ok I'm in a much better mood than yesterday. Yesterday I was in such a bad mood, frustrated- mad cause I don't like to cook ha ha don't like to clean. And my lovely karma....the oven stopped working. That was yesterday and I didn't care cause I had already decided I would never cook again. But then once I thought about it, ok ok maybe sometime I'll cook something.....oh yeah and I didn't clean anything today ha ha. I got up and went to a meeting- which I wish I woulda done yesterday morning- maybe I coulda headed off my crappy mood. That's one of the gifts I get from going to meetings- I always feel better than when I get there. Altho ha ha I guess I would say the truth is I never left feeling worse-anyway yesterday they were talking about being grateful to be able to appreciate this beautiful place....ha ha woulda helped since I was such a bitch to my hubby yesterday.
So anyway I felt so much better when I left the meeting today, and there's a guy here right now fixing the oven (it's about 8pm) after a nice day. I came home from the meeting and did 15 minutes on my elliptical- just 15 minutes since I still have a cough and haven't been on my machine in about 3 weeks. But it felt good anyway and I was singing away at the top of my lungs for the whole time. I wear headphones with my IPod which is mostly 70, 80's music. I was screaming out the words to Respect...(Aretha Franklin) and I started thinking I could print out the words and teach them to my ladies (students) for English; and we could sing and dance......ha ha we'll see- it's an idea anyway...and that place is kind of a Christian place and those nutty christians- who knows what they would take offense at ha ha.
After exercising and a hot shower, I started working on some worksheets for the class, I typed up some stuff for them to make sentences, and then sheets with the vowells- since in English each vowell has 2 sounds..so I made a list of 10 words for each sound. Those words I'm gonna make them look up, but I gave translations for the sentences, cause it's mostly about conversation, but if they get in the habit of looking up words- well those words you tend to remember more. Hmmm I wonder if any of them have dictionaries, Spanish English...I mean some of them don't have food, houses, cars, clothes...maybe I can find some used ones online....While I was working on the papers, Everardo's friend Anna came by to visit me. She speaks zero Englsih but we chatted for over an hour. We are both in recovery; she has many many years and I told her once I feel more confident, maybe in about 3 months...maybe I can go with her- she takes meetings in women's jails and rehabs & institutions. I admire that greatly and would love to be involved. She said yes of course. I think on Wed afternoon, around 5pm she and I are both gonna go to a women's meeting someone told Everardo about. I want to go for sure; and she said she'd try. It's only in Spanish, but I'm comfortable just being there. I can share, too, it's understanding the speakers that I struggle with, but I'm always comfortable in meetings.
Everardo came home around 4pm and we went to the guy's shop who's here right now- somebody told him about it, so we went over there, and then hit some segundas (2nd hand stores) on the way home. Still need a little stand for the darn water bottle- it just takes up so much room on the limited counter space. Also still need a small table, hopefully with a drawer for silverware to go under the 3 shelves we have up in the kitchen to hold all the food, and two tupperware tubs that have silverware and assorted sharp knives, potato masher, etc - and another kinda longer short table for the little alcove in the dining room; this is to put the printer on to get it off the table, and underneath will go the 3 tubs I have marked, office, school and misc...office supplies, school stuff for teaching- crayons, flash cards, workbooks, and then misc- ha ha everything i had no where to put. There is so little cabinet space, no cupboards, and only a tiny closet in each bedroom. And oh yeah I want a dresser for Everardo- we bought mine for about $35 US, new on the street, but know we can do much better. His clothes are in the extra bedroom in the shitty-est dresser that is missing one drawer and another that doesn't work....so all this stuff I have been watching for as we drive different places around town cause the segundas are on every block and then people just put stuff out in front of their houses. It's a garage sale 24/7- kinda cool. Ha ha I remember when we lived on Metz Rd, and every single thing we had was brand new. I even had a pool table custom made for my husband for his birthday. Ha ha no wonder I have no money now! Now I am a bargain shopper ha ha!! The only new stuff we have are the shelves that Everardo has built from plywood- and you know what? They look great!
So today kinda got away from me as far as cleaning is concerned-but ha ha at least it's on my radar!! You know, living somewhere new, maybe especially in another country...has made me do so much thinking..internalizing, pondering...about life in general, life in the world, and life in my tiny speck of the universe. Like yesterday, I was thinking about going "home", meaning back to Petaluma. I was sitting at the dining room table and I thought- all I need is my Grandma's bowl and I can just go back. (This beautiful bowl sits on the table, and I remember it on her kitchen table when I was a kid, then my mom had it. It was supposed to go to my big sister, but she lived on boats in Spain, France, etc and so I was "keeping" it for her.) So I have it with me here of course. So- ok all I need is Grandma's bowl. Oh ok and I need the musicians. (These little statues). Ok all I need is Grandma's bowl and the statues. oh- and I need the photographs. Ok- all I need is Grandma's bowl, the statues, and the photographs....well and Sam my dog. OK- all I need is Grandma's bowl, the statues, the photographs, and Sam. Ok God! Forget it! I actually saw myself walking down the road with that bowl in my arms. So silly.
I know I learned so much in a few short months- let's see, this is the start of month 10. I have had huge lessons in patience, and I'm getting better- believe here in Mexico, have patience or kill yourself. Lessons in acceptance, lessons in letting go of expectations. Realizing that it's ok to have dreams, and it's also ok to find out they need to change, or they're not what you thought they were- and that's ok too. That I cannot will myself into anything. Ha ha I woulda thought I'd learned that one a long time ago. It's like saying- yeah I'm gonna start this big exercise routine on Monday and do it for 6 months and then review it. Yeah right Terry! When did I EVER stick to that? If I just exercise, just do the best I can, it goes better. I do love going to the gym. I only learned how to really utilze the wieghts and machines a couple of years ago, and I like. I used to like the treadmill but a an injury changed me to the elliptical...and I really like it. I like having the music blasting in my head and just going for it. Yes I believe making plans is good. But being open to constant revision where/when needed is good too. And giving myself break. When I first came down here my big plan was to teach English, and it was a good plan, some people asked me to teach their kids. I knew I wasn't going to charge money; I thought though that I'd become a part of the community, maybe I'd get paid in eggs, or tortillas. ha ha ha ha ha I was an idiot. The kids didn't care about learning English, I was just new so they liked to play at my house. The parents were too busy to care, and nobody spoke English so there was no one to practice with. I went thru head trips on that, then finally figured out that it was ok. If the kids didn't want to learn it was ok, and altho the parents said they wanted to do it, they were only talking- none really had time or inclination. And that's all ok. Whatever and however other people feel and act does not define me. Wow how do people figure out this shit? And do they do it when they're young?
Here I am finding out other things about myself. That if I truly want to be who I say I am, then be me. Do what I say I'm going to do. Keep commitments, and be careful what commitments I make. That's why I only go out to the center Tues and Thurs. Right now I have a lot of time, but as I meet people, or find out things here I'm interested in, maybe I'll want to get involved. So 2 days a week I can meet as a commitment. Patience remains a daily lesson ha ha!! And I notice myself not get wrapped around the axle when things are not done in an instant, and even laughing at people who keep getting mad when things take forever- which everything takes forever. Ha ha at the bank when to give Everardo something they wanted a copy of his id- and made him go get in another line to ask someone to make a copy- and the lady waiting on him had no other customers- so she chatted with her coworker while he stood in another line. Ok THAT day I had zero patience- but I'm laughing about it now. So I don't want to be in too big a hurry to go back to Calif- because what other things are going to change me? Or what new awareness am I going to gain? Cause it comes in ways I am not looking for, or at. One nutty lady I decided to give a wide berth; well now I have decided to take her up on visiting her and hanging out. She is for sure nuts, but talking her down off the ledge helps me- so hmmm never say never.
I find myself looking at the world tho' with some amount of sadness. The news we get is all international and man there is war and killing everywhere. And the US is almost always involved. And children being smuggled...what's it called people trafficking? That's IN the US as well as other places...Then I watch the history channel in English and man people have been killing each other for power, greed money...fear oh yeah FEAR forever. Oh oh don't want to do down that rat hole right now. I just know I look at things very differently than just 10 months ago. So ......what's next?? So much to consider, so many opportunities to act in a positive way, to contribute to life in a positive way. Commit random acts of kindness!
So anyway I felt so much better when I left the meeting today, and there's a guy here right now fixing the oven (it's about 8pm) after a nice day. I came home from the meeting and did 15 minutes on my elliptical- just 15 minutes since I still have a cough and haven't been on my machine in about 3 weeks. But it felt good anyway and I was singing away at the top of my lungs for the whole time. I wear headphones with my IPod which is mostly 70, 80's music. I was screaming out the words to Respect...(Aretha Franklin) and I started thinking I could print out the words and teach them to my ladies (students) for English; and we could sing and dance......ha ha we'll see- it's an idea anyway...and that place is kind of a Christian place and those nutty christians- who knows what they would take offense at ha ha.
After exercising and a hot shower, I started working on some worksheets for the class, I typed up some stuff for them to make sentences, and then sheets with the vowells- since in English each vowell has 2 sounds..so I made a list of 10 words for each sound. Those words I'm gonna make them look up, but I gave translations for the sentences, cause it's mostly about conversation, but if they get in the habit of looking up words- well those words you tend to remember more. Hmmm I wonder if any of them have dictionaries, Spanish English...I mean some of them don't have food, houses, cars, clothes...maybe I can find some used ones online....While I was working on the papers, Everardo's friend Anna came by to visit me. She speaks zero Englsih but we chatted for over an hour. We are both in recovery; she has many many years and I told her once I feel more confident, maybe in about 3 months...maybe I can go with her- she takes meetings in women's jails and rehabs & institutions. I admire that greatly and would love to be involved. She said yes of course. I think on Wed afternoon, around 5pm she and I are both gonna go to a women's meeting someone told Everardo about. I want to go for sure; and she said she'd try. It's only in Spanish, but I'm comfortable just being there. I can share, too, it's understanding the speakers that I struggle with, but I'm always comfortable in meetings.
Everardo came home around 4pm and we went to the guy's shop who's here right now- somebody told him about it, so we went over there, and then hit some segundas (2nd hand stores) on the way home. Still need a little stand for the darn water bottle- it just takes up so much room on the limited counter space. Also still need a small table, hopefully with a drawer for silverware to go under the 3 shelves we have up in the kitchen to hold all the food, and two tupperware tubs that have silverware and assorted sharp knives, potato masher, etc - and another kinda longer short table for the little alcove in the dining room; this is to put the printer on to get it off the table, and underneath will go the 3 tubs I have marked, office, school and misc...office supplies, school stuff for teaching- crayons, flash cards, workbooks, and then misc- ha ha everything i had no where to put. There is so little cabinet space, no cupboards, and only a tiny closet in each bedroom. And oh yeah I want a dresser for Everardo- we bought mine for about $35 US, new on the street, but know we can do much better. His clothes are in the extra bedroom in the shitty-est dresser that is missing one drawer and another that doesn't work....so all this stuff I have been watching for as we drive different places around town cause the segundas are on every block and then people just put stuff out in front of their houses. It's a garage sale 24/7- kinda cool. Ha ha I remember when we lived on Metz Rd, and every single thing we had was brand new. I even had a pool table custom made for my husband for his birthday. Ha ha no wonder I have no money now! Now I am a bargain shopper ha ha!! The only new stuff we have are the shelves that Everardo has built from plywood- and you know what? They look great!
So today kinda got away from me as far as cleaning is concerned-but ha ha at least it's on my radar!! You know, living somewhere new, maybe especially in another country...has made me do so much thinking..internalizing, pondering...about life in general, life in the world, and life in my tiny speck of the universe. Like yesterday, I was thinking about going "home", meaning back to Petaluma. I was sitting at the dining room table and I thought- all I need is my Grandma's bowl and I can just go back. (This beautiful bowl sits on the table, and I remember it on her kitchen table when I was a kid, then my mom had it. It was supposed to go to my big sister, but she lived on boats in Spain, France, etc and so I was "keeping" it for her.) So I have it with me here of course. So- ok all I need is Grandma's bowl. Oh ok and I need the musicians. (These little statues). Ok all I need is Grandma's bowl and the statues. oh- and I need the photographs. Ok- all I need is Grandma's bowl, the statues, and the photographs....well and Sam my dog. OK- all I need is Grandma's bowl, the statues, the photographs, and Sam. Ok God! Forget it! I actually saw myself walking down the road with that bowl in my arms. So silly.
I know I learned so much in a few short months- let's see, this is the start of month 10. I have had huge lessons in patience, and I'm getting better- believe here in Mexico, have patience or kill yourself. Lessons in acceptance, lessons in letting go of expectations. Realizing that it's ok to have dreams, and it's also ok to find out they need to change, or they're not what you thought they were- and that's ok too. That I cannot will myself into anything. Ha ha I woulda thought I'd learned that one a long time ago. It's like saying- yeah I'm gonna start this big exercise routine on Monday and do it for 6 months and then review it. Yeah right Terry! When did I EVER stick to that? If I just exercise, just do the best I can, it goes better. I do love going to the gym. I only learned how to really utilze the wieghts and machines a couple of years ago, and I like. I used to like the treadmill but a an injury changed me to the elliptical...and I really like it. I like having the music blasting in my head and just going for it. Yes I believe making plans is good. But being open to constant revision where/when needed is good too. And giving myself break. When I first came down here my big plan was to teach English, and it was a good plan, some people asked me to teach their kids. I knew I wasn't going to charge money; I thought though that I'd become a part of the community, maybe I'd get paid in eggs, or tortillas. ha ha ha ha ha I was an idiot. The kids didn't care about learning English, I was just new so they liked to play at my house. The parents were too busy to care, and nobody spoke English so there was no one to practice with. I went thru head trips on that, then finally figured out that it was ok. If the kids didn't want to learn it was ok, and altho the parents said they wanted to do it, they were only talking- none really had time or inclination. And that's all ok. Whatever and however other people feel and act does not define me. Wow how do people figure out this shit? And do they do it when they're young?
Here I am finding out other things about myself. That if I truly want to be who I say I am, then be me. Do what I say I'm going to do. Keep commitments, and be careful what commitments I make. That's why I only go out to the center Tues and Thurs. Right now I have a lot of time, but as I meet people, or find out things here I'm interested in, maybe I'll want to get involved. So 2 days a week I can meet as a commitment. Patience remains a daily lesson ha ha!! And I notice myself not get wrapped around the axle when things are not done in an instant, and even laughing at people who keep getting mad when things take forever- which everything takes forever. Ha ha at the bank when to give Everardo something they wanted a copy of his id- and made him go get in another line to ask someone to make a copy- and the lady waiting on him had no other customers- so she chatted with her coworker while he stood in another line. Ok THAT day I had zero patience- but I'm laughing about it now. So I don't want to be in too big a hurry to go back to Calif- because what other things are going to change me? Or what new awareness am I going to gain? Cause it comes in ways I am not looking for, or at. One nutty lady I decided to give a wide berth; well now I have decided to take her up on visiting her and hanging out. She is for sure nuts, but talking her down off the ledge helps me- so hmmm never say never.
I find myself looking at the world tho' with some amount of sadness. The news we get is all international and man there is war and killing everywhere. And the US is almost always involved. And children being smuggled...what's it called people trafficking? That's IN the US as well as other places...Then I watch the history channel in English and man people have been killing each other for power, greed money...fear oh yeah FEAR forever. Oh oh don't want to do down that rat hole right now. I just know I look at things very differently than just 10 months ago. So ......what's next?? So much to consider, so many opportunities to act in a positive way, to contribute to life in a positive way. Commit random acts of kindness!
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