A week of daily posts

Ok new day new week. (Monday April 25) I stayed true to my eating/exercise plan all last week and over the weekend. I woke up this morning- Monday morning- and I wasn't mad at myself for binging over the weekend. I went for my hike this morning..and honestly was a little afraid of falling again- well after I tripped that is. It was windy and cold this morning and unfortunately it's gonna be the same tomorrow. Ah well. Once I got into the woods it was warmer except for a few times when there was a long track coming around a corner and the wind seemed to blow right into my neck and shoulders. But but but the important part was that I was so happy because I was not trying to get rid of the weekend binge!! I have a picture of the blue bridge I think I wrote about the other day and the what most of the bridges look like on the trial. I think I can post a photo of my favorite part as well- my enchanted forest:

Tomorrow is weigh day, and even if I'm the same, I can tell my stomach is starting to shrink. Both yesterday & today I got really full and I ate the same dinner both nites. (huge plate of steamed broccoli & cauliflower, covered in an Amy's organic enchiladas, and some cottage cheese with cantaloupe) Ahh but tomorrow we buy more fresh crab (yipee) so crab louie tomorrow for din din. We also found a woman who sells fresh eggs from her chickens for a really good price so we'll be picking up more eggs from her tomorrow as well.
I did not ride my new bike today because of the wind but the neighborhoods in this area seem pretty bicycle friendly. I'll post a pic of my new bike this week- it's a beach cruiser and it's orange and pink!

Ok Tuesday April 26. Post 2 for this week. So I may not keep the pink and orange bike. Last week I tried to buy a Schwinn beach cruiser bike off of Craigslist for $45. That's a great price even for a used bike. I saw a pic of it and it has no fenders, a wide seat and is 2 tone green. Perfect (well not purple but I like green almost as much). Perfect price anyway- I looked up a new one and the cheapest model is about $180. But I wasn't able to go and get it the next day- it was in Santa Rosa and the guy had somebody else who also wanted it. So we let it go and went to Wallmart over the weekend and bought the orange and pink one....problem was we thought it was $99...still more than we wanted to pay, and then when we got to the register it was $149. We looked at each other and Everardo said- you want a bike- let's get it and I did want it....so we bought it. Yeah $150 is not a lot of money- but for me, not working means $150 is way too much to spend on a bicycle. That's why I was looking for a used one on Craigslist. I was being picky and the only one I liked was the green beach cruiser. And the truth is, if I buy one I don't like very much I will probly ride it less. Ok so skip to today. I got a text from the guy who had the green one and he still has it. Not sure what happened with the other buyer...but yippee now I get to have it. So tomorrow we'll take the new one back- I mean it's $100 cheaper- no brainer right? And even if Fruday comes and we drive down to get the green one and for some reason I don't like it or it's messed up or something- well I'll just keep looking at used bikes and find one. Yeah this feels right.

I shared for AA at the juvenile hall again tonite. The guy asked me if I would share there every 4th Tuesday each month, and I said sure. Those kids are a hard crowd ha ha. They don't say anything or ask any questions, most of them barely make eye contact. But last nite the guy I was with asked how many of them either had issues with alcohol themselves or inside their family and almost every one of them raised their hands. I think they listen, if just to be doing something out of their rooms (cells). I don't know if any of them have alcohol problems, but maybe in the future if they do find themselves thinking about it, they'll remember the meetings they went to while they were there....

So the weather is supposed to start getting better- warmer- and I'm thinking I can do bike rides in the afternoons. Not huge hard rides.....just around the neighborhood....but keeping me active. I exercise hard in the mornings, but many days don't do much else physical. Everardo has a fancy bike, we bought it used about 6 years ago (when we both had jobs ha ha); it's a Bianchi and even used they can cost $1500. Of course we paid way less than that- but still around $500 I think- it needed some repairs which her did. I had a beach cruiser then because like I said, I like to ride lazily around the neighborhood and he likes to ride for 100 miles! So I did good with food today; dinner was steamed asparagus & boiled chicken (sounds yucky boiled chicken but it's really good), and an Amy's organic spinach lasagna. I'm still under 1200 for today- yipee! I hiked hard- I ran alot of the way....still not half but getting there. Ha ha and I did not fall! Ok enough for today.

Ok Wednesday: Well I woke up and it was raining. I was gonna do the elliptical in the house, but I had a cup of coffee and snuggled on the couch, and decided to take today off. From exercise only. I am sticking to my food commitment. We didn't take the bike back because it was raining, so I went to an AA meeting at noon, and then this afternoon was the Buddhism class. It's funny, I always feel kinda high when I'm in that class. We didn't start at the beginning of the semester, in fact we've just been going for the last month and there's only 3 weeks left, but the concepts are so......well....way way out there that I have to just keep my mind open, let the stuff I can't get at all just float by and see what sticks. It's pretty cool. Next semester we'll know the book before it starts and be able to start at the beginning of the class. I'm not sure why it's free; I mean there's a university out there and it ain't cheap. But this class, which discusses one book per semester, is free. My plan this summer is to try to learn more about Buddhism on my own before the next class starts. I have one book called "Buddhism Explained", one about the 12 steps (AA) and Buddhism...and then a couple by the Dali Lama on specific subjects like Forgiveness, another called "Mindfulness" ...so I'll see what headway I can make... and here's some photos of the peacocks that are all over the grounds at the City of 10,000 Buddhas where our class is...

Writing this is helping me to keep my commitment to myself. My sister is going to be here in a few days from Florida/New York and she wants to doing some "right eating"...ha ha she's been on a road trip and staying with family & friends, and good eating habits kinda go out the window- believe me I know about that! So when she gets here we can eat right, hike, and support each other. I'm so happy she's coming to see our new house, and she hasn't seen Everardo in more than 4 years. They've talked on the phone but that's it. I saw her twice in the past 2 years but only because my brother in law was dying. Yeah that sucked. I think next month, May- is a year. I love how close we are and I think she'll find our house a home and be comfy here- at least that's what I'm hoping for. Ok enough for today.

Thursday: I think I might post after this one because I might not write tomorrow. But knowing I was gonna write every day was a big help to me. Back on Tuesday when I weighed I was happy. Then because I knew I might not be able to work out tomorrow morning (Friday), I weighed myself today after my workout...and was happy. I'm under 160. So I just looked back one year ago to what I was posting and the good news for me is that I am 12 pounds lighter than this time last year! Yipee. I guess that means I only lost 12 pounds in the past year...but ha ha that's not exactly true. I was at 17 pounds back on Oct 1, the day I left Mexico. Then in the ensuing 3 months living at my daughter's house (which became her ex fiance's house ha ha) even though I exercised I ate really badly...on a daily basis...so much ice cream...cookies, just crap I don't even care about it, but it was there and I ate it. And it got so that even if it wasn't there, I went and got it. So I put pounds back on. Then we moved up here and although I still kept exercising, I started (or continued) eating emotionally... Well,. let's see- no- I was ok in Jan and Feb, starting losing those pounds I put on...and then when I got into fear about having cancer return...well I "fed" my fear. But I'm ok now, back on track.

Today I had my best time yet on my hike: 55 min. That's running and walking....I can run much further than when I started, but not even half of the entire way. Early this afternoon we took the orange bike back, and then came home to get Sam and take him to the lake so he could go swimming. It's really good for his arthritic back leg, and he'll chase sticks in the water until we make him get out.

But he will really swim until we make him leave, and last time, about a week ago, after we got home, that evening he could barely walk and then next day he was hobbling as well. He's our happy boy, though...limpy and sore most of the time. We love him so much- he's our baby. Ha ha he's traveled alot more than alot of people.

A year ago we were still living on the beach in Ensenada. I was about to leave for Key West Florida to be with both my sister. Now I'm waiting for big sister to get to little sister's house, and in a few days she'll be here to stay with us for a week. She may be here when we get to the day of Barry's death- first anniversary. I wonder how she's feeling about things after a year? I know she wants to come here to chill out. It's been a long road trip, her and Emmy her cutey pie dog. I'm open to whatever she wants to do or talk about- or not. I was teaching English to adults a year ago...it would be very cool if I could find something like that to do here. I know there's a huge Latino population here...of course- this is Calif...and back before we left for Mexico, my Spanish teacher took me with him a couple of times out to Graton (small town in Sonoma County) to work on English with the guys who were migrant workers...so maybe Everardo can find somewhere here I can be of service.

We were so happy with our life a year ago, and I believe we are feeling the same serenity, the same kind of happy right now. We are settling in here. Everardo's been going to NA meetings while I go next door to AA meetings; basically we just want to go to different meetings to give each other space- we could both go to both- anyway people are really responding to him, they like his input, his shares, his way of thinking and living. I know he feels really good about it, to be of service to people who are suffering. The lake is so close, and he loves to fish, we're thinking of getting a kayak or some kind of little boat, Sam could swim all day, I love to read in a beach chair, play with Sam...yeah & I like the boat idea. The lake is 10 minutes away and the park where we hike (ok he runs the whole thing), is less than 5 minutes away. I gotta take some pictures of the garden he's started, and our neighborhood is friendly and quiet. We are pretty happy with the second used car we just bought..and yeah life is pretty good. I am going to keep this commitment to myself! Exercise and right eating. Ok here's some pics of a happy life:

Oh that dog is Cookie, Drew's dog who came to spend the nite with Drew a couple of weeks ago. Sam & Cookie grew close while we lived with them.

And last but not least some silly bird Christmas ornaments I bought at a garage sale up here, and the green one is for Drewy and the red one is for Halla. ok viva! (hmmm maybe I should start posting about this little town now that the weather is getting hot and I'm out & about more....)


 

Don't run downhill

Ha! Everybody knows not to run downhill...right? Or don't eat yellow snow. Well have you ever seen a dog catch a fish?

That's my Sam the wonder dog! Ha ha ok but what about running downhill? Ok the other morning I was on the trail doing my morning hike. I'm getting better; I run parts of the trail now. The first time I walked the trail it took me an hour and a half. Now it takes me right around an hour. When I run parts of it I can do it up to 5 minutes less than an hour. So Thursday I was trying to beat my time since I was running and still ok. I came around a corner that was sloping down- I was at the end of the trail where it comes down out of the hills. After the corner I decided to run to the next corner ( I usually don't ever run on the downhill parts and never around the corners going down- but Thursday was sooo focused ha ha). My foot hit a rock (or maybe a root) and when I tried to catch myself with my other foot, that one landed in leaves so I slipped and man when I hit the ground it hurt! Skinned bothe elbows, wrists, scraped my palms, and have a huge scratch on the front of one leg above the ankle and another big bruise on the opposite thigh. Rung my bell! Seems like the ground has gotten harder!

When I was drinking I fell down alot! I always had bruises that I didn't know how I got them. I fell off things and thru things..was always bumping into things. But it's been 15 years since I had a drink, and I just don't fall down that much ha ha! I'm amazed about how far I can run though. I mostly run on the flat portions or the uphill, and there's plenty of both. I read somewhere that running thru the woods is really good because the terrain is constantly changing, and that's true. I have to look at the ground the entire time- roots, rocks, and banana slugs, salamanders. I want to see those things. I want to see the deer, the turkeys, and the rabbits along the trail. Sometimes while I'm walking I do see those things. I see birds, I hear birds, I hear how the wind sounds thru the trees. Different in different trees. I hear water as I get closer to it. There's not as water in the creeks that run thru the woods as there was a month ago. But there's still some, little waterfalls and places where it's more...I think I go over 4 little bridges. The first one is a bigger bridge; it's blue and it's in the first 10-12 minutes or so. I know when I get to that blue bridge that the worst of it is already over. The steep uphill that starts my workout.

First I walk up a path, the slow steady incline- hate those right? It goes thru the park, up by this archery area, and then heads into the woods. I walk past this baby pine tree, and now it has really bright green starts on the ends of it's branches. I say "good morning beautiful tree" as I walk by. That helps me think of something besides how mush I hate the beginning of my walk- that slow steady incline. I think of how grateful I am that I get to walk in such a beautiful place. That I'm clean & sober and have the awareness to be grateful for a baby pine tree, a blue bridge across a stream in the woods, the feel of my own legs pushing, pushing harder to carry me along the trail. When I start into the woods the path continues to climb as it goes around the back of the hill, then a much steeper climb with switchbacks. Now maybe to an experienced runner and hiker it's baby stuff- my husband runs the whole way. I think running this part would be awesome because every single morning I think I'm not going to make it to the blue bridge. After the blue bridge the path is kinda level for a little while, then climbs and drops and turns but mush less steeply. It pops out onto a main trail but I run up and continue up another hill that comes to a loop. I try to make it to the beginning of the loop in 25 minutes, sometimes I make it, sometimes it takes me a little longer.

The very cool thing about the loop is the one section of redwoods. I call it the enchanted forest. I never run in that part. I say good morning family. That part always fills me up...with love, with gratitude. I can feel my family when I'm there. Sometimes I tell my mom & dad and grandma and grandpa and grandma that I love them. After that it seems easy to run the rest of the way. But I gotta not run the downhill part!

So it's Sunday evening and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I've been having a really hard time making it thru the weekends meeting the commitment I made to myself about food. I've blown it just about every weekend for the past couple of months. That would be fine if I was already at my goal weight, or close to it. I exercise every week day for at least an hour. This past Friday it was pouring rain so I couldn't hike and it was windy as well so I didn't want to dance (and honestly....I danced about a week ago, and the jumping hurt where my incision was, so I'm kinda worried about it, and decided to wait another month). But that's ok because I have my elliptical! So I jumped on that machine Friday morning for my workout. And I kinda dance when I'm on it... I sing out loud and swing around (even when I'm on one at the gym- never cared who looked at me- I am in the zone!) Funny thing- after hiking for the past couple of months I didn't realize how much stronger my legs are! I was killing it on the elliptical- the dancing is great cardio, good for my whole body, but I guess the hiking and walk/running it, well is making my legs stronger.

Ok so I workout. And I'm doing good with my food ....during the week...but I keep blowing it on the weekends. Last week our niece Stephanie came to see us; she's the one who lived with us for a year before we moved to Mexico. That was my excuse. The week before- I don't know- I think we were down in Santa Rosa or something- again no excuse because I could have made better choices but I didn't. Easter I had to eat lots of chocolate! And we barbecued for Drew and her friend Cory and her 2 kids...there were lots of good choices for me, but I didn't make them....I swear I could smell the chocolate.....and I also swear I could hear it calling me...(ok maybe that part's not entirely true).

So what's been happening is on Monday mornings I wake up and feel bad about myself. Like a failure. Like I could do better. Like I should do better. I know I need to give myself a break. But I also know that I do KNOW how to stick with the plan I made for myself. I did it for a year and a half. See I'm starting year 3 this month (April) but I have been up and down between 154 & 165 since the beginning of October. But even at 165 I'm down 64 pounds! It is a huge huge huge difference...in my life, in my mind, for my health. It started as me trying to control something in my life- because I felt so powerless over having cancer. And maybe I can't stop it from coming back, but I can certainly do some preventive things...like being a healthy weight, eating healthy, exercising, having a healthy lifestyle. Ok anyway this weekend- I DID IT! The nite is not over yet, so plenty of time to blow it, but just writing this motivates me. And yesterday and last nite my body was in total defiance- it kept telling me to feed it- some sugar, some chocolate....something! A cheeseburger, some chips...something! And because I know I made nutritious choices for my 1200 calories, I knew that the cravings had to be in my head. I try to eat 1200 calories or less every day. And I try for things that fill me up. My next official weigh day is Tuesday and I know I will be happy. Crab season finally opened and we're going to buy some more that I can divide into portions of 8 ounces and freeze it. Yeah I know- fresh crab is best, but when we crack it and freeze it, it tastes pretty damn good when I thaw it out and make my little crab louie.

But I do have to keep working on my stinking thinking. I have always been an emotional eater. You know- food is love. Food is a reward, a relief, a comfort. When I'm sad I want comfort food- like macaroni and cheese. When I'm mad or stressed I crave chocolate. Sometimes I crave salt...nit sure what emotion goes with it ha ha. But I notice when I'm busy, or having a good time, hours can go by and I don't think about eating. So maybe it's a bit of a problem when I'm home so much...I kinda cruise the kitchen...eating is a habit- almost like smoking. So I can work on it. And luckily Everardo is not a crap eater- he snacks on fruit or vegetables. We have a kitchen full of green apples, bananas, oranges, cut up cantaloupe. I also have these ginger cookies from Trader Joes, they're tiny and 10 calories each. I can't really eat more than three or it the ginger bothers my stomach. I also have some protein bars (kashi brand I really like). They have chocolate bits and/or almonds, I have some Fiber one low calorie treats. I can't completely cut out things or I'll just explode and binge at some point. One thing I really miss is french bread- man I love it so much....but bread is bread...I eat these small round breads....because i need something to hold my natural peanut butter! (which I eat every day) If I had to only have one food the rest of my life it would be peanut butter. Ok my thinking. I don't need much...and I need to recognize the cravings when they start. But I just came to that conclusion- and it happened because I'm writing it here. I have to pay attention. I need to remember that the gift of awareness is one I need to use every day. 15 years ago my habit was drinking, and today it never enters my mind. I just need to let go of snacking. Pick up a pencil and write something instead of picking up a handful of cookies or chips. Hmmm good idea...I'll try it this week. Ok so I think I'm done for now. So I'll finish with another picture of my amazing dog Sam. Love him sooo much! Viva!