I think last nite I was all over the map writing. I was thinking about so many things at once. Trying to think about where I've been while looking at where I am, in anticipation of where I'm going- ha ha! Today I feel a little more together, packed a little, had breakfast with my friend Deb that lasted 3 hours! Ha! Well we ate in the first hour and then talked non stop for the next two. She really is a kick in the but and has so many stories and crazy stuff happening to her as they try to wrap up their life in Tuscon and live here full time. Everrado and I are taking her to our favorite taco place tomorrow nite for dinner...good thing we already found another super place in Ensenada or we'd be jonesin' for this place.

So we decided to give the dresser, the couch and the fridge to the lady next door. she is so happy. I guess she doesn't have a pot to piss in...when Poppi offered her the fridge today I think she was ready to drag it into her place that minute before we changed our minds! We were gonna take it, but it's huge, and hopefully we'll stick with the area we chose, maybe find another cheaper place after 6 months, but maybe keep this one, but we just decided to leave it. At first we were trying to find someone who might want to trade a washing machine for it, but we only had that bright idea a couple of days ago, and had no success. So we'll buy a used washer when we get there. So there is nothing left in the kitchen cabinets, our clothes are in suitcases laying open, and the rest is in bins and boxes to put in the back of the truck- oh except for the mattress which he'll put on the top of the trailer on Sunday. The dresser we gave away was one we bought on the street when we first moved here- it was brand new, but pretty shabbily made ya know, really cheap and we never planned to take it or the couch, so it's nice to help somebody out, and Poppi says nobody gives things away here; that this is a big deal to her. I just hope she takes good care of the puppy, Brownie. I'm over wanting to take him, he's chewing everything up outside, including a hole in my prized possesion- my hammock, but it's a small hole that we'll sew with fishing line, but I had to wrap it over the clothesline to keep it away from puppy teeth.

Sam has been playing with him though, more than he's played with another dog since he was a puppy, we'll think about a lab pup when we get there, but for now it's just the three of us.

I went to my last zumba class tonite. It was funny because across the street is a college (although I swear these kids are not more than 16...) and since the class changed to a half hour earlier this week because it gets dark so early (no daylight savings time here), the school gets out right then as well, and so all week there's been all these kids standing around while we dance. Last nite some girls started jumping in and tonite some guys did at the back. But what was funny was these guys (boys really), maybe 6 or 8, then joined by a couple of girls, were watching us- but standing facing us, maybe 3 feet in front of Erika our instructor. One kid grabbed some cheerleader pom poms from a girl and started trying to follow Erika's moves and it had to be so distracting for her. Of course then all the other kids were egging him on. She just kept dancing so we did, too.

It's a funny thing here, if you are insecure about yourself or you body image- this is the place to get over it! I mean there all all shapes in the class and of course, everywhere else as well. But women wear tight fitting tops and pants even if they are not thin. I mean I hardly ever see any size zero women here. And you know what? They're sexy. I always wear a baggy shirt over my zumba clothes, but most people do not. And they shake that boo-tay! At first I was so self conscious but after a while I started trying to shake mine too! I'd ask people how to do some of the moves, shakin' my ass was hard to learn- and I can't do that and something different with my arms at the same time!! Can you believe it- Remember trying to pat your head and rub your tummy- I can do that no problem. But this? Some of the songs are kind of Arabic sounding and we roll our arms and bellys...like belly dancing. We all bought these scarves that you tie around your waist that have round gold disks on them (like belly dancing scarves)- of course ours are plastic coins/disks, but when we shake it, they make noise. With practice I've been getting better at it. The one thing I cannot master is when you have your arms out straight and shake your shoulders forward while walking forward...but I am determined so hopefully some day....right now I basically shake my arms instead of shoulders and chest...well I make the women around me laugh with my attempts.

And at the classes, there are little kids running around and thru. Some try to dance and jump around- it's pretty cute. There are older kids walking home from school, or there doing something else but Mom is doing zumba so they come talk to her. Lots of women only watch, I think they wish they had the guts. And then the vendors with ice cream and cotton candy! I want to yell at them to go away. But the whole thing is fun to be a part of. Now I said I have become really comfortable and I try to do all the moves, but I do still wear my baggy tshirt..but I have the spangled scarf too for the butt shakin'.

It's an interesting mix, because many Mexicans are still old school, where women have their activities and men have theirs. So it was cool when the kids were jumping in today. Older men would never even consider it. Men used to be in charge here- they worked, women stayed home. They brought in the money so they were the boss- ha ha like raising kids, cooking & cleaning isn't work....- anyway things are changing here in Mexico, in some places more than others. In some ways it looks changed, but really it's not. You know before the zumba class became consistent I started out walking the track while Everardo was running or working out. I had my ipod and kinda dance/walked to music only I could hear. People began to know me by sight and after a few weeks waved or nodded when I went by..or as the passed me by in a jog or a run. I asked Everardo if he was embarrased by his crazy American wife dancing around the track and he said -NO! He said do you know how many women here wish they could break out and do the same thing?? (did I say I love this man?) I fool around in class sometimes when I miss the steps or get winded, and in between songs I always dance around to stay warmed up, and the other ladies like me- they talk to me and sometimes I understand, sometimes not, but usually I do. I twirl around during the songs and we all have fun.

Tonite at the end she was doing these leg lifts during the cool down that were ouch so painful. She was counting at a yell, uno! dos! Well this lady near me yelled out ocho, so I yelled veinte cinco (25), then 38, so when we changed legs and the instructor yelled 1, 2, I yelled 28, 29, and the other lady yelled 36,37, oh my god we were laughing so hard. So I traded facebook names and a couple of hugs with a couple of women and when I signed on tonite the instructor had posted some photos of us doing zumba and wrote a little thing about me leaving. I hope I find a class half as fun as this one!

I hope I find a class full of Mexican women who wear whatever they want and look sexy because they feel sexy and they ARE sexy. Much better than us uptight Americans who are ashamed if we aren't size zero! Or maybe if I do end up in an American class I can bring my Mexican woman-ism with me!

Wow this time next week we'll be in our new place! Hmmm but if I'm posting here I'll probably be in a cyber cafe- and they're everywhere- cause getting things hooked up always takes awhile. Ok that's all for now!

Mexico fun fact:
Spanish conquerors brought bullfighting to Mexico, which is now the national sport of Mexico. Bullfighting takes place from November to April, and the Plaza Mexico is the largest bullring in the world.

Reminiscing (spelling?) I mean thinking back...

I was reminiscing today, or is it such a short time I should merely say, I was thinking back, over the time we've been here in Mexico. Another month and it will be a year and a half. Wow- that doesn't sound like very long but to me it feels like I've been here forever. ok at least a really long time.Maybe becuase it's broken up into 2 different adventures and now another one is about to start.

The tropics, the desert, now...hmm not sure what to call the next environment..."regular"? Ha ha- if you come from this area, or basically Arizona, then desert would be regular, right? Maybe third time's a charm...But of course it's not been just climate and terrain that's been different. I'm in another country, and a third world country at that. What makes it third world? I mean what's second world? Is the U.S. first world? So what's in between Mexico and the U.S (ha ha besides the big fence of course...) Ok so I'll start with climate and then add my attitude, my insecurity, (read: fear).

Playa Ventura was so beautiful. The tropics, the jungle. Once I saw a parrot walking (not flying) on the side of the road. Iguanas, sometimes huge iguanas, sunning themselves on the big rock behind our house, and when they were in the road? It was so weird, they crawl slow, but if they want to hurry the get taller, like I think they straighten out their legs so they're taller, and then they are quite quick. Snakes of course and the occasional scorpion. I haven't seen one scorpion up here even though people told me -oh they have really big ones here! The smaller ones are more poisonous, but I would still be really scared of a big one! Lots of fresh cheese, nice fruits,and of course fish, shrimp and lobster. Up here they said the reason there's no lobster is the warm water, but that cannot be accurate because the water in the Pacific coast off of the state of Guerrero is warm all the time, all year long. Here it's only warm a few months a year. I bet it has something to do with the fact that the water we're on now is a "sea" not the open ocean. (Man I always come up with new things to google). Life was slow down there, and in our tiny fishing village, more primitive than I ever experienced for any length of time. Well I mean we had internet and landline phones, tv...mostly intermittent, but yes we had it. But I mean other things, like no grocery store, atm, gas station, bank library, etc. I know I wrote about the kid that walked up our road with the bucket of milk from their cow they just milked. The grocery stores in the 2 towns one in each direction about 15 minutes, are smaller than any "regular" grocery store. Smaller than the grocery stores here. Sometimes they had no milk, no bread or no butter/cheese, or eggs- now usually it was on different days they didn't have things.

It was isolated. And a year ago my Spanish was much more limited than now, and with the exception of one adult and 2 teenagers, no English speakers. And then throw in Spanish Peyton Place ( Peyton Place is an American prime-time soap opera which aired on ABC in half-hour episodes from September 15, 1964 to June 2, 1969.Wikipedia). Yeah 2 main families in town; almost everybody related, all smiling at each other in public and slamming each other in private. I only understood some, and Everardo only translated some, and of course some was his slant on whatever he heard ha ha. So I ended up struggling there on a personal level, and I know I was writing back then in my blog about it, and asking my higher power for guidance. Yeah that's one really cool thing about that time, the hardest part pushed me into a huge spiritual growth spurt. The other part that was hard was finding out some of my so called friends cheated me, and I paid way too much for the house- but that is just another lesson in alot of ways; expectations, my own arrogance and later acceptance. And you know what- this is a poor country, and to some people any way to get money is acceptable. I have no walked in their shoes- or lack of shoes- so I need to stay out of judgement. And we will never get anywhere near what we bought it for.

But the good outweighs the bad!! I experienced so many things, festivities, dancing, a rodeo, a funeral procession for a baby, so many foods, such beautiful landscape. Pigs going for walks. Oh and we had 3 scorpions down there, but no bites or stings. Now for the bugs- I was swollen for the entire 6 months, my legs and feet so bad I couldn't wear any of my shoes. Reading in the hammock and walking on the beach with Sam (ha ha which came to drive me crazy...suffering in paradise!)

So we came up here; to the desert. Initially I was so relieved and so happy to be here. I lasted a year before I came to loathe the desert! I was remembering when we were kids and went camping- sometimes we went thru Nevada or down thru Arizona and Colorado, New Mexico...anyway there were days when we drove across the desert ALL day (I think when we were trying to make it to Elko, Nevada), and I would feel like I was sufficating- yeah claustrophobia in a wide open space. I was afraid we would be in the desert forever..of course I didn't tell anybody so had this little panic attack in my head- yes I was such a smart kid ha ha.
I loved loved loved teaching the English class to adults. It was for sure the best part of my time here. Unfortunately that was over by the end of July. I went to the states for a week, and then they closed the center for about 6 weeks, it was end of Sept and our decision to move had been made. Some other negative stuff was happening out there, kinda like internal politics which I tried to stay away from. But when they closed the feeding program but kept the dog portion open, I had to question what the HELL was going on- seemed like egos getting in the way of these Christians....I mean the dogs could have been moved to another facility and new ones accepted at the other facilities..but they kept it open like nobody else could do it. But they did stop feeding people lunch for those weeks...for some of those people, it was the only meal they had that day. Then I heard someone out there say...'well we don't want people to feel entitled so we're not going to provide the lunches...' This made my head explode- alot of those people are kids! So even if we wer'nt going to move we were talking about converting the extra room we have attached to the house into a classroom where I could still teach for free. Other people were asking about classes, and we thought maybe some could pay and some for free...but as it turns out we are going to Ensenada, so maybe I can find something similar over there (bet I can).

Anyway living in a foreign country is hard. Even beach houses, paradise can hard. I can be very insecure...are they talking about me? Or even worse I can be petty and jealous- my husband chatting it up with people (ok women), laughing and talking, and me not be able to follow it. Getting resentful because I have to ask him for everything! What did they say? What are the instructions? How much is it? I like to control things and here- here I have no control...yes I'm working on the language and I'm SOOO much better. But sometimes my insecurities raise their ugly head. Where has he been, why isn't he home? Of course he walked the beach for hours and hours trying to sell stuff to tourists..... And he is very personable, chatty...like me only in Spanish. People like him...he could sell ice cubes to Eskimos...Anyway at times I blow nothing into something in my tiny pea brain.  But I am much more mobile here (ha ha in Playa Ventura I didn't drive much, people are insane on the roads). I am very good at sign language-meaning I can make gestures about what I want. The other day before zumba a woman was asking me something I didn't understand. I asked her to use different words and she did, and then I got it! So I answered her questions.

But still, understanding the way things are done...people arrive late to everything except work...and I think that means jobs where you report to someone cause a person who has their own business, like a plummer- they will be late. Maybe an hour maybe a day or maybe never. People arrive late to parties...parties start like at 11pm! They told you to come at 7:30 and everyone shows up around 10...sometimes the day of the party or the location has been changed. Yesterday I was invited to  Halloween party for tomorrow nite (Thurs) This was before zumba. Here Halloween is a party, the kids don't go out door to door, there's a party with a pinata and candy. By the end of the class, the date had changed to the end of next week and we will be gone. Things here change, all the time. And you have to realize that it's not an isolated incident, that everything changes that way. Planning is hard, attending is hard, and then for me- back to expectations. I expect people to behave in certain ways. Some of it is cultural and some- well some rules cross all boundries all cultures right?

So I guess I'm saying that living in paradise, for me, is not a true statement. I am living my dream and that is very cool. I am learning to widen or be more open as far as dreams are concerned. I do love my life, but I know that life happens...So my dream is to explore, experience, my dream is adventure. I miss my kids every day. Drewy more than Halla because Drewy is in my life more and was before I left. Halla is 20, totally self involved, and has lived with her Dad since we divorced when she was 13. So I missed her a long time ago. Even though we lived only about 6 or 8 blocks apart, and she had her own bedroom at my own house, too, she never chose to stay with me. Yeah broke my heart on a daily basis. But she is my daughter and I know she loves me. We will find our way back to each other. Her father is a good man and he has a new wife who seems very nice so I know my kids are ok. Halla still lives with them...and the truth is I wish she and I were closer. But for now we are not. But Drewy's life is soooo amazing right now.So I can stay close to that. He daughter's (ok soon to be stepdaughter) soccer games and they go camping and have a full life as well as starting a new career. She and I talk almost day, it's such a gift. I believe at some point we'll live back up there, near my kids and Poppi's daugher Elena, maybe full time and maybe half time- I mean maybe third time really is a charm and we'll love Ensenada. I'd love to explore more of Mexico over time, but have a home. And I've been in alot of Mexico, the east- the Yucatan, south driving across so many Mexican states and taking a completely different route coming back up.

So I think I have vented about the past, about my time here in Mexico. Love all of it. No regrets, even the bad parts..the lonely parts, the insecure parts. I know it's all lessons. Ok time to look forward!

Mexico fun fact:
Mexico remained under Spanish control for nearly 300 years until the Mexican people, led by a priest named Father Hidalgo, rose up against the Spanish on September 16, 1810. Hidalgo is widely considered the father of modern Mexico, and Mexican Independence is celebrated on September 15-16

Countdown and the best apple I ever ate!

Well the countdown starts tomorrow. We leave one week from tomorrow. We are half (half assed) packed. For me, one pair of levis, some shorts, a couple of tops and my zumba clothes are left (oh and underwear). Everardo has socks, white tshirts and 2 pairs of jeans. Today we took Sam & Brownie to the beach, probably my last swim in the Sea of Cortez, at least for a good while. Sam swam and played im the water until he was exhausted, he's limping- well he was limping, now he's crashed out with Brownie snoring right next to him. Brownie was outside but we heard this quiet little whimper, polite almost, so we let him in.

He's part lab all right. He ran right into the water..then stopped, almost surprised and ran back out. But Everardo and Sam were in, so he ran back in and started swimming out to them. The funniest thing was he tried to get on Sam's back! So they played and we laughed. The water is cooling off so it was kinda refreshing. Poppi actually said it was too cold. Oh man the Pacific is gonna be much colder than this! The neughbor says she's gonna take good care of Brownie and they want him. She cleans out his kennel, which he was sleeping in the other day when her kid squirted Sam's bed with the hose so we had to lean it against the fence. He usually sleeps with Sam. It's going to be hard; hard on Brownie and hard on us, to leave this puppy here. We feed him, we play with him, we take him for rides. He sleeps on our porch and runs to us when he sees us coming. She's not home alot, and when they are home they're inside. Course when that kid is outside, he tortures both dogs. Throws rocks at them, squirts them with the hose, yells non stop. The thing is- he's 5- she shouldn't send him outside to play and then not watch him- at all.

The yard is fenced so he's safe, but ha ha are the dogs safe? Is the fence safe from him throwing things against it? Anyway we told her she could have the screen door. Everardo said he'll put it up for her and then she can see the kid, and Brownie won't be so isolated. We're also trying to get him housebroken but I have little patience for that since he's not our dog. I'm wondering if Poppi is gonna ask her for him....it's ok with me if he does, even though he's gonna be at least as big as Sam and man- he already shits SO much! Yeah I'm gonna change his name to Rocky if we take him. I was gonna google some dogs to try to see what his mix is..he kinda has wrinkles at the edge, or sides of his face.

I got out this long summer dress Friday nite for this thing we were going to and when I turned around Brownie had grabbed the corner and ran off with it. It was hard to be mad at him..byt he is a chewer. he will be a pain in the ass for months....but I've been watching Everardo and I can see he loves that puppy, and it was so hard to lose Lucky....

Yeah this weekend there was an AA conference here. It was kinda weird cause it's totally put on by this group in Arizona and they don't contact the English speaking group here to be involved or contribute/volunteer.... For many of them it was like a club med. I chatted with this lady last nite, and my friend said yeah Terry is my sponsor but she's moving to Ensenada. The woman asked why and I replied that I was sick of the desert...and she looked surprised and asked...is this the desert? When I stopped laughing I asked her if she had been outside of the hotel grounds...she said no, they had the beach, swimming pools, jacuzzi, restaurants, a little store, she didn't need to leave. I said well if you go into the town here, or on any road...you'll see it's all sand, and cactus. She must have come down at night! Because the 3 hours thru Arizona are all desert, then and hour down thru Mexico all desert. Ha ha very observant! There was only about 215 people I think they said for the whole 3 days, and most of the meetings were pretty small, but all 3 nites they had a great speaker- no wait, 2 nites and this morning for the final meeting. And it was really nice to go to meetings with new/different people! My friend and I were so happy to hear new people sharing. Everardo came also, and he and  went to a couple of evening meetings on the beach and they were really nice as well. And of course I had to create drama right off the bat- luckily Everardo wasn't there yet. At the registration where we make a donation I tried to pay with pesos, and the woman was unnerved....shocked...she stuttered...well well well I don't know if I can take pesos, and she asked someone else who said..oh...nobody ever asked that before....I said "THIS IS MEXICO"...you know...pesos..? (yes I can be just a little sarcastic ha ha) Well she got mad at me so I got mad too. I started to leave, then saw someone I knew who gave me change in dollars. Another guy I had met the day before made a phone call to which was answered...of course...and I went back and paid with dollars. I told her very politely- so that you know, you do accept pesos....She said- did I tell you I'm just a volunteer? In my head I relpied well you didn't tell me you were stupid either, but I knew! But only in my head. I just smiled and said thank you and walked away. Ha ha but I was pissed. Later I knew I should go back and apologize, but I was still pissed at that rude bitch, so I never did. Instead, a woman who I'd met previously cause she comes down here every few months asked us if we knew of a place to eat that she could walk to; she was uncomfortable driving alone at nite. We invited her to dinner. She was staying somewhere else (cheaper) so I drove her over there so she could change her clothes and grab a sweater (yep it's actually almost cold enough for a jacket at nite now), then we met up with Everardo here at the house so we could leave a car here, and we took her to our favorite taco place.

I saw her the next day and she told us she took another lady to lunch to pay it forward. I love it when it works, ya know??

So anyway the conference helped the weekend pass quickly since the time has been dragging ever since we chose a place in Ensenada...we're just in a holding pattern.

I got to talk to my older daughter today and she was very excited cause she went to a wedding showcase expo. It was sponsored by the wedding planner company that serves the place she wants to get married so she had a chance to see all the vendors they use. It gave her a chance to see different styles and types of packages, and try to figure out a realistic budget. As it turned out now she may have more decisions to make than before she went ha ha. She may change her mind about the venue; it may just be too expensive..I mean ridiculously expensive...and she saw a couple of other places she's now going to consider. The really great thing was they talked to the woman who would have been her wedding planner if she stays with the castle (it's a winery but is a castle). This lady was very blunt, to the point, and gave her some insight. She also did a 45 minute seminar about wedding planning. She heard questions and answers she hadn't thought of, and ways to address things she had thought of but only had uncomfortable solutions- like when people rsvp with all their kids after the invite asked for no kids...Like writing the invitations to be a specific number and that the rsvp need only be signed. And with a 6 month lead time, who can't get a babysitter. And she doesn't know if she's going to have kids or not- that was just an example, and she is thinking about it, cause that's food and chairs and linens she doesn't have to pay for if there's no kids....She also now thinking about buffet vs sit down dinner, so like I said now she has lots to figure out. Luckily her cousin is helping her every step of the way. They're just a year apart and have been in each other's lives forever. My younger daughter is her maid of honor, but so far has not been involved at all...maybe she should think of making her sister a bridesmaid and her cousin the maid of honor. I sent a msg thanking Sarah for helping her with everything, and she told me she was taking her to some "swanky" place in San Francisco to try on wedding dresses. How fun, right?? So the wedding date is still not set, maybe July 2014 and maybe July 2015, She has alot to figure out- I wish I was there. But we talk on the phone all the time, and Sarah is there for her. Maybe Halla will get her head out of her....(you know) and get involved. I'm sure she thinks -well it's a long way off, but the fact is, when you want a formal wedding, you have to start planning a long way off. It's all very exciting!!

So lots going on. I'm not sure when we'll turn off the phone/internet, or the tv, probaly not until the end of the week, but I wanted to write a little so just in case I don't until after the big move....It's been an interesting year, this is not a bad place, I'm just sick of the desert. Ok SICK of the desert, sick of sand and dirt in the house ALL the time. Yes we have a falling apart house on a dusty road, and our yard is just dirt, so I'm sure that's part of it. But a really big part is that there's nothing near here. Not like Playa Ventura where we had nothing in our town- which was hard- but down there and hour drive got us to a city, and bigger stores, and a 2 hour drive in the other direction got us to Acapulco. Here, it's 4 hours to Phoenix and Everardo can't cross the border so that's out. And 3 hours to anywhere as big or bigger than here. So the claustrophobia has set in again...We both like to go for a drive, to another town, to eat or shop or explore. Can't do that here. Yes we have explored alot of beaches, and take drives, but I need more.

So Ensenada is different; it's a big city and we'll be 10-15 minutes south. There's other towns; Manerdero is maybe 10 minutes or less east of us, Rosarito is less than an hour north, and I think Tijuana is less than another hour after that. So I think we can have some fun exploring. We look for the best food stands, for beaches, for shoe stores (work out shoes- running for him, walking or zumba for me). Sam LOVES to go for a drive so we throw him in the back of the truck. This summer it was too hot for him to go that way unless it was at nite, so every nite he gives us the."hey when are we going?" look- so we just grab him after our workouts...

At this point I have no regrets about the move. Everardo keeps telling me that nowhere is perfect, there's always things I'm not gonna like. YEAH I KNOW!! But Mexico has been a trip and I'm trying places and people and food and homes that I've never tried before for any period of time. I mean I've traveled, kind of alot...for pleasure I've been to Mexico, Jordan, Egypt, Africa (Mozambique & South Africa), Paris..maybe that's it, and for work: Hong Kong, China, Japan, Singapore, Mexico, Thailand, Russia, hmmm maybe that's all again..but it's almost a year and a half in Mexico, so it's different. It is a very poor country, or maybe it's not but they sure have LOTS and LOTS of poor people. I see how creative people are. I see hope and sometimes I see hopelessness. I see how spoiled we really are in the US, even with things as simple as the fruits and veggies we buy in the store. You know, how they always look perfect, shiny apples, and perfect green beans...here the stores are filled with food that doesn't look perfect, but usually tastes at least just as good. Of course Sam's Club, the stores from the US, and that cater to Americans, have the perfect shiny apples...but they cost more. Oh man- when we were in Ensenada last time I bought an apple of a truck- it was green and huge and sooooo juicy..possibly the BEST APPLE I EVER ATE!!! And that truck is there twice a week..yipee. Those apple are probly grown in the field behind the truck. Yummm.

Ok, I'm hungry so gotta go- I know we have some apples....ooh and some M&M's I brought home in a coffee cup from the AA convention ha ha.

Mexico fun fact:
Creoles are descendants of the Spanish people who first arrived in Mexico. Now they are the name of Mexico's small population: Caucasian Europeans, Americans, and Canadians.