Yesterday turned out pretty darn good. I got to FB chat with Drewy for about 2 hours while she was working- which is why chat not talk- and then right as I was about to turn off my computer I saw a chat from Halla asking me to call her. She was in the city (San Francisco) with her friends hanging out but wanted to chat with her momma. So I called using wonderful Magic Jack so it was free, for about an hour. We talked about her friend who she's been trying to help get clean & sober, but admitting that she can't- that her friend has to chose it for herself. No matter how hard Halla tries, if her friend doesn't really really want it. not gonna happen. Halla promised me to go to some Alanon meetings, and also told me she really likes the AA meetings so I said well then keep going. She said she like that these people know how she feels- yep sweety- that's why it works. My Drewy needs a new job, she has been miserable at this one for more than a year. Funny but for me one nice thing is we can do this chat in the evening since she works 6pm-6am. But now that I wrote it- I realize if she had a different job that she felt better about, we would find another time to talk/chat, and she would be happier.

This morning Poppi took my car and got the new license plates. Unfortunately it cost more than 3000 pesos ($240 usd), but it takes what it takes. Actually after I finish this, I think I'll take my new ride for a little cruise. I'm not going out to the center today; now that I have a car I'm gonna try Tues-Thurs out there for teaching the kids. Karen (the director) and I will try to figure out what works, like age, or fluency, and then advertise the classes. Of course by advertise I mean, telling people at the center, not a newspaper ad ha ha.

I'm feeling really positive here. I'm sure it also has to do with trying to get into an exercise regime, cause exercising gets those endorphins moving, but also I have been working on my acceptance issues. That I cannot change people, that I can accept myself, work on myself, and be true to myself, but I cannot change anyone else, nor should I have judgements about where others are on their own paths. In the last couple of years I have changed. Especially the last year, including my isolation time in Playa Ventura. I am more comfortable in who I am and that I know I will always be ok. No matter what. In 2009 and the first part of 2010 I was so full of fear; that's when I had breast cancer, that's when despite what the doctors said, I thought I was gonna die. I made so any bad decisions. The worst of all being remarrying my ex. He is a wonderful man, but not the right man for me. Duh, that's why we got divorced. But in my fear, I accepted his help, and said yes when he asked me to marry him again. A few months later, I recovered. I mean, after treatment- chemo & radiation- I went to this boot camp in Utah and pushed myself to my limits, to beyond my limits...I started to believe I would be ok. Anyway I had stayed close to my AA program, and went to a support group for cancer survivors and started to believe. Well, I had remarried my ex out of selfish fear. So of course, it didn;t work. Hmmm shortest marriage ever- married in April and divorced in June. Then I got to deal with guilt & shame..good times....NOT. My kids were also disappointed, angry, with me. It took a lot longer for Halla to forgive me, but I think we are good now. Drew and I have been super close for a long time, and it just gets better with her.

I met Everardo when I was still married and he was also in a relationship. We were friends and always saw each other in a group (we're both in recovery so it was mainly at meetings). But he told me he saw me when I was bald, in chemo, and he liked what I had to say in meetings, but he could never get close to even chat cause I had my posse of women around me all the time ha ha. Both of our relationships tanked around the same time. I had hair again (ha ha) and had been out of treatment for 6 months or more. We had coffee at the Alano club and went to a couple of meetings together, both if us a little skittish after our respective break ups. After a couple of months we we went out to lunch...pretty safe right? Then a drive out to the coast...and in Sept, moved in together. A year later we were married, and a year after that, moved to Mexico, and here we are. This summer we will celebrate 3 years of marriage 4 of being together. But it took awhile for Halla to warm up to Everardo, I think cause she was still mad at me. But she was always polite and I liked that. Poppi was amazing; he always told me, let her be; she doesn't have to like me, she can decide for herself. She wants, she needs to be loyal to her father, and has to figure out for herself that she can have all of us in her life. My ex got married about a month after me, he married a woman from Jordan, a Palestinian like him. She even grew up in Kuwait like he did. I ope they will be very happy. It took a year after they got married to get her to the states. Hmmm maybe seeing her dad happy, seeing him get a new wife, maybe that helped Halla. I mean, she came to our wedding, and has been great with Everardo, but it took awhile. Last nite when she hung up, she said, tell Everardo I love him momma. I cried when I got off the phone.

After the girls went home after their visit here,  I was talking to Drewy on the phone, and she was crying cause she was so happy that Halla and I found each other again. She told me that Halla keeps it all inside, she doesn't share here feelings easily. Ooh another ah ha moment- yep this is why I write this diary..to get these moments. Maybe I read it wrong, all that time I thought Halla didn't forgive me, that somehow she blamed Everardo - maybe she just didn't express her feelings. I mean, she really opened up with me in such an honest way, her deepest feelings and fears. She told me things I won't share here since some of my family and friends read this, and Halla needs to share when and/or if she chooses, not me. I am so blessed, so grateful for her trust, I don't want to ever blow it. Anyway  I asked her if she shared with her dad, her sister, her best friends- but the answer was no. I was surprised, and encourage her to share with her sister, after all they are very close. Last nite Drewy told me that she keeps alot in, but she does share with her boyfriend, and I'm grateful for that. Well, maybe that's why Halla liked the AA meetings so much. She hears people sharing their innermost feelings; that she's not unique or weird with the way she thinks....hmmm maybe this is part of why I feel changed, that I am witnessing, no- I am a part of, my daughters growth. I am SO grateful for the relationships I have with them!

Well here's to having another great day! The sun is out, I love my family, yep- life is good. Viva!