Friday morning- home in Mexico! Long day getting home yesterday, uneventful except in my little pea brain. The flight was an hour late, so I called the shuttle place while I was waiting. The woman tells me the last shuttle for Puerto Penasco is at 3pm- not 5! Crap! I call Everardo and he calls them, and tells me he'll call back and leave me a message since I'll be on the plane. So- right before we take off my phone stops working. Lovely. We get to Phoenix and the phone still doesn't work. I turn it off and on, nope. So I grab a taxi and go to to the shuttle office.

My driver was a guy from Somalia. Very interesting guy. His family was in Ohio, but his wife and little boy were with him in Phoenix. He thought I was a "very strong" woman since I had been married to two foreigners- one Arab and one Mexican.  He spoke Arabic and asked if my Palestinian husband was a Muslim. I said no- he was nothing- no religion. We talked about the weather, hot the past couple of weeks in Phoenix, but being from Somalia he was used to it ha ha. He likes the heat and so do I so we laughed about the heat in Mexico. We got to the shuttle office and I went in and asked about the shuttle to Puerto Penasco. The kid said- oh it already left- I yelled WHAT? NO! And this woman sitting nearby said to me- he said that to me as well! Very funny right? The kid said no just joking, we have been waiting for you. He said my husband had been calling all day! Aaaaahhhh my sweet man. Of course he didn't tell me anything other than they said they'd wait for me. The kid would not let me use the phone to call Everardo because it was a call to Mexico, and said well he'll call again ha ha! It was about 4:30 when I arrived there, after the late plane, but I was there so ok. At about 5 min to 5pm, my phone started working- well ringing- and it was Everardo. So he knew I made it.
By the time I got home, about 10pm, I was soooo tired. The trip should only be 4 hours, but we left late, and drove around phoenix for awhile, I think trying to pick up someone at their home, but were unsuccessful.
So I didn't get up until after 9am this morning. I did not go to my AA meeting, I didn't want to rush out, I wanted to be with hubby and puppy dog. Now Everardo has gone out to walk the beach with his stuff. I'm just tired. Maybe cause I didn't rest much the whole vacation. I was so busy! I didn't think I would be; but I went from person to person...from meeting to meeting. I wanted to go to as many meetings as I could. To get the fellowship, to get the feeling of a big meeting, to feel it like it was new, I was a different person than the last meeting I was in up there.

Interesting though, I knew I was different as soon as I got there. I mean I knew a little bit I had changed, after a year in Mexico how could I not have changed at least a little, right? And I could feel it. The very cool thing was, that other people saw a change in me. A calmness is kind of how it was articulated to me. I am more calm. More accepting. I am better at remembering I can't change anything but my own attitude, that I am not in control of anything beyond the tip of my nose. Only how I choose to react, my own behavior.I'm a new kind of happy. Ok happy, like everything is ok, I am always going to be ok. That taxi driver was right, well he said I was strong; I say lucky, grateful. I am lucky enough, and smart enough to be grateful for, having two men in my life that were/are amazing. My ex husband is a good man. A great father. He's Palestinian and we and the kids visited Jordan and Egypt. Cause his brother in law was in Africa at the time my mom gave me a ticket for my college graduation, I went to Mozambique and South Africa; saw wild animals in the wild- so very very cool.
Yeah I graduated college at the ripe old age of 35- and my mom had been to Kenya on a picture safari and she loved it so much she wanted me to have that experience. Thanx mom! Anyway Yahia's brither in law was working in Mozambique so I went there. We drove with this South African guy and his Arabic wife and their 2 kids to South Africa and to the Kruger, which is a huge wild animal reserve. And unlike Kenya at the time (cause that was almost 20 years ago and maybe it's changed), anyway you could only go on designated roads, and could not of course get out of the vehicles. In Kenya you could chase after and look for animals. In the Kruger you can only go on these certain roads, and if you don't see any animals it's tough shit, cause they are in their natural habitat. We spent the nite in these little cabins and until I got drunk I was a little scared that something might come and eat me during the nite. Ha ha but once I was drunk we laughed and talked until passing out. Oh yeah the next morning was pretty painful.

So back to the subject. I have been exceptionally lucky with my 2 husbands. Getting sober had alot to do with our breakup; I became someone else in many ways. My husband was/is a great caretaker, and with my drinking and over compensating- it was a perfect match. I am a very strong person, but needed some caretaking. He is a good man, and very nurturing. But after 5 years of sobriety, I found i didn't need someone to take care of me, I needed someone to challenge me, to be my equal or more- to put me thru my paces, not to "enable" me. What he did for me was not bad, not ever, he is a good man. But, what I needed in my life change. It was not good for him anymore either, because I was no longer what he needed either. We are friends, we are parents. Like I said, I was lucky. So I lived alone for 5 years (ok not always alone- gotta have some fun!) It's funny the two of them are alike in many ways....they both cook so well!! Ha ha This is important to me since I don't cook at all. I can, but I don't like to...you do all this work, then eat it, then you have to clean it all up! But cooks don't see it that way. Yeah I could eat peanut butter sandwiches every day over the sink- not kidding. They can both grow anything- total green thumbs! Our yards are beautiful and we always have so many veggies, more than anyone else and for longer ha ha!

Well my husband now, Everardo is a wonderful man. He's loving and caring, but doesn't let me feel sorry for myself, or wallow in self pity. He pushes me to be the best I can be. I met him in recovery so we have that in common. It's really cool whenever we go anywhere we look for meetings and it's fun to go to new meetings. When we drove up to Tacoma Washington we went to meetings in northen Calif, Oregon and Washington. When we go places in Mexico we do the same thing. As my Spanish improves I am more confident in those meetings. Like I said, I am soooo lucky, and try to remember to be soooo grateful.

My kids are so amazing! I loved every second with them. Drewy is so grown up. She has a nice house and a family, & yeah the wedding is a year away, but they are a family now. Danica was calling me Grandma T! She and I played on the computer, and she was sending text messages, but just hitting random keys as if each key was a whole word. It was hysterical! My soon to be granddaughter. But like I said, we are already a family. Only Everardo was missing, and I longed for him to be there. But we talked to him on Skype when we were all together. Halla took me to dinner at the place she's working, Central Market and I think everybody who worked there came up to our table to be introduced and tell me how much they loved her working there! Halla is so vibrant, full of plans and ideas for her life. I love her enthusiasm. I pray she sticks with her positive, motivated friends and follows thru with her ideas for the future. Yeah I have to say it. She has this one friend I wrote about before who is struggling with addiction, and I keep begging Halla to go to Alanon, cause she cannot fix this kid. When her friend really wants to be clean and sober, and starts to work on it, then she will see success, but she doesn't really want it, and Halla wanting it for her not only doesn't work, but pulls Halla down. But she is a strong young woman, and a sister who is close and supports her, so I am not worried- ha ha I just hate anything/anyone who in my opinion threatens my girls happiness, both of them. I am hoping Drewy gets this job she applied for where she'll be working days instead of nites and have weekends for fun with family and friends. It's only now- right this minute I wish I had all that money back. I'd give it to both girls; Drewy so she could quit and look for a better job at her leisure, and pay for her wedding, and Halla so she can finish school and move out on her own.
Hmmm so today I am very emotional. Good thing hubby ain't home because I have been in tears several times while writing this. Maybe I should take Sam to the park. Yippe I am home..and sad at the same time to say goodbye to my girls. As always, viva.

It's Wednesday morning and I go home tomorrow. Yippee. Monday was nice. Had lunch with my friends who rent our house. Again I gotta say I'm so happy they are taking care of or house- it looks so good- inside and out. Kay made her famous chicken pot pie and I gorged on it. I picked up my prescriptions for the next day and spent some time with my best gal pal, Sherren.

Then met my younger daughter for dinner at the restaurant where she works; Central Market. It's a really nice place and everybody there loves her. That's nice, and ha ha a nice reflection on me- I mean I did have something to do with how she turned out. She's very "up", happy and enthusiastic...and she got that from me. We ate like pigs cause we ordered everything- salad, pate, entre of braised beef ribs with scalloped potatoes and dessert! I think we rolled out of there. BUt the important part was how happy she was to show me her environment, to introduce me, to talk about the menu, and then everything else going on in her life. Some of it I missed cause I was thinking about what a wonderful adult she is becoming. Very articulate, interested in the world around her, planning to save it all of course ha ha. I am so proud of both of my daughters!

I'm staying with the other one, and I love her house, and how she has it. I mean I like her taste in furniture and art, the simplicity or minimalist way she does not have every corner filled up with things, it's so clean, somethings I can't find haha. But it's a beautiful place, and the all the windows and high ceilings make it feel spacious and she has nice views. A really comfortable back yard, sections-which I like, a patio, grass, picnic table, etc. And out the front some vacant lots across the street so it stays open. This is the first day I've stayed home, and I'm comfy on the couch in front of the tv, I had some scrambled eggs, and np plans to get up for at least a couple of hours.

Drewy is asleep upstairs after working 6pm to 6am. Ouch. I am praying she gets the job she just applied for; this working nites is so hard on the body and the mind. And she works 12 hour shifts. Ouch again. It's gray outside and I am ready for the Mexico sun! I have enjoyed myself but am ready to go home. If my girls would just move to Mexico life would be perfect ha ha! I'm kidding- kinda. They have their own lives to live and I am so excited to watch for what comes next with them. Drewy is planning a wedding for next summer- and she's going the traditional route. Big ceremony with bridesmaids and a beautiful venue (not chosen yet but talking about stained glass churches and/or wineries with chapels or gorgeous outdoor settings. I heard my niece and Drew's best friend talking about bridesmaid dresses and other bridesmaid duties. Her fiance is a good man- we like him very much. He is caring and loving, strong and calm, a rock for Drewy, who sometimes is too much like her mama, getting all wrapped around the axle about stuff. He's very patient, and just an all around good guy. We couldn't be happier with her choice. They have a nice life. Hopefully they are coming to visit us over 4th of July. I will become an instant Grandma since Rex has a 4yr old daughter, Danica, who lives with them half time. Last nite she waited up for me to get home and we "worked" on the computer. She said sentences (messages to Everardo) while typing keys- it was pretty funny. She wanted me to show her how to look thru photos and look at different things, and we had a good time until she had to go to bed. Family.

Ok more family- Halla told me about a young woman she sees at school- at the JC, and she said she thought she looked like her cousins Stephanie and Jessica. Somehow this girl asked Halla how she knew Sarah, their sister. (she must have seen Halla on the computer with Sarah). So Halla tells her Sarah is her cousin. The girl says Step and Jess are her cousins! So we find more family. I keep saying ya can't have enough family who loves you! Now we add Elena to the mix, and my daughters have a new sister. Not to mention the probly hundreds of cousins from Everardo's side of the family down in Gilroy!

Life just gets better and better. My life is....nice. I am very happy. I came up here to see my daughters and go to the dr for my yearly check to see if my breast cancer came back- it did NOT, and I found out some things, about myself. I have changed some. In a good way at least in my opinion ha ha. I really have developed more patience, and I am...well..just more calm. A few friends saw that in me, I mean they commented that I was different, happier in a calm way. I think it's acceptance. Of me, and of whatever's around me. I am learning something I know to be true, but sometimes I know something intellectually but maybe not emotionally- I mean really feeling it as a part of me, not a conclusion of thought after facing something. That I am ok. That things other people say to me or about me, do not affect me in ANY way, unless I choose to be affected. If someone says I'm selfish or mean, it does not mean that I am. Their perception is their business. If someone says I'm fat or ugly- it does make it so. (ha ha of course when they say positive things they are all true..ha ha just kidding)
I can take info in, see if it applies, and if not, discard it, If so, maybe it's an invitation for me to work on a character defect. But I am responsible, I can affect and/or change anything from the tip of my nose back in. I am not change  anything beyond the end of my nose. I recently heard a guy says he goes by the hula hoop theory. That when you have a hula hoop around you, you can change what's inside the hoop and nothing outside the hoop. When I have a problem, the first place I need to look is inside myself. Really coming to this place of acceptance is huge for me.

I am the "I'm not good enough" type- so I always think I need to work harder, be thinner, prettier, smarter, sexier, just plan "better" and that's just not true. You know, employers loved me! I was always going for the next pat on the back- and 2 seconds later working for it again. I was always motivated. I still am, but for better reasons. It's taken years to get to here. I've known for quite some time, in my head, that those negative things were not true, but deep down, in my heart somewhere I always worried that they were true. Man I am a slow learner! I am ok exactly how I am. Of course I can always improve things, learn things, exercise more, eat healthier, be more in service to others, I think we all can do those things, but I am perfect right here right now.

So it took coming back here, back home to see some of this. Some I already knew, I just didn't think anybody else knew ha ha. And home- well home is where my husband and my dog are, where my heart is. I'm not done in Puerto Penasco- with what? I'm not sure...I want to become fluent and I believe I'm on my way, I LOVE my English class and students, and I know I'm not done there. And who knows how I might get involved in other ways at the center.
What will I feel when I get back to my Mexican home? I know Everardo is happy there. And wait until he see all the beads I scored for him! Well he's kinda seen them on skype, but it's much more impressive in person ha ha! I wonder if my Spanish will take a big turn to the better? I mean I have been studying hard, and then almost no Spanish for 2 weeks, except once in a store and then the ladt who was cleaning a friend's house chatted away with me.

So-Monday, to finish up Monday, I did a quick pre-pack pack to be sure all my stuff would fit in my 2 suitcases. Yeah- I grabbed my smaller suitcase from the loft in the F Street house along with some shoes and a couple of warm sweaters. Well the answer was HELL NO! I had way to much stuff. Even if I used the duffel bag type bag for a carry on, no way it would all fit- I mean the ba-zillion beads alone. So I decided to send a box UPS. Actually it will arrive today, to an address in Arizona, not Mexico...It's a friend who makes the trip constantly and will bring it down to me. It's most of the beads, shoes and sweaters....It weighed a little less than 50lbs is my guess, since I can barley life over 50lbs and I was carrying this. $34- that's pretty good I thought. Definitely worth the drop in stress! Go UPS! I had given about half the beads to Halla- all the plastic ones, but she told me yesterday that she still had most of them in her car and what the hell was she going to do with them. She had given away the ones she planned to, and kept the ones she wanted. Well I sent a msg to Karen at the community center, and asked if they wanted some beads. They make a lot of different things to sell at little wknd markets, things that bring money to women who otherwise might have nothing. I am not creative at all, so I'm not really involved with that side of things and didn't know if they'd want the beads. I just have the people who want to learn English. But she said yes of course- pls send them! She also said my students were excited for me to come back! Yippe cause I'm excited to see them, too! So I think I can fit everything into my suitcases now, so I'm ready to go.

A little tired and worse for wear after yesterday. Yesterday- yuck! I had to have my little procedure. Did I say yuck? It was quick and relatively painless. hmm relative to what? They gave me 3 pills to take beforehand. One was different than the other two. Anyway they gave me a fuzzy head. They were to relieve any anxiety...and they did. My beautiful friend Ramilia took me to the appt- cause I had to take the meds an hour before, and needed to have a ride home, so Ramilia took me and brought me home. An she is an angle. My nurse and my mom! I got to her house and she had cooked for me even tho' I said pls don't, I'll have a sandwhich. Then she had a room ready for me to spend the nite if I didn't feel well after! So we went over, and she came into the appt with me. She held my hand and asked the doctor questions- she was amazing! I was a little looped and so wasn't thinking of any questions. Afterwards we went back to her house and she put me to bed, I wanted to just lay on the couch but she led me to a bedroom. I passed out immediately for over 2 hours! When I got up her hubby was home- I'm also friends with him- and they were eating dinner, so she made me a plate. We ate and talked and laughed. We promised to talk more, and I made her promise to visit me in Mexico. And if hubby is too busy working, then I want just her to come. We have a connection and I think we could sit on the beach and talk for a million hours.
So I got home before I took any more pain pills. I was feeling kinda crappy. Then I took the perescribed qty 2 of the pain pills- I think they're vicodin, they're called "narco", and about an hour later I puked. Yeah that's what pain pills do for me. I'm good on the first dose...and being an addictive type ha ha, look forward to the second dose, and then I always get sick to my stomach. This morning I feel better, but tired. I made a plan to go see my 2 girlfriends Holly & Delores from the dog park, just for a coffee, and maybe nothing else, and then after being up awhile- decided I'm tired. So the last day is the first day I'm not up and out of the house by 9 or 10am. It's almost noon, and I'm in a tshirt and sweats. I made some scrambled eggs for my icky tummy and sat down to write.

I'm hoping this afternoon that Drew, Halla & I are going to go and see Elena once more. That would be great. And she turned 16 yesterday...oooh maybe there's cake haha! Oh maybe we should bring cake...ok it's enough for now. My next post will probly be from home...my Mexico.
As always...viva!

Sunday nite, May 5. Oh Cinco de Mayo. It's funny- it's not a celebration in Mexico but a huge deal  in the states. Ha ha I think it must have been started by the beer companies. It's a day to get drunk. I did not attend any Cinco de Mayo celebrations today, I did however have a very interesting morning.

Ok so it starts back on Friday. Stephanie my niece, is chatting with a friend, and another friend overhears her talking about my quest for beads. I have purchased some and my other niece, Sarah gave me some from her collection- she used to make jewelry but not anymore. Everardo watched some utube videos and so now he's making jewelry, scorpions, and spider, all out of wires and glass beads. I was tasked with getting him so cool beads, and it turned into a quest for me; finding stores, checking prices, showing him on skype what I found each day. I ended up also buying some wire and some tools for fashioning wires for earrings, etc. Anyway this woman gears Step talking about it and she says Hey- I have a bunch of beads I can give her, tell her to give me a call. So Steph sends me a facebook message and I call the lady. We agree that I will drop by Sunday morning at 10am. Now I had already made plans with my friend Marla to have coffee at 9:30, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drive and we could talk and go for coffee after my errand. She said sure and so this morning I went to pick up Marla and head out towards the beach to the dairy farm my friend lives on.

I am driving Drew's car; her second car and it's a bit of a beater car- you know, kinda beat up, no radio, and the driver's window doesn't go up or down from it's current position of halfway. Oh and the rearview mirror on the driver's side is cracked and so tricky when trying to determine how close that car behind you is....but the important thing to remember is I didn't have to rent a car. The heater works great so even though today was freezing, I was ok, and tonite when I drove it I wore this really cute gray hat of my daughter's that went with my sweater perfect! Oh and it's a Toyota so it's been great in gas which is very important for me since I have been driving up and down the freeway multiple times almost every day. 3 tanks of gas I have already used! Well I got to Marla's and told her to bring her jacket cause the windows didn't roll up and she said- ok we're taking my car! And tonite I found out that the passenger side window actually does roll up- ooopps.

So we drive out to my friend's place. She lives out Bodgea Highway, and I never knew that the name of the road changes to Valley Ford Road out there a ways. Anyway there's turn for the Coast Guard station, and then after that this big dairy. We turned in there and she lives in a small house on the property. She has a big picture window and a beautiful view. Ha ha I love the smell of cow shit in the morning! She invites us in and I was in shock- her house was clean, but so much stuff, I think maybe she's a hoarder. As for the beads, oh my god! There were so many! Thousands! There was 4 of those rolling plastic shelf holders with 5 drawers each, a 2 drawer box and a couple of small shelves like you would keep screws and small nails in. Tiny beads, small beads, mid size, large...some glass, some plastic, some rocks, clasps and hooks, some already created necklaces and bracelets. I mean there was enough to last Everardo forever! And she GAVE it ALL to me! I had actually asked her when I saw it all, cause I didn't want to incorrectly assume anything, so I started to ask if she was giving me some or wanted me to buy some, but she answered before I finished with the question to say she was giving it all to me! She just kept pulling out boxes and drawers of beads, I think I was overwhelmed cause I couldn't believe it! Marla either- she was staring at me and I was staring at her, both of us amazed! So we loaded it all up in Marla's car- it took up her whole back seat- seat and floor. I was already thinking about how the hell I would get all this stuff to Mexico! I could take some, ship some to my friend Deb from the center who lives in Arizona part of the time and said we could ship to her house.....I need boxes, maybe ship UPS.
One other amazing thing happened while we were there. There's a guy that I knew from AA that I had gotten to know in the last few months before we moved; he was a Mexican guy and shy about talking to people because he thought his English was bad- but really- his English was fine. Anyway he always talked to me about his kids and so we usually chatted when we saw each other. Well after we moved I heard he went back out- meaning he left AA and started his destructive drinking again. I was very sorry to hear that and hope things would improve for him. I was also hoping to see him on this trip, and I asked one friend if he had seen him. He said sadly, he comes around but he just can't seem to get it. Well- as it turns out, my friend with the beads knows him! When we were looking at the view she said- hey remember him? I used to see you talking to him. I said yes, kind of puzzled. So she says...yeah see that trailer across the road at the other dairy? That's his place. I was so surprised! I didn't tell anyone I was wondering about him except that one guy, and she brings him up! I didn't go over there, but I may, before I go ho,me. I'll ask someone to come with me, because maybe it's not appropriate for me to simply show up, and I don't know for sure what kind of shape he's in. But the bead lady said she thought he was doing ok. She promised to tell him I was asking for him, even though she and he had had some sort of falling out. Anyway, a day full of positive surprises eh? It felt very cool to first receive this gift of beads for hubby, and then to hear news of someone I was worried about....

Ok so Marla and I left and went to Starbucks for our coffee, still reeling and cracking up at my windfall. Then we started to talk about her job, since I used to work where she works; I asked about people that were still there, and then we talked about our kids and school- we have kids the same age.
The we went back to her house and laughed as we huffed and puffed moving all those beads from her car to mine- we decided maybe I shoulda drove after all! After that I called my daughter Halla; she wanted to start making jewelry, too so I offered her the plastic beads and we shared some of the clasps and hooks. She met me in a store parking lot and we unloaded them all and went thru them all! It took us over an hour of opening drawers, looking, choosing, laughing and talking. It was nice. She took most of the plastics, and I gave the standing drawers to Rex (my future son in law) for their garage to store tools and things. Everybody wins! I sent Everardo some pictures and he is very excited. It was a wonderful gift.
I went home after that, and Drew had made a nice dinner, it was perfect. A nice pork roast, asparagus and potatoes- yummy- my daughter is a great cook.
Later this evening I got to catch up with my final friend I was missing and see her baby boy (19 mo), and her husband. They are an exhausted family ha ha! Babies will do that. She's getting her hair done Tuesday and I'm gonna try to drop in so we can chat, cause they were just so tired when I came by this evening that I left and went to the 7pm meeting.

Well yesterday was pretty good too. I was the speaker at the noon meeting and after a year of not doing it, I was happy to share. I need to get things out, and I like to share, especially when new people are there. In Puerto Penasco we have very small meetings and none of them are speaker meetings. Some of the Spanish meetings are speaker meetings, but I have difficulty following them. In fact when I get back I'm supposed to share for a min of half an hour at a Spanish meeting, and wow - can I talk in Spanish for half an hour?? hmm, vamos a ver, After the meeting I went clothes shopping for me at a place in the mall for us extra curvey people, and found just a couple of things, then I went and met my friend Luis for coffee. It was really nice to catch up with him and hear about their family trip to Europe and his latest work adventures. After that I shot further up the highway to my sisters house and my niece, who is about to graduate from beauty school, cut mt hair for me- very short, just the way I like it when living in the heat.

I can't believe how much and how many people I have been able to do and see in less than 2 weeks! And at least one more doctor appt (a yucky little procedure to have a polyp removed from my uterus- yeah gross eh?)  before I go home. The truth is, yes it will be hard to leave my daughters yet again, but I miss my husband, my dog, and my desert home in Mexico. I am ready to go. Ah oh well, 4 more days....