Sometimes we forget

Sometimes we forget this is Mexico. Sometimes we forget that this is a foreign country. Sometimes we forget that just because the culture is not our own, that it isn't necessarily wrong. Sometimes we forget that we never did know everything, and for sure we don't now.

I was with a small group of people today and we were talking about the lessons to be learned here- mostly patience...but it's more than that...it's acceptance. Customer service as we may be used to in the states, in the grocery store for example is not the norm for many places here. If you don't like standing in line somewhere, or don't feel like someone is taking your order fast enough, well you can leave and go somewhere else. When I first got to Mexico and we had been in our tiny village for about 3 weeks we drove the 2 hours up to Acapulco to go to Costco. There had to be about a million people in line and 2 registers open...and other employees talking or eating (in my opinion standing around), and I was soooo pissed off. I was the only one. Everone else was just waiting. Maybe chatting, talking on the phone, or simply looking around....but definitely not stressed out like me.

When we went to the next town to pay our electric bill, there was also a long line- and it didn't matter which day you came. And if it was time for someone's break or lunch, they went. I had been waiting about half an hour and was getting closer to the window when some woman rushed in and wanted to be at the front of the line. The people at the front front would not let her in. Then a huge argument ensued with her husband who told us all that they had been there in the morning but the office closed so they had to come back. Nobody cared...get in line. But she stayed by the front trying to merge. My husband showed up and once he saw what was going on told me to hold my ground. She tried to push in front of me when it was my turn at the counter and I didn't let here. As I was waited on I heard some positive comments about Guera (sounds like wear-a...means white lady), I didn't really understand them but I understood the tone and got smiles and nods from the other women there. The bank up in Cruz Grande was the same. People lined up and would be sneaky and all of a sudden in front of you. The people waiting on you don't care. Someone puts their face in and they get waited on.

Penasco in Sonora was about the same in the grocery stores and the bank. You gotta stay alert ha ha! So here it is much the same. There's a grocery store about 8-10 miles up the road towards Ensenada. It's the closest so we go there for onesy twosey stuff, but it's expensive because it's where all the Americans from here go. We found a grocery store in Ensenada that seems to be only Mexicans shopping, and the prices were great. We figure for the groceries we just bought there for 400 pesos, we would have spend around 900-1000 in the store near us or even the Wallmart in Ensenada. If you look you can find much better deals...but they do not come with customer service- the cheap stuff or the expensive stuff.

Here it's kinda mixed up. There are lots and lots of Americans, Canadians, and other expats; in fact you could never have to speak Spanish...I see they are having a St Patrick's Day party, and of course Valentine's Day was a bug thing, too...for the Americans. We don't hang out with any of them, with the exception of the people we see in AA meetings, our next door neighbor and his friend (who is now our friend) and his dog who plays with our dogs. We shop in Mexican stores in either the next town (Maneadero) or go up to Ensenada. When we eat out, we eat at the stands almost all the time, and really have no involvement around here. There's an online newsletter that I subscribed to when we were first looking for a place over here, and I still get it. It comes out just about every day and talks about what's happening, has the menus for all the restaurants here, and who's selling what- new and used. But the prices are ridiculous! And only Americans eat and shop in these places...because the prices are ridiculous. Even the house that has an every single day yard sale has ridiculous prices...I mean c'mon...a garage sale- stuff should cost .25cents, maybe a dollar, not $25 for something used...Ok so the other weird part is the Mexicans who charge outrageous prices because they know they Americans will pay it! And they do, so we almost never eat out around here. And even the little hole in the wall Aborrotes have higher prices than if we go 5 miles down the road. So there's alot of everybody screwing everybody.

We went to the segundas today; I was looking, or planned to look for kitchen stuff for the walls, you know like a picture of food, or I don't know, kitchen-y. I'd know when I saw it. We went into this one place that has all these antiques...and the stuff is nice, but I asked the price of a small rectangular painting of a table of food and utensils...I really like it, and it was 750 pesos! What??? Yeah I didn't get it. But I also forgot I need to point things out to Everardo and then walk away...then he asks ha ha. It's frustrating to do that, but he gets a way better price than I do. Well on the way there we stopped in a nursery and he looked at plants and I looked at clay (pottery) suns to put on the wall. I wanted bright colors, cheery. Our place is so small and I think filling it with color and positive energy goes a long way to make it feel like a home. Well I got the first one for 80 pesos. Then after tramping thru the segundas, and only buying a ceramic fish (for the bathroom) and new cutting board, I had been thinking and decided that different suns, different colors and faces might be just the trick for the kitchen, so on the way home we stopped at a place we'd been to before and I found another sun, really different from the first one and got that. Of course with hubby asking the prices. You know, they don't care if you buy anything or not...the segundas have so much stuff in them, and sooo many people digging thru it. The stuff is cheap, and you can get lucky and have a great day. Tomorrow we're going back to Ensenada for the noon meeting and we're gonna stop at a place we went to today to get a sun I really liked at the time, but decided 200pesos was too much even though it had a lot of work to it...the ray were all separate and painted and it was all different bright colors, but I hadn't had the bright idea yet of doing all suns......Anyway I need to have Everardo ask the prices in the segundas as well when it's something I really want. What I should be doing is trusting my Spanish and my gut enough to ask for myself and then barter....

Ok so back to the conversation today....This woman who hadn't said much as we were talking about learning to live in another culture, to accept, and maybe to come to understand...and she speaks up and promptly bursts into tears. Now this isn't completely weird because in the short 4 months I've lived here I've seen her cry at least twice before. (ha ha here I am talking about a group of expats chatting after saying I don't really interact with them...so there's a few I see around, ok?) I know she rides horses alot, and they are not her horses, but owned by some Mexican people who live near her, I think it's a couple of different families that own a few different horses. Horses are everywhere around here, in fact up on the main road right at the mouth of our road, whenever there's a cruise ship in Ensenada, there's a big string of horses tied up, and buses come from the cruise ships and drop people for a horse ride out to the beach. I think they pay $20 a pop, and really they just ride out to the beach (down our road a little ways and then across a small patch of land to the beach), then they kinda just stand around, and come back. Sounds kinda chintzy, but they people keep coming.
So this woman is always talking about riding horses up in the hills, and today she started to talk about a horse and I almost turned my mind to something else, but she had started to cry so I listened. Apparently one of the horses was pregnant and about to have it's baby (yeah I know there's horse terms for this but I don't know them and am too lazy to google it for this post, sorry), and there was some kind of argument about who actually owned the horse or who was going to own the baby horse. The the horse disappeared, she thought one of the guys stole it...and the next thing she knew was the horse was hit by at least 2 cars. Now I think all this took place on Wednesday afternoon, and I'm not sure what road she's talking about because we went out, and I never saw anything. But anyway, the horse had 2 broken legs, and a guy from one of the cars had a head injury and had to go to the hospital. One thing to note: if your animal "hits" your car, you are responsible for the damages. It's like when we were down in Guerrero, where there were alot of cows along the backroads, if you hit the cow, the farmer had to pay you, so what usually happened was he gave you the cow and there was a big bbq after that. We were at the neighbor's when word came somebody hit a cow, and out friend had to leave to go help butcher the cow.

Well nobody wanted to claim the horse after the cars hit it because none of them have any money, and people here are afraid of the police..The really really horrible thing was that the poor horse was left on the road for 24 hours, in pain until a vet came. The vet put the poor horse out of it's misery, but had no instruments with him to perform a cesarean....so a man who was there whipped out a big knife, cut open the dead horse and took out the foal. The vet had left and so they called another one, and he came hours later, and put the baby horse on an iv and said if it made it thru the nite it had a chance. Then some women showed up to take care of the foal, and promptly took out the iv. The baby did survive the nite, but died the next day. The woman telling us the story was almost hysterical..and I am not sure of any of the facts, but I am sure that this woman was losing it. I went and sat by her and hugged her. She was there for all of the things she related to us, and she was sad and angry...and powerless. The guy who owned the horse did after all go down to the accident and pay for the man who had to go to the hospital. I don't understand about the vets taking so long because there's one here and another in Maneadero and they don't charge too much (well the one in Manedero) and would have come right away, so I don't know what was going on. But my concern was for her. This is Mexico, not the United States. Yes, people are afraid of the police and in many cases for good reason. Animals are not treated the same way at all. They are possessions, and as little money as possible is spent on them- again many times because people can hardly feed themselves and/or their family, or pay for drinking water, or or or....I don't agree with the treatment of animals here; our dogs are our kids. They sleep in the house, they do everything with us. Here if you have a dog it's probly just for protection, and there are so many strays, all over Mexico- it's a huge problem..

So I stayed with her and we chatted for awhile. I told her if she is going to get this upset over every "injustice"- perceived injustice, she's gonna want to kill herself. This was not the first story of something upsetting her I've heard, but certainly the worst, the saddest, the most awful. But there's not too much she can do about it. I'm sure I would have been horrified myself...maybe I would have thought to call the lady at the dog rescue, she probly could have gotten someone there quicker...but we have to learn some acceptance here. Yes, we think our way is the best most times. Is it? Not sure....not sure I'm qualified to be the judge of anything. So yeah, sometimes we forget. But I want to be here, maybe I can contribute in a positive way, and sometimes I just need to be. It's been a long day...but still...Viva!

Rain....and then gone...for the season?

Well it poured rain on Saturday and both Friday and Saturday nites. Not sure if I mentioned that although it didn't leak much....the place did leak a little. Around a front window and the bedroom window. So when it dried out Saturday afternoon, Everardo went around and caulked windows and patched the roof over the porch- of course it leaked right where you walk out thru the sliding glass door. And that door is the on ewe use all the time. We only use the kitchen door to get in after we've been out because the slider has no key. Anyway his work paid off and as it poured Saturday nite- all nite it seemed, and hard with really strong winds, we stayed dry.

The rain on Saturday was mostly in the morning and then during the nite. I had tried twice to take the dogs for a beach walk but it started to rain hard both times I ventured out. So the third time, it hadn't rained in over and hour and the sky seemed to be clearing up, so I said "let's go!" We get down the path so we're on the beach and the sky opens up. I had 2 tennis balls and the ball checker so threw for them anyway and at first they were happy to be playing in the rain. I was soaked to the skin in 2 minutes. Hazel was the fist to dissapear and I saw her running up the path to get home but Sam hung in.....for a couple of more minutes..and then I chucked one hard, he started off, took just a few steps and looked back at me like 'are you nuts?' and took off for the house. When I got up there both dogs were on the porch, toweled dry by Poppi, who ordered me to a hot shower. But, something happened.

By Saturday nite I had bumps on my face, I thought they were bug bites, big and red, like a spider had marched accross my forehead and down my cheek. Oh and one by itself on the inside of my forearm. I put my bug stuff on them but by Sunday morning they looked like something I had before, down in Playa Ventura. They looked like pustules...bumps with liquid inside- and I had it the first summer we were in Mexico. It was on my arm and my leg right around the knee. When I popped a couple I realized they weren't bug bites and we went to the doctor. He said it was an infection from the water. That at the first rains, the water came down from the mountains and there was basically sewage coming down into the ocean. There was no plumbing for people up there, and people who do have plumbing, even some in the town where we were, sometimes the pipe just went outside of their house or led down to the water. The doctor said that kids and people who were not used to it caught the bacteria every year around that time. Yuck- did I say yuck yuck yuck? So he gave me an antibiotic shot (in case you haven't realized that theme, you get a shot for everything!) and some cream to put on them. He told me not to pop them but if they did pop to wipe it right up.

Ok so none if these bumps were far enough along to start popping so I slathered on the cream I found in our bathroom. The box it came in said it was only by perscription so I knew it had to be it. I'm going to write the name down and save it in case there's ever a next time. I already re-looked up all our other meds and wrote what they are for on the packages, but I think I'll just make a list and keep it in the medicine drawer.

Today is Wednesday and I woke up today with just a couple of bumps left and none with liquid. But I was careful, kept my hair back with a headband and put the cream on every few hours. If it hadn't worked by Friday I was going to go to the doctor but looks like no need. SO- ewwww! Did I get it from the rain? Or from something that the dogs ran thru and maybe it was like a poison oak or something? But this was the first really hard rain, and seemed more like it came from inland than the ocean. I mean I know it came across the ocean, but maybe went across Baja and moved up. Baja isn't really wide- you can cross it in about 3-4 hours from here, so maybe the clouds sucked up water from the mountains around here? I don't know, what I do know is, water...icky bumps....Oh and I was not in the ocean (too cold this time of year). Well anyway crisis averted.

Some amazing and fantastic and wonderful happened this week as well. Friday I had sent a one liner message to my younger daughter simply saying I miss you and I love you. I told myself that i needed to accept that she might not reply, but I needed to not have any resentments. Well she did reply! She said she missed me too, and wanted me to call her. So I did. On Monday late morning and we talked for almost 2 hours! At first it was light and casual, as if we talked all the time. But an opportunity opened up and I felt I needed to say how I felt. At first that part didn't go so good. We had resentments, anger, guilt...blame....but we kept on talking because we love each other and because we can change our relationship right this minute if we want to. So I told her how I felt and she told me how she felt. And we worked thru it. We talked again yesterday, in the morning before her afternoon class, and then again- she called me when she got out of school at 8:30 pm. We talked about a million things, both those calls were over an hour as well. We talked about some important things...I think she is putting huge pressure on herself and maybe doesn't know how to resolve it, change it....and I had some suggestions. She has work and school and is living in her dad's house with him and his new wife. School is really tough and she is rethinking her path, and then worried that she shouldn't be rethinking...that's alot of pressure. Unfortunately for her, when her dad and I divorced she was 13, and she always chose to stay with him because he spoiled her so much- I mean cooking for her, doing her laundry, cleaning the house, etc. Now at 13 maybe that's ok, but it went on and on and now she's about to be 21. He a wonderful dad and just wants to take care of her- he's a big caretaker, wants to take care of everyone..but this has not turned out so well because well, now her expectations...yeah she never wanted to stay with me because I had rules, curfew, not allowing her to smoke weed in my house....Anyway now she has a new stepmother who job it is not to be her maid. My daughter knows this on some level but has big resentments going on. So they argue...alot. I was so happy she confided in me. And I told her I think she needs to move out, right now. She wants to live in San Francisco which I think is a great idea, but that plan is a ways off, at least to the fall semester. She needs to move out now. Is she is unhappy with the living situation she is the one who needs to make a change. Her dad's new wife is not going anywhere. And she's not that new, she's been in the picture for almost 2 years. So my darling daughter just had so much inside, struggling with school and her home life...I wish (or well what's done is done) but I wish she would have confided in me sooner, but we're here now. So the second time we talked, last nite, she was excited and had already talked to her really close friend who needs a place to live as well and they are going to look together. I also told her it's ok to change her mind about school.

She's still taking alot of general ed, and she could just get an associates degree for now, and finish her Bachelors later. Or change back to her original idea of a degree in something environmental which is what she had always talked about but got disillusioned last summer. Then she made a huge leap- and I think she felt pressured and at least partly by me- and wanted to be come a landscape architect.....well now she's in an architecture class and doesn't like it at all...well that was the impression I got, we plan to talk about it more. But I don't want her to be unhappy or stressed out. Stay in school and look for a different path, or the path she had been on before- you know how the grass if always greener...in fact I wouldn't mind if she took the fall semester off and got used to living on her own...she'll finish this semester (it's about half way), and hopefully move out in the next month or 2 at the most...then she can work and settle into being her own boss, realize her responsibility. (she told me her stepmom was not the boss of her & I told her, when you are in their house she sure is the boss of you!) Yeah I want her to finish school, but the cool thing is, you can start again twice a year, at the beginning of every semester. I just want her to see she has options, choices, and yes they all come with responsibilities, with prices, with consequences...but she is in control - if she chooses to be. I want her to choose to be happy. I already know she will be a huge success at whatever she chooses. Hell she works in a very popular upscale restaurant and makes great tips...as a busser ($150 the other nite in tips) and she's gonna train as a server. People love her, she is so open, sincere, and has such compassion. But my baby girl bottle up her negative thoughts and emotions...and sooner or later they have to come out. That's what we talked about the first day when the conversation went to the dark side...you gotta talk about that stuff. Maybe that's why she opened up the next day. I am so so so so pleased to have my daughter back in my life. I will try very hard to respect her space and her likes/dislikes...like she hates long messages (and my argument was well if I don't hear from you for 8 months, I have so many questions so much to say)...but we kinda caught ourselves up and I'll try to send short and sweet msgs. With my older daughter we write books to each other as well as phone calls every couple of days so i can get it out there ha ha. So we promised to stay in close touch. It will take work on both our sides, but I'm willing and I think she is too.

So all this means life is goooood. My hubby is happy, my dogs are happy. Long walks on the beach for doggys and me, and jogging for him. We're still exploring and finding better places to shop- like shopping in Mexican stores where not too many if any Americans go makes the bill so much cheaper! We bought a week's worth of meat, milk, bread, and couple of other things and spent 400 pesos (about $32USD) and for about the same amount of stuff in Wallmart or even Calimax (which is near us but where all the Americans in this area shop) it would be about 900-1000 pesos. So making a list and going into Ensenada for groceries to a Mexican store is REALLY worth it. Just like the vet for the dogs- we go to Manedero, the Mexican town on the way to Ensenada and it's really cheap. The vet here in Punta Banda, well their clients are again-Americans and Canadians...so you pay pay pay.

I love it here! The ocean is so amazing, the weather is nice...still cold by nitefall and man today, really nice in the morning for my walk in a tank top and shorts but cold by afternoon. We are snug here with Sam & Hazel sleeping on the floor in front of us. These dogs have the life! Viva!