Another beautiful day in Mexico- so far anyway ha ha! It can change to windy rainy gray day in a matter of minutes- seconds probably. I just went outside a few minutes ago and for a split second wasn't sure what I was looking at. Our front fence is brick about 4 feet up, then thick cyclone fence. There's a ditch I guess you'd call it, then a slant up to the road. And right now the road has huge piles of dirt and sand on it so can't see too much (but that's fine then nobody can see me either). So I am also down a couple of feet from the fence so I'm looking up- anyway- I see these ears...long brown soft furry ears, like a bunny - except they are on a baby burro. There was 2 of them and the other one had regular horse ears, small, but still furry. So at first I thought, pony and burro? But I guess they were both burros.

They were so cute, my guess is nibbling what's left of the weeds after dirt and rocks being thrown all over the place. Sam ran at the fence barking but they paid zero attention to that. I grabbed my camera to try to get a shot of just the ears above the bricks, but- stupid stupid me didn't put the memory card back in the camera after last nite when I just had to post of photo of myself looking very tan and saying nah nah nah naaah nah I'm so tan, on FB. So I couldn't take the shot cause without the chip the camera only takes a few photos and they were already taken...so no room. Run back into the house, grab the chip from my lapto blue skack out.....but 't even rain last nite...yipee....maybe we can go for our walk tonite in not too much mud..Yesterday me and Sam went for 2 walks on the beach, one around noon and the other around 6pm. Poppi worked all day with Gume, but he said last nite that today should be the last day...I hope so because of this beach thing- He doesn't want us to walk on the beach right now cause everyone says it's too dangerous- that a rouge wave could hit me...and that whole smash on the rocks thing-Well yesterday I was careful but Chela told Everardo that Sam and I came up the beach to visit her and so last nite he was kinda mad. But walking on the road is too damn hot! And I was careful. And actually feeling proud of myself because I'm getting over my fears, finally. I mean I know not to go way in right now. But Sam and I did wade a little....

When we first got here and the tide was high, coming up to people's sea walls or to the rocks, I was scared, more scared than I let show. Now I see that when it gets that far the waves are not strong, tbread, and when we come out, I notice the pig walking down the side of the road. I tell you, the pigs around here crack me up.

The ocean looks so nice today, blue skies and it didn't even rain last nite...yipee....maybe we can go for our walk tonite in not too much mud..Yesterday me and Sam went for 2 walks on the beach, one around noon and the other around 6pm. Poppi worked all day with Gume, but he said last nite that today should be the last day...I hope so because of this beach thing- He doesn't want us to walk on the beach right now cause everyone says it's too dangerous- that a rouge wave could hit me...and that whole smash on the rocks thing-Well yesterday I was careful but Chela told Everardo that Sam and I came up the beach to visit her and so last nite he was kinda mad. But walking on the road is too damn hot! And I was careful. And actually feeling proud of myself because I'm getting over my fears, finally. I mean I know not to go way in right now. But Sam and I did wade a little....

When we first got here and the tide was high, coming up to people's sea walls or to the rocks, I was scared, more scared than I let show. Now I see that when it gets that far the waves are not strong, they're not waves, just the surf after the wave. Now this is not high tide, big waves are not hitting the beach; I don't go down in those at all. But both Sat and Sun we were playing in the water, sitting in the holes in front of the rocks and that was fine- but I guess they just worry about me. He worries about me- which is why I'm glad he's almost done working with Gume cause I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH! ha ha. Both Gume and Chela worry- he told Everardo she thinks the ocean will be kind to her- but it won't.  Cute they way they talk eh?

 

So I spent some time on the phone this morning trying to reach the lady at HR Block who did my taxes last year, but to no avail. The number I called got me an answering service who said that office in the Safeway parking lot is seasonal, and doesn't open until Jan. She wouldn't give me the number, I don't see why not. And the fact is I think someone is in there, maybe part time. I gotta get somebody to go check it out for me. She kept wanting to help me and I kept saying I really wanted to talk toa dog worrying a bone, when I want to know something I keep at it. Well maybe this is another let it go lesson ha ha. 

Of course this brain dead answering service woman who was so insistent to help me; well I asked her if she could look me up, then could she see who processed my taxes? She said yes of course! So my name, spelling of it, SS#, phone number, zip code.....lor- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. It sounded so cool cause her husband wants a Sam...a lab like our Sammy. But I was so happy to talk to Halla, my ld" too-="too-" transactions="transactions" up="up" very="very" wall="wall" was="was" weird="weird" were="were" what="what" when="when" who="who" with="with" years="years" you="you" youngest="youngest">

And I'm also wondering how I sign from here, is a fax signature ok? Or will I have to make a trip? Can she file for an extension and when I come for a month next April or May can I sign then? Probably easy answers to them all, but I'm like v>

Of course this brain dead answering service woman who was so insistent to help me; well I asked her if she could look me up, then could she see who processed my taxes? She said yes of course! So my name, spelling of it, SS#, phone number, zip code.....lor- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. It sounded so cool cause her husband wants a Sam...a lab like our Sammy. But I was so happy to talk to Halla, my n't judge- oh crap this is my diary I can say what I want...Bitch!) ok deep breath...So, she said she'd send a msg to the year round office to ask. I asked her for the number, cause I don't think they'll call me back here, and truthfully didn't trust her to get it right, so the number she gave me was the one I called! Ha ha, and they are open M-W-F, so I'll call back on Friday. I know I know- I have tons of time, it's only Sept for God's sake, but I just want to have my ducks in row. I liernavaca, and he & Poppi have been chatting, It will be nice to meet his family. So it's nice here, too. But I will always have my F Street neighbors close to my heart; I think I loved that house more than any other I lived in, and it is by far the smallest. For some reason it reminds me of my Grandma G; I'll have to ask my brother and sisters if she had a little house like that. I always thought of her there. And that's funny cause I dreamed of her last nite, and we were talking and laughing. I know it's cause I saw some old pictures yesterday and one of her.

Well I got to speak to everybody this week, both my daughters, my brother and oops only one sister- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. problem I could talk to Boyce and Kay, she would feed Sam for me if I was gone, they would watch my house and we would watch theirs. It was a borrow a cup of sugar relationship on both sides of me. And when I was sick, going thru chemo, they'd give me a ride to my AA meeting or the store, and just be there for me. I love who they are, their relationship with each other and the rest of their family. How they are in the neighborhood. I love you guys! The same for Andy and Coleen- her mom made me this wonderful soup while I was sick and didn't feel like eating anything. They were all the best neighbors ever! So now if I get mail, Boyce emails me, or we can talk on the phone since I can call for free. He helped me with all my final bills, and random stuff that's come for my kids, or even my sister; while they lived in Europe I was their US address. It's a huge huge gift to have them. And I also know they love my house like I love my house and so we don't worry about a thing on that score. We've see pictures of how they've settled in and the house is beautiful inside and out.

Of course here on one side we have a lighthouse- and that's pretty cool. I love that. On the other side we have a strip of land going from the road to the beach that's probably less than 20 feet wide, maybe 15. The random livestock use it for a path up from the beach, I've seen horses, cows, and donkeys walking alongside our property there. I kinda like it, hope it stays undeveloped. Next to that some guys are building a small house, so far they've put up 4 walls, made of rock, it's nice, but I think they are just halfway up. Maybe concrete after that? We'll see. He's a nice man from Cuernavaca, and he & Poppi have been chatting, It will be nice to meet his family. So it's nice here, too. But I will always have my F Street neighbors close to my heart; I think I loved that house more than any other I lived in, and it is by far the smallest. For some reason it reminds me of my Grandma G; I'll have to ask my brother and sisters if she had a little house like that. I always thought of her there. And that's funny cause I dreamed of her last nite, and we were talking and laughing. I know it's cause I saw some old pictures yesterday and one of her.

Well I got to speak to everybody this week, both my daughters, my brother and oops only one sister- gotta send an email to Karen in NY and see if they got a new place in the country. It sounded so cool cause her husband wants a Sam...a lab like our Sammy. But I was so happy to talk to Halla, my youngest cause she's so busy with work and school- & let's face it- at 19 you're too busy to talk to Mom much. I understand...I just wish she's get a little older (but not me of course), and want to talk to me about everything the way Drewy does, I get to talk to her all the time. And she's a little older; seems like we all break away and then come back...but I just gotta make it my mission to call Halla more, and she really can't call me- her cell doesn't have int'l calling and if it did she'd have to pay for it and I don't so it's up to me.....hmmmm  that came right back at me.....

It's nice and windy outside so maybe cool enough to walk on the road...even though I want to walk on the beach!!! And if it's too hot, I'm sure it's cool enough in the shade of the patio to swing in the hammock and read a little. I hope my friend tries sending me some paperbacks soon, at this rate the couple hundred I brought will be dust way before I go back for a visit ha ha

I just took a look at yesterday's post cause I was pretty sad when I wrote it. Ha ha it looks like I screwed it up cause the same thing is typed more than once. I actually typed it when the internet was down, then saved it on the desktop, then cut and pasted, but it took a few times of saving it so anyway it looked weird. I'm not gonna try to fix it other than adding the beginning which wasn;t there at all.

But I don;t usually go back and look at what I already wrote, and I hope none of the other posts look like that- but I'm not gonna look.

So- today I feel much better. Kinda prayed my way out of my sadness and despair. I know happiness is inside me, that's the only way to get there, for me. I was trying to remember the exact words of something Abe Lincoln said about...you will be about as happy as yu allow yourself to be...I remember when I first saw those words, I was struck by them. Of course when I was trying to remember this morning I was chatting with somebody on the phone and said it was either Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson ha ha. (couldn't be chatting about that here cause I'd never figure out the words in the right order AND credit them to the right person- then I'd get frustrated with my Spanish and not be happy ha ha ha ha)

Another lesson in patience today. Went to pay the cable bill at that little post office/bill pay place in Copala and there was about 20 people in line ahead of us. They were closed yesterday so I guess we had 2 days of people. On top of that the internet had been down all day in that office so some of those people had been waiting a long time. I saw 3 or 4 people in there, but only one window open at the counter and I complained...oooops commented on the fact that customer service is not on the top of anybody's list around here. Take the grocery store for example; 4 people standing around, a couple sweeping or dusting shelves, and one checker, 8 people in line. And nobody says anything. I was number 8 of course and pissed off because we had ice cream. But it just is what it is. And that's everywhere. But today I was wrong, the guys who were in there were working on the internet, only the lady at the window actually worked there. So we all waited. After about an hour I was within about 6 people, and the woman at the counter started receiving negative sounding remarks from other people in line. Poppi had gone to buy vegetables so couldn't translate for me. Later he told me that he heard they had been grumbling about how much cash she was getting (not sure how this works but you can get cash, maybe from your bank? there), anyway there's only so much in that office at a time and the other people were mad cause she was taking alot.


Well a couple of minutes later she was done and this woman in a flowered dress came in and got by the front of the line- I thought she was with the woman that was now at the counter. Well Everardo wandered back in then and took a look and he started saying something to her. The  her husband showed up and got in Poppi's face, who did not back down. Other people were supporting Poppi and he kept it up. The guy back off when Everardo didn't take his shit. So it turns out that they had come at 9am, but the internet had been down so they thought they should be in the front of the line. ha ha- Everardo told them get to the back of the line. You left, so you gave up your spot. Other people started chiming in so they finally went back. So then there's 3 people ahead of me and another wonam all smiley shows up in front. She had also been there earlier and wanted to cut in. So the women in front of me and behind me scooted closer together. All I knew was I was behind this one and in front of that one. I shoved my bill and my money thru the window before the cutter! And the lady after me did the same. Wow it's funny- this also happens everywhere and if they can get away with it, they do. I saw it in the bank when we had to talk to the bankers, not go to the window. As you're talking to the banker, someone comes in and starts asking questions, and sometimes the banker helps them. It's bizarre. Everardo told me I have to stand up for myself, which anyone who knows me knows I got no problem doing; it's just when I'm not sure what's going on- damn the language the language, I am a little more timid. Ha ha I don't think timid has every been used to describe me!

So it rained all nite and all day today, until around 4 or 5pm. So about 6pm we walked on the beach, the water is so warm! But the sea is so choppy, not for going in, and barely for wading. But Sam ran and chased sticks and coconuts and we got some fresh air. I know my Mom is with me always. And I saw my daughter posted on FB some pics of her and her Grandma when she was a baby and said she was the favorite, and talked about looking for lizards, putting on makeup, and baking cookies with Grandma. Then later I saw my niece Sarah, a year younger than Drewy, post- no sorry I was the favorite ha ha. Today is Sarah's birthday and I hope she got the voicemail I left on their home phone and I sang happy birthday to her. And my singing leaves a bit to be desired, but she knows I love her.

I know it's Sept 11, but I'd rather remember my niece's birthday is that day than anything else and I'll leave it at that. I talked to some newcomers on the AA chat site this evening and that always makes me feel better, too. Reminds me of how grateful I am. Oh and I got to talk to my little one, Halla for a few minutes too and I miss her so much so it's nice to catch up with her. But I think she got a flat tire on her bike while she was talking to me, so she headed off to the bike store to get it fixed. I'm missing my other daughter cause I suddenly don't know her work schedule so I don;t want to call when she;s working- she has been working 6pm to 6am yuck yuck, but I know it's changing to a day shift so that's a good thing. And I talked to my brother today too- wow busy woman I was today. But I ordered so much crap and sent it to his house to pick up next wknd, so I thought I'd warn him ha ha.

Well it's almost midnite and it's not raining! Hmmm probly soon. It's a very rainy Sept here, of course I don't know if that's normal or not. I've been told that July & Aug were pretty dry for here, so maybe Sept will go out with a bang. I'm feeling very positive again and that's the normal me, oh and when we went to take Sam to the beach this afternoon, Everardo had chopped away the weeds growing at the bottom of the steps at the beach where I have to walk a few steps to the sand, and I commented the other day I was afraid of scorpions. He told me then- there's no scorpions here near the sand and water- but he came back later and chopped the weeds away- is he the best- or what!! I love love him!

Monday Sept 10, 2012. My Mom died one year ago today. I miss her. I have dreamed about her a lot since I moved here to Mexico. All the dreams are positive, smiling, happy; somehow I know she is happy for me going on this new adventure. We are a traveling family. As kids we always went camping, all over Calif and the western states. But as adults we've all done a lot of traveling, sometimes for work sometimes for pleasure. And my Mom did a lot of traveling by herself after my dad died. He died so early, age 59. I was in my early 20's. Mom was 58. But she picked herself up and dusted herself off. And started her new life. My sister was living in Australia at the time, (another traveler), and Mom went to Australia and New Zealand. I think on her own. Then she went to Kenya, with a group, and lots of places. When I finally graduated college at the ripe old age of 35, she bought me a ticket to go to Africa! I went by myself, leaving a husband and 2 kids at home, but I had a brother in law who was building roads in Mozambique, and I went to him. Then we went with another family and drove to South Africa to the Kruger- a wild animal reserve. Very cool trip. Thanx Mom! She went to Mexico, Central America (I think- or maybe it was Puerto Rico...), Europe. I know a year before my Dad died they went to England together. I had this weird resentment against England after he died, like I decided that's where he got sick. He died of cancer, a young man. Goodbye Mommy. I miss you and love you. It was a full moon that nite last year. For about 6 months after I cried at every full moon. Now not so much.

I spoke to one of my sisters on the phone on Saturday and we talked about it. I talked to the other sister in email. I should probly call my brother, but I'm gonna see him in 10 days and maybe we can talk then. We cried and laughed and cried again thru it. Mom was ready I think. She also came up with Captain Jack. I guess we'll never know who Capt Jack was/is....was he totally real, bits and pieces of different people, a dream, a lost love, a fantasy? Well she had us laughing so hard about Capt Jack.

I know I got my love of travel from my parents. I came to Mexico the first time in my 20's, to Tijuana, to party of course- but now I'm thinking- did we come once as a family when we were little kids? I'll have to ask everybody. Then I came back twice in my 30's for work, and I loved it. I went to Zona Rosa toshop, the museum in DF and saw the Aztec calendar, & I took a bus out to a pyramid site. Then more years went by and I came ...), Europe. I know a year before my Dad died they went to England together. I had this weird resentment against England after he died, like I decided that's where he got sick. He died of cancer, a young man. Goodbye Mommy. I miss you and love you. It was a full moon that nite last year. For about 6 months after I cried at every full moon. Now not so much.

I spoke to one of my sisters on the phone on Saturday and we talked about it. I talked to the other sister in email. I should probly call my brother, but I'm gonna see him in 10 days and maybe we can talk then. We cried and laughed and cried again thru it. Mom was ready I think. She also came up with Captain Jack. I guess we'll never know who Capt Jack was/is....was he totally real, bits and pieces of different people, a dream, a lost love, a fantasy? Well she had us laughing so hard about Capt Jack.

I know I got my love of travel from my parents. I came to Mexico the first time in my 20's, to Tijuana, to party of course- but now I'm thinking- did we come once as a family when we were little kids? I'll have to ask everybody. Then I came back twice in my 30's for work, and I loved it. I went to Zona Rosa toshop, the museum in DF and saw the Aztec calendar, & I took a bus out to a pyramid site. Then more years went by and I came by myself to the Yucatan for a week. Went to Chitzenitza. (yeah bad spelling), and the place with the pink flamingos- they were so cool- and another pyramid site, Dizbilchaltun- in this place I swear I had a spiritual experience; I was walking in this tour (in Spanish so I was only listening a little), and my eyes were closed on this dirt path. Then- I could feel those who had come before, the workers come to build the pyramids, the women bringing food and little kids playing alongside. It was amazing! I just felt them flow thru me. And ha ha- nobody else on this tour spoke English so I couldn't even tell anyone...later that afternoon in another area of the same site, I sat quietly on this huge rock and they came to me again, I could feel them flowing around me and thru me. 

Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, or again. But I've always wanted to go to Rome and walk on 2 thousand year old roads, maybe I'll feel it again- and I also want to go to the Bridge of the Last Sigh in Italy, where people being taken to the dungeon would walk over this little bridge to the tower, and sigh as they see the sun for the last time. Will I feel it there? I don't know, but I do know I have felt my spirituality they strongest here in Mexico.

Couple of years after that I came to San Miguel Allende for three weeks to a Spanish immersion school. But when I came to visit Playa Ventura, I knew I was home. I loved all the other areas of Mexico I visited; altho' Mexico City is kinda too much for me ha ha. But when I got here I just knew it's where my heart was. I had felt that in the Redwoods of northern Calif, and I still feel it- but only to visit- it's just not warm enough there. But here ha ha warm? Hot, all the time, even when it's raining. Although we'll see in the next few months as the rainy season dwindles. Ha ha did I say dwindles? It has rained more in the 10 days of Sept than June July or August.

Oh and this date marks 3 months of being here. The truth is as much as I love being here, as much as I love the ocean, the climate, the adventure, it has also been the 3 hardest months of my life in some ways. Maybe not as hard as going thru breast cancer, thru chemo, but isolating, tiring, frustrating, scary. On days when I don't do much, I'm still exhausted from trying to understand what people are saying, or the tv is saying, or what's going on. My husband tries so hard, but sometimes I hate that I don't know what's being talked about and I feel left out. I know I know I know it takes time. Maybe today cause I'm filled with sadness of missing my mom, I'm just more sensitive. Cause when I start feeling all those negative feelings, I usually go for a walk, or talk about it, or jump in the sea, but I always start to feel better. And I know my Spanish is getting better; 3 more months and I'll be much better.

Plus the ocean will be nice again. Yesterday we went and played and sat in those pools in front of the rocks again for so long that I got sunburned on my face and shoulders. Of course then it rained all nite and is gray today. But it was so soothing and refreshing. I said- oh yeah this is why I love it here. When I can walk on the beach AND go in the water every day, well that's therapy enough for me! Of course I have my online AA meetings and the Spanish meetings too, altho' haven't been going back to the nite meetings that much, they don't get over until 10, and even though we're always up at that time, it's just more comfortable to be home at that time. This is also therapy for me. I was so sad when I started writing, but I'm feeling much better. I think it's walk on the beach time even if I can't go in the water- it's much choppier than yesterday...oh well, the calm ocean is just around the corner....so for today, I am ok. I love you Mommy. I know you're close cause I always have you in my heart.