So churros only at nite, and carnitas only in the morning. Funny I'd like them the other way around. The churros are kinda life a doughnut, but cooked a little more, crunchier, but sugar and I guess deep fat fried maybe? They would be perfect with coffee in the morning, but you can only get them after dark. And the carnitas- which I love, are only sold up until maybe noon. It's like shredded pork, grilled I guess and oh it's so good. If you get it to go, you also get a pack of tortillas, a plastic bag with some salsa, another one with some cabbage or lettuce, and another with onion and limes. And it fills both of us up...poor Sam barely gets a scrap. And don't get me wrong- I love the carnitas, but I'd love them for dinner, too. But no- only in the morning and churros only in the morning.

We had carnitas this morning but I haven't had churros in forever. And if I drink coffee at nite I'll never sleep so I never eat them that way. I tried saving some for the next morning- but they don't save too good. In fact- yuck.

Oh so Everardo started his new business today. Well today was alot if logistical stuff. He had to fill out paperwork to get a permit to sell in the tourist areas, and we've been copying and creating paperwork for a couple of days. Today they gave him receipts so he could start selling and then next week sometime he'll receive a badge that shows he's licensed. I just posted pictures of his first set up on FB, I'll try to add one to my profile here so you can see his stuff. At this point it's stuff he bought from someone else, but he also knows how to make these little scorpions and other things from copper wire, but he's just getting started. He's very excited and I'm so excited for him. However the truth is I am also nervous for him. I know nothing about this- I mean does everybody here make money off the tourists? He should cause he could talk a parrot down out of a tree! He talks to everybody wherever we go- kinda like me ha ha but he can do it in 2 languages! Women LOVE him, truthfully there's times when that simply bugs the crap outta me, but I get over it pretty quick. Cause we are good. We are always in support of each other.Anyway he knows how to do this, he's done it before. I just think it will be tiring as hell, and trying to get people to buy stuff...to me yuck...but the stuff is cheap and it's people on vacation so they're gonna want little trinkets. He has had big plans for this so I say Go For It! Of course I'll let y'all know in a few weeks how it's going.

Anyway Spring Break is here. He said the beach and the port was full of drunk kids today ha ha and I believe they will continue to pour in for the next few days. Then next week is Semana Santa, and I guess this means the official start of the tourist season. Yipee. Well i think Yipee. I haven't been here when the town is full of people. When we first got here in Dec, it was still nice; we were wearing shorts for the first 2 weeks, then it got cold kinda quick. But my first impression was this town was becoming a ghost town; not just quiet, but dying. So many closed businesses. So many unfinished buildings. I think I've sort of gotten used to it cause it doesn't seem depressing anymore, quiet but not depressing. Now maybe that's cause I've gotten to know some people, and how to get around, and it doesn't seem so lonely. I hear and read alot about how things are turning back around...but that's kinda the same way you hear that anywhere, and I haven't really seen anything changing. There's also alot of talk about construction jobs for the new port- or is it the old port..I get mixed up on that one; anyway it's the construction for the new cruise ship port. The first cruise ships will begin to depart from here in 2 years I think, but there's alot of infrastructure work to be done and that means jobs. Also there's this huge convention center being built, in anticipation for I do not know what.

The weather is finally getting better! Oh my God how many times have I said that in the last few weeks. The other nite was actually thunder and lightening! I swear we brought it up here from Playa Ventura where it just never stopped raining. Well at least it only rained at nite the other nite- oh God! how many times did I say THAT in Playa Ventura!! It kept raining at nite down there ha ha. I google the 10 day weather for Puerto Penasco all the time and right now I am very happy with what it says...72 tomorrow, then high 70's and some 80's next week! Yipee. Funny, people keep telling me how when summer comes I am going to suffer! aha ha ha ha ha I think I know about unbearable heat folks, just pls don't include the 24/7 bugs and I'll be good. And to know it only lasts a few weeks at the painful high...ha ha it's forever in Guerrero. But, if business is good for Poppi, and I believe it will be, when it's so so so hot here, and I hear that not too many tourists at that time, then we might take that trip and go visit Playa Ventura. Who knows if/when we can sell it. My fingers are crossed that it's soon, and if it is, then we'll stay in Chela's bungalows. That would be great too. And if it's not sold, the we stay there. I think Everardo asked Jay (caretaker guy) to fix the sidewalk at the driveway...back when they first put it in, and we could no longer drive into our house, and Poppi kinda lost it, and went at it with a sledge hammer??? Then the head of the construction crew talked to him and made all these promises about fixing it...and then we left, so OF COURSE nothing happened. I mean in Mexico, you have nothing if it's not in your hand. And if you want something done- you gotta be there. So now we have to pay to get it fixed. And pay Jay to get it taken care of.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to get my 12 year sobriety chip. My sober birthday was Feb 19 but our small group had no 12 yr chips. But there's this guy and his wife who come down to the Sunday meeting every 2 or 3 weeks and I guess this guy makes special chips and tomorrow they'll be here. My good friend Pam was gonna bring a cake but she is really sick, with the same crappy cold & flu that knocked me flat for a week. So I bought the cake today- yeah I'm not supposed to by the cake but the meeting is also for another woman who's getting 6 years, and she's sick too and I'm not sure if she'll be there. Then there's another couple of guys but I happen to know they go to OA as well so I didn't want to ask them to buy cake ha ha...so what the hell. I'll just say I'm dropping it off for Pam. Anyway I'm excited to get my chip so I can do my little ritual...I line up all my chips...I just look at them really, but I try to do a little reflection. My daughter Halla went to the chip meeting up in Petaluma and picked up my chip. She's not an alcoholic but I'm glad she went and she really liked the meeting and talking to friends of mine in the group. Then she sent me a picture of my chip and I noticed it was XI....which is 11, not 12. She's gonna go down and switch it.

I also used my United miles and got my tickets to go to Petaluma at the end of April. I'm gonna stay with my older daughter and her.....wait for it.....FIANCE.....hmm is that how it's spelled??? I'm going for 2 weeks and I'm gonna meet Elena! Everardo's daughter! And we hope that Drewy, Rex and I, will take Elena down to Gilroy (south of San Francisco) to meet her dad's family. Everardo's cousins are like his sisters, her grew up with them, and everybody is so excited about meeting her. This part- me getting the tickets just happened today so Elena doesn't even know about the plan yet ha ha. So more om that as it unfolds.

Wow all I'm thinking about is churros.

Gotta love Tuesday. Had my Spanish lesson this morning and then taught English in the afternoon. Didn't have enough copies again! Today I had 13 in class and only 10 copies of the papers I made- arrgghh- aarrgghh cause thei copier out there sucks, is slow and the copies are faded. Anyway I did a little praxtice saying the words for the long andshort vowells and then making sentences. The sentences had some translation so they liked it- the words- well I told them I want them to look them up and of course they have no dictionaries...I talked to Karen and she said she'd buy some, so fortaday I said- just practice saying them, and we'll translate them later. Anyway they all said they'd be back on Thurs.....then afterwards I was in the office and this woman was making those little corn rows witht he beads in this girl's hair, and asked if I wanted them. Uhh- yeah! So just the top, not the back; my hair is pretty short but it looks great! Hey maybe I can put a photo on my profile here. I know how to put photos on the profile, just not here in the posts.

Last nite I watched the best movie online- Silver Lining Playbook. It was soooo good and I got to watch it for free on this free movie website Everardo found. Yipee. The movie was just so good, it had that guy from The Hangover- Bradley Cooper, who I never thought much of...he was fantastic.

Anyway today was great. The women I teach English to really help me with my Spanish, I really am getting better. Did my little 15 min on my elliptical, only coughed a little. I think I'll stick with 15 all week, then bump it up next week when this cough has just GOTTA be on it's way. Also got an invitation to go out in a 2 person kayak to meet the dolphins- just might have to try that.

Everardo is still going down to the malecon trying to make a buck...not doing much, but he's getting to know all the venders. Next week is Spring Break so everybody should make some money ha ha. Then Semana Santa is the following week, so I am about to see this town when it's filled up with people. Should be interesting. The weather is not hot, but at least not cold- excpet during the nite it's pretty chilly. Can't believe we are starting month 10 in Mexico. Looking back at my early posts- oh wow can't believe how we lived down there ha ha. Bug bites and unbearable heat 24/7...I couldn't fit my swollen feet into shoes cause of the bites. Never wore long pants or had hot water. Here is much better, altho the dirt is so light that it's dusty all the time, not too much greenery.

Talked to Halla on the phone tonite for over an hour. She's making a presentation at school tomorrow, so she tried it out on me and sent me the power point slides. It's short and good. Organic herb gardens. She's my little environmentalist. She also got a new job at an upscale restaurant and she really likes it and it's nice to hear the excitement in her voice. Gonna fb chat with Drewy now so I get to talk to both of them tonite. Finished up today with a yummy homemade (by Poppi) bean & cheese burrito and n ice cream bar. Lucky for me- I LOVE beans...and cheese makes eveything better ha ha!

Oh the oven is fixed and also needed a new cord from the outside- poor landlord, another expense since it was 500 pesos for the repair and 80 for the cord. I'll tell her tomorrow. I think in the morning I'll go to my meeting and bring Sam, then go to the new beach area I found near the meeting so Sam can explore and I can read for an hour. Then come home and study what the Spanish teacher left with me, and make more copies (aarrgghh) for the English class. But a nice way to spend the day eh?

As always...viva Mexico

ok I'm in a much better mood than yesterday. Yesterday I was in such a bad mood, frustrated- mad cause I don't like to cook ha ha don't like to clean. And my lovely karma....the oven stopped working. That was yesterday and I didn't care cause I had already decided I would never cook again. But then once I thought about it, ok ok maybe sometime I'll cook something.....oh yeah and I didn't clean anything today ha ha. I got up and went to a meeting- which I wish I woulda done yesterday morning- maybe I coulda headed off my crappy mood. That's one of the gifts I get from going to meetings- I always feel better than when I get there. Altho ha ha I guess I would say the truth is I never left feeling worse-anyway yesterday they were talking about being grateful to be able to appreciate this beautiful place....ha ha woulda helped since I was such a bitch to my hubby yesterday.

So anyway I felt so much better when I left the meeting today, and there's a guy here right now fixing the oven (it's about 8pm) after a nice day. I came home from the meeting and did 15 minutes on my elliptical- just 15 minutes since I still have a cough and haven't been on my machine in about 3 weeks. But it felt good anyway and I was singing away at the top of my lungs for the whole time. I wear headphones with my IPod which is mostly 70, 80's music. I was screaming out the words to Respect...(Aretha Franklin) and I started thinking I could print out the words and teach them to my ladies (students) for English; and we could sing and dance......ha ha we'll see- it's an idea anyway...and that place is kind of a Christian place and those nutty christians- who knows what they would take offense at ha ha.

After exercising and a hot shower, I started working on some worksheets for the class, I typed up some stuff for them to make sentences, and then sheets with the vowells- since in English each vowell has 2 sounds..so I made a list of 10 words for each sound. Those words I'm gonna make them look up, but  I gave translations for the sentences, cause it's mostly about conversation, but if they get in the habit of looking up words- well those words you tend to remember more. Hmmm I wonder if any of them have dictionaries, Spanish English...I mean some of them don't have food, houses, cars, clothes...maybe I can find some used ones online....While I was working on the papers, Everardo's friend Anna came by to visit me. She speaks zero Englsih but we chatted for over an hour. We are both in recovery; she has many many years and I told her once I feel more confident, maybe in about 3 months...maybe I can go with her- she takes meetings in women's jails and rehabs & institutions. I admire that greatly and would love to be involved. She said yes of course. I think on Wed afternoon, around 5pm she and I are both gonna go to a women's meeting someone told Everardo about. I want to go for sure; and she said she'd try. It's only in Spanish, but I'm comfortable just being there. I can share, too, it's understanding the speakers that I struggle with, but I'm always comfortable in meetings.
Everardo came home around 4pm and we went to the guy's shop who's here right now- somebody told him about it, so we went over there, and then hit some segundas (2nd hand stores) on the way home. Still need a little stand for the darn water bottle- it just takes up so much room on the limited counter space. Also still need a small table, hopefully with a drawer for silverware to go under the 3 shelves we have up in the kitchen to hold all the food, and two tupperware tubs that have silverware and assorted sharp knives, potato masher, etc - and another kinda longer short table for the little alcove in the dining room; this is to put the printer on to get it off the table, and underneath will go the 3 tubs I have marked, office, school and misc...office supplies, school stuff for teaching- crayons, flash cards, workbooks, and then misc- ha ha everything i had no where to put. There is so little cabinet space, no cupboards, and only a tiny closet in each bedroom. And oh yeah I want a dresser for Everardo- we bought mine for about $35 US, new on the street, but know we can do much better. His clothes are in the extra bedroom in the shitty-est dresser that is missing one drawer and another that doesn't work....so all this stuff I have been watching for as we drive different places around town cause the segundas are on every block and then people just put stuff out in front of their houses. It's a garage sale 24/7- kinda cool. Ha ha I remember when we lived on Metz Rd, and every single thing we had was brand new. I even had a pool table custom made for my husband for his birthday. Ha ha no wonder I have no money now! Now I am a bargain shopper ha ha!! The only new stuff we have are the shelves that Everardo has built from plywood- and you know what? They look great!

So today kinda got away from me as far as cleaning is concerned-but ha ha at least it's on my radar!! You know, living somewhere new, maybe especially in another country...has made me do so much thinking..internalizing, pondering...about life in general, life in the world, and life in my tiny speck of the universe. Like yesterday, I was thinking about going "home", meaning back to Petaluma. I was sitting at the dining room table and I thought- all I need is my Grandma's bowl and I can just go back. (This beautiful bowl sits on the table, and I remember it on her kitchen table when I was a kid, then my mom had it. It was supposed to go to my big sister, but she lived on boats in Spain, France, etc and so I was "keeping" it for her.) So I have it with me here of course. So- ok all I need is Grandma's bowl. Oh ok and I need the musicians. (These little statues). Ok all I need is Grandma's bowl and the statues. oh- and I need the photographs. Ok- all I need is Grandma's bowl, the statues, and the photographs....well and Sam my dog. OK- all I need is Grandma's bowl, the statues, the photographs, and Sam. Ok God! Forget it! I actually saw myself walking down the road with that bowl in my arms. So silly.

I know I learned so much in a few short months- let's see, this is the start of month 10. I have had huge lessons in patience, and I'm getting better- believe here in Mexico, have patience or kill yourself. Lessons in acceptance, lessons in letting go of expectations. Realizing that it's ok to have dreams, and it's also ok to find out they need to change, or they're not what you thought they were- and that's ok too. That I cannot will myself into anything. Ha ha I woulda thought I'd learned that one a long time ago. It's like saying- yeah I'm gonna start this big exercise routine on Monday and do it for 6 months and then review it. Yeah right Terry! When did I EVER stick to that? If I just exercise, just do the best I can, it goes better. I do love going to the gym. I only learned how to really utilze the wieghts and machines a couple of years ago, and I like. I used to like the treadmill but a an injury changed me to the elliptical...and I really like it. I like having the music blasting in my head and just going for it. Yes I believe making plans is good. But being open to constant revision where/when needed is good too. And giving myself break. When I first came down here my big plan was to teach English, and it was a good plan, some people asked me to teach their kids. I knew I wasn't going to charge money; I thought though that I'd become a part of the community, maybe I'd get paid in eggs, or tortillas. ha ha ha ha ha I was an idiot. The kids didn't care about learning English, I was just new so they liked to play at my house. The parents were too busy to care, and nobody spoke English so there was no one to practice with. I went thru head trips on that, then finally figured out that it was ok. If the kids didn't want to learn it was ok, and altho the parents said they wanted to do it, they were only talking- none really had time or inclination. And that's all ok. Whatever and however other people feel and act does not define me. Wow how do people figure out this shit? And do they do it when they're young?

Here I am finding out other things about myself. That if I truly want to be who I say I am, then be me. Do what I say I'm going to do. Keep commitments, and be careful what commitments I make. That's why I only go out to the center Tues and Thurs. Right now I have a lot of time, but as I meet people, or find out things here I'm interested in, maybe I'll want to get involved. So 2 days a week I can meet as a commitment. Patience remains a daily lesson ha ha!! And I notice myself not get wrapped around the axle when things are not done in an instant, and even laughing at people who keep getting mad when things take forever- which everything takes forever. Ha ha at the bank when to give Everardo something they wanted a copy of his id- and made him go get in another line to ask someone to make a copy- and the lady waiting on him had no other customers- so she chatted with her coworker while he stood in another line. Ok THAT day I had zero patience- but I'm laughing about it now. So I don't want to be in too big a hurry to go back to Calif- because what other things are going to change me? Or what new awareness am I going to gain? Cause it comes in ways I am not looking for, or at. One nutty lady I decided to give a wide berth; well now I have decided to take her up on visiting her and hanging out. She is for sure nuts, but talking her down off the ledge helps me- so hmmm never say never.
I find myself looking at the world tho' with some amount of sadness. The news we get is all international and man there is war and killing everywhere. And the US is almost always involved. And children being smuggled...what's it called people trafficking? That's IN the US as well as other places...Then I watch the history channel in English and man people have been killing each other for power, greed money...fear oh yeah FEAR forever. Oh oh don't want to do down that rat hole right now. I just know I look at things very differently than just 10 months ago. So ......what's next?? So much to consider, so many opportunities to act in a positive way, to contribute to life in a positive way. Commit random acts of kindness!

Sunday nite. So I never made the pesto. I did google how to make make pesto. I needed basil and pine nuts, Ha ha . But I drove around the stores, ok only about 5 places, looking for basil and pine nuts. If I found the basil I woulda let go of the pine nuts, maybe used walnuts which I have seen somewhere...but I never found basil. So I used a mushroom cheese sauce I had in a jar that I bought in Arizona. I sauteed onions and garlic and mushrooms. The I added a can of peas, and some fresh zucchini. It made a nice mixture. I boiled the ravioli, and it would have been better if they had meat in them instead of of cheese since the sauce was cheesy, but it tasted good. But you know what? I am like a 20 something new housewife in the 50's or the 60's or even maybe the 89's when I was a new couple living in a little rented house. But back then I was all about the party. I worked hard, overtime all the time, but even if I hadn't I still wasn't interested in cooking. I was interested in partying. Cooking took time, then you ate it, then you had to clean it up- wash all the dishes. No satisfying to me at all. So making this pasta dish the other day- driving all over the place looking for ingredients, then guessing what to use in place of missing items, then chopping and slicing, getting so many pots and pans dirty, I had bowls holding the squash, one for the peas, the onions and garlic I put together. I chased after the bread guy but I missed him looking for shoes to run outside in.

My husband is a nice guy. He came home tired, ate a plateful, said it was really good, then fell asleep on the couch. Ha ha I thought of those women who said "I slaved over a hot stove all day..."- it's not worth it. The fact is the food wasn't that great. I made some chicken a while back in the overn with potatoes and veges, poured cream of mushroom soup over it. Yeah it was good, but still I made a huge mess in the kitchen, and we have zero counter space. And I make too much- it never seems like very much but there's always leftovers that go into the fridge- and then a few days later, into Sam's bowl. Everardo is happy with whatever I cook. But for me- what  FUCKING relief to say- I don't like to cook, I am not a good cook- and.....I don't care. Everardo is the guy I call stone soup- he can figure out a meal from anything- when it looks like we have nothing in the fridge, he figures out something. And I like beans. I could beans & rice every day...as long as we have a little cheese. He laughs at me cuase I don't thing there's anything that can't be made a little better with some cheese. I don't mind doing the dishes, that is I don't mind doing the dishes if I did not get them dirty, if I did not just spend "x" amount of time creating what we just ate. So, sweety pie, please do all the cooking. I do not enjoy it, I do not care about it. I can eat peanut butter and jelly 3 times a day. I mean maybe I'll give something else a try, the baked chicken again, and I'm pretty good with baked pork as well- that baking in the bag thing works pretty good. But in general- not thanx.

Last nite we had ribs. They were fabulous. We were supposed to eat the pasta as the side dish. We did not. Yes the ribs were filling, but they could have been 2 meals, maybe pulled off the bone and mixed into eggs this morning, or mixed with beans, or something- but we ate just a pile of ribs. I will dump the pasta in the morning- I think it's too thick for Sam. Oh and when I made the pasta, I made a heart shaped chocolate icing yellow cake. I melted the frosting- which was from a can- and then poured it over the cake and it looked freaking perfect! But you know what? Everardo doesn't really like sweets too much, so after the pasta he ate a pice of cake with vanilla ice cream, and saidit was good. Then never touched it again either. Well I love cake so yeaterday I had a huge piece with ice cream, and then this morning when I was having my coffee, looked at it......so I threw that away too.

It's kinda like how I don't like to clean bathrooms or the kitchen. I never liked it. When I bought my first house, at 32 years old, just me and Drewy, she was 4, I paid a lady to come once every other week to clean the kitchen and bathrooms. It was part of my budget. I gave up some things for other things, one of my priorities was I didn't want to clean my toilets. When I met my ex husband, he loved to clean...he loved to vacuum! So no more cleaning lady. A few years later when we moved to a bigger house, had 2 kids and both worked, he liked the idea and we got another cleaning lady for every week.. When we got divorced I kept having her come every other week to my new house. In Playa Venutra we paid our friend's daughter to come every other week for the same thing. Ha ha she was terrible. Her we had someone come once and then she didn't come back. Everardo did the bathrooms a couple of weeks ago and now they need it again. hmmmmm SO - I don't want to cook- so should I try cleaning? I am not working so I have to choose my priorities carefully. I choose to take Spanish lessons and that's costing me about $30 a week. Not alot of money- except with no income it's a couple of bucks. So maybe I'll do it tomorrow while Everardo is not here. I know I won't die from it, I mean we are not that messy...but when he starts making some money, ha ha I want someone...well who knows- maybe I won't hate it.

Sort of feeling frustrated...cooking and cleaning...YUCK! I have always worked, and in a lot of traditionally male roles. When I first started traveling to Asia for work, I had to push myself to the front to not be ignored by the men. I had alot of great opportunities in the area of manufacturing and did well over the years, but I was never a Secretary, never made coffee, ect. Which is fine for some, not for me. One year my boss (my best boss ever) gave me flowers of Secretary's Day, he also gave them to his administrative assistant who was very happy. But I was not his admin, I was not his assistant, and sure the hell wasn't his secretary. He could not understand why I was insulted. I was one of his managers. He had 3, 2 men and me. He did not bring them flowers. I gave mine back to him. He got really mad, and insisted I take them. I dropped them in the trash. I was called to his office where he slammed the door shut and asked me what the hell was wrong with me! I started yelling right back at him. I said I was a manager. I had people reporting to me. I made presentations to the President of the company. I represented him in company meetings. I was not his secretary. I did not do his dry cleaning or bring him coffee. He thought I was an ungrateful bitch and I told him he was an asshole moron. I walked out of his office and back to my cubicle to work. A few minutes later he called me back in. He got it. He understood. He apologized. He got how much he disrespected me and how much it pissed me off (hurt me really). I thanked him for the apology. I got back to work. He stayed my favorite boss.

Anyway I didn't have the greatest day today. I felt useless, and I'm tired of cleaning. Then late in the day Everardo said hey let's go to the movies so we did. We saw a bizarre movie call DJango...a weird western before the civil war. Kinda ok, but too long and a shitty ending. The theater was funny- you couldn't go into the theaters until 5 minutes before the movie started, so everyone was standing around in the lobby. There was no butter for the popcorn, but the hot dogs were good. They give you these plastic holders for your popcorn and drinks, and after the movie, you can't walk back out thru the lobby, you go down near the screen and out a back door so you walk along a cement hallway behind the screens, but at least there were restrooms...and then you walked further and came out in the underground parking lot, where they have security people. So we decided ice cream would be good, so drove to the Thrifty by the malecon, and heard music and saw cars so parked and walked down there...at the end where there's a big patio- the place where they had music and dancing on Valentine's Day- there were alot of people, and 3 or 4 different sets of guys playing music and people standing around...kids running everywhere, people drinking next to their cars, vendors with everything, lots of people drinking...Poppi says that's Sunday nites from here on out. Families just come to hang out, young people to hang around, like I said, people drinking, some guys with drums and trumpets, some other guys with a sax and guitars, just sort of a party atmosphere. So we walked around a little, ate some peanuts, watched some people dancing, and then called it a nite...oh and of course got ice cream on the way back to the car.

I'm half ass planning to get back to exercising tomorrow, cough or not, even if it's just 15 min. BUt without the self imposed pressure of getting up early to be done by 8:30 am to make my 10 am meeting, and then have nothing the rest of the day. I'll go to my meeting, then come home and exercise, shower, look over the stuff for Tues Spanish class and English class, maybe take Sam down to the beach...but in any order I feel like. I feel like I;ve been trying to prove something (again)...basically to me..and man- I just want to be me. Happy, chubby, learning, teaching, healthy...who knows....