Thursday, April 7, 2016

Barefoot in the middle of the nite

It's taken 6 months but the last few nights I've gotten up to pee and padded barefoot to the bathroom. Yeah I know this sounds weird, but 4 and a half years ago I would have thought that one always goes barefoot when living by the beaches in Mexico...wrong! And barefoot outside as well- yipee!


When we first got to Mexico and lived in Playa Ventura, Guerrero I saw a scorpion in the sink as we were moving in. Then in some laundry, another day a big one on the patio that was waving it's tail at a puppy who was barking at it. (smart puppy lept it's distance). We were about 2 hours south of Acapulco, right on the beach, and it was the tropics; we didn't even have hot water and didn't care. Ever. It's hot and humid day and nite, 24/7, all the time. (of course no air conditioning- half the time we had no electricity)We had tile floors but they were never cold. (I picked out that tile...well in the addition part of the house anyway, so the living room and bedroom. The kitchen was across the cement patio and the floor was already tiled. The upstairs, which you had to go outside to get to was also tile but not the pretty design I had picked out. I'll try to find a picture of it. When I started writing this blog I never added any photos so there's probably no pics of the floor. Hmmm well maybe because once I started adding photos I probably went back. Ha ha as always I digress....

Found some photos real quick. You can see my beautiful tile. And our wacky paint job. My amazing husband painted with all the colors I chose. He built shelves for my bathroom stuff and the bookshelves in the living room. Then we had someone make the 2 dressers in the bedroom and the long cabinet in the kitchen. How cool is that? Right? I actually got to say what I wanted the furniture to look like and then this guy made them. Sadly though, when we left, that "made for me" furniture stayed. I gave the kitchen piece to my friend Chela, and we gave the dressers to Jay, the guy who took care of the house for us.






So the scorpions were the reason I always wore flip flops in the house. Day or nite. I had a pair I kept next to the bed since I'm always getting up to pee. Outside- well it was always hot, so the sand was always really hot, and the road was dirt and so rocky, so I always wore flip flops or sandals. When I went in the ocean I always wore water shoes or sandals. Partly for rocks, and partly because I just have always worn shoes in the ocean or in rivers/lakes. When we got to Penasco and Baja there were so many sting rays it was a very good idea to wear shoes in the ocean. (Ok Penasco was Sea of Cortez or Gulf of Calif). In Playa Ventura I would see iguanas on the rocks on our beach, and one day a parrot walking down the road! Sounds so funny right? And then of course my story about the chicken fighting a huge tarantula! I watched- mesmerized- from the safety of the taxi I was in ha ha, and by the way the chicken won in the end- pecked that big spider to death. Made me look at chickens different after that! Yeah then last year when I was in Key West Florida when my brother in law was in the hospital, and I went outside to use the phone...and that rooster "looked at me menacingly" - I knew he wanted me to drop the chips and back away. I was eating chips or something and that crazy rooster just walked right up to me! Ha ha then later my little sister apparently took a picture of it and blew it up to 5x7 and gave it to me. I have it in a frame in my kitchen now.

Ok this is not a picture of the rooster that tried to extort me, but he looks just like him. In Key West both chickens and igunas are all over the place...wild. The chickens and roosters are in grocery store parking lots and parks, and the iguanas are near the water, in the grass. It's so crazy! But funny thing is, if I hadn't had lived down in Guerrero - in the tropics- I would have been really freaked out by the iguanas...instead I just thought it was weird like the chickens!

So- back to the barefoot me. Ok so we moved to northern Mexico after only 6 months in the tropics- yeah the weather was killing me! But- we moved to the desert! We weren't on the beach but only a 10 minute drive away. We stayed a year; the winter was cold and rainy, but the spring, summer and fall were SO hot! And although we had hot water we had no heat and of course no air conditioning. The floors again were either tile or cement, and again, there were scorpions.  I was told- oh the tiny ones are more dangerous...Boy I learned back in Guerrero and it was the same in Penasco- wear shoes and never never put your hands in places where you can't see. Don't reach way back on shelves or under things. So I wore flip flops or shoes inside and out, as well as in the water. After a year we visited Baja and I was soooo excited about the weather. That's when I realized that climate is everything! So we moved to Baja, and lived at the beach again. For about a year and a half we lived in a mobile home on the beach and although I never saw a scorpion in the house I wasn't taking any chances. I wore shoes. I went outside to the beach every day, but unfortunately in Baja, where we were, the beaches have alot of people for holidays and alot of rentals, and the beach can have broken glass, so shoes again, plus sting rays.

Our last couple of months in Baja were on a hillside, and we found scorpions almost every day. OK so this has been a long story about wearing shoes! ha ha. Now we live in northern Calif, and I haven't seen a scorpion, or even heard of any. Our living room and bedrooms are carpet so the floor is warm. I still keep slippers or flip flops on my side of the bed; but in just the last week I've gone to the bathroom in the middle of the nite barefoot. I've started walking thru the house barefoot. I walk outside down to the street to get the mail, barefoot. I guess this all sounds kinda silly. But I grew up in Calif, barefoot all summer, and never thinking about it in the house; slippers were for winter or when it was cold or rainy. And my dreams of living in Mexico were always with bare feet on the beach. We've been back 6 months now, and in this house for 3...and I'm just now going barefoot. Viva

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Hiking and other things...like food....



So these are pictures of where I hike in the mornings. It takes me about an hour and 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I run thru part of it. It's funny as I get better at it, I find myself wanting to run hard- but later I'm always sorry ha ha!! The first 15 minutes is mostly uphill, (read painful), and then begins to wind down, around and up a little more. Anyway it winds thru these hills, so pretty. There's this one portion that's redwoods & ferns...just a small area, but it makes me feel like when we were camping as kids. I always slow down for a moment, and lately say 'hi family"...I can almost feel my mom and dad right there. Then there's this overhang; it's a big tree that has fallen over another tree and I walk under it as I leave this enchanted area. I always say, "safe passage". Not sure why, I just do. I look forward to my walk every day, although I don't do it on the weekends, well sometimes....

I talk to the universe on these hikes. Its my way of praying. I need to talk out loud to stay focused- otherwise my peabrain has too many things going on at once. I'm trying to pray to be a better person, for guidance, for insight...and then realize I'm making a grocery list at the same time in another part of my head. But when I talk out loud I'm much more focused. And lately I have really needed some guidance. I'm really struggling with food. I think I started spinning out of control while I was sitting in fear about whether I had breast cancer again. Which I do not.

I really understood how much fear I was in AFTER I found out I was fine. Weird eh? But the relief- actually flooded- flooded in. I felt it wash over me. That's when I realized how scared I was. Funny (not) but I was so busy trying to be in acceptance over it- that if I had cancer I would just put one foot in front of the other. That I didn't die from it before, and I wouldn't this time either. I told myself how worry can't help me, but it CAN hurt me. I said all the right stuff. And yet I was scared anyway. So then I started thinking what a loser I am- I talk all this crap about one day at a time, about acceptance, faith, but in the end I was so scared. I started doubting everything about myself. Was I a big fake? Had I made any progress at all? I did this for days. And then I stopped. I forgave myself for being human. I told me it was ok to be scared. But to admit it, and then move forward anyway. All this probly sounds ridiculous- everyone knows that courage is being scared but moving forward anyway, right? Ok so thru all that, my lovely "isms" went full speed ahead.

So I'm an alcoholic in recovery- I haven't had a drink in 15 years...but the "isms" are still in me. What I mean is alcohol was the thing I had to take out of my life so I could see myself clearly and decide who I wanted to be going forward. Over time I became addicted to alcohol. I always drank too much when I drank. I never ever just had a beer, or a glass of wine...I always had as many as I could. I drank to blackout, to pass out...to throwing up...ha ha never pretty at the end. When I finally quit drinking I thought everything would be great. Ha ha - wrong. I was still obsessive about...well everything. I'm obsessive with alcohol, with food, with work, with relationships...yep with everything. It's like that Wack-a-mole game. When I feel like I'm making progress in one area...another issue pops up ha ha! I know this- all my character defects lead to fear. When I'm selfish, when I'm angry, when I'm greedy...if I follow the thread it always leads back to fear. I also know that acceptance- gets rid of fear. I know that belief in something bigger than me- gets rid of fear. Being grateful gets rid of fear. And I have EVERYTHING to be grateful for. 2 amazing daughters, an equally amazing husband, the best dog ever, we've landed in a great little town in northern Calif that has hiking trails 5 minutes from my house and a huge lake to Everardo to fish in just a 10 minute drive away. I've been so lucky on so many levels; jobs, friends, family, being able to travel around the world. So gratitude and acceptance along with a spiritual path....that's right! Goodbye fear!

Ok so this thing with the food. The other day I realized I was feeling exactly the same way I felt at the end of my drinking...sneaking around, lying....I'm doing it with food. Buying a couple of Kit Kat bars and hiding them in my purse when I just ran in for dog food or dish soap. When Everardo said he was going fishing the other day- I said I wanted to stay home and read in yard- but was thinking about as soon as he left I could stuff my face with American cheese and bread! On Sunday I went to the grocery store....by way of 31 Flavors where I had a 3 scoop hot fudge sundae!! (Jamoca a;lmosn fudge, chocolate chip mint, gold medal ribbon). I was standing in line behind about 4 extremely big women and a really big guy. I thought- well there I am. Hello! Did I walk out of the store? No! I ordered the sundae and honestly- it tasted like heaven! I had been to 31 Flavors in about 2 years...ha ha the justification begins..no- but in Mexico we discovered Thrifty ice cream which is awesome. And guess what? There's a drugstore in town here that has Thrifty ice cream! So I've been eating that. So- eating, no- binging on food, feeling like crap physically and mentally afterwards, ashamed and guilty, and then doing it again. Still exercising and thinking I can at least stay the same. WRONG. So last Friday was April 1, which means I'm starting year 3 of my exercise and eating better plan. On April 1, 2014 I weighed 229 pounds, on April 1, 2015 I weighed 178 pounds, and on April 1, 2016 I weighed 165 pounds. Ok yes I have lost. But the truth is last summer I hit 154 pounds. And on March first, I was 158. When we moved back up here I messed up with food while staying at my daughters. AHA see the pattern? When I start stressing out, I've been turning to food. My solution. Yes better than alcohol....but....So yesterday I went to an AA meeting, and found a way to share about this. I mean it's not alcohol, but like I said, the behaviors are the same. In AA I found new solutions to my every day life problems and I need to go at this food issue the same way. So I talked about my feelings and that helped. I love 12 step meetings because it's people looking for postive solutions to their problems, people looking for a spiritual path. So now I'm writing about it here, because I want the positive feelings to continue.

I'm lucky because my husband is not a garbage eater. He snacks on fruit. Veges. He doesn't eat breads or cookies (well he eats tortillas with his meals ha ha). So the kitchen has mostly good stuff in it. And the funny thing is- I can feel when the craving hits. I get mad and I think of a Snickers bar. Or ice cream. And if I have something like that- well I assume I'm addicted to sugar...and chocolate. Once I start I just can't stop. But it happens with everything...just give me some garlic bread and I'm off to the races ha ha. But as soon as I finish writing this I'm going to google some low cal recipes. Maybe I need some variety; I've been eating steamed shrimp & veges, boiled chicken, fish and crab for almost all my dinners for the last 2 years. Also doing zumba every morning. So maybe to go with the change to hiking I'll change some of my menus. And I know the big thing I have to learn is balance. With alcohol I simply abstain. I don't drink, I don't smoke & I don't do drugs. But with food I have to find some balance. But honestly- I need balance in all areas of my life. So I'm also going to put some zumba back into my routine. (fact is I LOVE to dance!)...see? A little balance.

So this is a short post, but I needed to share it. And hey- I love when cycles happen....I started with hiking and now I'm back to it. So I'll post a couple more pics of where I go....ooh maybe I can find a pic of me doing zumba ha ha!!