Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Reminiscing (spelling?) I mean thinking back...

I was reminiscing today, or is it such a short time I should merely say, I was thinking back, over the time we've been here in Mexico. Another month and it will be a year and a half. Wow- that doesn't sound like very long but to me it feels like I've been here forever. ok at least a really long time.Maybe becuase it's broken up into 2 different adventures and now another one is about to start.

The tropics, the desert, now...hmm not sure what to call the next environment..."regular"? Ha ha- if you come from this area, or basically Arizona, then desert would be regular, right? Maybe third time's a charm...But of course it's not been just climate and terrain that's been different. I'm in another country, and a third world country at that. What makes it third world? I mean what's second world? Is the U.S. first world? So what's in between Mexico and the U.S (ha ha besides the big fence of course...) Ok so I'll start with climate and then add my attitude, my insecurity, (read: fear).

Playa Ventura was so beautiful. The tropics, the jungle. Once I saw a parrot walking (not flying) on the side of the road. Iguanas, sometimes huge iguanas, sunning themselves on the big rock behind our house, and when they were in the road? It was so weird, they crawl slow, but if they want to hurry the get taller, like I think they straighten out their legs so they're taller, and then they are quite quick. Snakes of course and the occasional scorpion. I haven't seen one scorpion up here even though people told me -oh they have really big ones here! The smaller ones are more poisonous, but I would still be really scared of a big one! Lots of fresh cheese, nice fruits,and of course fish, shrimp and lobster. Up here they said the reason there's no lobster is the warm water, but that cannot be accurate because the water in the Pacific coast off of the state of Guerrero is warm all the time, all year long. Here it's only warm a few months a year. I bet it has something to do with the fact that the water we're on now is a "sea" not the open ocean. (Man I always come up with new things to google). Life was slow down there, and in our tiny fishing village, more primitive than I ever experienced for any length of time. Well I mean we had internet and landline phones, tv...mostly intermittent, but yes we had it. But I mean other things, like no grocery store, atm, gas station, bank library, etc. I know I wrote about the kid that walked up our road with the bucket of milk from their cow they just milked. The grocery stores in the 2 towns one in each direction about 15 minutes, are smaller than any "regular" grocery store. Smaller than the grocery stores here. Sometimes they had no milk, no bread or no butter/cheese, or eggs- now usually it was on different days they didn't have things.

It was isolated. And a year ago my Spanish was much more limited than now, and with the exception of one adult and 2 teenagers, no English speakers. And then throw in Spanish Peyton Place ( Peyton Place is an American prime-time soap opera which aired on ABC in half-hour episodes from September 15, 1964 to June 2, 1969.Wikipedia). Yeah 2 main families in town; almost everybody related, all smiling at each other in public and slamming each other in private. I only understood some, and Everardo only translated some, and of course some was his slant on whatever he heard ha ha. So I ended up struggling there on a personal level, and I know I was writing back then in my blog about it, and asking my higher power for guidance. Yeah that's one really cool thing about that time, the hardest part pushed me into a huge spiritual growth spurt. The other part that was hard was finding out some of my so called friends cheated me, and I paid way too much for the house- but that is just another lesson in alot of ways; expectations, my own arrogance and later acceptance. And you know what- this is a poor country, and to some people any way to get money is acceptable. I have no walked in their shoes- or lack of shoes- so I need to stay out of judgement. And we will never get anywhere near what we bought it for.

But the good outweighs the bad!! I experienced so many things, festivities, dancing, a rodeo, a funeral procession for a baby, so many foods, such beautiful landscape. Pigs going for walks. Oh and we had 3 scorpions down there, but no bites or stings. Now for the bugs- I was swollen for the entire 6 months, my legs and feet so bad I couldn't wear any of my shoes. Reading in the hammock and walking on the beach with Sam (ha ha which came to drive me crazy...suffering in paradise!)

So we came up here; to the desert. Initially I was so relieved and so happy to be here. I lasted a year before I came to loathe the desert! I was remembering when we were kids and went camping- sometimes we went thru Nevada or down thru Arizona and Colorado, New Mexico...anyway there were days when we drove across the desert ALL day (I think when we were trying to make it to Elko, Nevada), and I would feel like I was sufficating- yeah claustrophobia in a wide open space. I was afraid we would be in the desert forever..of course I didn't tell anybody so had this little panic attack in my head- yes I was such a smart kid ha ha.
I loved loved loved teaching the English class to adults. It was for sure the best part of my time here. Unfortunately that was over by the end of July. I went to the states for a week, and then they closed the center for about 6 weeks, it was end of Sept and our decision to move had been made. Some other negative stuff was happening out there, kinda like internal politics which I tried to stay away from. But when they closed the feeding program but kept the dog portion open, I had to question what the HELL was going on- seemed like egos getting in the way of these Christians....I mean the dogs could have been moved to another facility and new ones accepted at the other facilities..but they kept it open like nobody else could do it. But they did stop feeding people lunch for those weeks...for some of those people, it was the only meal they had that day. Then I heard someone out there say...'well we don't want people to feel entitled so we're not going to provide the lunches...' This made my head explode- alot of those people are kids! So even if we wer'nt going to move we were talking about converting the extra room we have attached to the house into a classroom where I could still teach for free. Other people were asking about classes, and we thought maybe some could pay and some for free...but as it turns out we are going to Ensenada, so maybe I can find something similar over there (bet I can).

Anyway living in a foreign country is hard. Even beach houses, paradise can hard. I can be very insecure...are they talking about me? Or even worse I can be petty and jealous- my husband chatting it up with people (ok women), laughing and talking, and me not be able to follow it. Getting resentful because I have to ask him for everything! What did they say? What are the instructions? How much is it? I like to control things and here- here I have no control...yes I'm working on the language and I'm SOOO much better. But sometimes my insecurities raise their ugly head. Where has he been, why isn't he home? Of course he walked the beach for hours and hours trying to sell stuff to tourists..... And he is very personable, chatty...like me only in Spanish. People like him...he could sell ice cubes to Eskimos...Anyway at times I blow nothing into something in my tiny pea brain.  But I am much more mobile here (ha ha in Playa Ventura I didn't drive much, people are insane on the roads). I am very good at sign language-meaning I can make gestures about what I want. The other day before zumba a woman was asking me something I didn't understand. I asked her to use different words and she did, and then I got it! So I answered her questions.

But still, understanding the way things are done...people arrive late to everything except work...and I think that means jobs where you report to someone cause a person who has their own business, like a plummer- they will be late. Maybe an hour maybe a day or maybe never. People arrive late to parties...parties start like at 11pm! They told you to come at 7:30 and everyone shows up around 10...sometimes the day of the party or the location has been changed. Yesterday I was invited to  Halloween party for tomorrow nite (Thurs) This was before zumba. Here Halloween is a party, the kids don't go out door to door, there's a party with a pinata and candy. By the end of the class, the date had changed to the end of next week and we will be gone. Things here change, all the time. And you have to realize that it's not an isolated incident, that everything changes that way. Planning is hard, attending is hard, and then for me- back to expectations. I expect people to behave in certain ways. Some of it is cultural and some- well some rules cross all boundries all cultures right?

So I guess I'm saying that living in paradise, for me, is not a true statement. I am living my dream and that is very cool. I am learning to widen or be more open as far as dreams are concerned. I do love my life, but I know that life happens...So my dream is to explore, experience, my dream is adventure. I miss my kids every day. Drewy more than Halla because Drewy is in my life more and was before I left. Halla is 20, totally self involved, and has lived with her Dad since we divorced when she was 13. So I missed her a long time ago. Even though we lived only about 6 or 8 blocks apart, and she had her own bedroom at my own house, too, she never chose to stay with me. Yeah broke my heart on a daily basis. But she is my daughter and I know she loves me. We will find our way back to each other. Her father is a good man and he has a new wife who seems very nice so I know my kids are ok. Halla still lives with them...and the truth is I wish she and I were closer. But for now we are not. But Drewy's life is soooo amazing right now.So I can stay close to that. He daughter's (ok soon to be stepdaughter) soccer games and they go camping and have a full life as well as starting a new career. She and I talk almost day, it's such a gift. I believe at some point we'll live back up there, near my kids and Poppi's daugher Elena, maybe full time and maybe half time- I mean maybe third time really is a charm and we'll love Ensenada. I'd love to explore more of Mexico over time, but have a home. And I've been in alot of Mexico, the east- the Yucatan, south driving across so many Mexican states and taking a completely different route coming back up.

So I think I have vented about the past, about my time here in Mexico. Love all of it. No regrets, even the bad parts..the lonely parts, the insecure parts. I know it's all lessons. Ok time to look forward!

Mexico fun fact:
Mexico remained under Spanish control for nearly 300 years until the Mexican people, led by a priest named Father Hidalgo, rose up against the Spanish on September 16, 1810. Hidalgo is widely considered the father of modern Mexico, and Mexican Independence is celebrated on September 15-16



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