Day to day...Mexico and back again??

Living on the hillside instead of the beach is sooo different! It's more Mexico- ha ha that sounds funny because this is Mexico...but the beach, much like in Puerto Penasco is mostly populated  by Americans. And over here, Canadians as well. Over here, our neighbors are Mexicans; so most days I hear Mexican music playing nearby or down the road, there always dogs running by, people riding horses, lots of kids. The people on the corner seem to have a couple of businesses. They take in laundry and always have lines and lines of clothes drying, and they also make flour tortillas for sale.

Everardo kinda found that out by accident, so he bought some and now he's been eating flour tortillas. I have a feeling it will be both; cause he likes the corn tortillas he gets in Maneadero, in fact we always have corn...but these days I don't eat too many tortillas so either kind is fine with me.

So there's a bunch of kids living there, maybe 5, maybe more. They get up about 5 am I think and make tortillas, and when I go out to exercise they're working on laundry. They told Everardo the little ones like to watch me dance...he told them to come over and exercise with me ha ha. I did make a CD of my songs to make a 55 minute routine and could play it on my laptop, but so far I just use my huge headphones and dance to my own songs playing in my head...loud. But it works. Friday was an "official weigh day" and now I've lost 74 pounds. So that's in a year and a half. I think 6 more pounds would be good, then a new concept- maintaining! Ha ha Can I do that? I still have work to do....chubby tummy and that fat that hangs down from the upper arms...takes weights and it looks better but I keep re-hurting my shoulder so it goes slowly.

Anyway I was thinking about all those kids...and they look happy. Now- down the road the other way, we walk with Sam, who can't walk too far anymore. He has arthritis in his front leg, and a bad hip in his back leg on the same side. The vet says he thinks the arthritis is bad because he always pulls himself up with his front legs. He slipped and fell after we moved here- well I think he slipped or skidded in the dirt, but maybe he stepped in a gopher hole..whatever it was his "elbow" swelled up and he was really hurting. Now he takes a pill every day to reduce inflamation, and although he's a little gimpy limpy, he seems happy and not in pain. But- he doesn't want to walk too far. I really want to walk the loop (or the square). To get to our house we come up a dirt road from the main Bufadora road and then take the first left. If we keep going past our house and a few more lots, there's a road up to the right, then I believe it crosses (right turn again) and then hits the road we come up on from the main road. But Sam just won't walk that far....he gets to a point and just stops ha ha. Yeah he stops and looks at us. I'm going to have to drive the car in that circle. With Sam in the back seat and his head hanging out the window.

So- right where that first turn is, close to where stubborn Sam stops, 3 young dogs will run up from what I thought was an empty building. It's unfinished for sure...just some walls and no glass in any of the windows. Well I got closer and saw a couple of little kids playing, very small like 3 or 4 yrs old. Wow then I saw a bunch of kids...like more than 10! Today we walked that way with Sam and I pointed out how many kids were playing around those unfinished walls and Everardo said several families lived there. As we got closer I could see a couple of little tents, and some low laundry lines put up. What will happen when it rains? I guess there's a roof over some of it, but no windows. So many people really have hard lives here.

I was thinking this morning about how many adults walk or ride bicycles here. Not for exercise but every day. I watched an old man standing on the corner wearing a long sleeved white shirt and a hat selling plastic bags of carmel corn. This man was old, 70's for sure. He should be home, reading the Sunday paper or playing with his grandchildren. I see so many senior citizens working, and in very menial jobs, selling things on the street, running food stands; it's really just a hard life.

I saw this cartoon on Facebook the other day that made me laugh out loud and say "right?" So it was this huge sloppy kind of fat guy riding one of those sitting scooters like they have in the grocery store. He's saying immigrants are what's ruining the country (the United States). But all around him you see a guy painting a house, a gardener mowing the lawn, a carpenter nailing something...and theyre all Mexicans! ha ha right? People here are so creative! They can find ways to make anything, to fix anything..and to sell everything. I always say- everything is Mexico is possible....but you have to wait...and you have to pay!

The manana thing. Ha ha again. I now understand that manana does not mean tomorrow...well it might, but it also might mean the day after that, or next week, or next year...or never. It just means not right now!(I don't have the little accent mark to put on the word- sorry)

I went to San Diego a couple of weeks ago for the day with 2 friends. I was noticing how everywhere I went there was a bathroom opportunity! I had a roll of toilet paper in my purse, which I have been carrying for the past 3 and a half years, but I didn't need it once! Here I always have to think about bathrooms- the little building where we have AA meetings here- we call it the coop (for chicken coop), and the only bathroom is an outhouse nearby that I went into once, and then went behind a tree to pee. But luckily that time I was there with just one other woman, because it wasn't a very big tree ha ha! And the office where I taught English- which is also the office I can work in if we have no internet here in the house also has no bathroom, and i have peed behind the building, hoping nobody would drive by. Now on Saturdays we go together to the noon English speaking AA meeting in Ensenda, and it has a tiny bathroom- but I don't like it- so I go across the street to the Carl's Jr. In fact I believe the Carl's Jr has the cleanest bathroom in Ensenada! Before the meeting we always stop at this food stand that is mariscos. I always have a shrimp & avacado tostada and Everardo always has the cerviche tostada. And of course there's no bathroom there! Ha ha once we get to the meeting, I run into Carl's Jr and he goes to another food truck and has a couple of tacos!

Our life is simple here, sweet. I think I like this spot we've landed in better than any other in Mexico..and we've lived in 5 different houses. One down below Acapulco, one in Sonora, and then 3 here. One for just 3 months, then the trailer for a year and a half and we've been here 2 months already.But the truth is, after going to northern Ca in Aug, I just miss Drew so much! And they have Danica full time now (Rex's 6 yr old). I got to go school shopping with her- she started first grade while I was there. They also have Rex's 14 yr old son living with them now. And I was Grandma Terry. When we went to Yosemite, I sat in the back with the kids. I watched my daughter and her fiance be the grownups, chatting in front seat, engaging the kids, everyone laughing...I was so....well I was a part of it! (Even tho part of the time I felt like I was outside myself watching it). I want to be part of it. I had a lot a family this year. Spending a month with my big sister, and reuniting with my little sister. I don't want to be far away.

I think Everardo misses his aunt and uncle as well. He told me a while back that he's come to realize that his realy family is his aunt & uncle and cousins- those 5 sisters are his sisters more than his cousins. We went to visit his brother and sister in Michocan twice, and that was great. He spent time with his nieces and nephews. But he is closer to the family up in Gilroy. So we are thinking about going back. It's funny, I read my blog from last year at this time, and I wrote that Poppi was dreaming that we went back and we talked about it, but decided to stay. I think maybe this time, we'll go.

Checking out her new school

 First day of school ! Ready to go to school with Dad!

 School shopping! Look at all that cool stuff!

  My daughter and I in Yosemite

 Her beautiful family

 By the way only I swam across the river and dove off the rock! (But Rex and Christian did swim as well)

The Golden Gate Bridge picture was when I was on my way back from visiting Everardo's family. I love that bridge, I always feel like I'm home.


So maybe we'll go home sometime soon. Funny, we finally a place I love, I sit in it, I sit contented out front looking across at the estuary, at the ocean, or off to the side to see the mountains...or the buildings of Ensenada....and now I'm ready to go home. Everardo and I talked and he said- we've had an awesome adventure. You got to live your dream, I got to find out things about myself. And now we're ready to move on. To go back. Not to the same house- ha ha we can't afford to live in the house we own. We need the rental income! I'm thinking I wouldn't mind working part time like I do now. In fact I might even be able to keep this job, she's just need someone to do the airport runs I do now. But I could still do all the paperwork on my laptop, talk to customers, manage reservations. But I was looking at Craigslist and there are part time jobs. Probably not high paying, but I don't need much since we'll have the rent. And if we move a little more north, maybe Ukiah, we could definitely afford a place. It's an hour north of Santa Rosa where Drewy lives so we'd only be an hour away. Seems like a plan. I mean I'd love to live in Santa Rosa but we'd have to be pretty lucky to find something livable in our price range...which is soooo low ha ha. So there's lots to think about. Hmmm will I still write this blog? Will I have to change the name? To what? Mexico and back? Well that's enough for now. Lots to think about it. Viva

A little bit about my mom after all...

August flew by. We are settled in here, well it still feels new to me- probably because I was gone for 2 weeks in August. I went up to Santa Rosa to see my daughters. I say daughters but I only really saw one of them. I stayed with Drewy and her family for the whole time and it was wonderful. They have become an instant family in a way; their 6 year old is with them full time now, and his 14 yr old son has just come to love with them. Wow- 14 and 6...they have their hands full. But with rules, chores, bedtimes and family time I know they can make it work.

We all went to Yosemite to spread my mom's ashes. She died in 2011 but nobody ever got around to taking her ashes up there, so this summer it finally got done. I took a stack of pictures of her with me and we all looked at them and I told them stories about her. Drew talked about making Christmas cookies with her when she was small. And looking for lizards in the open space behind her mobile home park. And splashing in puddles. When it rained my mom would take Drew out to jump in puddles. I love when I hear her talk about it. Grandma was not always the nicest grandma...she would tell us to go home after about an hour of visiting her. When she came to live with us- well it only lasted about 3 months and she and I were both unhappy with it. She was a little harsh with the kids; with Halla, who was only about 5 at the time. She was also isolated; at the time we lived on 2 acres and not really close to anything- she was no longer driving and so was dependent on us for everything. For my independent mom- it just wasn't gonna work. My dad died when she was only 58, and she lived another 30 years- she went to South America, New Zealand, all over the place, on her own and with friends. She was smart and strong. Ha ha my hero. So anyway she moved to an assisted living place with her own apartment and was really happy there.

One of the pictures I had was her as a little girl in Yosemite at Camp Curry. The ranger identified it by the tent cabins and so we went there for lunch. Actually once we started up the mountains towards the entrance I started tossing out handfuls of her;  I thought she must have loved the trip as she got closer...but ha ha the first throw came back in my face! And you know what? Those ashes are not fine lke cigarette ashes or fireplace ashes, much thicker...well never mind. I got better at it after that. We dropped scoops of her in so many beautiful places. In the afternoon I we stopped along the road and went swimming in the Tuolomne River, and I took the end of the bag into the rive and let it go under the water, then she could travel thru the whole park. None of the waterfalls had any water at this time of year of course, but the views were so magnificent! I was the only one who had been there before so it was really fun watching everyone else ooh and awwwe at every corner. It was a nice day.

Actually in the car I had so many reflective thoughts. I was in the back on one side sharing the seat with the kids, and Drew & Rex up front. I saw how life moves on, that the baton had been passed to the next generation. I wondered when I got so old ha ha. The parents were in the front seat and the kids and Grandma (me) in the back. I talked to my mom in my head; I told her all about Drew and her family, what we were doing- how they were all betting who would see a bear first!

I think I can add the pictures I brought with me to this post, so you can see my mommy. She started going to Yosemite as a kid, and my grandpa wrote stories about it. I think my brother has them, and in fact I think he wrote some of his own and is planning to share them with me and my sisters.

When he and my older sister were kids they went to Yosemite camping like my mom did when she was a child, and actually I went at least a couple of times but I was pretty small and don't really remember much- I do remember being really small and that a bear was walking behind us and my mom and dad saying just walk- never run from a bear. I think that was in Yosemite. I think after we moved to northern Calif we started going camping in other places- I was 6 years old when we moved up there, so yeah I don't remember a lot...or all my camping trips back then kinda ran together.

We camped all over northern California, Oregon, Washington, Arizona, Utah, Nevada, Colorado, and one year we went to Wyoming and Montana. Every summer we went for 2 weeks- such a cool way to spend summers. One place we went to is called Jedediah Smith State Park Redwoods; it's just below the Oregon border in Calif, on the way to Grant's Pass. I loved it, and it became a place I took my kids growing up. I hope that they will do the same with their kids. I took Everardo there on a camping trip after we had been dating a couple of months...it was after summer so we didn't swim in the river, but we the summer bridge was still up and we went across and into the path in the woods. It's such a special place for me.
That path in the woods is the place I see in my meditations; I have one guided meditation that talks about a path on the woods and I can see it perfectly. We camped all the way up to Washington to see my brother in Tacoma, and then his daughter in Asland, Oregon....I learned that from my mom and dad, to camp, to embrace nature. Drew is going camping this weekend- it's the Labor Day 3 day weekend, and when we talked on the phone on her lunch break she was shopping for camping dinner foods.

Well this post was going to catch me up, but as always I got off topic and it became a post about my mom. She died on Sept 10, 2011. (9-10-11) We were with her. She had a long good life. She had tons of memories of her own adventures and those of all us kids. I talk to her all the time. I see her in the full moon, and ...in penguins ha ha. At the end she was in good spirits, but at tines was kinda transmitting from a planet far far away- know what I mean? And she called me over to tell me she didn't like how "they" (I don't know who "they" were), she didn't like how they were treating the penguins. It was just so funny- almost as funny as when I walked into her room and she had the tv remote up to her ear and yelled at me "this damn phone doesn't work"! Ha ha . Well in her time she saw phones be big clunky things, dial phones, then portable, then cell phones. She saw tv be invented, we had black and white and had to walk across the room to change the channel! Ha! My kids would die from that! In fact my first remote control came from a tv I bought from her- it was also my first tv in the bedroom tv. She was born in 1924- think of all the changes she saw! Last year I got a penguin tattooed on my arm; under it, it says Elly, and above it is the words "Oh well" which she said all the time in the last few years. Everardo says Oh well all the time. He got to know her and at first she didn't want to know him or like him because she loved my ex husband. But after she got to know him she couldn't help herself ha ha. And my ex husband came to her bedside just before she left us- she was so happy to see him, it was nice. She saw she could love both of them.

Ok so here's some pictures of her. I'll have to catch you up on everything else later. Viva

A little about the new place...

Thought I'd say a little about the new house we're renting. I know i already said it's on the side of a hill, a mountain really, although I have not been up the road past our house. We are the first cross strett coming up- you can go to the right or the left, we are left then 2nd house on the right. I'd been up here before, but turning right because my friend Jan lives up that way, as does my other new friend Rowan. Actually Jan is Rowan's mom. But I've known her over a year, and Rowan just a few months but we seem to be becoming good friends- I like that. I'm not really to close to anybody here except for a few people from AA , and with the exception of my friend Dave from Ensenada I don't socialize with any of them. Dave goes to San Diego alot and I go sometimes; when I need natural peanut butter or horseradish or some other thing I can't get down here.

I've walked down the road were on a ways and then turned right to see where it goes up, and we think it cuts back across so we could probably walk a full circle but gotta check out how many dogs, and how many mean dogs are on that route before we make it a dog walk. But the main road seems to go pretty far up the mountain side. I'm sure we'll be checking it out before too long. Today makes day one of week 4 of being here. Went by fast didn't it? And yet it feels very natural, very right.

So the house is a Mexican style house in the sense that it's a finished house surrounded by an unfinished house. Our finished part is 2 bedrooms, a wide open kitchen, and a living room. It may be close to the same size as the trailer, maybe a bit bigger since we had barley any kitchen, and in this living room the tv is not basically at the end of the couch...the room is longer. However, the bedroom is right off the living room and the other one is off the kitchen, so there's no hallway like we had in the trailer, and there's only one bathroom, and it's in our bedroom. But the floors are tile. yipee After the trailer floor, that 1/8 of an inch thick stuff that comes on a roll I guess. It was coming up in places and there was plywood underneath. In fact there were places we didn't walk for fear it would fall thru. Actually in the spare bedroom when we had 2 twin beds in there, one time Everardo was lying down on one of them and I came and climbed on top of him....and the floor gave way! Boy did I feel like a cow ha ha!! It was just one corner of the floor, and Everardo fixed it, with plywood, but it was just sort of sad to live in a rickety old trailer. The beautiful colors we painted it, our things on shelves and tables, our paitings on the walls helped me to overlook it, and I always told myself that out dogs run free and we're on the beach.....

The dogs basically run free here as well. Our yard is so huge they have tons of room. We never close the gate so they could go down the road if they wanted to I guess....but they don't. So if you were facing the house you would see on the left side a big room being added, walls and and opening for a big bay window. Cement floor. Wood and cement, no drywall. I think I'll make it a work out room when the rainy season comes. I have the elliptical and the sit up thing, and I could dance in there- it's plenty big enough, maybe between 20 & 30 foot square...Everardo is making noises about fixing the bicycles again (yes again they've both been broken for about 2 years.) But the road we're on actually goes all the way to Maneadero- we drove it in the truck and it's a pretty bumpy ride...dirt of course with ruts and dips and lumps....but a bike could do it better. OK behind the house is an attached garage area....much bigger than the "exercise room" (like how I named it already?). The garage can be accessed thru the second bedroom, so you walk from the garage thru that room to the kitchen. We have the trailer (the one we pulled behind us from northern California and all over Mexico) filled with stuff we had in the shed at the beach and it barely takes up any room We also have the washer and dryer. Everardo already put me up a really nice clothes line out back- we almost never use the dryer.
Oh and for the washing machine- we are using the gray water to water the plants out front. He put a barrel next to the washer so it empties there and then attached hoses that lead thru the exercise room out to the front yard. So we're using that water. He's already started a few plants, he brought some peppers with him and started new tomato plants, and when he constructs his big garden we'll use the laundry water.
OK so above us is an entire second story the width and length of the house. But it's wood and cement only. I heard that the previous tenants built at least one room and a bathroom up there, windows, sheet rock- finished rooms, but tore it all out when they left. Yeah not a happy ending for them. Also apparently they had their dogs up there and were not taken very good care of because there was a flea infestation when we got here. First day we set off bug bombs. Next day walking around the perimeter with something for fleas. Finally a week later we had an exterminator come and do the outside and the upstairs.
Then came the mouse traps; we caught about 5 or 6 and then I guess the rest left for safer pastures. Everardo found 2 dead scorpions, but hopefully they're also gone, but I have gone back to wearing shoes or flip flops all the time, and not putting my hands places I can't see, checking shoes I haven't worn in a while.
The kitchen sink, when I first turned it on, on one side the water went straight down into the bottom of the cabinet. The hot is the cold and the cold is the hot. That's ok once I figured it out. It also seems that the previous tenants put broken pieces of sheet rock in the kitchen pipes. Everardo had to dig out the pipes outside the kitchen and luckily the sheet rock clumps didn't make it to far. The gas leaked and the water heater leaked. He found these things out one at a time. The shower had no pressure and no hot water, but there was hot water in the kitchen....The shower drain was clogged. My husband is amazing. One by one he tackled each problem and just worked them thru.

The walls are cement so I can't just pound nails and hang pictures...Or shelves in the bathroom, or a long scarf to make a door for the bathroom.....so I need him for everything. Oh and did I say he finished painting every room in the house. It looks awesome. The bedroom has a deep purple wall, 2 light purple walls and one green wall to match the bathroom on the same wall. Today he made me a standing shelf for the bathroom to go with the 2 he put up on the wall. I probably could drill the holes to hang stuff, but he prefers to do it. I direct. We make a good team. It's 90% done, maybe 85%...but really wall hangings for both bedrooms and the bathroom and we're done, Plus the stuff that's still in boxes in the extra bedroom. Which is not much, just a few things, and I need to not call it the extra bedroom- there's no bed in it. Oh yeah and no closets here ha ha. So we went to Home Depot in Ensenada and go one of those wall closets- you know shelves and places to hang, made of that white painted wire...then in the spare room is just a very long pole for hanging with a shelf along the top. So Everardo's clothes are in the spare room- there's a dresser in there and one came with the house in our bedroom (long and low with a huge mirror and impossible to move ha ha). Also a bookcase in the spare room and another end table type table for putting photos, trinkets.

Ok so that's what the house looks like. Oh- the kitchen is the same light green as the bathroom- light but shiny, and the cabinets are deep purple...yeah need a photo here but I don't think I have one...wait I have something with a little of the painting done while we were still moving in. You can see the green in the kitchen but the cabinets were not painted yet. Also the orange of the living room and that round thing is NOT on the wall right there in the walkway ha ha:

Ok this is enough for tonite. I will get myself caught up. Viva!

Plans coming up...

I'm going up to northern California in a week and a half to stay with my daughter for 2 weeks. I really want the trip to be about her and her family; her fiance, her soon to be daughter who is 6 years old and a complete crack up, and their dog Cookie. 2 weeks go by soooo fast. And it's already filling up. The day after I arrive I have all 3 doctor appointments I need to make. Mammogram which I'm not worried about. I'm healthier than I have probably ever been and I am NEVER getting breast cancer or any other kind of cancer again. Pap smear which I'm also pretty much not worried about. 2 years ago I had some polups removed (yeah gross I know) I didn't even know I had them and they're gone, but better to have a check up. I am not going to tell them I went to a dr here for an exam about 6-8 months ago and they said I was all clear- I did it because I was surprised last year that the dr didn't want to check me a year later- I don't know- maybe they just come once?? Then the third appt is just my regular doctor who probly wants to see me since he hasn't in about 5 years or more. I go to the doctor once a year when I go up there to visit. Yeah so the whole health care system sorta sucks for me since I don't use it, but I'm afraid if I drop coverage and then in a few years move back to the states I won't get coverage or it will be super expensive because I had cancer....so I pay. Ha ha I have Covered Calif and they are so.......................inept....inefficient.....maybe overworked or understaffed....but they have had my social security number wrong for almost 2 years now. They said it was my mistake- but they input my intial signup apllication over the phone...maybe they typed it in wrong??? I mean I've had that number since I was a kid...so who made the mistake? I didn't even care but trying to get it corrected has been HELL and I'm actually not sure if it's fixed.

My tax return was rejected because the number submitted by Cov Cal was wrong and that's how I knew they never fixed it. In fact they said they didn't have the fax I sent them back in Dec- following their instructions for fixing it. Even though it went thru, to the number they specified. They couldn't fix it over the phone. Ok I sent the fax. 5 months later they hadn't fixed it. I had a fit. Then I had to fill out a different form asking them to resend my IRS form....I asked why should I expect that form to be processed, and was told- oh we're going to give you a different fax number and because it's for the government we HAVE to process it. Ha ha I laughed- oh so you're telling me you didn't HAVE to process my first request? Silence. I also faxed the IRS with a copy of my original fax to Cov Ca asking them to correct my SS#....this almost didn't happen either- poor H&R Block who did my seemingly EASY taxes mere refaxed the same forms that were rejected and I had to yell at them over the phone to convince them to send the fax I had hand delivered to them by my trusty renter. My taxes were processed but I still don't know if Cov Ca corrected their system.

Ok anyway I need to be prepared when I go to keep up my exercise program. I did it when I went to Florida and NY in May, and although I didn't do that great with food, I exercised at least every other day and my weight had stayed the same when I got home and weighed myself. And that was for a month- so I know I can do it for 2 weeks. Actually I was trying tonite to make a playlist of my songs to put them on a CD so we can play it on my daughter's stereo with speakers so she can do it with me. But I just found out that my new (used) laptop does not have working headphone jacks- so I was playing the music right next to hubby who is reading a book and I know it was pretty distracting. So tomorrow when we get back from an airport run to Ensenada I'll try it then.

So 3 times this week I didn't count my calories, but I know I stayed within my range. In fact today I was surprised because I was here alone for a few hours without much to do and felt myself obsessing over snacking. Potato chips- which I never eat except when we have torta for dinner which is less than once a month and we split a bag of chip. The torta is carne asada lomo (really thin beef, not marinated and flash fried in the pan). Avacado and cheese, all on a bollio which is like a soft french roll) And a handful of potato chips on the side. But the bag last time was bigger than the small bag you put in your lunch bag, but smaller than the kind you keep in your cupboard...maybe they "super-sized" it- anyway I suddenly remembered that half empty bag was in the microwave (which we also hardly use). I thought they would be stale and I'd throw them away...but nope- nice and crispy. So- I ate them. Luckily we don't have alot of "bad foods" around the house so my other snacks were mostly those little ginger cookies from Trader Joes- 10 calories a cookie and I can only eat 3 at a time or the ginger hurts my tummy, and an extra spoonful of peanut butter....a handful of almonds...Anyway- after dinner (2 pcs of chicken no skin, steamed asparagus and 24 almonds) I knew I needed to make a count or that would be 3 days of winging it. 2 days is my self imposed limit. So I went thru everything I ate today...wrote it all down, looked at calories...and wow- I was still under my limit! Well right at the limit. 1200 calories. So I really am changing. And luckily our house is filled with green apples and bananas and cantalope...string cheese...natural peanut butter. So when I get crazy...I can still not completely blow it. Because I'll tell you what- if we had a thing of ice cream in the freezer- I woulda ate it! But we didn't and the craving passes. When I can remember that I'm ok.

I'll be at my daughter's house and none of them have any issues with their weight. Drewy is slim and beautiful, and works out regularly- I'm so impressed by that. The gym, hiking, running. I don't know Rex does, but he's a big guy- but with no extra weight, and my granddaughter of course is a busy little bee. Now I know they eat healthy, but they also have (well last year anyway) lots of goodies that they can eat just one of that I could go to town on and eat my way thru 2 weeks! Last year they had a bunch of boxes of girl scout cookies which I avoided for a few days and then attacked. I think I hid an empty box or 2 in the garbage can....But I'm thinking if I write about it here, I can keep myself disciplined. Because the fact is, now when I spend a day eating crap- I feel crappy. Physically I mean- that my body says yuck! (Yeah and my head gets all mad at myself, then guilt shame blah blah blah). But one thing about Mexico, there's not as much processed food- well for example not as many frozen foods- forzen dinners or breakfasts or desserts. Lots of frozen pizza, but not alot of other frozen food and I was the queen of frozen dinners- Stoffers mac & cheese- oh and pot pies! Here I pretty much eat what I call clear food. Fresh veges steamed. Boiled chicken, steamed shrimp, I mean those are my main dinner foods. Fresh fuit for snacks. I do get my natural peanut butter in the states. Last time I was there I bought about 4 huge jars of Adam's Natural Peanut Butter- love that stuff. I do snack on string cheese- is that processed? So- when I get up there I'm going grocery shopping first thing for my own snacks- so at least my stuff will be in front of me. If I exercise in the mornings I'll start with my protein shakes and when I exercise it always makes my moods positive, so I tend to make better choices better decisions.

So for this week I'm going to be very true to my program. Exercise every morning, count my calories and record my food. It only takes a minute because I'm so used to doing it. Maybe I'll even lose a pound or two before I go and then I'll be over 70 pounds of weight loss. I know I feel better and I'm excited for my daughter to see me and we're planning to hit the gym together; her membership lets her bring someone for free. I hope I see my other daughter alot while I'm there as well, but trying not to have any expectations around it.

Other things I want to do up there....get a new tattoo that says Forgiveness, and maybe some more flowers. Have coffee with a couple of friends. Visit a woman I used to meet at the dog park who's in her 80's, have lunch with my friends who are my renters....see it's filling up...more about that later.

Ok last thing for tonite, maybe I can write more about it tomorrow nite- we're going to Yosemite to spread my mom's ashes. Going over a weekend; it's about a 4 hour drive and we'll spend the nite. I don't know how it will feel. It's been 4 years since she died, and I have a small jar decorated with sand and shells with a tiny bit of her ashes. I know it's not her, but it reminds me of her every time I see it, which is every day. It keeps her close in my heart and my mind. She wanted this so as a ritual we'll do it. I wish Halla would come with us, but I'm guessing she won't. That's ok, too. She's 22 and full of her own self, finding her own way. My Drewy is turning 30 this week and was 22 once, selfish and self centered, but has come to be a family girl, and yearns for closeness of family. She kinda doesn't have it outside her little family- meaning Halla is never around and she doesn't see her dad and his wife very much and I know that hurts her. But I guess I'm hurting her too- look how far away I am. But she and I talk on the phone every couple of days and it's always for at least a half an hour if not an hour. We talk about everything. Anyway more about this later. Viva

Here's a couple of silly pics from Key West Florida with me and my sisters:

So many changes in my life!!

So I know it's been a month since I posted and it was about a month before the last one. So much has happened and I guess I've just been talking about it and not writing. I do actually have a couple of other places I write. Privately. I have a food/exercise journal that I try to write at least a couple of lines in twice a week. Maybe I should make the same commitment here. Even if it's just a couple of sentences...then I could catch up. I also make notes abut how I'm feeling as part of my meditation group and whatever book we're discussing. Right now it's a book called Mindfulness and it's pretty far over my head ha ha! It's written for someone who is very knowledgeable about Buddhism and I am trying to understand the basics!

Ok anyway- we moved. Still in Mexico and still in Baja. In fact just a few miles away but no longer on the beach. Now we are on a hillside with a stunning view of the estuary and the beach shoreline beyond. Views of the mountains; at nite we sit outside and look at the starts and the far of lights of Maneadero and further, Ensenada. As it turns out it was the best thing that could have happened- we love it here. But the way it started....We got EVICTED!! From a trailer! Yeah later that day when I could laugh just a little I said- we ARE trailer trash...moved into a trailer and got evicted! ha ha ha ha...WEll it wasn't too funny when it was happening.I just erased a big long story I tried to write about how it happened but it was just too ridiculous. So I'll just say they wanted to rent our place for alot more money than we were paying. It was much easier to tell us to get out that to argue with us trying to raise our rent. Anyway the law says you can only raise the rent 10% per year and they want about triple what we were paying. So this horrid woman starting telling us how we couldn't use our laundry room anymore and Everardo called her a thief. She started screaming at him and a couple of hours later we were evicted. It was totally illegal, but we found a new place within 1 hour. One hour! So it was meant to be. We still went to the court and they confirmed it was not legal to kick us out- but because we were so happy with where we landed- we left anyway. Who wants to be in a place with so much negative energy? Other people who live there are having struggles with the owners as well,  and how lucky were we to land in such a good place. This is a house, not a trailer and it's $100 a month cheaper!! We are no longer on the beach, but we were for 2 of the 3 years we've lived in Mexico, so this is ok. And the camps along the beach are all Americans and Canadians- no Mexican people live there...they're just the workers. Here, we live in a Mexican neighborhood. We have a huge yard, we must be on 3/4 of an acre. Lots of running room for the dogs and space for me to dance every morning.

It's funny I wondered about the serenity I found on the beach- could I take it with me? I was just thinking about it, and talking about it in my AA meeting a couple of weeks before we moved. Ha ha guess what? I still have it. I love what I came to find there on that beach. It's the place my spirituality continued to grow...like the way it was down in Playa Ventura. I danced on that beach and I talked to the universe over that ocean, out to that point, into the sky. I developed my work out, I changed my eating habits. The truth is- the other day I hit 70 pounds lost! It's been since April 1, 2014, so 16 months of zumba dancing 5 mornings a week, with steps I made up, with my ipod in my ears, dancing by myself, not stopping when people walked by...I learned how to eat better, for the first 9 months by cutting back and cutting out, then I started counting calories and writing down what I ate. And yeah I lost 70 pounds! Pretty bitchin' eh? Yeah I'm pretty proud of myself. No I'm not size 2, or even 6 or 8. I'm 10 or 12...so I could probly lose more. I don't know if I will....but I'm going to try. I'm 8 pounds away from my weight when I was 30....and I'm 58. Ha ha and in a lot better shape than I was at 30!
Wow I got off the track there. But I guess that's what I do. In this new place I can still talk to the universe. And really we can drive to the beach in under 10 minutes. Ok so here's some pics before we left the beach. On the 4th of July we went swimming, for me it was the first time this year. I love the beach but not nuts about swimming in the bay unless it's really hot outside. And it was hot that day. Then we came in laughing and took a shower together (oooh) and later Everardo made a big fire on the beach and we went down and watched fireworks with the neighbors- it was nice. I'm glad we did it since we didn't know we were leaving soon ha ha. We left on July 15th. The a couple of days later we walked over in the estuary and Sam and Hazel went swimming so I'll put some pictures here. Not sure I've really put any pics of us...the dogs yes of course...

Well this last one is hubby one morning after an early morning walk with the dogs.

So I came back from the east coast in early June. Life kinda went back to normal, although I was now exploring my spirituality more after meeting my sister's friend who helped us all so much to go thru the process of losing my brother in law. Everardo showed up one day with a new universe chair for me- more comfy than the plastic beach chair, and leaned back. I started using it to meditate while overlooking the water. I had to wear a straw hat over my face ha ha. Now I have that chair here and I plunk down in it after dancing in the morning. If it's not foggy I can still see the point, the mountain top of the Bufadora (blow hole) that I watched while dancing on the beach. We sit outside a nite here- we never did that much at the beach...it was just different. This is so much better.
When sit at nite here, usually 9 or 10 pm, we hear crickets competing for center stage across the yard, dogs barking, faint Mexican music coming from down the road in one direction or the other, low voices in Spanish form a nearby house...it just feels like Mexico again. Oh and we have chickens next door- these crazy roosters crow at 3 am, 4 am....they get quiet about 6am....I am waiting for the day I don't hear them anymore. It's getting better. We were getting up before 6am the first week we were here, and now it's really back to around 7am...Ok here's the pics of Sam & Hazel swimming...

So yes now we need to start some memories from this new place. And the place the dogs are swimming- we can see it from here and drive there in about 5 minutes so that will continue for them. I have just a couple of photos of this new place so let's see...

These are pictures are all out of our kitchen and living room windows. Wide open spaces and views. We have so much land Everardo will make the biggest garden ever! Oh and he wants chickens! And I guess that's what we'll do. I do love eggs! And soon enough they won't keep me awake ha ha! When I was a kid there were chickens behind us, so I know I'll get used to it soon. It's really quite beautiful here.
Something wonderful happened when this thing started. Total assholes treated us badly and evicted us so they could rent out our place for more money. At first I was mad, in shock, then kinda devestated- where would we go? Oh and they gave us 24 hours! But that was also not legal and we could have taken the rest of the month but we did it in about 3 days. But, right when it happened- oh and police were there, too, I was scared. (Later the same cop was ordered by his boss to be on our side and get our deposit back and 2 weeks rent- so now we have a cop-friend to call if anything ever happens). So we left our place and headed for Ensenada to go to the court- but on the way I saw the door open of the place where I taught English and we pulled over and went in. The guy there is a friend, well his girlfriend is my friend, and I knew they had just moved in together, so we thought maybe he had an empty house we could stay in for a few days while we looked for something. This guy dropped what he was doing- he called his girlfriend, and we all met at this empty house- not his former house but a place he is managing for the owner.  I didn't know it was empty- but it was this place. So in under and hour from when this nightmare started, it was becoming a good dream! These 2 people simply put their days, their lives on hold, and helped us. No questions asked. It was amazing. Humbling. So awesome to know people like this.
We thanked them so much and then continued on to the court, where we were given relief and help...but also decided we didn't want to fight for the trailer, we didn't want to be there. We still filed a complaint against them that was very detailed in case anything ever happened, but then we went back to the new place. Everardo then hired a guy a couple of houses down to help him and they brought the bed, and the fridge, the couch, the tvs. We stayed here the first nite. The trailer was over.

The next morning my friend Rowan, the girlfriend of the guy who brought us to this house, she showed up with another friend, Mimi, and a guy who helps them out, Martin, oh and some bananas and cold drinks...and we went to the trailer and they simply packed us up! We didn't even have very many boxes or plastic bins; they just brought armloads of things out to their cars, and then we brought them here and unloaded them. I was in a daze...I mostly stood around. Ha ha I couldn't find anything for days...ok some stuff I still can't find ha ha. Except for once when a moving company moved me when I transferred with a job, I had always packed up my own home to move. These women were like busy bees, buzzing thru our place, talking, sharing, laughing, stopping to hug me...it was AMAZING!...Oh and then my boss- she took care of my work for 2 days. She offered advance pay if we needed appliances or anything...I came to find out that the people we have around us are so....I have to use the word again...amazing. I'm not sure I would have realized how wonderful they all are. Honestly I'm used to being someone who reaches out and helps when someone ELSE is in crisis...not used to it being me. I'm so grateful. I know this is our path. It was meant to be and somehow we didn't see it- so the universe gave us a kick in the butt and pushed us out onto the new path! I know we could have fought it. I know we would have been justified in anger. Revenge....but you know what? For what? We didn't want to go back. We were so LUCKY how this happened. What if Everardo hadn't yelled at her and we got into a rent increase struggle in a month and this house would not have been available? It was just meant to be.

At first we both tried to understand what we did to deserve this bad thing happening to us- but by the end of the first day we talked and realized it wasn't our bad karma- it was someone else's bad energy and we were just caught up in the wave of it- but our own positive energy guided us to this better place. So it's been a couple of weeks, and Everardo has painted the whole inside of the house. All my favorite colors; cantaloupe orange, greens, and 2 shades of purple, one deep and one lighter. He has fixed pipes and plumbing, moved everything everywhere I wanted it...and has started on the yard. Some of his vegetables made it over here- peppers, and other stuff we encourage our old neighbors to take. He's starting new tomatoes and a friend today at the noon AA meeting in Ensenada says she's bringing him cucumber seeds and that it's not too late to start them. The ground is not salty over here and everything should flourish.

Last Sunday morning 4 women came over and we sage-ed the house. Blessed it with a beautiful ceremony to the 4 directions, to the sun and the moon and the earth and the water. When the woman was saying all these things I started crying. We burned the sage in every room and then walked around outside.

So we are settling in. I want to try to recommit to this blog. Maybe change it up a little. Maybe write a little more about my weight loss journey. I didn't before because I didn't know if I could do it- but I did. I made up my own program and then stuck to it. I want to write more about what's around me. Watching people, lifestyles, cultures, and about my job. Of course it's seasonal, so in October I think it will dwindle...but we'll see. AS it turned out I have been super busy with it and it's a big part of the reason I haven't written. Organizing and keeping track pf people, rooms, boats, dates, money..ha ha and a bunch of old retired fishermen...ha ha what a trip it's been.

Ok I think this is enough...for now. Viva!

Gone to Key West, New York and finally home

It has been a long time since I've written anything here and would take me so long to catch up. So I guess I'll just start and as I think of things I'll write about them. Hmmm though I'll start with Everardo going fishing right before I left...yeah we had a freezer full of fish! Yum!

 Ok then a picture of me after I bought myself a tye-dye dress in purple....yeah, then went back and bought it in red as well. (they were cheap cheap). This was in Key West.

 There's a really weird thing about Key West- they have iguanas all over the place! They're not indigenous to Florida so they have no natural enemies so they just keep multiplying! When we lived in southern western Mexico- in the tropics we saw iguanas, and it was natural for them to be there. But in Key West I once saw 10 iguanas at one time! Not all as big as the one in this picture, but he was one of the 10. Every other day I walked from my sister's houseboat to this park to do my zumba dancing and I walked past this water and big lawn, and every time I'd see all these iguanas sunning themselves. There was also a fire hydrant that was leaking and I saw them stand under it, and wait for each other to move so the next one could stand under it.

 We took a road trip from Key West Florida, which is the furthest island out from Florida- the most westerly "key"-all the way up to Upstate New York. I come from California, a very long state. We took about 3 and a half days to get there and one day we drove thru 5 states! I took pictures of state signs as we crossed state lines. The sign was all there was- and in Calif you have to stop and answer questions...tell them you have no fruit...

 This is my sister whom I love so much and her doggy, Emmy. Emmy is the cutest little dog, and when I got home my dog Sam looked huge! And Hazel looked pretty big too ha ha.

Ok- so I went to Florida to see my sister for 2 weeks because my brother in law was really sick and in the hospital. Actually my little sister was already out there- when she heard how sick Barry was, she dropped everything and flew out there. I was lucky- I went out there in September when they were in Upstate New York to see him because I was afraid I'd never see him again, so I hung out with both of them. Well unfortunately he declined much more quickly than anyone thought he would- I mean they were planning to close up the houseboat and go back to NY, but it didn't happen. So little sister was there and I was talking to them every day...and it seemed like maybe he was improving and going to come home- and then not so much. Then he stopped being interested in eating- that was kinda of a clue for us. Little sister extended her stay another week and I bought a plane ticket to go. I went the first week of May, planning to stay 2 weeks. Little sister went home about 4 days after I arrived, and a few days after that we brought Barry home. He was immediately calmer when he got home, but he didn't improve. A week later he passed away. Everyone has lost someone and maybe at this moment you are remembering your own family member or close friend so I won't talk about all the emotion. 

I will say this. It was spiritual. We had an incredible gift, a woman friend of Karen's who came to see Barry every day he was back home, and saw us as well one on one. She is a healer. She spent time with Barry. She also does shiatsu massage and is a bit of a medium. She talked to me about my spiritual path, she talked to me about my spirit guides- it so amazingly cool. She did the same for my sister. She was able to give my sister some peace by letting her know that Barry was ok. He didn't believe that there's anything after you die. For me- I believe in energy. We are made up of energy, everything is. I believe that when we die, yes as we know ourselves, we're gone, the body is gone. But energy does not die. It changes. So I believe at death, our energy simply changes...into what? I don't know. And I feel ok that I don't know. But this woman said she could feel Barry right after he died. That he was happily surprised there was more. That he said " I feel like myself again" At first he was hanging around, like watching my sister I guess, but later..he had his own path to follow. What was it? I don't know. Does he remember life as we know it? I don't know. But I know he's ok. And my sister is ok. Her friend gave her great peace. There were so many more details about this that made it...real I guess. I mean maybe reading it you think I'm nuts. But it felt right. Barry was so sick for so long. For a couple of years he deteriorated...physically and then it began to be mentally as well. He was suffering. Yeah- it was sad to lose him. He was young- 72...but he was not himself. And my sister knew that, too. Of course she is sad, she lost her partner, her love, her best friend of 40 years...but she also watched him suffer. So she's ok.

So- a couple of weeks later we drove her up to Upstate New York to their house up there. Yeah I didn't stay just 2 weeks. I was gone for a month. My husband was so great about it. I mean Barry died and I couldn't just leave. Everardo said- stay, do whatever you need to do. So I helped her close up her houseboat and we took off. And closing up a houseboat in the sub tropics is no easy task.

Karen had to paint where some work had been done to fix some places that had leaks. The day before we left she had to pump the bilge. I only knew this meant you had to go to the bathroom ha ha. Now I know why! Anyway it was a dirty job. Then we had to set up humidifiers to run 24/7 while she's gone- which is all summer! Then we had to take all the bedding and any clothes she wasn't taking and run them thru the dryer- then as soon as we took them out we had to put them in these big plastic bags and duct tape them closed. Otherwise they'll be moldy when she gets back.

She did all this the week after her husband died. She just kept moving. Then we packed up the car and Emmy and headed north. Oh wait- the day after he passed, we had a wake with all their friends from the dock. It was really nice. And it was a celebration of his life, a happy time. We put all these pictures of Barry from years past around the boat on all the window sills. Most of the people there never knew the Barry who took 600 mile bike rides and sailed all over the world. So we drank and ate and reminisced. It was nice. Then we got to work and a week later we left.

We drove all day from Tuesday afternoon until noon on Friday and then we were there. We listened to a book on tape which I had never done before. We sang to the radio and talked about a million things. It was so cool to get to know my sister who married her husband while I was still a teenager living at home. So I never really knew her as just herself. We found out we feel the same about so many things...and we're so different in so many ways as well. Thank god for Emmy. Her first dog since she left home. And we all know we treat our dogs like our kids, right? She never had any kids, always just came and got a dose of ours ha ha, and so Emmy is closest thing. Emmy keeps her on her toes, and she cuddles really nice. She is a loving soft girly dog, and so small she can go everywhere. I had a talk with her and she'll take good care of my sister. The same as my sister's friends. She is really lucky with the friends she has. In both places- Key West and New York. Really good friends who love her and will support her whatever she needs. So little sister flew back in 2 days before I left, and she stayed 2 more weeks. So she got the one on one time as well.

So this is the beginning of my story of where I've been since the end of April. Lots more to tell, like how there's no cauliflower for sale here right now, but how all the neighbors are stopping by to look at Everardo's garden & I steam fresh veggies every nite with my dinner. Oh and last thing- proud of myself...I came back and hadn't put any weight back on. And Karen and I hit a few ice cream stores...ha ha- but I kept up my dancing every where I went. Ha ha in Key West, dancing alone in a park I never got a second glance- yeah it's a funky place full of weirdos so I fit right in. And in NY we were pretty isolated, but a few people noticed that crazy lady dancing in the early morning in a beautiful green meadow that is my sister's amazing yard. Ok that's all for now. I will try really hard to get caught up and tell you about my beautiful Mexico which I am so happy to be back home in! Viva!

Busy month...planting..dancing...family...

I can't believe I haven't written all month! Lots going on and April has flown by.

Finds from walking on the beach...

I found this while I was dancing in the morning on the beach

Everardo got really creative while building his garden. He used old tires, cut and painted them and made planters. The earth here is very sandy so he gets dirt off the nearby mountain and adds horse poop...but he's deciding what kind of planter boxes he wants...he added sheets of plastic and now we have a greenhouse!

Oh and he made his own hydroponic watering system using barrels (like the one in the picture above that is cut into a planter)..barrels that wash up onto the shore from the tuna boats.

Ok and a couple of random shots of what's happening around here in April"

Yes it's been a busy month. Planting veges and flowers, and building and revising the garden area. Then our neighbor decided she wanted a greenhouse as well and was going to have Everardo build it- but then she decided to just contribute to ours so we have plants and veges growing all over the place.

I went to the United States early in the month and brought back lots of seeds and so did she. Everardo is making planters out of everything from old tires to empty dog treat boxes to empty gallon plastic milk jugs. We have tomatoes, lettuce, chiles, zuchini, watermelon, onions, summer squash, radishes, carrots...and more. We're not sure what will grow...this is an agricultural area but not here- here it's beach. But around Ensenada they grow everything.

I always thought I lived "in the country"; northern California has dairy farms and horse ranches and everything in between,...but here- well here it's sorta more in your face. The other day Poppi had to slam on the breaks for a cow who stepped into the road. A couple of weeks ago there was a herd of goats along the road. Some of the farms are right along side the main roads, so we see what's growing, and we see the people planting. So now I'm wondering how much is planted by hand in California and how much is by machine. The planting areas were not near me however, and I think that was just naive of me to write- the central valley has thousands of migrant workers and near us in northern Calif are the vineyards of Napa and Sonoma counties, which also have thousands of workers. I'm just not used to seeing it on a daily basis.

So I made a few pesos helping my friend with the reservation schedule and it was working online and took a few hours each week this month, so I didn't feel much like going online, so my poor blog didn't get written. I was also trying to get my school supplies/handouts together for my new group of students and I can't believe how well thats going!!

I started teaching at a new location, at the Cantu salon where there are already some adult education classes going on. They finish at 6:30 so I agreed to have my class from 6:30-8. It's so cool! I have more than 20 students and a few kids as well. It's funny, the kids can pronounce the words much more easily than many of the adults...but their attention spans are much shorter ha ha! Anyway these adults want to learn. Now it's true I had about 15 people when I started the class in the other place, and then it got steadily smaller and smaller, in the end just 3 students. But here these people are already at a class they chose to take, and they're staying for mine. I was actually a little surprised, because after an hour and a half of math (at least one class is math) I would think they'd be too tired to do another hour and a half of learning English. So it's been 2 weeks of 2 classes a week (Tue & Thurs), and I have almost the same amount. This past Thursday I had maybe only 14 adults (still alot) and they told me that a couple of people were sick, and someone else can only come every other Thurs...but they told me that they like the class. Each time I am nervous all afternoon before the class, worried that they won't like it, or I won't be a good teacher. And every time it goes great! I was SO happy when they told me they like my class. It is not formal English, it's for having a conversation, so we are not talking about "rules".

It was funny, I was trying to tell them in Spanish that next week or maybe the following week I may not be there because I might have to go to Florida because my brother in law is sick, but I will return and we will have classes for as long as they want to come. Well when I said "proxima semana" (next week), this woman named Carina said "examen?" (test?) I laughed and no no no you will have no tests in here- this is supposed to be fun- you will learn if you want to do the work. They all laughed. I start the class with a lesson in mind, but if something else comes up then I start to build the class around that. Another cool thing about this class is that it's about half and half men & women. I like that. And a couple of guys speak a few words of English and one was asking me how to write a couple of things- he wants to learn to read and write for a job. So I told him think about what he wants to learn to say, read & write and I can build class lessons around it so he will learn and so will everyone else. He was very happy about that. If you can't tell by reading this, I am very excited and happy about doing this class.

So about my brother in law. Last September I went to visit him and my sister in Upstate New York because I was afraid I'd never see him again because of his health. Now they're in Key West Florida where they live during the winter, but he has gotten progressively worse and last week had to go to the hospital. He was there 3 days and then released into a rehab which is more of a convalescent hospital I think. My sister sent me an email a week ago last Friday to tell me what was going on. Then a really weird thing happened as well (she and I agree-weird). My younger sister, who I have written about here- the one who chooses not to communicate with anyone; with me she doesn't answer the phone, emails, facebook private msg...nothing. I stopped trying. I've worked hard on acceptance around it. That's her choice and her life. I was getting pretty angry though when she blew off my daughter- backing out of coming to her Christmas party (that my daughter was so proud to be having in her beautiful home- a family party), and then again when I was up there last summer and we bought a bunch of food for a family bbq and she backed out the nite before. Then when sister and I had an disagreement over my mother's ashes she mailed them to my daughter instead of driving 15 minutes over to her house to deliver them. Really?? At least they are there, and when I go up there, probably in August I will take them and spread the ashes in Yosemite as she asked. So sister won't go anywhere or communicate with the outside world. I heard from my niece that she got laid off her job a few months ago- so why couldn't she take the ashes to Yosemite? Or to my daughter??? Yeah anyway I will take care of it. So back to the story- Little sister happened to email big sister right when this was happening- Barry my brother in law needing to go to the hospital. So big sister wrote back to little sister and gave her a quick synopsis of what was going on (Yeah more resentment here: last summer I emailed little sister to say I was very worried about Barry and wanted to go visit, and did she want to come with me- no reply-yeah she just didn't bother to reply. Nothing to me- I went alone and had an awesome time with them) OK so she receives the email...calls the airlibe and buys a ticket and calls big sister to say she's on her way. Wow- did I say wow? How weird was that? Suddenly she all into family? Ok enough sarcasm for now.

I am really happy and grateful that she responded in that way. That she just went. My sister is so happy to have her there. Little sister said you take care of Barry and I'll take care of you. Big sister needs the support, someone to lean on- I am very glad she's there. I am still here. Little sister will go home after 2 weeks, and she has now been there for one. A couple of things- I was happy for big and little sisters to have some one on one time together. I also want to be able to be there for big sister when little sister goes home so she's not alone in this. I have spoken with little sister a few times during the week. I want to get both of their perspectives. Little sister and I agreed if she tells me "come" I will buy a ticket and go no questions asked. Meaning if in her judgement Barry is taking a turn for the worse, I need to get out there. As my daughter told me, I need to get together with little sister in slid support for big sister and for Barry. I agree. I haven't talked to her about my personal life, only about big sister and the Bear (we call him the Bear). We tell each other we love each other but I have learned (and hopefully won't forget) that with her love does not mean friendship or communication, and I expect once this is over she will go back to not interacting with me- and I will not make that assumption only to be hurt again. We have a shared past, but not a shared present and I cannot speak to the future. If I need to go before she leaves I will do that with no problem and will be happy to see her, but with no expectation.

I kinda suspect the "come" call is coming. Today was the first day he didn't have interest in eating. Up to now, even though he is very weak, and having trouble making words, making connection, doing anything physical, he has still been eating good. Even though he's had to be fed- he still ate everything placed in front of him. Both big sister and I have been using that as a measuring stick for how he's doing. Big sister was kinda more worried about him tonite and was on her way back down to the hospital after dinner to check on him. I wonder if tomorrow she will ask me to come. I told them both that whoever says it, I will come. I was kind of relying on little sister last week because I wasn't sure if big sister was in a little bit of denial, or just hoping against hope for things to turn around, or that maybe he had simply slipped down to a new, lower plateau. But I don't think she is in denial now- she describes it as "fading away". For me...well I saw him in Sept, I spent time with him and I love him- I've known him longer than anyone in my life except my sisters and my brother. And I want to support him, but....I want to be there for my sister. I don't want her to be alone...I want her to know she can say and/or do anything she wants and I am there for her. I know she gets the same unconditional love from little sister, and I want to carry that on. Little sister is not sure if she will leave at the end of 2 weeks. We are all not sure of anything. So as big sister is, I am living it day to day- minute to minute really. So I expect in the next few days...maybe even tomorrow I will be making airline reservations. Damn. I hate this. My sister has been married to him more than 40 years...unlike me who kept trying to get the marriage thing right- she has been with one man all these years. And now at the young age of 62 she must look ahead to a new life. Same as my mom who lost her husband when he was only 59 and she was 58. Your life changes, begins again. And my mom lived another almost 30 years.

My sister has always lived far away from me, Australia, Barcelona, France, then on the east coast. Funny- the year they move back to the United States, I move to Mexico! And back in 1988, I surprised everyone by taking my then 2 year old daughter and moving to southern Calif for a job- and this sister and the Bear, moved to Long Beach (southern Calif) from Australia the SAME WEEK! So weird!! Later that year little sister ALSO moved to southern Calif to be with a boyfriend. Then a year later I could no longer take the smog, the traffic the cement world of southern Calif and moved back to northern Calif (above San Francisco). Then little sister moved back up as well a few months later. Sometime after that big sister and the Bear went to the east coast, bought another sailboat and sailed across the ocean to Barcelona. I don't know where she will land. Their home in Upstate New York is beautiful and the area is amazing. She also has some friends there who are her surrogate family. Very close. In fact that's another shitty thing about all this happening right now. They were getting close to going back to New York when Barry just could not go on. My sister has friends in Florida, close girl friends I think, but the New York friends are friends to both of them. Family. Well we shall see.

Ok here's my serenity corner; like my beach, a place for me to feel safe.

I think I might have posted a picture of this when I first dragged the rocks in from down the road and put Buddha in the corner, but since Poppi has planted flowers and they're starting to come in. The ropes you see hanging down are ropes that I have been dragging up from the beach for the past year whenever I find them. I drape them along the wall on the outside because it looks so ugly...that off dirty white and water stains- the wall itself is old and then anything standing near the beach deteriorates quickly. But as it turns out the ends hanging into my serenity corner look pretty good too! I have a new plan for the outside wall. Everardo is going to paint it white, then I have a friend who is an amazing artist and she's going to paint some pictures on it for me! I want an octopus, a whale, a fish, a crab....in bright colors. She asked me to help her with some computer work for a business they have started up and planned to pay me. I said well how about a trade? And the cool thing was she was really into it!! Ha ha!! So maybe next month I'll be able to afford a couple of quarts of some bright colors and then let the project begin! Yipee.

So I decided to post a couple of shots of me in my work out stuff. The purple is my gift to myself for meeting my year commitment to myself. I laughed to myself because I made a goal so what is my reward to myself?? A hot fudge sundae? ha ha ha Kinda misses the point right? So I happened to be in Target looking for shorts for Everardo when I went up to the states, and I walked past the work out stuff, which was on sale, and thought- HEY! That's the perfect reward! So I bought 3 outfits, purple, orange and blue. The truth is I always wear a tshirt over them like in the other picture, the one with the hat and sunglasses- that's what I wear to dance on the beach and to the free senior stretch class. I am proud of myself and I am still working it. I've lost another 6 pounds I think this month- I'm only 2 pounds away from my original goal of 60 pounds in a year. But as time went by I realized it was not reasonable to think I could lose 5 lbs every single month- but boy i came close! So I don't need to lose the same amount here in year 2, but I hope to learn how to maintain, and really embrace this new healthy lifestyle. I hope to not ever return to the eating and no exercise style I was living that got me so out of shape...and a better candidate for cancer! Because it was me realizing that I needed to take action to stop cancer from coming back that got me into this lifestyle. And yes I can easily stay with it on a trip to Florida, because it is the way I live now...yeah...I like that.

Ok one more picture...one with my love, to sign off with. I hope to write again soon! Viva!