Suicide squirrels and life on the spit road

The spit road out to our place...I missed the suicide squirrel...twice.

I mean I missed taking a picture of the suicide squirrel. I missed it the other day as well. Last week I thought I hit one- but I saw nothing in the rear view window and there was nothing in the road on my way back. Luckily I saw the snake and swerved out of the way...then I jumped out and took his picture. Even though he had no rattles on his tail, or amazing colored stripes that would have made me think he was poisonous, as he curled tighter....I jumped back in the car! That sucker moved pretty fast - not as fast as the suicide squirrels though. They just crack me up. They are skinny squirrels; not the chubby, bushy tailed type you think of when talking about squirrels. They live in holes in the ground around the estuary...and I swear to God they wait until a car is coming before they run across the road. I'm sure they cross all the time, but I swear I never see on in the distance...always right in front of me...hence the name I gave them "suicide squirrels". I guess I should call them dare devil squirrels since they seem to always make it.

The spit road is so pretty; I try sometimes to remember to drive it slowly and look around. Sometimes there's goats with the horses, and they are so funny! They climb up on the little shed in their pen. They run around and jump- and I think they egg the horses on because these horses are pretty humorous themselves. They play some kind of neck fighting with each other over a fence...they chase each other, and sometimes they just roll on the ground. This side of the road with the animals and the houses is the beach side. The houses you see in the photo- well there's a dirt road on the other side of the houses, then another house, then the beach. We live much further up the road, and we live on the beach side...but there's no houses across from us so we can see the estuary - like in the last 2 photos, a big field, the road, a big field then the water. We walk the dogs out there when we're not walking them on the beach, and Hazel runs around at 60 miles an hour the entire time. Actually, recently she caught a squirrel- twice! That's how fast she is. I told Everardo not to let her do that- not just for the poor squirrels, but that they probly carry diseases, maybe even rabies...and I don't want our baby girl getting sick. Not to meantion- YUCK...bloodthirsty little monster, right? No she's our sweet baby girl.

So here's a couple pics of interesting things we've found out walking"

 

Yesterday morning when I looked outside to check the weather, the tide, I saw 2 dolphins swimming. One was sort of floating and the other was coming up to the surface and then diving back in. I was so happy to see them! I think maybe they leave for the winter, so it was nice to see them back, and I'm hoping it's a sure sign that summer is upon us! The pelicans are back as well! I look outside on week day mornings to check the tide. If it's out, then there's enough beach to dance for my morning exercise. I like the sand closest to the water; it's the hardest- otherwise it's really hard to zumba dance or rock and roll get down dance (ha ha) in the soft sand, and I want to get the best cardio out of it that I can. So I look every morning, and if the tide is in, then I have to dance out in front of the house, in front of the dirt road- facing the estuary...so no matter what I have a beautiful view when I am out there huffin and puffin :)

Lately I've been going to a free stretch class 3 days a week after my beach workout.  It's about a 6 or 7 minute drive...and only that long because the last 800 meters of the road out to the main road is not just dirt, but jagged dirt, pot holes, and chunks. But after that it's about 2 minutes and here's what I drive past:

I love where we live right now. It's always interesting ha ha. Where we are, way down the road, there's lots of empty houses. There was some kind of big thing that happened here about 15 years ago; it has to do with the whole ejido thing. The ejido land is when the government gave land to a family way back when. Now, at least in this area, big plots of ejido land was made into these "camps" and people could buy or lease land, and build houses on it. The problem with that is.....even if you "bought" the land, the ejido can take it back. Do I understand it? Or why? No I do not, but I know for sure I would never buy ejido land or build a house on it. In this camp, I guess the family tried to extort money from the home owners (leased or purchased land) and in the end got the military (so the government) to evict people. Well many of them sabotaged the houses- if they had to walk away from them, at least the ejido wouldn't be able to sell or even rent them. Concrete down the pipes, things like that. The house next to us was ruined in that fashion so nobody will ever live there. So we are not a crowded camp, I like that. OK so now talk about karma. I have heard that the camp owner has been trying for the last few years to get some kind of permits to build things here- like new houses, maybe a fitness resort...ways to get people to come down and invest and/or buy. But the local gov't won't issues him any of the permits, so he is stuck renting the places that are not too messed up for as much as he can. The workers are trying to get another house right near us ready to rent, but they worked on it all summer, and now are working on it again- but I did hear that house is going to rented to some people on vacation so I guess it wouldn't have to be perfect. And of course there's no building codes or anything here, so leaky roof? no problem, no electricity? no problem...etc.

The peso continues to fall- this is not good for us trying to sell the Guerrero house. But at this point if someone wanted it, we'd sell pretty cheap. Just want to get out from under it. But all I can do is keep putting it out to the universe and letting it go. That's a hard one for me- letting go. Ha ha unfortunately for me I am always getting opportunities to practice though! My older daughter is going thru something right now that has her relationship under pressure. She is struggling. I can do nothing- and I want to do something! I want so badly for her to be happy, for her life to be perfect. Yeah I know that sounds silly, right? But that's all a parent wants- is for their children to be happy, healthy, safe. She is a strong young woman, and I know she'll be ok, but I hate for her to have to go thru things. I told her I'd be there in a second if she needs me- and I will. But she's taking care of herself. I need to trust, in her, in my own spirituality, in the universe. I mean this is the kid who was shot in the head, right? And then the miracles started, and she's fine, she's perfect. So I have to be content to be her sounding board, to be available, to support her in any decision she makes. = letting go. 

The lessons continue. My younger daughter and I are in the same place as this time last year. I looked at my blog for this time last year. I had been writing, commiserating that I had no relationship with her. But then I had written her and she actually replied after months of nothing. I wrote about how happy I was; that we were going to have a relationship...ha ha ha ha. She was struggling, with school and in a huge power struggle with her dad's wife, and so reached out to me. I was so happy and ready to help. The problem was (is), that once she didn't need me anymore...she stopped communicating with me again, and when I asked for the things she was going to do....she got resentful and we are back to zero relationship. How many times do I let my own heart to break? Because at this point it is on me. I know how she is...and is it because she's young? I hope so, it seems that way. Talking to other mom, age 21 is selfish selfish selfish oh and self centered. She barely replies to her sister either. I miss her terribly, but I know the only way to have a relationship with her is total acceptance, letting go. At this moment I am still upset with her, so cannot let go...yet. Yes also my fault. But she has a box of Christmas decorations & ornaments that I gave her before we left for Mexico. (sorry if I already wrote this). I asked her to please take them from her dad's house- and since she doesn't care about them, then please please give them to her sister. They matter to me. Some of it is stuff from my side of the family, and my mom and dad are gone, my family is very small, and those things were for her to start her own family traditions, and I'm sure her dad would give her some things and then over the years she'll add to it. Maybe a 21 year old can't see that it matters, but I continually bugged her over a few months to get the stuff and bring it to her place (why didn't she take it when she moved out last June?...Oh mom I'll get it before Christmas). So yeah, I'm still upset. I also completely screwed up my relationship with her dad and his wife by being mean in email to his wife. I know I wrote about this before because I regret it so much. But I was full of being my daughter's hero- when really she just wanted her way. I know she is not responsible for my mean-ness, but she didn't even acknowledge that I got into that mess trying to help her. Just a little, sorry that all happened mom...but no- she just blew it all off- "not my problem". Yeah as you can plainly see I am still resentful about this. So more opportunity for letting go. I want a relationship with her- she's my kid, but for now, well if she contacts me I will be happy, but I'm not doing the reaching out this time. I do hope however that she gets closer to her sister, who really wants to be close with her, but is seeing the same selfish-ness as I do...Luckily Drewy has a couple of really good friends she's known since high school and before, and they are there to support her, hug her, and listen to her. For that I am so grateful.

So writing that made me feel better. I love both my daughters, warts and all. With the younger one I simply have to have zero expectations and act accordingly, at least until something changes. With the older one, I try to be sure to be in cell service area around the times I know she usually calls me while she is going thru this. She and I talk several times a week, but in the last couple of weeks, almost every day. I probly won't go up there until summer, maybe late summer...and who knows what will happen between then and now. Oh almost forgot! I was offered a job last Sunday...but I turned it down. Yes of course money is nice- we could sure use some. But it was to manage a restaurant, and the hours were noon to 9pm or longer...They said I could start at just 3 days a week, and that once I understood the restaurant there was some event planning with their bed & breakfast where I could earn 10% of the event. But the restaurant is really slow....sounded kinda boring, and really the main thing was- I like my life right now...and working those hours would suck. I am in month 12 of a 12 month commitment I made to myself about health- exercise and eating. I like what I'm doing. So I thought about it, came home and talked to Everardo about it, and decided to pass. If I really want to work, my new neighbor showed me some websites where you can find online work. I looked at them, but did not bid on anything, I was a little intimidated....haven't done anything like that before- but if I decided I really want to do something- I'll go back to her and see if she can help me out with it a little. It's funny- then I worried that I had put it out to the universe that I wanted to make some money and an opportunity came up, but I passed- Uh oh will I get another opportunity? Yes that was part of my thought process...fear. But maybe what I need to do is be a little more specific (ha ha) in what I put out there, you know? When I woke up the morning after deciding to pass on the job, I felt relief- so that was a huge positive sign to me. 

So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Like I said, this is the last month of my year commitment to myself. I am pretty proud of myself- I've stuck to this. It has become my way of life; exercising and eating smart. I've lost 46 pounds as of yesterday. It's only the 7th of the month so I have a chance of losing a couple of more pounds by month end. Then I'll make another commitment to myself. Writing twice a week in a notebook-on my "official weigh days" has helped alot. I just read yet another article in Yahoo news about weight and cancer. In fact this article said obesity will be the number 1 cause of cancer in a few years. So I know I am on the right path. Today at the noon AA meeting in Ensenada, a woman I hadn't seen for a few weeks said- wow you lots alot of weight- you look great! Yippee that felt great! Honestly thought, I think I need to lose another 25 or 30 pounds. I'm not sure, I am close to a place I have not been below in 25 years. Yeah I figured that out in my health journal because I'm trying to figure out what to commit to for the next year. But maybe I'll say 30 and then I can modify if/when need be. I mean I had 60lbs for a goal when I started this, and I am not making that- but it turned out not to be a reasonable goal, so I can modify when or if I need to. Let me see if I can find a before and now pic- sorry next time- I can't find anything right now. Actually I think I have something from right before I started this and I'll take one at the end of this month. Dinner time....mmmm talapia (whitefish) and black beans.....ok viva!