself. I have changed some. In a good way at least in my opinion ha ha. I really have developed more patience, and I am...well..just more calm. A few friends saw that in me, I mean they commented that I was different, happier in a calm way. I think it's acceptance. Of me, and of whatever's around me. I am learning something I know to be true, but sometimes I know something intellectually but maybe not emotionally- I mean really feeling it as a part of me, not a conclusion of thought after facing something. That I am ok. That things other people say to me or about me, do not affect me in ANY way, unless I choose to be affected. If someone says I'm selfish or mean, it does not mean that I am. Their perception is their business. If someone says I'm fat or ugly- it does make it so. (ha ha of course when they say positive things they are all true..ha ha just kidding)
I can take info in, see if it applies, and if not, discard it, If so, maybe it's an invitation for me to work on a character defect. But I am responsible, I can affect and/or change anything from the tip of my nose back in. I am not change  anything beyond the end of my nose. I recently heard a guy says he goes by the hula hoop theory. That when you have a hula hoop around you, you can change what's inside the hoop and nothing outside the hoop. When I have a problem, the first place I need to look is inside myself. Really coming to this place of acceptance is huge for me.

I am the "I'm not good enough" type- so I always think I need to work harder, be thinner, prettier, smarter, sexier, just plan "better" and that's just not true. You know, employers loved me! I was always going for the next pat on the back- and 2 seconds later working for it again. I was always motivated. I still am, but for better reasons. It's taken years to get to here. I've known for quite some time, in my head, that those negative things were not true, but deep down, in my heart somewhere I always worried that they were true. Man I am a slow learner! I am ok exactly how I am. Of course I can always improve things, learn things, exercise more, eat healthier, be more in service to others, I think we all can do those things, but I am perfect right here right now.

So it took coming back here, back home to see some of this. Some I already knew, I just didn't think anybody else knew ha ha. And home- well home is where my husband and my dog are, where my heart is. I'm not done in Puerto Penasco- with what? I'm not sure...I want to become fluent and I believe I'm on my way, I LOVE my English class and students, and I know I'm not done there. And who knows how I might get involved in other ways at the center.
What will I feel when I get back to my Mexican home? I know Everardo is happy there. And wait until he see all the beads I scored for him! Well he's kinda seen them on skype, but it's much more impressive in person ha ha! I wonder if my Spanish will take a big turn to the better? I mean I have been studying hard, and then almost no Spanish for 2 weeks, except once in a store and then the ladt who was cleaning a friend's house chatted away with me.

So-Monday, to finish up Monday, I did a quick pre-pack pack to be sure all my stuff would fit in my 2 suitcases. Yeah- I grabbed my smaller suitcase from the loft in the F Street house along with some shoes and a couple of warm sweaters. Well the answer was HELL NO! I had way to much stuff. Even if I used the duffel bag type bag for a carry on, no way it would all fit- I mean the ba-zillion beads alone. So I decided to send a box UPS. Actually it will arrive today, to an address in Arizona, not Mexico...It's a friend who makes the trip constantly and will bring it down to me. It's most of the beads, shoes and sweaters....It weighed a little less than 50lbs is my guess, since I can barley life over 50lbs and I was carrying this. $34- that's pretty good I thought. Definitely worth the drop in stress! Go UPS! I had given about half the beads to Halla- all the plastic ones, but she told me yesterday that she still had most of them in her car and what the hell was she going to do with them. She had given away the ones she planned to, and kept the ones she wanted. Well I sent a msg to Karen at the community center, and asked if they wanted some beads. They make a lot of different things to sell at little wknd markets, things that bring money to women who otherwise might have nothing. I am not creative at all, so I'm not really involved with that side of things and didn't know if they'd want the beads. I just have the people who want to learn English. But she said yes of course- pls send them! She also said my students were excited for me to come back! Yippe cause I'm excited to see them, too! So I think I can fit everything into my suitcases now, so I'm ready to go.

A little tired and worse for wear after yesterday. Yesterday- yuck! I had to have my little procedure. Did I say yuck? It was quick and relatively painless. hmm relative to what? They gave me 3 pills to take beforehand. One was different than the other two. Anyway they gave me a fuzzy head. They were to relieve any anxiety...and they did. My beautiful friend Ramilia took me to the appt- cause I had to take the meds an hour before, and needed to have a ride home, so Ramilia took me and brought me home. An she is an angle. My nurse and my mom! I got to her house and she had cooked for me even tho' I said pls don't, I'll have a sandwhich. Then she had a room ready for me to spend the nite if I didn't feel well after! So we went over, and she came into the appt with me. She held my hand and asked the doctor questions- she was amazing! I was a little looped and so wasn't thinking of any questions. Afterwards we went back to her house and she put me to bed, I wanted to just lay on the couch but she led me to a bedroom. I passed out immediately for over 2 hours! When I got up her hubby was home- I'm also friends with him- and they were eating dinner, so she made me a plate. We ate and talked and laughed. We promised to talk more, and I made her promise to visit me in Mexico. And if hubby is too busy working, then I want just her to come. We have a connection and I think we could sit on the beach and talk for a million hours.
So I got home before I took any more pain pills. I was feeling kinda crappy. Then I took the perescribed qty 2 of the pain pills- I think they're vicodin, they're called "narco", and about an hour later I puked. Yeah that's what pain pills do for me. I'm good on the first dose...and being an addictive type ha ha, look forward to the second dose, and then I always get sick to my stomach. This morning I feel better, but tired. I made a plan to go see my 2 girlfriends Holly & Delores from the dog park, just for a coffee, and maybe nothing else, and then after being up awhile- decided I'm tired. So the last day is the first day I'm not up and out of the house by 9 or 10am. It's almost noon, and I'm in a tshirt and sweats. I made some scrambled eggs for my icky tummy and sat down to write.

I'm hoping this afternoon that Drew, Halla & I are going to go and see Elena once more. That would be great. And she turned 16 yesterday...oooh maybe there's cake haha! Oh maybe we should bring cake...ok it's enough for now. My next post will probly be from home...my Mexico.
As always...viva!

Sunday nite, May 5. Oh Cinco de Mayo. It's funny- it's not a celebration in Mexico but a huge deal  in the states. Ha ha I think it must have been started by the beer companies. It's a day to get drunk. I did not attend any Cinco de Mayo celebrations today, I did however have a very interesting morning.

Ok so it starts back on Friday. Stephanie my niece, is chatting with a friend, and another friend overhears her talking about my quest for beads. I have purchased some and my other niece, Sarah gave me some from her collection- she used to make jewelry but not anymore. Everardo watched some utube videos and so now he's making jewelry, scorpions, and spider, all out of wires and glass beads. I was tasked with getting him so cool beads, and it turned into a quest for me; finding stores, checking prices, showing him on skype what I found each day. I ended up also buying some wire and some tools for fashioning wires for earrings, etc. Anyway this woman gears Step talking about it and she says Hey- I have a bunch of beads I can give her, tell her to give me a call. So Steph sends me a facebook message and I call the lady. We agree that I will drop by Sunday morning at 10am. Now I had already made plans with my friend Marla to have coffee at 9:30, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drive and we could talk and go for coffee after my errand. She said sure and so this morning I went to pick up Marla and head out towards the beach to the dairy farm my friend lives on.

I am driving Drew's car; her second car and it's a bit of a beater car- you know, kinda beat up, no radio, and the driver's window doesn't go up or down from it's current position of halfway. Oh and the rearview mirror on the driver's side is cracked and so tricky when trying to determine how close that car behind you is....but the important thing to remember is I didn't have to rent a car. The heater works great so even though today was freezing, I was ok, and tonite when I drove it I wore this really cute gray hat of my daughter's that went with my sweater perfect! Oh and it's a Toyota so it's been great in gas which is very important for me since I have been driving up and down the freeway multiple times almost every day. 3 tanks of gas I have already used! Well I got to Marla's and told her to bring her jacket cause the windows didn't roll up and she said- ok we're taking my car! And tonite I found out that the passenger side window actually does roll up- ooopps.

So we drive out to my friend's place. She lives out Bodgea Highway, and I never knew that the name of the road changes to Valley Ford Road out there a ways. Anyway there's turn for the Coast Guard station, and then after that this big dairy. We turned in there and she lives in a small house on the property. She has a big picture window and a beautiful view. Ha ha I love the smell of cow shit in the morning! She invites us in and I was in shock- her house was clean, but so much stuff, I think maybe she's a hoarder. As for the beads, oh my god! There were so many! Thousands! There was 4 of those rolling plastic shelf holders with 5 drawers each, a 2 drawer box and a couple of small shelves like you would keep screws and small nails in. Tiny beads, small beads, mid size, large...some glass, some plastic, some rocks, clasps and hooks, some already created necklaces and bracelets. I mean there was enough to last Everardo forever! And she GAVE it ALL to me! I had actually asked her when I saw it all, cause I didn't want to incorrectly assume anything, so I started to ask if she was giving me some or wanted me to buy some, but she answered before I finished with the question to say she was giving it all to me! She just kept pulling out boxes and drawers of beads, I think I was overwhelmed cause I couldn't believe it! Marla either- she was staring at me and I was staring at her, both of us amazed! So we loaded it all up in Marla's car- it took up her whole back seat- seat and floor. I was already thinking about how the hell I would get all this stuff to Mexico! I could take some, ship some to my friend Deb from the center who lives in Arizona part of the time and said we could ship to her house.....I need boxes, maybe ship UPS.
One other amazing thing happened while we were there. There's a guy that I knew from AA that I had gotten to know in the last few months before we moved; he was a Mexican guy and shy about talking to people because he thought his English was bad- but really- his English was fine. Anyway he always talked to me about his kids and so we usually chatted when we saw each other. Well after we moved I heard he went back out- meaning he left AA and started his destructive drinking again. I was very sorry to hear that and hope things would improve for him. I was also hoping to see him on this trip, and I asked one friend if he had seen him. He said sadly, he comes around but he just can't seem to get it. Well- as it turns out, my friend with the beads knows him! When we were looking at the view she said- hey remember him? I used to see you talking to him. I said yes, kind of puzzled. So she says...yeah see that trailer across the road at the other dairy? That's his place. I was so surprised! I didn't tell anyone I was wondering about him except that one guy, and she brings him up! I didn't go over there, but I may, before I go ho,me. I'll ask someone to come with me, because maybe it's not appropriate for me to simply show up, and I don't know for sure what kind of shape he's in. But the bead lady said she thought he was doing ok. She promised to tell him I was asking for him, even though she and he had had some sort of falling out. Anyway, a day full of positive surprises eh? It felt very cool to first receive this gift of beads for hubby, and then to hear news of someone I was worried about....

Ok so Marla and I left and went to Starbucks for our coffee, still reeling and cracking up at my windfall. Then we started to talk about her job, since I used to work where she works; I asked about people that were still there, and then we talked about our kids and school- we have kids the same age.
The we went back to her house and laughed as we huffed and puffed moving all those beads from her car to mine- we decided maybe I shoulda drove after all! After that I called my daughter Halla; she wanted to start making jewelry, too so I offered her the plastic beads and we shared some of the clasps and hooks. She met me in a store parking lot and we unloaded them all and went thru them all! It took us over an hour of opening drawers, looking, choosing, laughing and talking. It was nice. She took most of the plastics, and I gave the standing drawers to Rex (my future son in law) for their garage to store tools and things. Everybody wins! I sent Everardo some pictures and he is very excited. It was a wonderful gift.
I went home after that, and Drew had made a nice dinner, it was perfect. A nice pork roast, asparagus and potatoes- yummy- my daughter is a great cook.
Later this evening I got to catch up with my final friend I was missing and see her baby boy (19 mo), and her husband. They are an exhausted family ha ha! Babies will do that. She's getting her hair done Tuesday and I'm gonna try to drop in so we can chat, cause they were just so tired when I came by this evening that I left and went to the 7pm meeting.

Well yesterday was pretty good too. I was the speaker at the noon meeting and after a year of not doing it, I was happy to share. I need to get things out, and I like to share, especially when new people are there. In Puerto Penasco we have very small meetings and none of them are speaker meetings. Some of the Spanish meetings are speaker meetings, but I have difficulty following them. In fact when I get back I'm supposed to share for a min of half an hour at a Spanish meeting, and wow - can I talk in Spanish for half an hour?? hmm, vamos a ver, After the meeting I went clothes shopping for me at a place in the mall for us extra curvey people, and found just a couple of things, then I went and met my friend Luis for coffee. It was really nice to catch up with him and hear about their family trip to Europe and his latest work adventures. After that I shot further up the highway to my sisters house and my niece, who is about to graduate from beauty school, cut mt hair for me- very short, just the way I like it when living in the heat.

I can't believe how much and how many people I have been able to do and see in less than 2 weeks! And at least one more doctor appt (a yucky little procedure to have a polyp removed from my uterus- yeah gross eh?)  before I go home. The truth is, yes it will be hard to leave my daughters yet again, but I miss my husband, my dog, and my desert home in Mexico. I am ready to go. Ah oh well, 4 more days....