Friday morning- home in Mexico! Long day getting home yesterday, uneventful except in my little pea brain. The flight was an hour late, so I called the shuttle place while I was waiting. The woman tells me the last shuttle for Puerto Penasco is at 3pm- not 5! Crap! I call Everardo and he calls them, and tells me he'll call back and leave me a message since I'll be on the plane. So- right before we take off my phone stops working. Lovely. We get to Phoenix and the phone still doesn't work. I turn it off and on, nope. So I grab a taxi and go to to the shuttle office.

My driver was a guy from Somalia. Very interesting guy. His family was in Ohio, but his wife and little boy were with him in Phoenix. He thought I was a "very strong" woman since I had been married to two foreigners- one Arab and one Mexican.  He spoke Arabic and asked if my Palestinian husband was a Muslim. I said no- he was nothing- no religion. We talked about the weather, hot the past couple of weeks in Phoenix, but being from Somalia he was used to it ha ha. He likes the heat and so do I so we laughed about the heat in Mexico. We got to the shuttle office and I went in and asked about the shuttle to Puerto Penasco. The kid said- oh it already left- I yelled WHAT? NO! And this woman sitting nearby said to me- he said that to me as well! Very funny right? The kid said no just joking, we have been waiting for you. He said my husband had been calling all day! Aaaaahhhh my sweet man. Of course he didn't tell me anything other than they said they'd wait for me. The kid would not let me use the phone to call Everardo because it was a call to Mexico, and said well he'll call again ha ha! It was about 4:30 when I arrived there, after the late plane, but I was there so ok. At about 5 min to 5pm, my phone started working- well ringing- and it was Everardo. So he knew I made it.
By the time I got home, about 10pm, I was soooo tired. The trip should only be 4 hours, but we left late, and drove around phoenix for awhile, I think trying to pick up someone at their home, but were unsuccessful.
So I didn't get up until after 9am this morning. I did not go to my AA meeting, I didn't want to rush out, I wanted to be with hubby and puppy dog. Now Everardo has gone out to walk the beach with his stuff. I'm just tired. Maybe cause I didn't rest much the whole vacation. I was so busy! I didn't think I would be; but I went from person to person...from meeting to meeting. I wanted to go to as many meetings as I could. To get the fellowship, to get the feeling of a big meeting, to feel it like it was new, I was a different person than the last meeting I was in up there.

Interesting though, I knew I was different as soon as I got there. I mean I knew a little bit I had changed, after a year in Mexico how could I not have changed at least a little, right? And I could feel it. The very cool thing was, that other people saw a change in me. A calmness is kind of how it was articulated to me. I am more calm. More accepting. I am better at remembering I can't change anything but my own attitude, that I am not in control of anything beyond the tip of my nose. Only how I choose to react, my own behavior.I'm a new kind of happy. Ok happy, like everything is ok, I am always going to be ok. That taxi driver was right, well he said I was strong; I say lucky, grateful. I am lucky enough, and smart enough to be grateful for, having two men in my life that were/are amazing. My ex husband is a good man. A great father. He's Palestinian and we and the kids visited Jordan and Egypt. Cause his brother in law was in Africa at the time my mom gave me a ticket for my college graduation, I went to Mozambique and South Africa; saw wild animals in the wild- so very very cool.
Yeah I graduated college at the ripe old age of 35- and my mom had been to Kenya on a picture safari and she loved it so much she wanted me to have that experience. Thanx mom! Anyway Yahia's brither in law was working in Mozambique so I went there. We drove with this South African guy and his Arabic wife and their 2 kids to South Africa and to the Kruger, which is a huge wild animal reserve. And unlike Kenya at the time (cause that was almost 20 years ago and maybe it's changed), anyway you could only go on designated roads, and could not of course get out of the vehicles. In Kenya you could chase after and look for animals. In the Kruger you can only go on these certain roads, and if you don't see any animals it's tough shit, cause they are in their natural habitat. We spent the nite in these little cabins and until I got drunk I was a little scared that something might come and eat me during the nite. Ha ha but once I was drunk we laughed and talked until passing out. Oh yeah the next morning was pretty painful.

So back to the subject. I have been exceptionally lucky with my 2 husbands. Getting sober had alot to do with our breakup; I became someone else in many ways. My husband was/is a great caretaker, and with my drinking and over compensating- it was a perfect match. I am a very strong person, but needed some caretaking. He is a good man, and very nurturing. But after 5 years of sobriety, I found i didn't need someone to take care of me, I needed someone to challenge me, to be my equal or more- to put me thru my paces, not to "enable" me. What he did for me was not bad, not ever, he is a good man. But, what I needed in my life change. It was not good for him anymore either, because I was no longer what he needed either. We are friends, we are parents. Like I said, I was lucky. So I lived alone for 5 years (ok not always alone- gotta have some fun!) It's funny the two of them are alike in many ways....they both cook so well!! Ha ha This is important to me since I don't cook at all. I can, but I don't like to...you do all this work, then eat it, then you have to clean it all up! But cooks don't see it that way. Yeah I could eat peanut butter sandwiches every day over the sink- not kidding. They can both grow anything- total green thumbs! Our yards are beautiful and we always have so many veggies, more than anyone else and for longer ha ha!

Well my husband now, Everardo is a wonderful man. He's loving and caring, but doesn't let me feel sorry for myself, or wallow in self pity. He pushes me to be the best I can be. I met him in recovery so we have that in common. It's really cool whenever we go anywhere we look for meetings and it's fun to go to new meetings. When we drove up to Tacoma Washington we went to meetings in northen Calif, Oregon and Washington. When we go places in Mexico we do the same thing. As my Spanish improves I am more confident in those meetings. Like I said, I am soooo lucky, and try to remember to be soooo grateful.

My kids are so amazing! I loved every second with them. Drewy is so grown up. She has a nice house and a family, & yeah the wedding is a year away, but they are a family now. Danica was calling me Grandma T! She and I played on the computer, and she was sending text messages, but just hitting random keys as if each key was a whole word. It was hysterical! My soon to be granddaughter. But like I said, we are already a family. Only Everardo was missing, and I longed for him to be there. But we talked to him on Skype when we were all together. Halla took me to dinner at the place she's working, Central Market and I think everybody who worked there came up to our table to be introduced and tell me how much they loved her working there! Halla is so vibrant, full of plans and ideas for her life. I love her enthusiasm. I pray she sticks with her positive, motivated friends and follows thru with her ideas for the future. Yeah I have to say it. She has this one friend I wrote about before who is struggling with addiction, and I keep begging Halla to go to Alanon, cause she cannot fix this kid. When her friend really wants to be clean and sober, and starts to work on it, then she will see success, but she doesn't really want it, and Halla wanting it for her not only doesn't work, but pulls Halla down. But she is a strong young woman, and a sister who is close and supports her, so I am not worried- ha ha I just hate anything/anyone who in my opinion threatens my girls happiness, both of them. I am hoping Drewy gets this job she applied for where she'll be working days instead of nites and have weekends for fun with family and friends. It's only now- right this minute I wish I had all that money back. I'd give it to both girls; Drewy so she could quit and look for a better job at her leisure, and pay for her wedding, and Halla so she can finish school and move out on her own.
Hmmm so today I am very emotional. Good thing hubby ain't home because I have been in tears several times while writing this. Maybe I should take Sam to the park. Yippe I am home..and sad at the same time to say goodbye to my girls. As always, viva.

It's Wednesday morning and I go home tomorrow. Yippee. Monday was nice. Had lunch with my friends who rent our house. Again I gotta say I'm so happy they are taking care of or house- it looks so good- inside and out. Kay made her famous chicken pot pie and I gorged on it. I picked up my prescriptions for the next day and spent some time with my best gal pal, Sherren.

Then met my younger daughter for dinner at the restaurant where she works; Central Market. It's a really nice place and everybody there loves her. That's nice, and ha ha a nice reflection on me- I mean I did have something to do with how she turned out. She's very "up", happy and enthusiastic...and she got that from me. We ate like pigs cause we ordered everything- salad, pate, entre of braised beef ribs with scalloped potatoes and dessert! I think we rolled out of there. BUt the important part was how happy she was to show me her environment, to introduce me, to talk about the menu, and then everything else going on in her life. Some of it I missed cause I was thinking about what a wonderful adult she is becoming. Very articulate, interested in the world around her, planning to save it all of course ha ha. I am so proud of both of my daughters!

I'm staying with the other one, and I love her house, and how she has it. I mean I like her taste in furniture and art, the simplicity or minimalist way she does not have every corner filled up with things, it's so clean, somethings I can't find haha. But it's a beautiful place, and the all the windows and high ceilings make it feel spacious and she has nice views. A really comfortable back yard, sections-which I like, a patio, grass, picnic table, etc. And out the front some vacant lots across the street so it stays open. This is the first day I've stayed home, and I'm comfy on the couch in front of the tv, I had some scrambled eggs, and np plans to get up for at least a couple of hours.

Drewy is asleep upstairs after working 6pm to 6am. Ouch. I am praying she gets the job she just applied for; this working nites is so hard on the body and the mind. And she works 12 hour shifts. Ouch again. It's gray outside and I am ready for the Mexico sun! I have enjoyed myself but am ready to go home. If my girls would just move to Mexico life would be perfect ha ha! I'm kidding- kinda. They have their own lives to live and I am so excited to watch for what comes next with them. Drewy is planning a wedding for next summer- and she's going the traditional route. Big ceremony with bridesmaids and a beautiful venue (not chosen yet but talking about stained glass churches and/or wineries with chapels or gorgeous outdoor settings. I heard my niece and Drew's best friend talking about bridesmaid dresses and other bridesmaid duties. Her fiance is a good man- we like him very much. He is caring and loving, strong and calm, a rock for Drewy, who sometimes is too much like her mama, getting all wrapped around the axle about stuff. He's very patient, and just an all around good guy. We couldn't be happier with her choice. They have a nice life. Hopefully they are coming to visit us over 4th of July. I will become an instant Grandma since Rex has a 4yr old daughter, Danica, who lives with them half time. Last nite she waited up for me to get home and we "worked" on the computer. She said sentences (messages to Everardo) while typing keys- it was pretty funny. She wanted me to show her how to look thru photos and look at different things, and we had a good time until she had to go to bed. Family.

Ok more family- Halla told me about a young woman she sees at school- at the JC, and she said she thought she looked like her cousins Stephanie and Jessica. Somehow this girl asked Halla how she knew Sarah, their sister. (she must have seen Halla on the computer with Sarah). So Halla tells her Sarah is her cousin. The girl says Step and Jess are her cousins! So we find more family. I keep saying ya can't have enough family who loves you! Now we add Elena to the mix, and my daughters have a new sister. Not to mention the probly hundreds of cousins from Everardo's side of the family down in Gilroy!

Life just gets better and better. My life is....nice. I am very happy. I came up here to see my daughters and go to the dr for my yearly check to see if my breast cancer came back- it did NOT, and I found out some things, about myself. I have changed some. In a good way at least in my opinion ha ha. I really have developed more patience, and I am...well..just more calm. A few friends saw that in me, I mean they commented that I was different, happier in a calm way. I think it's acceptance. Of me, and of whatever's around me. I am learning something I know to be true, but sometimes I know something intellectually but maybe not emotionally- I mean really feeling it as a part of me, not a conclusion of thought after facing something. That I am ok. That things other people say to me or about me, do not affect me in ANY way, unless I choose to be affected. If someone says I'm selfish or mean, it does not mean that I am. Their perception is their business. If someone says I'm fat or ugly- it does make it so. (ha ha of course when they say positive things they are all true..ha ha just kidding)
I can take info in, see if it applies, and if not, discard it, If so, maybe it's an invitation for me to work on a character defect. But I am responsible, I can affect and/or change anything from the tip of my nose back in. I am not change  anything beyond the end of my nose. I recently heard a guy says he goes by the hula hoop theory. That when you have a hula hoop around you, you can change what's inside the hoop and nothing outside the hoop. When I have a problem, the first place I need to look is inside myself. Really coming to this place of acceptance is huge for me.

I am the "I'm not good enough" type- so I always think I need to work harder, be thinner, prettier, smarter, sexier, just plan "better" and that's just not true. You know, employers loved me! I was always going for the next pat on the back- and 2 seconds later working for it again. I was always motivated. I still am, but for better reasons. It's taken years to get to here. I've known for quite some time, in my head, that those negative things were not true, but deep down, in my heart somewhere I always worried that they were true. Man I am a slow learner! I am ok exactly how I am. Of course I can always improve things, learn things, exercise more, eat healthier, be more in service to others, I think we all can do those things, but I am perfect right here right now.

So it took coming back here, back home to see some of this. Some I already knew, I just didn't think anybody else knew ha ha. And home- well home is where my husband and my dog are, where my heart is. I'm not done in Puerto Penasco- with what? I'm not sure...I want to become fluent and I believe I'm on my way, I LOVE my English class and students, and I know I'm not done there. And who knows how I might get involved in other ways at the center.
What will I feel when I get back to my Mexican home? I know Everardo is happy there. And wait until he see all the beads I scored for him! Well he's kinda seen them on skype, but it's much more impressive in person ha ha! I wonder if my Spanish will take a big turn to the better? I mean I have been studying hard, and then almost no Spanish for 2 weeks, except once in a store and then the ladt who was cleaning a friend's house chatted away with me.

So-Monday, to finish up Monday, I did a quick pre-pack pack to be sure all my stuff would fit in my 2 suitcases. Yeah- I grabbed my smaller suitcase from the loft in the F Street house along with some shoes and a couple of warm sweaters. Well the answer was HELL NO! I had way to much stuff. Even if I used the duffel bag type bag for a carry on, no way it would all fit- I mean the ba-zillion beads alone. So I decided to send a box UPS. Actually it will arrive today, to an address in Arizona, not Mexico...It's a friend who makes the trip constantly and will bring it down to me. It's most of the beads, shoes and sweaters....It weighed a little less than 50lbs is my guess, since I can barley life over 50lbs and I was carrying this. $34- that's pretty good I thought. Definitely worth the drop in stress! Go UPS! I had given about half the beads to Halla- all the plastic ones, but she told me yesterday that she still had most of them in her car and what the hell was she going to do with them. She had given away the ones she planned to, and kept the ones she wanted. Well I sent a msg to Karen at the community center, and asked if they wanted some beads. They make a lot of different things to sell at little wknd markets, things that bring money to women who otherwise might have nothing. I am not creative at all, so I'm not really involved with that side of things and didn't know if they'd want the beads. I just have the people who want to learn English. But she said yes of course- pls send them! She also said my students were excited for me to come back! Yippe cause I'm excited to see them, too! So I think I can fit everything into my suitcases now, so I'm ready to go.

A little tired and worse for wear after yesterday. Yesterday- yuck! I had to have my little procedure. Did I say yuck? It was quick and relatively painless. hmm relative to what? They gave me 3 pills to take beforehand. One was different than the other two. Anyway they gave me a fuzzy head. They were to relieve any anxiety...and they did. My beautiful friend Ramilia took me to the appt- cause I had to take the meds an hour before, and needed to have a ride home, so Ramilia took me and brought me home. An she is an angle. My nurse and my mom! I got to her house and she had cooked for me even tho' I said pls don't, I'll have a sandwhich. Then she had a room ready for me to spend the nite if I didn't feel well after! So we went over, and she came into the appt with me. She held my hand and asked the doctor questions- she was amazing! I was a little looped and so wasn't thinking of any questions. Afterwards we went back to her house and she put me to bed, I wanted to just lay on the couch but she led me to a bedroom. I passed out immediately for over 2 hours! When I got up her hubby was home- I'm also friends with him- and they were eating dinner, so she made me a plate. We ate and talked and laughed. We promised to talk more, and I made her promise to visit me in Mexico. And if hubby is too busy working, then I want just her to come. We have a connection and I think we could sit on the beach and talk for a million hours.
So I got home before I took any more pain pills. I was feeling kinda crappy. Then I took the perescribed qty 2 of the pain pills- I think they're vicodin, they're called "narco", and about an hour later I puked. Yeah that's what pain pills do for me. I'm good on the first dose...and being an addictive type ha ha, look forward to the second dose, and then I always get sick to my stomach. This morning I feel better, but tired. I made a plan to go see my 2 girlfriends Holly & Delores from the dog park, just for a coffee, and maybe nothing else, and then after being up awhile- decided I'm tired. So the last day is the first day I'm not up and out of the house by 9 or 10am. It's almost noon, and I'm in a tshirt and sweats. I made some scrambled eggs for my icky tummy and sat down to write.

I'm hoping this afternoon that Drew, Halla & I are going to go and see Elena once more. That would be great. And she turned 16 yesterday...oooh maybe there's cake haha! Oh maybe we should bring cake...ok it's enough for now. My next post will probly be from home...my Mexico.
As always...viva!

Sunday nite, May 5. Oh Cinco de Mayo. It's funny- it's not a celebration in Mexico but a huge deal  in the states. Ha ha I think it must have been started by the beer companies. It's a day to get drunk. I did not attend any Cinco de Mayo celebrations today, I did however have a very interesting morning.

Ok so it starts back on Friday. Stephanie my niece, is chatting with a friend, and another friend overhears her talking about my quest for beads. I have purchased some and my other niece, Sarah gave me some from her collection- she used to make jewelry but not anymore. Everardo watched some utube videos and so now he's making jewelry, scorpions, and spider, all out of wires and glass beads. I was tasked with getting him so cool beads, and it turned into a quest for me; finding stores, checking prices, showing him on skype what I found each day. I ended up also buying some wire and some tools for fashioning wires for earrings, etc. Anyway this woman gears Step talking about it and she says Hey- I have a bunch of beads I can give her, tell her to give me a call. So Steph sends me a facebook message and I call the lady. We agree that I will drop by Sunday morning at 10am. Now I had already made plans with my friend Marla to have coffee at 9:30, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drive and we could talk and go for coffee after my errand. She said sure and so this morning I went to pick up Marla and head out towards the beach to the dairy farm my friend lives on.

I am driving Drew's car; her second car and it's a bit of a beater car- you know, kinda beat up, no radio, and the driver's window doesn't go up or down from it's current position of halfway. Oh and the rearview mirror on the driver's side is cracked and so tricky when trying to determine how close that car behind you is....but the important thing to remember is I didn't have to rent a car. The heater works great so even though today was freezing, I was ok, and tonite when I drove it I wore this really cute gray hat of my daughter's that went with my sweater perfect! Oh and it's a Toyota so it's been great in gas which is very important for me since I have been driving up and down the freeway multiple times almost every day. 3 tanks of gas I have already used! Well I got to Marla's and told her to bring her jacket cause the windows didn't roll up and she said- ok we're taking my car! And tonite I found out that the passenger side window actually does roll up- ooopps.

So we drive out to my friend's place. She lives out Bodgea Highway, and I never knew that the name of the road changes to Valley Ford Road out there a ways. Anyway there's turn for the Coast Guard station, and then after that this big dairy. We turned in there and she lives in a small house on the property. She has a big picture window and a beautiful view. Ha ha I love the smell of cow shit in the morning! She invites us in and I was in shock- her house was clean, but so much stuff, I think maybe she's a hoarder. As for the beads, oh my god! There were so many! Thousands! There was 4 of those rolling plastic shelf holders with 5 drawers each, a 2 drawer box and a couple of small shelves like you would keep screws and small nails in. Tiny beads, small beads, mid size, large...some glass, some plastic, some rocks, clasps and hooks, some already created necklaces and bracelets. I mean there was enough to last Everardo forever! And she GAVE it ALL to me! I had actually asked her when I saw it all, cause I didn't want to incorrectly assume anything, so I started to ask if she was giving me some or wanted me to buy some, but she answered before I finished with the question to say she was giving it all to me! She just kept pulling out boxes and drawers of beads, I think I was overwhelmed cause I couldn't believe it! Marla either- she was staring at me and I was staring at her, both of us amazed! So we loaded it all up in Marla's car- it took up her whole back seat- seat and floor. I was already thinking about how the hell I would get all this stuff to Mexico! I could take some, ship some to my friend Deb from the center who lives in Arizona part of the time and said we could ship to her house.....I need boxes, maybe ship UPS.
One other amazing thing happened while we were there. There's a guy that I knew from AA that I had gotten to know in the last few months before we moved; he was a Mexican guy and shy about talking to people because he thought his English was bad- but really- his English was fine. Anyway he always talked to me about his kids and so we usually chatted when we saw each other. Well after we moved I heard he went back out- meaning he left AA and started his destructive drinking again. I was very sorry to hear that and hope things would improve for him. I was also hoping to see him on this trip, and I asked one friend if he had seen him. He said sadly, he comes around but he just can't seem to get it. Well- as it turns out, my friend with the beads knows him! When we were looking at the view she said- hey remember him? I used to see you talking to him. I said yes, kind of puzzled. So she says...yeah see that trailer across the road at the other dairy? That's his place. I was so surprised! I didn't tell anyone I was wondering about him except that one guy, and she brings him up! I didn't go over there, but I may, before I go ho,me. I'll ask someone to come with me, because maybe it's not appropriate for me to simply show up, and I don't know for sure what kind of shape he's in. But the bead lady said she thought he was doing ok. She promised to tell him I was asking for him, even though she and he had had some sort of falling out. Anyway, a day full of positive surprises eh? It felt very cool to first receive this gift of beads for hubby, and then to hear news of someone I was worried about....

Ok so Marla and I left and went to Starbucks for our coffee, still reeling and cracking up at my windfall. Then we started to talk about her job, since I used to work where she works; I asked about people that were still there, and then we talked about our kids and school- we have kids the same age.
The we went back to her house and laughed as we huffed and puffed moving all those beads from her car to mine- we decided maybe I shoulda drove after all! After that I called my daughter Halla; she wanted to start making jewelry, too so I offered her the plastic beads and we shared some of the clasps and hooks. She met me in a store parking lot and we unloaded them all and went thru them all! It took us over an hour of opening drawers, looking, choosing, laughing and talking. It was nice. She took most of the plastics, and I gave the standing drawers to Rex (my future son in law) for their garage to store tools and things. Everybody wins! I sent Everardo some pictures and he is very excited. It was a wonderful gift.
I went home after that, and Drew had made a nice dinner, it was perfect. A nice pork roast, asparagus and potatoes- yummy- my daughter is a great cook.
Later this evening I got to catch up with my final friend I was missing and see her baby boy (19 mo), and her husband. They are an exhausted family ha ha! Babies will do that. She's getting her hair done Tuesday and I'm gonna try to drop in so we can chat, cause they were just so tired when I came by this evening that I left and went to the 7pm meeting.

Well yesterday was pretty good too. I was the speaker at the noon meeting and after a year of not doing it, I was happy to share. I need to get things out, and I like to share, especially when new people are there. In Puerto Penasco we have very small meetings and none of them are speaker meetings. Some of the Spanish meetings are speaker meetings, but I have difficulty following them. In fact when I get back I'm supposed to share for a min of half an hour at a Spanish meeting, and wow - can I talk in Spanish for half an hour?? hmm, vamos a ver, After the meeting I went clothes shopping for me at a place in the mall for us extra curvey people, and found just a couple of things, then I went and met my friend Luis for coffee. It was really nice to catch up with him and hear about their family trip to Europe and his latest work adventures. After that I shot further up the highway to my sisters house and my niece, who is about to graduate from beauty school, cut mt hair for me- very short, just the way I like it when living in the heat.

I can't believe how much and how many people I have been able to do and see in less than 2 weeks! And at least one more doctor appt (a yucky little procedure to have a polyp removed from my uterus- yeah gross eh?)  before I go home. The truth is, yes it will be hard to leave my daughters yet again, but I miss my husband, my dog, and my desert home in Mexico. I am ready to go. Ah oh well, 4 more days....

I almost forgot to tell a funny story- well ok I think it's funny. It's about my mom, who died on Sept 10, 2011 (so 9-10-11). We had her cremated and she wanted her ashes spread in Yosemite National Park. Well she is just in a nondescript box since we were going to send her to her final resting place in Yosemite pretty quick. Of course when we went to pick her up, it was kinda creepy- they wanted to interest me in decorative boxes, little tiny boxes so we could each have a little of her...press some ashes into a small....well never mind.
Anyway life, as we all know, gets complicated, and well, we never took mom to Yosemite. She stayed with me for a few months, and before we moved to Mexico, I gave her to my sister. Her husband goes to Yosemite periodically to hike, and we thought we'd try to go with him on one of his treks. Well that never happened either. So last Friday nite, my daughter and her fiance went up to her house for dinner. She showed me mom and I yelled "hi Mom", and then asked her if she was still almost deaf since she was dead...and realized, after my sister and I stopped laughing, that I wanted her with me. So I asked for a bit, just some in a baggy. My sister asked if we still wanted to try to arrange for us 4 sibling to take her to Yosemite, or if we could just send her with Rich next time he went.  I said I was over it and fine with Rich taking her on his own. She is going to send emails to my other sister and our brother to make sure it's fine with them (and it will be), and so brother in law Rich will take care of it.

A few days later (this past Tuesday) we were all meeting at the Alano Club to see my niece get her 2 yr chip and me to get my 12 yr chip, even tho' I got one back in Feb, but this is the place I've gotten all the rest of my chips and that is my fellowship. So my sister didn't make it cause she has a neck injury and stayed home with an ice pack. My brother in law, Rich, comes up to me in the meeting room, lots and lots of people milling around, chatting, getting coffee and waiting for the meeting to start. He is laughing and hands me a baggie, a clear plastic bag filled with gray powder. He thinks it's so funny cause he's handing me a bag of powder in an AA meeting...I start laughing cause it's a little bit of mom! Oh before the meetings, a few hours prior, Halla and I were driving to the mall for a little shopping and I asked her to call my sister since I was driving, and tell her to remember to bring me some of mom since I might not get back up to her house before I leave. Halla is horrified and yells "mom- no I can't do that!" I laugh and say, "you don't have to give details, she'll know." But she won;t do it. So when we get to the mall I make the call. I tell Halla it's no big deal; that Barbie will put some of the ashes in a plastic bag and then put that in a paper bag- like a lunch bag. But Rich got me good- no paper bag- just a freezer bag size baggie. So I put her in my purse. She's still there.

You know, I don't know what happens when we die, it's a fact that energy doesn't die, it merely changes, into what I don't know. Is there heaven? Re-incarnation? Yeah I don't know the answer to anything. But I was thinking, or maybe feeling...or hoping I guess, that maybe the "insinuation" of her energy, maybe some tiny aura, is near those ashes. I do know that I think of her when I'm near them, and maybe that's enough. I remember when my dad died, in 1980 and my sister (this same on) said when she saw a hawk she thought of our dad. My first reaction was - wow that is really stupid. But after that when I saw a hawk, I thought of him, and slowly I began to appreciate that idea. Hawks make me think of my dad. Well these silly ashes make me think of my mom. So I'll put them in a little colorful vase and keep her in y bedroom. She likes bright colors and I think she's like that- after complaining of course about how long it took us to dump her-ooops spread her ashes in Yosemite. Anyway I feel like she's with me.

So yesterday I was in a mall, a factory store outlet in Petaluma. I was walking around looking for tennis shoes for Everardo, and I saw a woman I used to know here. Her name is Julie and she was with her mom, who she introduced me to. She told me that her mom was moving in with them, and they were shopping for some new clothes for her. That she was happy to have her mom so close. I smiled, and did not say what was on the tip of my tongue. That I was happy to have my mom so close to me as well- ha ha she was in my purse! Hmmm I bet I need to put her in my checked luggage, that in my purse will cause quite a stir ha ha.

Today I had lunch with some old coworkers and it was nice to catch up. Then I met up with Drew at her nail salon, and a close childhood friend of Halla (who's 19 now) walked in and that was a fun surprise, I always loved her parents. Then we went to Applebee's and I met my ex husband's new wife. It was great, not uncomfortable at all. Her name is Rana and she is very sweet and laughs alot. I like laughy people! We laughed about Mexico, and my ex's trip with his nephew to the Playa Ventura house before Everardo and I moved down there. They had a vacation from hell including a hurricane and I guess a very drunken party of which only bits and pieces are remembered. I told them I was disappointed not to be invited to Arabic food, and they said they'd try to have me over to eat before I go back. Yippee! I love Arabic food. I told Rana I was happy to meet her and hoped her and Yahia would always be happy...which is true because if they are happy, well that's good for my daughters. They seem very happy together and hopefully they'll come see us in Mexico before too long. Yahia and Everardo are friendly and you know what? You can never have too much family that loves you. I told them about Elena (Everardo's daughter) and they were happy for him.

So it seems like I'm pretty much caught up. Tomorrow I have ZERO commitments...yipee..oh wait, it's possible Drew and I could see Elena and her mom, I gotta check to see if they replied to Drew's text. As always....viva!

Trying to catch up to today on my trip to northern California. Day 1 ended much better than it started out with my friend Sherren and her twin 11 yr old boys picking me up at SFO. We got to chat on the way back cause it was commute time so it was slow going. My daughter Drew, met us in Petaluma at Sherren's house and brought me up to Santa Rosa to stay with her, her fiance, and part time, his little girl Danica. Next summer they're getting married and Danica will be my granddaughter. Ok well I already think of her as my granddaughter. She is a beautiful 4 yr old and very sweet. My Drewy is a good mom to her.
Day 2 I had my first doctor appt and it should have taken 5 minutes. It was in the afternoon, and I went to an AA meeting at noon, and both my daughters came with me. We left there and all got pedicures and then to the doctor. Crap- he decided something was "interesting" and sent me off to other tests. So 5 min turned into about 2.5 hours. It seems after those tests I am fine, but am going to get a small "pollup" removed. (yeah-yuck). It's a half hour appt, and "no big deal". So we leave there and go back downtown to get Halla's car since we all 3 went together, and we walk down the little main street and decide to just stop in at the tattoo place and say hi, and maybe look around a little. So the guy who did all my tattoos is not there, but no big deal since we're just passin' thru. Oh then Tim walks in and we start chatting...and then I get 2 new tattoos and an old one brightened up by adding sort of a sunburst behind it. The 2 new ones were small; the word "peace" in Russian and in Japanese.
Then it was off to the Meltng Pot; a fondue restaurant. It was amazing! I always think of fondue as only cheese but this was a several course meal. The first course was cheese and we had breads and fruits to dip. For the entre' they put a pot of boiling flavored oil on the table and we dipped chicken, pork, beef, shrimp, and bbq'd beef. Also vegetables, broccoli, cauliflower, something more I can't remember- . It was amazing. Then the dessert....oh my! Chocolate fondue! So many things to dip in it- rice krispy treats, cookie pieces, fruit, angel food cake. We chose a dinner that included specific choices for each course, but we all picked the same set- called "The Classic". We just kept eating.

Friday (day 3) I had another doctor appt, and thought it was at 10:30 am and it was at 9:30- oops, I rushed around and jumped in the little beater car Drew was lending me (better than renting right?), and saw I had to stop at the gas station. After I filled up, the car wouldn't start. My daughter was on her way to a job interview, but I called her and she called Rex. He called me and I said I had the hood up, so he told me to wiggle the battery cables, which I did, and the car started. I was 45 min late to my appointment...and then as I sat down to wait the half hour or so the nurse said it would be, she called me back up and said the 10:15 cancelled! Ha ha another time issue solved for me! Made me think of the plane ha ha. Since then I have gone non stop, meeting a friends, going to AA meetings, shopping for shoes for Everardo, beads for his new jewelry project. Dinner Friday nite up at my sister's, then Saturday the big excursion to Gilroy. We picked up Everardo's daughter Elena, and she and I, Drew & Rex, drove the 2.5 hours to get there. Everardo's uncle had been re-admitted to the hospital and so we went there to see him, then back to their condo. His cousins all started showing up and we had a nice bbq. Elena met 3 of the 5 sisters, their husbands and kids. Drew and Rex met the ones that had not been at our wedding. We had a great time and got home late Sat nite. Elena's mom was really nice, too and we're trying to get together again before I go back home. Ok that takes me thru day 4, and as I said, it has been go go go. Today, Wednesday, is the first day I got home before dark, really before 9pm, Drew and Rex made a nice bbq with chicken and hot dogs. My niece Sarah and her little boy came and so did my younger daughter and another friend of Drew and her little girl.
I have lunched and had dinner with, had coffee with and gone to meetings with, so many people! I didn't know I had so many friends ha ha. Tomorrow is a lunch with 2 ex coworkers....but I'll get to that tomorrow. I miss my Mexico, my hubby, and my dog. Viva

Ok I have been in Calif for a week. It's Tuesday nite and I arrived last Wedneday nite. I wish I would have posted sooner cause I'm sure I've already forgotten some stuff. So- my trip to the airport- ha ha or maybe aaarrrggghh would be a better description. I took the shuttle, the one I was worrying about for the 2 weeks leading up to my trip. But we called the day before and the guy said no problem- ask for me and I'll take her (me) right to the airport. Well we got up early and drove up to Sonoyta, arriving about 7:15, cause the guy said he might be able to leave a little early; especially if nobody was on the shuttle coming from Puerto Penasco. I mean what's the chance on a Wednesday at 7am...it's not like the place is brimming with tourists. So we get there, and walk into the border office, my passport gets checked, but only I can pass thru the other door. So we decide to walk back to the Mexico side and see if the shuttle got there yet, and Everardo walks back to the shuttle office, calls the guy and finds out he has to buy the ticket there, but I get on the bus on the US side. But the office isn't open- BIG SURPRISE (yeah- that's sarcasm). The guy calls back and says the shuttle is on the way. AN HOUR goes by, then the guy calls and says no problem, the shuttle will be there at 8:30. Oh did I say the trip is 3 hours, so 8:30 gets me there at 11:30am, and my flight is at 1pm. Ok that's acceptable. EXCEPT- the shuttle shows up at 9:15! Two guys and me jump on, after the driver, who only speaks Spanish- even though he did not come from Puerto Penasco, he came from Phoenix, he complains about the size of my suitcase- and that's because he has a bunch of crap loaded in the back of the shuttle, but he shoves my suitcase in. (the van had about 5 bench seats and we were only using 2, but my suitcase was shoved in the back doors.

We drop one guy about 10 miles in, in the town of Ajo. Then we head across the desert towards Phoenix. I am so anxious! Will we make it? Hmmm, about an hour later, we have a flat tire! In the desert! And of course, no spare. The driver and the other passenger get out and look, and decide we can go slowly. Oh- the driver- have you ever seen the video game Mario Cart? The short guy, thick mustache, red hat..well he was driving the shuttle! We slugged along at 30 miles an hour, until we came to the next town, Gila Bend. We stay on the highway (2 lane) until we come to this shack that's a tire shop....we're in Arizona but the guy there only spoke Spanish. I asked for a bathroom and directed around the corner. One door had a running washing machine and a toilet. The other door had a toilet, but beyond that was an opening and a breakroom table...so I returned to the first door. By then I really had to pee, and noticed a hose going into the toilet bowl. I'm not sure if it was the drain for the washer or maybe the water source, but the hose would not come out of the toilet. Well.....did I say I had to pee? So I went on the hose! Then I went to flush and the handle wasn't attached to anything! I looked in the tank and saw the chain, under water- which I had no intention of grabbing.

So- actually buying and changing the tire only took about 10 minutes. We got back on the road and I swear he was still driving 30, ok maybe 55 but the speed limit was 65! I asked him to pls pls drive a little faster (of course all conversation was in Spanish), and he did for a minute, then slowed to a stop. He asked the passenger to get out and check the back doors so my suitcase wouldn't fall out- since the border patrol had opened it (about 2 hours prior). We get close to Phoenix but I know I have missed my plane. I ask if he is familiar with the airport, that I need United. The response is that he's not taking me to the airport- he's taking me to their office and a car will take me, that it will be faster. I'm ready to kill somebody. The passenger gets out, after we have left the highway and then we jump back on. We get to the office and a guy is outside waving his arms. He jumps in the driver seat and starts going about 80miles an hour. He tells me the price is $60, but he has a coupon so it's $55. oops he can't find the coupon so the price is back to $60, but NEXT time I get the discount. Ha ha ha ha ha like I will ever use them again! He tells me it's not the driver's fault cause he got a flat, and I say no- it's cause he was 45 min late. Oh yeah- this part is in English so he doesn't know i can understand Spanish, and he starts yelling at the other guy, who had previously told him (I guess) that he was on time to pick us up.
Ok he pulls up in front of the United counters, jumps out and whips my suitcase out of the back. I run in and there's a line. The guy in front of me asks when my flight is and I say- about 20 minutes. He says go to the front of the line- and everybody was cool with it. I did the same thing at security, after running there and everybody was so nice about it! So then I start running to the gate, huffing and puffing- really I could barely breathe...and I know the plane is full and the door is closed. I get to the gate and there's no plane so I know I missed it. I see a woman with a United uniform and I ask how long ago the flight left for San Francisco. She look at me and says- oh it's late, it hasn't come in yet, it's half an hour behind! Can you believe it??!! I made the plane cause it was late getting to Phoenix.
So that's day 1.

ok this is a dear diary. Getting ready for my trip. Tomorrow I fly to Calif, San Francisco, and then the hour drive north to my little village, Petaluma. Ha ha not a village, a town, about 60 thousand people, just the right size for us. I think Puerto Penasco is actually a little bigger although when googled, it states about the same population.

My only "anx't" anxiety isactually getting to the airport in Phoenix. I'm not driving cause I don't want to pay for long term parking, and well Everardo can't really cross the border at this point. I have a great friend who loves driving, and she drove me up there to pick up and drop off my daughters when they came to visit in Jan, but she left for Arizona on Monday for a month. So I'm sure when this place was much busier, a few years back, the shuttles were more user friendly. Probly even during the holiday weeks, but for me, this has been a tiny nightmare. I say tiny, cause after this past year, kinda gotta qualify my nightmares- I mean we have electricty, internet, atms, paved roads, and if I get up to the airport late, well there's always another flight in an hour or two...unlike in Acapulco.....where I'd for sure have to go to Mexico City......ok anyway- we went to the shuttle place, and they moved. Ok only across the road, to a tiny office with a desk...and a phone. Paper taped in the window with phone numbers and shuttle departure times. We called last week and the guy said he be there the next morning, but when we went to meet him, he didn't show. We returned a couple of days in the afternoon when we thought there were departures, but they changed the time. But to be honest the one thing we did not do, was return at 7am which is when the first shuttle goes up there.

It goes from here to the border, in a tiny town called Sonoyta (so-no-eeeta), then up to Phoenix, However it does not go to the airport. So last week we drove up to Sonoyta which is only an hour north and talked to them up there. They seemed so uninterested in our questions, answering well it leaves about 8 or 8:30...for me this is not great cause my flight is at 1:15pm, and it's 3 hours from the border to the airport. So ok, 3 hours would be 11:30...oh and the shuttle does not go to the airport- did I say that already? So you have to catch a taxi from their stop to the airport. Kinda sucks cause I haven't traveled thru there before and I don't have alot of time to make a mistake- ya know? When I first heard 7am, I thought ok good, 1pm should be no problem. ha ha. So then Everardo talks to a guy who says, oh for $20 US, we can take you all the way to the airport but you gotta tell us the day before. Yesterday we went back to the office here in Puerto Penasco, wait -we called first, and he said he'd be there in 10 min, so we went over, and he said, oh we don;t go to the airport, oh and we get there...about 1pm I guess. I had a freaking heart attack! More conversation in Spanish which escapes me...and he moves it to noon...I think.

We leave and try (again) to call the guy who had told Everardo about getting me to the airport by 11:30am. New surprise. The reason the call went to voicemail every time, well might have been cause we were calling someone is Minnesota! Well though maybe if they had answered we would have figured it out sooner ha ha. The area code 651 in MEXICO is Sonoyta! Because their other phone numbers besides here, were all Phoenix....well you get the picture. So late yesterday he talked to the guy and he said- come to Sonoyta, not on the shuttle- find him. He'll leave at 8am, of he figures out the shuttleisn;t coming from here cause no travelers- well he'll leave earlier...and he will take me to the airport. Ok now I am no longer nervous about actually getting to the airport. Wow that explanation took long enough-suffice it to say...welcome to Mexico. I was worried cause people tend to answer what you want to hear, or what they think you want to hear. For me- clearly I should have scheduled a later flight, and there is one at 4:30, so if I miss it....ok knock wood and keep fingers crossed I make the flight.

I'm so excited- to see my house and what they've done with it. To see my doggy park friends. To go to as many meetings as I can. Here the English speaking AA meeting are very small, and the Spanish speaking women's meeting is also small. I am soooo ready for a meeting with 50 or 60 people in it. I'm so excited to see some friends. To breathe in the redwoods, to walk in downtown Petaluma, to eat sushi....oooh to eat sushi. I'll probly go alone, eat slowly..and alot...to savor it, to remember it. MMMM. Ok so I'm all packed except for this laptop, the phone charger and phone, and these reading glasses. I'm taking Everardo's phone, so I can't take pictures and I have no camera. Gonna try to borrow one with a chip so I can easily download, or buy a cheap one if I have to. He's keeping my IPhone cause it has the magic jack application so he can call the states for free. I can call him for free on that same number. If I bring the IPhone I'll have to buy a chip, and we never bought Magic jack for the computer which would have given his phone access. His is not a smart phone so the free app doesn;t work for him. But why pay $80 a year when we can just share my phone. I'm taking my Spanish workbook, but I unpacked the dictionary and 501 verbs book cause together they weigh more than 5 lbs and I think my suitcase is close to the limit....after all it's 2 weeks, and I'm not sure how the weather will be....and ok- I don't want to do laundry besides anything small enough to rinse out in the sink ha ha, and I needed to bring a couple of paperbacks...couple a little gifts... Ok now I gotta jump in the shower, shave my legs and wash my hair. Oh I learned today from my students learning English that the word for hair on my head is different than the word for haor anywhere else on my body...crazy eh?
Ok I'll try to write from California, describe how it feels to be back, can you go home again??? Can't step in the same place in the river twice...right? Vamos a ver! Viva