It's warmer today! I think the forecast was an actual forecast, and not based on past...but the sun is going down and it's cold in the house. Well it was cold in the house all day; I'm sure we will be happy about that once the weather gets really warm. So I went out to the community center today to do my English class thing, and after lunch, to help them use up their energy, Anda and I took a bunch of kids to the park down the street. Ha ha, it was about 15 kids...oh wait there's more! Crap we ended up with about 37 kids- I say 3 cause I tried 3 times to count them but they are squirmey and impossible to count! So we take off down this road, turn 2 corners and we end up at this park with swings and slides. They are screaming and playing, but man some of these kids can't be 3 years old. I mean tottering around, and some maybe 10 or 11, and the rest all in between. A guy walked by with this huge pitbull and when I noticed, 3 or 4 kids were already over there. Now the guy said the dog was nice, but what if he wasn't? And those kids had just run over there. Then more kids were making a beeline for the dog and I stopped everyone. Hey! You don't know this dog! And you know, even if he's really nice, a bunch of little kids would make any dog nervous. But the only concerned person was me....
So when it was time to go back, a bunch of little boys had no intention of complying with order to line up. They were not gonna leave the slide, one of those plastic tubes..most of them were standing around Anda, but I was getting frustrated- I was kind of uncomfortable being in charge of 37 kids who I could barely communicate with- and I yelled at them- told them in Spanish that no more park if they don't listen...ha ha walking back I had a toddler on my shoulders and holding hands with a couple of others...Then we go back, and I only have 4 kids plus 2 really little ones for class...at first I thought- ooops I guess I was a little hard (mean), but then I saw what they were doing, string beads on colored string or wires, making bracelets and necklaces...I can't compete with that! That's ok, I'll just keep plugging away.

I counted over 40 kids before the meal was served and maybe half that many adults. What I noticed was that more come in while they're eating. I believe there are at least 2 other places that feed people 5 days a week around here, one place is called Two Fish, the other might be the VG- Villa Granada that my friend Conrad is restoring. These people are really struggling, and it's so cold that there has been no school all week cause the classrooms are just too cold out there. That's why there were so many kids at one time anyway. I also hear a little more about the sewing project they are trying to get going. There's a woman in San Diego that sell clothes/things made from recycled materials. For the clothes I think she gets the stuff factories throw away. Then she sends the stuff to Tiajuana for these woman to make into things, they send it back to her and she sells it on her website, mostly to environmentalists. The women who make it receive payment. So she is willing to send materials for sewing here to this center. They will sew aprons, and I'm not sure what else, from these pieces of material, squares, end pieces, seconds, etc. When it is sold, they get paid. This gets these women busy, and making money for themselves, and it's using recycled materials.I saw a couple of women today talking about the aprons and coming up with different ideas. It was pretty cool. The director of the center submitted a proposal for the funds to buy some sewing machines. This is where the church stuff comes in- but in a pretty cool way- these people in the states raise this money to support the center. You know, activities, art shows, auctions, bake sales, whatever people do to raise money- but it's people raising the money and apparently they do pretty damn good. The other proposal she just submitted was for a computer lab for the kids, and she thinks she'll get the money for both in the next 3-4 months! Pretty impressive. I hope to be a part of it.

On other fronts, looked at another car yesterday. The guy who owned was a federale, and when he motioned for me to get in the car, I leaned in and there was this big (ok to me- HUGE) black asssault rife in between the seats, i said...oooh maybe not...he laughed- ooops and took it out. But Poppi took the car for a ride and there was a noise/shake...and I could hear the squeaky brakes, and then a couple of cosmetic things I didn't like....like the part on the door where the electric window, door lock, etc is, well the cover was missing altho they said they had it...but no thanx....too many little things. So we continue to look. I just want a little beater to drive around town, it's hard not to have a car. But the truth is we continue to bleed money....We spent alot moving up here and moving in, ten Christmas (my elliptical), then this month has been a couple of things we still needed- a vacuum, and we had the kids for a few days, really the main expense of that was gas going back and forth to Phoenix twice..
So now a car, then either Feb or March  Everardo will probly go to Playa Ventura, then will I have to pay income tax? I'm gonna go to Petaluma, and oh boy in April we have property tax again (about $2800)...soooo. Well Poppi got a permit to sell stuff on the beach or any tourist area and he has some plans, and I hope I hope I hope that we sell the Playa Ventura house soon. But we are ok. We are happy. My kids can come down anytime since we are so much closer. A couple of friends have said the same thing. We are both getting involved in things and we are enjoying ourselves. So- it's all GOOD!!

Ok I am officially freezing!! I read on FB from a friend who lives here it was 30 degrees this morning. arrgghh! However, I went on a weather website and was VERY happy to see in the 10 day forecast a change starting tomorrow! I hope it's an actual forecast and not based on previous years! Today it said the high would be 51 degrees. But tomorrow it shows 62, then 69, 69, 71, 70!! Yippee if it's true! Even tomorrow 10 degrees warmer. But I wonder if the number includes the wind? Cause the wind is what is killing us. And today- it's windy. But ooh 10 degrees warmer, pls bring manana. I actually got up and exercised today and that felt good. I started on Jan 1, then did nothing after last Tuesday when the girls were here. They left Sat, but Sun and Monday I just couldn't get up ha ha. So this morning- back to it! Felt good, and the hot shower even better. Now it's cold again. I wanted to sit in the sun and read, but I think it would have to be next to the window ha ha cause the wind seems to be picking up.

I'm thinking about the community center, and wish we could find me a car cause I think I might want to be there more than 2 hours Mon & Wed. If I had my own car I could go Tue-Thurs like Karen wanted in the beginning, but also for a morning and afternoon class. In between I can listen/watch what's going on and see where I can contribute. I have good business sense, I think I'm good with people, I'm sure there's something...

We saw another car yesterday on the side of the road, after the one we saw on Fri or Sat. It was a little smaller and a little cheaper, altho the other one is good, too. So Everardo was supposed to call the guy back around 3:30 after the center, but then the guy was showing someone else the car. He said he'd call us either way so we'd know, but he never called back. So the car is probly gone- but I don't want to call him back, at least for a couple of days or we will appear to eager and lose any bargaining edge...there are tons of cars for sale around here, but we specifically want one with Sonora plates, and the right ones- there are these plates that allow you only to drive the car in this area and maybe up to Sonyta (sono-ee-ta) That's where the border is, about a hour north, maybe a little more. So don't want those plates. Also don't want a truck- lots of those for sale- or anything too new, so the search continues.

Puerto Penasco has about 57 thousand people, I read that statistic but not sure how current it is. That's close to the town we came from in Calif (Petaluma), but there seems to be more here; it's really spread out. I read the average temp year round is 82 degrees, with highs as high as 122 in the summer! But average is simply average, so as I now know, it can get really cold here. Before the 1990's this place was mainly attractive to fisherman, and Arizona college kids, cause of the 18 yr old drinking age. But in the 90's something changed and the hotels and beachfront condos started to appear. The place grew and grew, became a huge resort area. My husband lived here around 2006 (I think) right before the economic crash in the states, and he worked the banana boats, and said the beach was packed from March/April until Nov. He said everybody made money. He is very social and friendly- ha ha I bet he raked it in! Anyway when the houseing market crashed, so did the construction here in Puerto Penasco. There are still condos and hotels that are only partially finished.
I haven't experienced "the season" yet, I'm looking forward to it; but ha ha- mostly cause that means better (warmer) weather. It's an interesting mix, mostly Americans and Mexicans, but others as well, Chinese, French, British, Canadians, etc. And it's funny I guess you can live here and barely interact with the local Mexican people; live in a gated community, or at the beach condos- I say this because I've heard some people talking, not knowing about some things that I already know, after living here a month ha ha. Ah well, to each his own. Is this place different that Playa Ventura? Yes. But some parts of this place are exactly the same. And when we are with Poppi's friends, his Mexican friends that is, it feels just the same. The same traditions, cultural attitudes, the open caring way people are with their families, yeah, the same. So it seems, at least at this early stage, that I can move between cultures here, hey that's a good thing. My Spanish is getting better, and hopefully working with the kids and others at the center will help improve it even more, and....I am very happy going to English speaking AA meetings where I can be myself without struggling to express myself.

Well today we are going to figure out where to pay the water bill. We're not sure why we haven't gotten the electricity bill- hmm probly writing this will make it appear, and we haven't gotten the telephone bill either. Don't really use the landline, but the internet- YES. Yeah found out there's a free app on my IPhone for magic jack so I can talk to the states for free!! So cool! Requires internet, but hey I have that, too! Well better get going...and oh- gonna try to figure out how to add photos to this blog...

Monday- back to reality. Of course my reality changes as I change, as a person, my location, as a result of outside forces....today I went back out to the Community Center after the meeting. Everardo went with me and we followed Rich and Julian out there. Julian lives out there, and ur friends Rich and Anda go out there Mon Wed Fri every week, but Anda emailed me this morning to say she was sick. Everardo went out there and talked to Karen the director about starting a men's AA meeting out there. She thinks it's really needed out there, and I heard then atlking about a group of guys that were sitting at one of the tables waiting to eat; she told him some of them were trying to quit drinking but....so anyway they tallked abd he's going to see if he can get a couple of guys he knows to come out there with him to get something going.

A store sorta nearby the center that I think sells only vegetables and meat, and they just said they would donate all the veges that are still good but don't sell. So we stopped there on the way and picked up almost a whole garbage can (a tall clean can) of veges. And the pick up is 2 or 3 days a week. So that is pretty cool. We waked in and the place was full of people, not sure how many, maybe 100? A lot of them were kids. After the meal we announced English class, and first just a few kids; then a ton of kids, then thinnned back down to I think, 11 kids who were paying attention, and maybe 4-5 who were really little and just sort of there It was less chaotic than last week, and I was less worried about it going just so. I made color flash cards yesterday so I started with those and then we also did days of the week. Oh wait- before days of the week I brought out the bag with 10 items and we named them. With the colors, some of them, and at least one kid knew every color, like maybe only one knew orange and another knew brown- oh the only color nobody knew was purple. So we identified objects, did colors and days of the week. But I told them whoever could tell me the names of the objects in the bag, in English, on Wednesday, would get a dulce (candy). Everybody was listening to that. But we didn't even go for an hour...they couldn't sit still, and a couple yelled but everything, while another couple of kids spoke so softly I couldn't hear them, so I just decided to have a little fun and we'll see who comes back on Wednesday. Trying to remember for myself- no pressure.

It felt good though, the time flew by. I think I would like to become more involved there. I can ignore the "churchy" stuff cause there's alot more than that going on. I just want to be of service. I am so fortunate, so lucky in my life, and so incredibly grateful for my life. After this weekend, having my daughters here, a joy I was missing has been restored. I feel like I'm in the right place for me right now. In Playa Ventura, of course there were many ways I could have gotten involved once the kids didn't want to come anymore- after school started- or hey, maybe not. I mean people were simply going about their daily lives there, and there were no community services or organizations helping anyone- they were all in need so some extent or another. Ha ha I am still trying to justify myself in the decision first to go live out my life there ha ha- without trying it on for a while, then feeling like a failure when I had to admit I wasn't happy there. But just writing it here, I see that it's not a question of sucess or failure, altho' it's definitely  a case of me jumping head first into something without giving it a try first (ha ha that's SO me). I read on expat forums how you should rent somewhere first to try it on for size...well I guess my original intention was vacation spot, and it's good for that, anyway, it ok for me to make a different choice. Lots of lessons there. We rent now ha ha. I find that a solitary life is not for me. I think even speaking the language Playa Ventura was too isolated for me, not enough people for it to be more dynamic. I had the opportunity to work on my spirituality; a lot of alone time invites that- or I would have simply gone nuts...but I need people around me, I need options, and I need hot water! Ok maybe not need, but WANT in a big way.

So now I am here and I feel good. Happy. My kids are close. They liked it here and want to come back. We like our little house, it starting to feel like home. We're gonna approach the landlord soon again about paint- I think it will change the house completely...it always does. I was thinking this morning as I looked around our bedroom, that I have my necklaces hanging around, literally ha ha- some on a little necklace stand, some hanging off these little shelves, and some on the curtain rod (which is merely a piece of bamboo), but the point is, in Playa Ventura I never set anything out, I mean  kept my good stuff hidden, but I have lots of just costume jewlery, cheap stuff that, well is also me, but I never put it out, finding little places to hang it like I did here. Well and the whole thing about having to go outside and across the patio to the kitchen- now that's a vacation house thing right? Of course I am freezing! I'm wearing a sweatshirt in the house, and down there I simply wore sweat ha ha.

I'm learning more about this area, apparently this is on the path for those moving northwards. Mexican, Hondurans, Salvadorians, many many people walking north thru here. The other day Poppi came in and took the tortillas we had, some ham, some cheese and some nuts ad gave them to some guys he saw traveling, and they were asking for money for food. I talked to a couple of people today who told me I will always see people moving thru here, many have come up on the trains... It's hard sometimes, but I will come to know how best I can contribute in this place...




 

Well our visit was a huge success! The kids have gone home and I miss them so much already. We went to the beach once on high tide and watched Sam splash after the ball, and took lots of pictures. Then we went back to the beach another day when it was low tide and walked along the tide pools picking up amazing shells. Too bad every day was freezing, and the nites, even colder! In fact the news said this was going to be the coldest temps recorded here in 100 years! ha ha only us! From unbearable heat to unbearable cold....But you know what? I don't care! I saw my daughters and now I am ok. Ok with everything. Life is good, how it should be. I am going to figure out how I can see them often, them visiting us and us going up there. Everardo was so happy they were here. He wants them to come back and told them we don't care if they want to go out and get drunk (we don't drink anymore); we have this crazy "secret" room at the far end of the house, next to the street and he told them he'd fix it up for them, they could come and go. They can bring their friends down here.

They were both happy to be here. They both really liked it here, and  was so happy! It's cold and kinda dirty here, our road is sand, not too many people here, kinda quiet. But they liked it and want to ome back. Of course....they found spring break videos on Utube from last year and thought that was very cool. The drinking age is 18, so Halla bought a 6 pack of Tecate at the store, and ordered a margarita at a restaurant. We went to this place called El Capitan for nachos and drinks; it was on a hill overlooking the water, it was a great view (that's where Halla had the margarita), and then out in the parking lot when we were getting in the truck, these Mariachi guys walked up to us and started playing! They played 3 songs, and we loved it. Halla went over and hugged Everardo.

He had gone over the the guys when they were getting out of their van and asked them to play for us. He is SUCH a cool guy! One of the songs Halla really liked, and for some reason both Drewy and I teared up. It was just a perfect day. We started by going to an AA meeting- me and the girls, they aren't in the program but wanted to come with me, and I was happy to introduce them to my friends. Then we went home for breakfast, yummy made by Poppi, and then us girls went down to the malecon to shop, to look for the things we spotted the day before when we were all down there. Everardo had been with us the first day, and at first we wanted him to do the negotiating for the stuff, but after talking to one vendor, he said he didn't feel right cause they would lower the price for them, but then they wouldn't make anything- and these guys were struggling. At this time of year there are no tourists, and the prices were already pretty low. So we went back the next day without Poppi and fended for ourselves. Ha ha the vendors remembered us, one was even calling "Drew Drew", and offering us free tequila shots, trying to get us into their stores....I hate doing that in the places where they hover over you, but a couple of places were not like that at all. One guy the first day asked if I was their grandma! I said ok let's go! ha ha he started apologizing...and he remembered us the next day too.

We had sauteed shrimp & veges one nite, then the next we were going to go to a taco stand cause the girls wanted to do that, but the nachos at El Capitan were so filling (yes great recommendation) that we went home stuffed. However later that nite we decided we had room for pumpkin pie and ice cream- the pie I got in Phoenix before we gt to the airport, so we got stuffed again. But Saturday morning we went to a taco stand for breakfast to make up for it. It's a place Poppi and I found last week, they have great tacos, not too greasy. They actually give them to you with 2 tortillas, then wrapped in paper like a cone. I usually take off one tortilla, but then it gets a little messier ha ha.

We went on Thursday over to Anda & Rich's to see the sunset, have a coffee and cookies, and let them see the ritzy neighborhood. And and Rich live i a condo over the garage of this amazing house and it's right on the beach. Different than us on the bech though; cause the water has no waves, no crashing sounds, it's quiet and peaceful. There were cranes (or herons not sure which), and pelicans of course, it's a really nice spot. Playa Ventura was very peaceful, but the waves made it more, ...well dynamic I guess. After a while you stop noticing that it's loud ALL the time, except at nite you still heard it. I LOVE the quiet here. And I know it's quiet out at their place, but you still have the problems with the salt on everything ha ha. Anyway, I wanted to show them all the sides here; we drove around their neighborhood looking at all these fantastic houses, and then on Saturday afternoon we drove thru the not so great neighborhoods, the area where people are really struggling. Houses made of cardboard, random pieces of wood, and lots of them had the sky tv dishes- looked kinda weird. But I wanted them to get a complete picture of the area. We saw the hotels, the condos by the beach, the tiny box houses in a row that the gov't built, the gated communities, and our neighborhoods. We are sort of in the middle, status wise and location wise, our area is called el centro. And we live with Mexicans, with locals. The condos and gated communities are mostly Americans, the hotels and some condos are tourists, and the dilapidated areas and gov't houses are mostly Mexican. I guess we travel in all the circles.

So we had a great visit. Then Pam, my wonderful friend who loves loves loves to drive, drove us all back up to Phoenix. We stopped in a Starbucks for a coffee and a snack, then on to the airport. We ried a little...and then they were goen.

I got to talk to them together and one on one. Drewy and I are already so close, I love our relationship. Halla and I have finally gotten to that place! On this visit! She opened up to me about her most private thoughts and feelings. She trusts me and loves me. I love her so much. We found each other and I am sooooooo happy. We will never lose each other again. I know, she was a teenager, and it happens between moms and daughters, but then later we become closer than any other bond. I am so proud of both my babies. They are so strong, so beautiful inside and out, if they were someone else's. I'd be envious! I told them wow, what if I hadn't been a drunk- you might be astro physicists or something- they laughed, & Halla said yeah and I wouldn't have any friends! They are happy just the way they are.

I wasn't a falling down drunk, unaware of their existence, I always packed their lunches, washed their clothes, checked their homework, but in my heart of hearts I know that I drank alot, and in my selfishness, I missed alot. I was at every school event, and proud, but was I 100% there? I always say I thank God nothing ever happened in the middle of the nite when my sleep was actually drunk passed out. And thank God for my ex husband who was aware, who was not sleeping drunk. Well it is what it is. It's part of the reason I go to lots of AA meetings even though I haven't had a drink in almost 12 years. (next month) If there's a new person, a young woman, maybe with kids or planning to, I can share my experience and maybe help them to choose a different lifestyle for themselves. Maybe someone who is just like me, and needs to know they are not alone, that hating yourself for your bad choices like drinking too much, helps no one, especially not yourself, or your kids. We have to find hope. I am SO lucky I never hurt anyone, physically I mean, with my drunk driving or drunk actions. Of course I hurt people mentally, my now ex husband, mu kids, friends, family, etc. We are a tidal wave crashing thru urloved ones lives, thru anyone's life we touch, bosses, coworkers, strangers in the store, etc. So it's a miracle and I am so grateful for my children and how wonderful they are. I almost said, in spite of me. But that's not true. I did some things good. And they certainly inherited my sarcasm, my sense of humor, and yes, my stubborn streak haha. Their beauty comes from their beautiful spirits, and I am excited to see what comes next for them.

So now we are just us again, Poppi, me, and Sam. Sam slept on the bed with Drew, then with Halla, he loves his sisters. I stayed home all day today, in my pajamas, reading, looking at the pictures we took while they were here, watching movies. For dinner we had beans and shrimp- it was so yummy. We had purchased comforters for the girls; Halla's had a tiger on it and Drew's a peacock. They wanted to take them home, but after shopping, much shopping, their suitcases were full and so were their arms, so the blankets stayed here. This morning I put the peacock comforter on my bed, and it looks really nice, brightens up the room.

I miss them so much already, on the way home from the airport Pam let me talk and talk about them...but we will see the again soon.....viva!