Can your life change in one minute?

Can your life change in one minute? When you receive an email or a phone call? Does it change right then or do you just remember it as the first thing that happened? And if it turns out to be nothing, you don't remember it at all. I remember when I got the call that they wanted me to come into the doctor's because of something in my mammogram. I was in Las Vegas. It was my first and only trip there. I was going with my ex husband and my younger daughter. He and I were simply going as friends and had been headed to Cabo San Lucas for a week. But when we got to the airport, our daughter's passport was going to expire in a week or two and you can't go if it's expiring in 6 months- well not sure the requirement for Mexico- but I would guess it's an across the board regulation. It was 6am and we're standing at the airport so we asked where else we could go for the price we had paid. Florida was alot more, and so was Hawaii, so we ended up with Las Vegas.

It was fun, we took a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon- but oh yeah all 3 of us got airsick. We rented a cabana poolside for a day and that was nice but sooo crowded. Didn't spend too much time in the casinos since Halla was only 15...anyway I checked my voicemail cause I had been job hunting, and heard the msg about my mammogram. It was at least 2 weeks before I heard another voice over the phone telling me I had cancer, but when I think of the whole thing, I always think of Las Vegas. Yeah no desire to ever visit there again.

Yesterday afternoon I received an email from my doctor saying next time I was up there (northern Calif) I should get this procedure we talked about...he put it that it was the one we discussed but it interfered with my travel plans. HA That's not quite how I remember it. I said I'd stay if I needed to, and he said everything was fine after a small procedure cutting out a little polyp in my uterus. Anyway this email said "next time". I wrote back and said next time would be in a year, and did I need it sooner. (I swear when I left he simply said we'll check it again next year.) So I receive an email reply after 11pm last nite (Friday nite) and he says I need to get it as soon as possible to make sure none of the cells in my uterus are CANCER! Ok he actually said...to be sure the all cells in my uterus were benign....ok that means to be sure they are not malignant- which is cancer. Ok yes the panic set in. Didn't sleep to good last nite.

I just finished a huge thing with Kaiser about my bill, my coverage, yadda yadda yadda, and actually filed a grievance for the last portion of some labs they read and are charging me $990 for reading them.  Hmmm could this sudden need for this procedure be their way of saying- oh see you needed those labs? God I hope not. And the truth is now I'm scared. The procedure is called a hysteroscopy. I googled it to see what it entails, what it determines, and how common it is. Maybe I can have it done here in Mexico. But after sitting with it last nite and now all morning, I'll probly go to the states. Yes when I hear CANCER I'm afraid. I called member services to find out how much it will cost me, and since I've already paid out the a** this year for this "simple polyup removal", I'll probly only have to finish off my deductible- about $2500- but SHIT! That's almost my property tax. And if wasn't the CANCER word, I'd probly do it here for sure. Everardo was gonna stop by the doctor we like that had previously told him about cancer treatment in Mexico, and see what he thinks. I emailed my doctor and asked him for a telephone appt, but it came back and said his office hours are Tue-Fri, so not sure when that will be. They also have a cost estimator group that member services said I could get better info from than her, but they are not in on wknds either. Would have been nice to start all this on Monday, eh?

During the nite my head when crazy, I went up there, had the procedure, have cancer, needed treatment, had to move back to the states, where to live? Now we have 2 dogs, not too much income...other things, and believe me I went thru ALL those other things. Then this morning I had an argument with my younger daughter in FB chat (real personal right), and during it tried to tell her about it, I wanted to talk to someone about my fear, but she said I was just trying to make her feel bad. Ha ha yeah she's 20 all right. So I didn't say anything else about it to her. My older daughter is on a house boat for the wknd so I don't want to tell her and worry her. Hubby was wonderful this morning and is getting the info from that doctor here, and telling me don't worry, and- hey you'll get whatever tests or procedure you need and you'll do it where you feel comfortable. I have a feeling he'll come home early today, and I have kept busy googling all this stuff.

I know my fear is unreasonable, but it's still my fear. I was so surprised when they told me I had breast cancer, that was in 2009, and every year I worry when it's time for my mammogram, but this year not so much. Ha ha- so now I get to worry some more. I know I know. Worry and fear doesn't make it so or not so. In fact I believe that negative energy can make you sick. So I'm trying to get it out here. I don't want to have cancer again. I don't want to die young. My dad died of cancer at 59. I'm 56. The type of cancer he had is survivable now, but not back then. And my younger sister told me that our mom had polyups in her uterus as well and hers wasn't cancer. She lived to the ripe old age of 87...really just 3 weeks shy of 88...and I believe I am strong. But the truth is cancer fucked with my head, I was afraid, depressed, did I say afraid? Well we will just put one foot in front of the other, if life is gonna throw us lemons, then lemonade it is!

Lucky for me I believe in the power of prayer, even if it's just sending positive energy out into the universe. Right now I am praying for serenity- there's no point in worrying over something that may or may not be anything. But easier said than done. So praying helps. So I guess my life can change in one minute, but only if I let it. (of course a phone call telling me we won the lottery would change my life in one minute and I'd probly go with the flow on that one) Viva.

Slower pace of life...

People sit outside in their front yards or even in the street in front of their houses here. At first I thought maybe it was because they had no backyards, and in some cases I still think this is true. But another thing is, that people have front porches, usually covered, and big enough for a few chairs. Then there's the people who sit in the yard or in the street in front of the house. I think maybe it's also about neighbors, about visiting, and about watching people go by.

The tempo is so much slower here, in some ways it's like living in the '50's. Slower is what I mean. Sometimes it's hard to go slow, but things don't just happen. There is conversation, then business, then more conversation. We called a number we saw on a house for sale nearby, about 3 blocks over, closer to the ovalo where we exercise. We are not in any position to buy anything at this point, but we want to see what's out there, and for how much. I have heard prices at both ends of the spectrum. And I'm talking about buying around here- in el centro. Not by the beaches- the gated communities or the condos. The electric bill alone is enough to make one look elsewhere for a house. My friend Pam lives in a very nice condo at the beach, and one month last winter her electric bill was $500 and ours was $40.
Anyway I've been in a few houses over here and have seen some I really like. This one looks nice from the outside, sort of a shallow front yard, but looks like it has a backyard, and maybe a side yard. We're gonna see it on Tuesday morning. Like I said we can't do anything right now, but I want to understand the market for when we can. There's alot of empty houses around here, but not too many with for sale signs....and it's tricky here- the title is tricky, and I've heard of people selling property they don't own. We even drove by that first house to see if it's still empty- which it is, and we may ask if he's interested in selling since he's not renting it and he's never coming back. It has a good yard. Everardo says he'd just knock it down and start over...but who knows, maybe so renovating would do it.....I'm such a dreamer! Still gotta sell a house in Guerrero!

I just looked at all the pictures of the Guerrero house, how we painted it, how beautiful the beach is, how peaceful the town. Then I went back in this blog to this week last year. Ha ha we had no internet and no phone for a week. Then we got those back and lost the tv channels in English. But I had also written about swimming in the ocean, and our anniversary which was the 16th of July. Everardo made me the same breakfast last year as last year- which is perfect since it's my favorite. I had also blogged that I was washing the clothes by hand, man I'm glad not to be doing THAT anymore ha ha. But like Guerrero a little bit of rain falls in July.

It rained here this afternoon, and luckily I brought the clothes in off the line right before it started. We have access to a dryer here but it runs up the electric so I use the clothes line, and it's fine. We spent the day together, started with a meeting, did a little shopping and then ate in this little hole in the wall that Everardo's been eyeing. And he was right- those little places always have the best food. I almost ordered the enchiladas, but she said they were very "picoso" (spicy) and that I should order the "entomatadas" which is no spices, probly just tomato sauce. Next time, cause I wanted eggs, so I ordered the omelette with tocino (bacon) and ha ha it was served slathered in this orange hot sauce! I started trying to scrape it off and the server handed me a spoon. I actually thought of asking why- if I shied away from the enchiladas because of spicy-ness, why would I want hot sauce on my eggs? Ah well, it turned out fine and Everardo really liked it and I could tell he was hoping I felt the same so I sucked it up, ate the eggs and sucked down the beans and french fries they served with my eggs using tortillas.

It's been a long week. Everardo has decided that working out at the center is really not working for him, he just needs to make more money. I think it was ok for awhile, but she hired him at a set price for 3 days a week, and then the past 2 weeks, if she doesn't have anything for him in the afternoon, she pays him half. That's not ok. The fact is they said they had lots for him to do, work for both the dog ministry and on the other side, running errands, taking people to the dr, picking up the fish, - well what I think (and my opinion is like an asshole- everybody has one) is that if they were a little better organized they'd probly have lots for him to do. But it's not about what I think, and I did not add my two cents. I told my husband that I support him in any decision he makes about anything. I could feel this coming...when he talked to me about wear & tear on his truck, that he was not getting any compensation there...on the other hand that was never part of it....and and and...there's lots of other hands here, so he made a decision that works for him. It looks like the center is in a bit f a transition, the dog ministry just keeps growing and they are partnering with 2 other shelters and working with the city dog catchers, so who knows how it will all shake out...

We know tourist wise it's gonna be slow for the next 2 months, but at least on wknds he'll keep working it, and I figured out our budget again, and we can live on, including rent, less than $800 a month so we'll be ok.

If my daughter comes to visit we're thinking of taking a trip. If she can come for at least 2 weeks, ok at least 16 days, we can go down to Playa Ventura and she can see that house, then swing over thru Michocan and see his brother & sister (& cousins) in Morelia. If she can only do a week, then maybe somewhere closer; Caborca or Hermesillo or Nogales. As soon as she tells me she really wants to come we're gonna tell her we'll buy the ticket, but we're trying not to pressure her since she's going thru alot right now. She's been unemployed for a week. She's doing fine I think; having time to make good dinners, and spend time with her future step daughter. She's a mom to Danica already; they have half time I think, and I love facebook for seeing the fun things they do together. "Rocking out to nursery rhymes in the car", sleepovers and fun days at the river. Anyway selfishly I hope she stays off work for a couple of months. That way she can visit us ha ha! But she also looking at taking some courses, starting a certificate program...and figuring out all those home projects we plan but never find time to work on. But again, same as my Poppi, what ever she decides I'll support 100%.

She and I talked on the phone every day this week. My other daughter not so much, ha ha. That whole she's 20 thing. The one good thing though is that finally younger is talking to older about herself. What happened was Drew & I were on the phone talking about her sister, and she said something that made me say- hey wait! Do you know something? And she asked me- that my sister is gay? I said yeah, and she said, well yeah, and I was so relieved!! I HATED keeping that secret, but it wasn't mine to tell. And it wasn't really a secret; her friends and coworkers all know, so I asked her- why aren't you telling your sister? She said I don't know- it's kind of awkward...I said ok then start the conversation with that! Actually she's worried about telling her dad. She told me in Jan when she was here- she said she knew I'd be fine with it- which I am. I just want her to be happy. But she called to ask me how to tell her dad a couple of weeks ago and that's when I said (again) TELL your sister!! She knows you and loves you more than anyone and she can be with you, support you when you tell your dad- who by the way will also be fine with it. I know he doesn't read this ha ha or even anyone he knows, so I'm not letting any cats out of the bag here ha ha. So anyway my daughters are talking again and hopefully will get closer again, that's what I hope for.

Lucky- or little mouse as I call him (Poppi calls him little shit) is finally 6 weeks old and acting like a puppy- wants to eat everything, plays more, and still sleeps alot. Sam is warming up to him ever so slowly, so that's good. The hunidity here is getting close to Guerrero and I hope it does not attract the same mosquitos! It was raining tonite so altho I dressed for Zumba nobody was there- well to be fair the cement would have been slippery so we came back, picked up the mutts and took them to the beach. Sam went in the water, Lucky doesn't like it too much, but he walked as fast as he could on those stubby little legs to keep up. That's one thing I love here (& in Guerrero), when it rains, go to the beach cause it's still warm!

People are still out since the rain is so light, sitting in their front yards, some with bbqs. some with music, all with chatter and laughter. Kids play in the street and young people whisper in each other's ears in the shadows. Slower quieter life...yeah I like it. Viva!

Mexico fun fact:
The red poinsettia (which the Aztecs called cuetlaxochitl) originated in Mexico and is named after Joel Roberts Poinsett, the first United States ambassador to Mexico (in the 1820s).^d

Visitors from Everardo's side of the family

Everardo's cousin Anna and her husband Carlos showed up today! Surprise! She's really more his sister than his cousin, they grew up together since he was pretty young since he was an orphan at age 9. I really like them and Poppi is so happy they're here. They got a hotel and we are just back from dinner with them. We'll meet up again around noon tomorrow and she wants camarones coco (the big shrimp in coconut) and we;ll show them around the different neighborhoods, the rich people mansions along the beach, the beaches we like best, etc. They haven't been here before but suddenly decided to make the trip to see us and to gauge the time it takes and the best way to bring Everardo's aunt & uncle. As it turns out his uncle really wants to see him, and at this point we have no idea if Everardo will ever get a visa to go back to the states.

He tells me that Anna & Carlos make trips like this all the time. They were in Tecate 2 weeks ago. They live in Salinas, about an hour south of San Francisco Calif, and they made it here in 11 hours. That was a long hard, fast drive, though. They pulled off the side of the road before they crossed the border and slept for 2 hours. ouch. Anyway they come down to Tijuana, Tecate, Mexicali often, I think they go to Las Vegas as well so apparently they like road trips ha ha! They got here late morning this morning and we met them at an outside restaurant in the afternoon, then they went back to the hotel to rest and we got back together for dinner. We walked on the malecon and watched the sun go down over the water while sitting in the plaza, and it was nice. We watched the kids playing and the vendors, and the other people strolling thru like we were and everybody talked & talked. It was mostly in Spanish.

I think I'm at a frustrating edge....it didn't sound like...blah blah blah bladdy blah. It sounded like words and I understood alot of them, but missed important things, like maybe I heard those guys, blah blah and we put the flowers on top- so I thought it was about seeing friends and buying flowers when it was we'll plant flowers on the dirt where we bury these guys after we kill the bastards. Ok maybe a bad example, but I just meant that missing a couple of key words or phrases really changes things....So I missed alot of the conversation, but watching my sweet hubby laughing and talking, his eyes bright with excitement and love, well, it was nice- no it was great!

I talked to my daughter on the phone this morning and she seems to be doing ok with the whole getting laid off thing. We talked about her coming down and she agreed saying she could apply for jobs from our living room couch as easily as from up there. Later I talked to Everardo about if she came for 2 or 3 weeks, we could take a trip south and show her where we lived in Playa Ventura. That would be a cool adventure for her and for us. So vamos a ver (we'll see). I chatted on FB with my younger daughter (age 20) and that was a little more disappointing. I have to keep remembering that age 20 is a selfish self centered age and she will grow out of it.

2 weeks ago I had asked her about going to school next semester and she needed some money to pay off last semester and get signed up- and she needed it NOW to get the classes she needed. I jumped thru a couple of hoops and anx'ted over it (yes my fault), and ended up sending a check to Drew to give to her since we were sending Drew some money towards her wedding fund anyway. Well she didn't try to contact Drew for 2 weeks! Which really pissed me off because I took her at her word that she needed the money right that minute. I kinda wrote that to her today and she has not replied. My expectations again. I hope to hear from her tomorrow. I don't want to be at odds with my kid anytime, and really don't want to be at odds with her long distance. She has trusted me with some important feelings about herself and her lifestyle and that's a gift to me. But it's been months now, and I want her to share it with her sister. The same day we discussed her needing this school money she told me all her friends knew and her coworkers, and then I really stressed she needs to talk to her sister. She said she would, but will she? She sent me a msg today to say she "texted" Drew and Drew ignored it and she wants the money...and I wrote back and said if you talked to your sister you'd know she just lost her job...and a friend who was in a horrible accident died this morning. That she should call her- not just text...but that's part of the msg where I said I was disappointed in her actions, and so I got no repsonse. Drew will call her in the morning, so we'll see what comes next. Just me complaining about my kids I guess.

How did I start that? I was talking about Drew coming to visit and going to Playa Ventura. And Everardo's family being here. And that now they've come once, we'll see more of them. Another couple we are friends with also wrote to us today and we're hoping they'll come down. They helped me with my messed up dr appt and being all groggy after; she took me home, put me to bed, then feed me and made sure I was ok before I went home. Good friends.

Oh and I googled that Pipe Organ cactus- it's very sensitive to frost- so I'm still guessing to humidity as well. Not sure it gets frosty here in winter but it was pretty cold in Dec & Jan. I also heard they grow along the road south to Caborca as well, but the Sonoran desert is the only place on earth that they grow- so that's kinda cool, I'm glad I noticed them. They also bloom with a flower and a fruit, but from about Oct thru May...so ha ha I just missed it, but will be watching in a few months. A friend told me his wife loves the fruit, that's it's very juicy, so it must be a help to anyone trying to survive in this huge desert.

Looking forward to tomorrow to meet back up with Anna and Carlos; and my nephew Francisco already says next time he's coming!

Ok Mexico fun fact:
The border between Mexico and the United States is the second largest border in the world (only the U.S.-Canadian border is longer).